by Anna Santos
“You rejected me because I was ugly,” she said, cutting me off.
“But you aren’t ugly, are you?”
She shook her head, and I smiled. I liked that she had self-esteem. Even if she was ugly, which isn’t the case, who am I to critique her looks?
“All this time I had loved a person who was never simple, innocent, or an altruist like I wanted to believe she was and then I failed to see all those qualities in you because you weren’t wearing the right dress and the right make-up. People are idiots. Men are jerks, and girls keep saying that they don’t want to be loved for their appearance, but they look at a guy and see first if he is handsome or rich enough to please their whims. People are selfish, and they aren’t coherent in their choices and beliefs.”
She giggled at my rant.
“I wasn’t always rich, and I don’t have blue blood in my veins. I was the son of a whore, a bastard, and…”
“You don’t need to talk about it,” she whispered and touched my face with her hand. “You said that you didn’t need my pity, but I wasn’t feeling sorry for you. I was sad because I felt your pain. I wanted to be able to protect you from it and couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, and you sounded so lost… I didn’t know what to do or what to say to make you feel better. I was feeling sorry, not pity. There’s a difference.”
Her words touched me deep inside. “You were compelled. You couldn’t say anything. I was a monster to you. You deserved someone better than me. The gods should have given you a better soul-mate.”
“They gave me Cedric.”
“Yes, they did, didn’t they?” I evaded her hand, wounded by her words when I shouldn’t feel hurt. “You should stop fighting your angel and forgive Cedric,” I said, feeling miserable. “That’s why I think that rejecting you was the right decision. You found someone better than me. Cedric can save your soul. I would destroy you. I would… I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t rejected you. I was blind and hurt. How can I feel less guilty when I see you fighting against the thing I thought would make you happy—against your angel?”
“Maybe I don’t want someone better.”
I raised my eyes to look at her.
“Maybe you were perfect. I don’t know why it took so long for me to be born. Maybe I was born sooner, and you didn’t find me. But the Gods have eternity and for them, a day is just a second or even less. Perhaps, it was destiny, or there’s no such a thing as destiny. Our lives are made of choices. I’ve wanted to come to Paris since I was young. I didn’t know why I was so mesmerized by the city. It could be that I’m just an idiot. I must be an idiot. I would rather…” She silenced herself.
I got caught up in her words. I love her so much. Aria was sweet, intelligent, and insightful. I felt like crap when I lie to myself that I wouldn’t do anything to get her back.
“You’d rather what?”
“I would rather be mortal than an angel. I’d rather be alone than feel trapped,” she complained. “I’m not sure about anything now. I was so sure before my mind went silent and I started doubting my feelings. Maybe I’m a fool.”
“You aren’t. You are just confused. People have the right to feel conflicted. I was the same for a long time.” I wanted her to understand that it was okay to have doubts. I was not in a better shape than she was. I wanted her but knew that I couldn’t have her. I couldn’t leave her, even though I knew I had to. I kept listening to her, caught in her eyes.
“I always knew what I wanted before. My parents raised me to be good. Now, I’m not sure what is good and what is bad anymore. I’m just sure that I don’t want to kill anyone and that I don’t want to be controlled. I want to make my own decisions.”
“Then make them.”
“I did, but everybody is always questioning my choices as if I am not in a perfect state of mind. They aren’t me, and I don’t appreciate that everybody thinks that they know what is best for me. They don’t. If I want to go back to my old life, why do people keep trying to change my mind? Why does Cedric keep insisting that I’m making a mistake? That I’m going to regret it when it’s too late?”
“Because he doesn’t want to lose you.”
“Then he should be here. He should listen to what I have to say and respect my decisions!” She raised her voice. Something was clear, she was mad at him. “Everything is spinning. I feel so dizzy!”
It was probably the sedative they had given her earlier. She was speaking so freely like when she was drunk, maybe it had something to do with that. I wanted her to keep talking to know what was on her mind and for her to express her feelings, so she could feel better. I was interested in what she had to say. If Cedric wasn’t, then he was a fool.
“I’m an idiot. I’m such an idiot,” she mumbled to herself like a broken record. She was tightening her hand on mine. Her heartbeat was racing inside her chest. The sedative wasn’t helping to calm her down. It was just making her talk without stopping.
“Why do you think you are an idiot?” I asked.
“I’m not going to tell you why.” She avoided my gaze.
“If it makes you feel better, I don’t think you are an idiot. I think you are exceptional.”
“You didn’t think that before.”
“I was the one who was being an idiot.”
She giggled, and I smiled at her. I felt the need to take her out of here to somewhere where she would be distracted, and we could talk for days on end until she was healthy and no longer depressed.
“Am I interrupting something?”
It was Cedric at the door.
“Cedric! I’m glad you are here. Philippe has something important to tell you. You should stop being a jerk and listen to him,” Aria said.
Frowning, Cedric asked me, “What is wrong with her?”
“They gave her a sedative,” I explained.
“What’s wrong with you?” Aria retorted.
Walking to her bed, he muttered, “I had a crappy day, and I’ve been drinking, but it didn’t have any effect on me whatsoever.”
“Bummer,” she blurted out and laughed.
I almost laughed with her, but I had to maintain my composure and talk to Cedric about the critical issues. Though, she was fun when she was not trying to be serious.
“She’s having mood swings,” I explained, frowning at Aria who stopped laughing and had a temporarily serious face.
“Yes, I’m having those,” she agreed, smirking at me.
“Let’s talk outside. Let her rest,” Cedric suggested.
“She needs to hear this. It concerns her, too.”
Cedric sighed deeply, probably out of patience. Aria sat on the bed and watched Cedric sit on another chair next to the bed, opposite me.
Even if I didn’t like the way Cedric was acting—as if he had a broom up his ass—I told him everything I knew about Kayden and what he had told me downstairs. Cedric was skeptic, I could guess by his expression. I knew he wouldn’t believe me so easily. On the other hand, Aria asked a lot of questions.
I only had one. “Why is her angel so important to them that they are willing to kill her to stop you from making her your queen?”
“It’s angels’ business. You wouldn’t understand,” Cedric said with his hands resting on his knees. “I appreciate your concern, but we can’t trust the word of a specter. He’s playing with you. He probably wants us to stop the invasion, so he wins more power and tells his associates that we are weak.”
I rubbed my forehead as I heaved a sigh. “Have you heard a single word I said? You can’t attack the graveyard. You will hurt innocent people and turn them against you.”
“They are already against me. Also, you should have told him that he doesn’t need to worry about Aria. She doesn’t want to be an angel anymore.”
“Aria is confused,” I told him darkly, feeling my eye color changing. It wasn’t set in stone. They needed to talk, and he needed to stop being an ass.
“I told Cedric that I wanted him to take the angel
out,” Aria said to me.
“Not unless he explains to you how it works. They were taking your angel out, and it almost killed you. Therefore, I’m not going to let him do anything to you without him explaining it first,” I declared with a serious face, making sure I was looking at Cedric.
“She won’t die. She will just become human again.”
“And are you willing to give up that easily?” I asked. So much for his undying love and wanting to be with her. First sign of trouble and he runs for the hills.
“She doesn’t love me anymore,” he said.
Aria sighed. “It doesn’t help when you are a liar and keep ignoring me.”
“You said you weren’t sure that we would survive the trial,” he accused her.
“What trial?” I questioned.
“Angels’ business,” Cedric said.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care about your secret angel rituals. The only thing that I want to know is why don’t they want Aria to live if she’s an angel?”
“Can’t you figure that out for yourself?” he asked sarcastically. “You are so damn smart! How come you can’t come to the right conclusion?”
“I’m sorry to disappoint you then,” I answered. “I’m aware that she’s powerful. Nevertheless, they want to kill her to get to you.”
“It’s more complicated than that,” Cedric said, narrowing his eyes and sighing deeply. “But there isn’t anything I can do since Aria doesn’t want to be an angel anymore. Thus, I need to work with the rest of the time that I have to stop the ones who are trying to harm my people and me.”
“Did you even bother to ask Aria why she is rejecting her angel?” I questioned him since he was so keen on accusing others of his own mistakes. Apparently, it was Aria’s fault that their bond was weak.
“She loves you,” he said coldly, eyes becoming white for a brief second. “You should have understood that already. Don’t play dumb.”
“She doesn’t want to kill. She doesn’t want to be a Red Angel, whatever that is,” I yelled at him with closed fists. He wasn’t doing a good job in understanding Aria’s reasons. It wasn’t that simple as he wanted to believe. It wasn’t my fault. And I had no idea if Aria wanted me or not. She wasn’t telling me that she did. “They are afraid of her because she’s some sort of powerful angel that can destroy everything. They told her that.”
“Well, they should be afraid of her since Archangels are the only ones that can send specters back to Hell. Like I’m going to send that Kayden guy when I get my hands on him and every single specter in that damn graveyard!”
He was losing his temper and wasn’t going to listen to reason. It was pointless to talk to him, as I expected. I guess he was too stubborn to believe me, or he wanted to prove a point to the others. Either way, things were going to get dangerous in the next few days. Aria was in the middle of that mess, and Kayden was going to win his twisted game.
“Blah, blah, blah,” Aria said, moving her hand to imitate him speaking.
Cedric frowned at Aria.
“Me, me, me,” she continued.
“Aria,” he whispered, leaning back in his chair. “Stop treating me like this.”
“Stop being a jerk!”
“I’m trying to keep you safe.”
“I’m safe. I’m here. But you aren’t here, are you? You are somewhere else, making plans to get revenge on the people who were worried about me killing their families.”
“It’s not as black and white, Aria! And you told me to leave, remember?”
“And why was that?”
“You were being unfair.”
“I was unfair? Is that a bad joke?” she asked, leveling her voice. “Was the lie you told me fair?”
I had no idea of what she was talking about, but she seemed furious with him. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes.
The prince said, “I’ve explained my reasons to you.”
“And I don’t have to accept them since you don’t accept my reasons, either. You blame everything on Philippe. He isn’t the one to blame for your mistakes. He’s not the one who’s failing to listen to what I want.”
“He shouldn’t be here in the first place! You should have sent him away. You almost died because of him. He rejected you. What the hell is he doing here?”
Cedric was shining menacingly. Last time he shone like that, he tried to freeze me to death.
“Keeping me company,” she said nonchalantly, completely immune to his bad temper.
“You are selfish, aren’t you?” He sneered at her. “I did nothing to you. I saved you from dying, twice. Yet you still picked him!”
She glared at him with cold eyes and annoyance marring her face. He had pushed his luck. “I’m being selfish? Why? Because I don’t want to do what you want, and I don’t accept what you want to do? Do I need to agree with your every decision? Should I act nice, nod in compliance, and wag my tail?”
“What are you talking about?” he questioned.
I couldn’t help smiling to myself.
“You can’t trick me to shut up now or to change my mind. My angel is quiet at the moment. She won’t change my mind or trick me to obey you. I don’t have a clue how you made me not want to let you go. Maybe it was because you lied to me, and I didn’t want to feel guilty for your death. Perhaps, you acted nice in the beginning, so I would fall for you and lower my guard. But I’m not one of your obedient, brainwashed angels. I’m a person. My mom and dad taught me to be independent, to have dreams, to do what I want with my life without having to be undermined by a man. And I’m sorry about your condition, I truly am. But guess what, it’s not my fault!” she yelled the last words with red cheeks and shining eyes as her fingers gripped the bedding.
Rising from his seat, Cedric ordered, “Philippe get out!”
I frowned at him. I didn’t know who he thought he was to give me orders, but there was no way I would leave Aria alone with him.
He insisted, “We need to talk privately. You’ve already done a lot of damage. Leave!”
“What damage?” I asked, getting up from my chair and hovering over him menacingly. I wasn’t an eighteen-year-old girl to be intimidated or charmed by him. He had no power over me.
“You made her doubt her feelings for me,” he snapped, facing me. “You’re the reason why she’s rejecting her angel. She can die. But it would probably suit your plans if she did.”
I lost it. I walked to him and punched him in the face. It was a deserved punch. He was an asshole.
“Stop,” Aria ordered as she kneeled on the bed and grabbed Cedric’s arm before he could punch me back.
The prince made the wise decision of stopping. He caught Aria before she fell to the ground.
I stood still. I didn’t want to upset her, so I backed off.
“I guess you deserve him if you are willing to sacrifice your soul for his love,” Cedric accused Aria.
She recoiled in bed to get away from his arms.
There was venom in Cedric’s voice. “He’s nothing. You could have had everything. You could have had eternity in Heaven. But you chose him. What is wrong with you, Aria?” He wasn’t taking her rejection well.
“I don’t think you understood me.” Aria’s voice trembled. “I’m not choosing anything. I want to be left alone. I don’t want you or him. If God thinks that when I die, I should go to Hell, then I can’t do anything about it, can I?”
“You don’t need to go to Hell. You can stay with me. I know you still love me. You can be an angel and my queen.”
Cedric was nervous, but he wasn’t a threat. If he were, I would be pushing him away from her. At that moment, he looked hurt.
“Why do you want me to be your queen? Is it because I’m a powerful angel or because you want to be a king? Do you even love me? Just me, Cedric, not the angel inside of me and what you want me to be. You’re always complaining that I’m childish that I don’t understand how things work. You are trying to change me.”
“I’m n
ot.”
Aria kneeled on the bed and moved closer to him. “You didn’t make an effort to know what I wanted. You said that I had to become your queen, leave my old life behind, and love you if I wanted to be saved and save you. But you didn’t try listening to me to understand my fears and doubts. You didn’t explain to me what would happen when my angel took over my body and personality. She loves you. I feel it. I love you, but now I’m not even sure if it’s true love. I…have this void inside my chest. This emptiness that makes me wish I didn’t have to choose.”
“It’s Philippe’s fault,” he declared. “He did everything to make you doubt our love.”
“It’s not his fault,” she denied, touching his face. “You don’t open up or understand me. You are possessive, and you control me. You think that I must love you because I was chosen to be your mate. Loving isn’t an imposition. I fell for you. You are gorgeous, kind, and most of the time nice to me. Yet you are also paranoid, jealous, and demanding. You want me to let go of everything and follow you blindly. Love doesn’t work like that. I don’t have much experience with it, but I don’t think that is love.”
“That’s a lie. I tried to understand you. We talked, and I made an effort. Then you were kidnapped, and you…acted coldly and looked at Philippe as if he was the only thing that mattered in that damn place! I was there, you didn’t even see me.”
She folded her legs underneath her. “I was scared. I was confused. How did you want me to act? I don’t understand.”
“You love him! He rejected you. You almost died. He’s an egocentric bastard. Still, you were weak and unable to break your bond and choose me instead of him.”
“What do you mean?” She blinked several times with parted lips as her eyes shone with unshed tears. “Break my bond?”
“You didn’t reject him and kept letting him manipulate you to see you. You let him get close because you were weak and thought he could be saved. But he can’t. He’s a heartless vampire, and he’s doing all of this to destroy me. He came here to talk about some plan a specter did to start a war. The fact is that he wants me dead as much as that specter. Once I break my bond with you, I will no longer be an angel, and I’ll be weaker. You will be weaker. Then, he can kill you and get rid of you for good. He doesn’t care about you. If he did, he would stay away and let you be happy.”
