by Gephart, T
“Relax, Dan, I was kidding. I just got home from my interview. I’m still in my corporate gear.” I slid out of my jacket and surveyed the rest of my boring and unsexy get-up. This was not what dirty dreams were made of - that’s for sure.
“That’s just hurtful, Ash. I got hard instantly on that image alone. To find out you were joking, well I’m actually wounded.” The disappointment in his voice was real; I could hear it in his tone.
“Oh poor, baby. Do you need a hug?” I kicked off my heels half wishing I could do just that. Hug him. What was wrong with me? Wanting sex from Dan was one thing, but wanting hugs? That was dangerous territory and I needed out of it. Now.
“By hug do you mean my dick in your pussy? ’Cause those are the hugs I prefer.” I didn’t need to see his face to know he was grinning. Predictable Dan, any concerns I had of things between us being anything more than sexual was clarified. There was no gray area as far as he was concerned; dick in your pussy was pretty black and white.
“You are such a charmer. How I manage to leave your bed at all with lines like those is a mystery to me.” I undid the zipper of my skirt letting it fall to the floor.
“Well you know, if you didn’t have anything on for the next few hours we could test that theory.” He wasn’t joking. Dan rarely joked about sex and he would think nothing of spending hours in bed. I wish I could be so flippant, pushing aside responsibility to take care of the primal need that seemed to ache between my legs. One that intensified the longer I considered it. In truth, I’d never found a lover who I wanted to spend time with in bed. Dan took that idea and turned it on its ass. He made up for everything I’d ever missed and possibly what I’d never have with anyone else.
“As tempting as the offer is, I need to get ready for work.” Because if I go to bed with you right now, feeling the way I do, I will probably tell you how much I need you. How much I don’t want to let you go and how much I want to be more than just a fling to you. My mouth thankfully clamped shut after saying the word work so I didn’t embarrass myself by spilling what was tossing around in my head.
Deep. That’s how far I’d tumbled. No matter what I cared to admit to myself, to Megs or to Dan, I wanted more. I craved more. I wasn’t wired for the fun-time-no-strings-attached rendezvous. There was a very real possibility I could fall in love with Dan. Okay, maybe I had already started. I cringed at the world of hurt I knew would be in my future if I pursued this path. It was like waiting in line for a rollercoaster. I was going to end up a mess by the end but I wanted to ride it anyway.
“You working late tonight?” Dan broke the silence and thankfully, derailed my train of thought. The one where he would tell me he felt the same way about me.
“Yeah, but Megs is picking me up so I don’t need a ride.” I lied. Flat-out lied. It’s not that I didn’t want to see him. I craved that more than anything. But not tonight. Things were finally starting to go right for me and I didn’t want to screw it up. Not with him. I felt needy and I needed space. As pathetic as it sounded I still wanted him, even in the limited capacity in which he was available. That meant regrouping and a serious pep talk. And somehow flushing these crazy ideas from my mind.
“Why is Megs giving you a ride? I thought we were going to hang out tonight. We can even stay at your place if you prefer, though I have to tell you, your place is kind of a dive.”
“There is nothing wrong with my place and it’s within my budget. I just thought I’d come home and sleep tonight. You must have something else to do.” Distance. That’s exactly what I needed. Distance and someone to beat some sense into me.
“Other than you? Nope, nothing. But if you really want to sleep, I can be a good boy.” Dan refused to make it easy for me. I wasn’t expecting him to be insistent.
“Dan, you want to come over and cuddle? We both know that is not what you want.” I said it more for my own benefit, to reinforce how stupid I was being for considering more.
“Can we cuddle naked? I like feeling my cock against your ass.” Dan’s voice dipped seductively. I tingled like someone just hit the hot button to my girlie parts.
“Um that’s not cuddling, Dan,” I clarified, unable to stop the grin spreading across my face.
“Listen, you might be smarter than me but unless I’m sliding it in, it’s still only a cuddle.”
“Sounds like to me there’s a lot of scope in your kind of cuddles.” I slowly undid the buttons of my blouse. Undressing and talking to Dan was a bad idea. The cool air hitting my skin gave me goosebumps reinforcing that notion. Why was I avoiding the mind-blowing sex I knew he was going to give me? Oh, that’s right. ’Cause I was dumb enough to start having feelings for the man. I only had myself to blame. I felt my libido glaring at me all judgey. Ass. I wasn’t sure if that was directed at me, or my libido.
“See, you aren’t the only one who’s smart.” Dan apparently was not buying my let’s-spend-the-night-alone suggestion. “So let’s just stop arguing about it. What time you get off?”
“Is that a trick question?” I responded a little too quickly, wondering if I’d accidently moaned or something, tipping him off to my current state. Confused and aroused. I was such a catch.
“Ah, babe. Did you just think dirty thoughts?” His laugh was sexy and husky. Yep, totally not helping this situation.
“Clearly I’ve been spending too much time with you. Anyway, as much as I would love to sit here and talk dirty to you, I need to put some clothes on.” I shivered, the rusty old radiator in my apartment not even coming close to warming the room.
“Sooo does that mean you are currently undressed?”
Why did I have to open my big mouth? “Not for long, I’m about to get dressed for work.”
“Hold on a second. When did you get naked?”
“Dan, I’ve been getting undressed while talking to you. I told you, I needed to get ready for my shift at the bar.” I looked at the pile of discarded clothes on my bed.
“You start undressing, you need to tell me. In fact, let’s make it a rule and it supersedes anything else in the conversation.”
“What if I start touching myself?” I breathed heavily into the phone. It really was just too easy to tease him. “Do you still want to know about the naked thing first?”
“Fuck, Ash. You start touching yourself you lead with that.” His breathing deepened and followed by the noise of a zipper being lowered. “By the way, now I’m touching myself.”
“Dan, I actually wasn’t. I was just playing.” I swallowed hard as my heart thumped loudly in my chest.
“Play all you want, babe. I encourage playing of all kinds.” He half-moaned into the phone.
“Dan. I’m not.” At least not yet. Should I start? I’d never had phone sex before. Not that I was against it but if I was going to be making myself come, what was the point of trying to maintain a conversation. Clearly, I’d be missing out.
Dan’s lowered voice reverberated against my ear, “Suit yourself, babe, doesn’t mean I’m going to stop.”
“Okay. I finish at two a.m. You can spend the night.” The words leapt out of my mouth. All on their own. I had no control over any of my body parts it seemed, as I squeezed my thighs together. Traitorous body. Obviously seeking revenge for the earlier name-calling. This was clearly my libido’s doing.
“Glad you saw it my way. So what color were your panties?”
“Goodbye, Dan. I’ll see you later.”
****
That night had been like every night that week. I stopped fighting it. I was too far gone anyway, so I might as well surrender myself to it. It was more than just wanting him, more than just sex, more than just an infatuation. Whether I tried to distance myself or not it was too late. I’d been infected. Like a test lab monkey with some rare communicable disease, it was already in my blood. It was already in my heart.
He came into the bar about an hour before the end of my shift and waited through last call. Most people had no idea who he was; it’s not the
kind of place we got celebrities, so they would assume he was just a random good-looking guy. The whole hiding-in-plain-sight thing was not as stupid as it sounded. He watched as I closed the bar, paying close attention to my ass as I loaded the under-the-counter dishwasher. We’d walk out to his Benz and he would drive me home. Well, his home. He’d complain about not wanting to go to mine and honestly, his place was a hell of a lot nicer. I’d make him work for it though, just because despite me being desperate (yep, that was the word I was using these days) to be with him I wasn’t about to let him in on it. He was an excellent negotiator. The things he could do with his tongue… Well, needless to say we both got what we wanted.
Part of me felt like I was holding my breath, waiting for the most epic crumble of all time, and another part felt like the only time I could breathe was when I was with him. Make sense? No, of course not. None of it did. And yet, every night I found myself in the same place, my hands tearing at his sheets as he owned my body and then wrapping my arms around him as I drifted off to sleep.
The closer it got to the end of the week, the more antsy I got. Firstly, I still hadn’t heard from the job interview and that was making me seven different shades of nervous. I know it hadn’t even been a week yet but still, put me out of my misery already and let me know. I had convinced myself I had rocked the interview, so not even getting a call back for a second interview was seriously messing with my head. Not like I wasn’t already on a permanent vacation to Crazyville, but still. The other issue that was causing me anxiety-inducing, mental dry-heaving was my birthday. Sure, I had told Dan I had plans on Saturday but I had been more than a little evasive about the occasion. Not much I could do about it though, an invite at this late stage would be insulting, not to mention raise questions as to why I’d lied about it in the beginning. No, stay the course. Celebrate my birthday, move on, and forget it ever happened. It was going to be a totally low fanfare event anyway. Technically so insignificant, it wasn’t worth the mention. That’s what I was telling myself. Jury was still out on how good a liar I was.
My phone buzzed early Thursday morning. I say early, but it was actually nine forty-five. However considering my shifts didn’t finish until the early hours of the morning, and then there was my nightly sextivites with Dan, it would be five or six in the morning before I’d enter la-la land. I untangled my body from Dan’s heated core—he was literally hot like a furnace…yeah I didn’t understand it either—and reached across to answer my phone, mentally taking a roll call of any potentials who could be on the other end of the line. Most of whom I’d yell at and demand they call at a more reasonable hour. Like lunch time. With promises of coffee and pastries. Certainly not now.
“Hello,” I mumbled, not offering anything more intelligible in greeting. It was surprising the word hello could still be identified as English. Small victories, and in the mornings, I’d take what I could get.
“Ms. Murphy?” the voice on the line questioned, “Ms. Ashlyn Murphy?” Huh, maybe high-fiving my linguistic skills had been premature? I tried not to smirk thinking about what Dan would say about the word linguistic. I-do-have-a-college-degree, I-do-have-a-college-degree, I silently chanted as my mind played in the gutter.
“Yes, this is she.” This is she? Was I on the set of some turn of the century drama? Had I mistakenly swallowed the spirit of Jane Austin? This is what happens when you try and live rock star hours without actually being a rock star. I should not be allowed to interact with the world until I had ingested my first coffee. It was for their protection as much as mine.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Murphy, I didn’t recognize your voice. This is Joanna Miles, from JenCorp. Have I caught you at a bad time?”
“No.” I shot out of bed like a kid who inhaled a fistful of pixie sticks, earning me a disgruntled groan from a still sleeping Dan. “This is a perfect time. Sorry, I’m a little under the weather.” I tried to shake the remnants of Ms. Pride and Prejudice from my psyche or at the very least from my vocab.
“Sorry to hear that, Ms. Murphy. Hopefully it’s nothing too serious. I was just calling regarding the position you interviewed for here at JenCorp.” And here it was, the part where Joanna told me I’d been unsuccessful. Another thanks-but-no-thanks, good-luck-with-your-future let down. I had been so sure I had been in with a chance. My chest tightened as I slumped onto the edge of the mattress.
“It’s okay,” I found myself whispering. “Thanks for the opportunity.” I couldn’t hear it again, deciding it was better to anticipate the pain rather than hearing the words, you’re not good enough.
“Um, Ms. Murphy? I’m actually calling to let you know Mr. Jennings would like to offer you the position. He just needs you to come back in so you can negotiate the terms of your employment.”
“Huh?” I wasn’t sure if I’d actually said it out loud or if I was just thinking it. What was all that about a college education? Yeah, I’m thinking I was going to need a refund.
“Yes, sorry it’s taken me a few days to get back to you, but Mr. Jennings has been out of town. However, he was incredibly impressed with your presentation and interview and is very enthusiastic about welcoming you to the team.” Joanna was polite to ignore my momentary inability to talk. Other than random sounds that served more to embarrass me than contribute to the conversation.
“Oh my god. YES. Yes. Thank you. Thank you.” All composure and control evaporated as I listened to Joanna’s words. They wanted me. I was done tending bar. This was it, what I had been waiting for. My plan was finally coming together. I felt dizzy.
“Well I’m glad you feel that way, Ms. Murphy.” Joanna giggled, her professionalism cracking slightly. Not that I could blame her. “If you would like to stop by tomorrow at ten, Mr. Jennings will be able to work through your offer and you can counter with any terms or conditions you may have. Does this suit?”
“Yes. Thank you. See you tomorrow.” I nodded into the phone. The reality that she couldn’t see the nod was lost on me. I didn’t care. If I could’ve conveyed it telepathically I would.
“Goodbye, Ms. Murphy. Welcome to the JenCorp.” Her friendly voice ended the call.
Dan slowly raised an eyelid. “Babe, I thought you told me you weren’t into phone sex? Kinda rude to do it right in front of me though. At the very least you could hit the speaker and let me join in.” I couldn’t be sure he wasn’t serious. He was smiling, so either way, not annoyed.
“Like I would have phone sex with an audience.” I crawled back over to where he was positioned on the bed, his arms folded behind his head. His flexed muscles highlighted his intricate tattoos, and that smirk, which meant trouble, was plastered all over his face. He undid me. Each and every single time.
“It was a job offer.” I scooped up my tattered thoughts enough to start forming sentences. “They offered it to me. A real job. As an analyst. No more working at the bar. I get to play with the big boys now.”
“Of course they offered it to you. I knew you had it in the bag.” He unfolded his arms and pulled me onto his chest. “Best you learn now, babe, I’m always right. And as for playing with the big boys, pretty sure I already took care of that.”
“Could your ego get any bigger? Is there even a shred of humility that lives within you?” I nestled into the crook of his arm, falling into my own little happy place. My distaste was purely superficial. His self-assurance didn’t bother me as much as it usually did. Desensitization and all that. His attitude was sexy.
“It’s not my ego that is getting bigger babe, that’s my cock,” he whispered into my ear.
I tried to resist laughing. Honestly. I even bit my lip, but it was futile. Between floating on clouding freaking nine from the amazing news I had received and Dan’s predictable but well-delivered response, I didn’t stand a chance. Instead I dissolved into a fit of laughter, wrapping myself around his firm, warm body like a vine.
“I’m really happy for you, Ash.” Dan’s finger traced the edge of my jaw. “I love it when you laugh.”
It was official. My long-term plan was going to need modification. I was too deliriously happy to walk away from Dan. Whenever that kick in the gut came, I would take it. I would accept whatever misery came after this. The days I would spend in my PJs crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s after he had eventually broken my heart. It will have all been worth it, just for this. This moment, right now.
“You know, I’m not feeling well. Why don’t we grab the check and I’ll head home.” I swiped the screen on my phone. It was nine thirty and as far as birthdays went, this one kind of blew. I wanted to go. Find an excuse to ditch my friends and go see Dan. I knew it was wrong and one night apart wasn’t going to kill me, but it was my birthday so surely I should be able to do what I wanted to do.
It was almost impossible to get a booking at The Mexican Cantina, the wait unusually extending months. They had the best Mexican food in the city and how Megs had been able to secure us a table on such short notice was still a mystery. Maybe her dad had called in a favor or something? The food was amazing. I almost died when I saw the prices, but the atmosphere was fantastic and the margaritas delicious. Still, I was dreading the bill.
“Ash, there is nothing wrong with you, unless you count being a bad actress. You are going to go straight to Dan’s.” Megs took a sip from her frozen margarita. “And if you check your phone one more time, I’m going to have to confiscate it. Seriously, I’ve seen people waiting for kidney transplants less anxious.”
“Oh, ha-ha, Dr. Winters.” I twilled the stem of my still full margarita glass. I wasn’t feeling it. Not even a little. Pathetic.
“C’mon, Ash. Give us one night, you can see him tomorrow.” Kyla waved over a waitress. “Besides, when are we going to meet your new guy? I can’t remember the last guy you dated.”
“He’s not really my guy. It’s complicated.” My hand moved from the stem of my glass to the napkin in my lap, anything to help distract me from these questions. Complicated was an understatement.
