by Annie Brewer
“How about I make you a deal. If you tell Mason you like him, or at least act flirtier with him to lead him on, then I will talk to Carter more.” She pretends to think about it.
“Deal.” She cheerfully puts her hand out and I shake it firmly. Then we both laugh at our own foolish game. This could get interesting. Usually she doesn’t like to lose a bet, so I have to prepare to form some kind of bond with him pretty soon. The thought makes me smile and nervous at the same time.
“Do you think he likes me Gracie?” Meg becomes serious, as if it was an absurdity.
“Meg you’re beautiful. Of course he likes you. He always has.” I tell her. It’s true. Mason has liked her since the beginning of middle school. I’m not sure why he never told her and I could kick his ass for being so stupid. I used to think they would date at the beginning of high school. I think he secretly thought he wasn’t good enough, for what reason? I’ll never know.
I place my hand on hers and squeeze.
“Thank you Gracie.” She smiles. I smile back.
“Thank you Meg. Seriously, for everything. For just being there for me, through this. And for taking me to the book store.” A tear slips out of my eye before I can stop it. Damn these pregnancy hormones. I blame Nick for this.
“I love you Gracie. You can’t go through this alone. I know you’re scared, but no matter what, this baby is going to have their Auntie Meg.” Before I know it the flood gates have opened and I’m crying. Meg grabs me in a tight hug.
“This baby is going to love their Auntie Meg.” I choke out between sobs. And we’re both crying now. What a bunch of babies we are. I guess I never really thought about how it affects others. I may be pregnant, but Meg is my family. And anything that happens to me, affect her-good or bad. I’m guessing she’s crying happy tears but I don’t ask.
We pull apart; wiping our faces dry, then begin laughing hysterically. At least I can cry and then laugh about it.
“Wow, I haven’t cried like that in a while.” Meg says chuckling, smoothing her eye makeup.
“Yeah, well don’t get pregnant. You will cry more than you ever anticipated. It’s become second nature for me. It sucks sometimes.” I cry if I put my shirt on backwards. It’s ridiculous.
“I’m sorry for pushing Carter on you. I know you’re really not thinking about stupid boys right now. I just think he’d be a great companion for you. You know, in case you can’t get a hold of me or Mason. He’d be a great friend, just someone to talk to. We all need someone we can without a doubt rely on.” I smile at her thoughtfulness. And she does have a point. If her and Mason do hook up-no, when they hook up (which will happen), I might need someone just to hang out with. I hate being the third wheel and even though I’ve never felt that way around them, my emotions and hormones are so out of whack, there’s no telling what I will be feeling as the pregnancy progresses. I take her hand and face her again, looking into her teary blue eyes.
“It’s okay. I promise. I will work on socializing with him more. Maybe it could be a great friendship, the one I need to keep my sanity and keep my mind off all the crap I will have to endure as I start showing.” Crap! I will be facing a lot of judgmental students. Can I really handle that? I shake my head as if to fight off the negative thoughts. I will have to. Plain and simple.
We hug each other then I grab my bag of books and head inside.
“Hey sweetie. How did it go with Meg?” My mother greets me at the bottom of the stairs, wearing some flannel pajamas.
“It was good. She took me to the book store and I got this book.” I take out the “What To Expect” book and hand it to her.
“Oh wow, I remember this book.” She turns the pages, eyes lighting up as if there was treasure inside the pages.
“Did you have this book?” I ask.
“No but I used to go to the library and read it sometimes. But I never bought it. I kind of just did things trial by error. That was nice of Meg to take you. She’s really a wonderful friend for you.” I nod in agreement. She looks thoughtful for a minute and I raise a brow.
“How’s Mason? You know, he’s a really great guy too.” I see where this is going.
“Mom, before you play matchmaker, he likes Meg and Meg likes him.”
“Oh,”
“You people seriously need to quit trying to set me up with someone. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I’m not the only girl in the world that’s single. I don’t need a guy every day of my life.” She pats my back apologetically, then hands me my book.
“Tyler said you told him he could help pick out a name.” I smile at our conversation we had just hours ago.
“Yes I did.”
“He’s really excited. He’s trying to come up with the perfect name. Thanks for allowing him to be a part of it.”
“As long as he doesn’t I think of comic book character names I’m cool with it. As much as I love Thor and Iron Man, I won’t put my kid through that torture.” We both laugh and I hug her before heading up the stairs for a bath.
Yes a bath, a bubble bath actually. I set my books on my bookshelf-which I own very little. I must remedy that, buy some books to read to the baby. I look at a picture frame that fills my face when I was a baby. I wonder who the baby will look like. Surely, a mixture of both of us this baby is going to be an angel or a heartbreaker. A smile spreads across my face.
I gather my clothes and head to the bathroom for some much needed relaxation.
Chapter 15
When I was little I remember my mom telling me stories during bath time. I would be splashing away and she would be bathing me, telling me happy stories of a girl in a castle and a prince who saved her, taking her away from her troubles. How many troubles could this girl really be going through?
As I relax my body into the warm water filled tub of lavender scent bubbles-which start to effervesce by the way-I close my eyes, welcoming the calmness and float. The water covers my legs and stomach but my breasts poke out here and there, making me shudder from the cold air. I hold my breath and dunk my face into the water, eyes still closed. I can’t help but wish I was a little girl again, thrashing about with no troubles and my mother telling me stories. It was a carefree life, innocent. It feels like a lifetime ago. How do things get so screwed up so quickly? As the water washes over me-washing all of my thoughts and doubts away-I’m taken away to oblivion. Followed by a knock. I raise my head up out of the water.
“Yeah?” I say out of breath.
“Are you okay? You’ve been in there a long time.” My mother says through the door.
I run my wet hand through my soapy wet hair. I haven’t washed my hair yet.
“Yeah, I’m just relaxing in a bubble bath.” I shout back.
“Okay I was just checking on you. Carry on.” After a few moments of silence, I lean back against the tub again, content. I need more of these baths.
After I shower and wash my hair, I get out and grab my towel. I blow dry my hair and pull it back in a ponytail. But I’m stopped when I look at my reflection and see the tiniest pudge of a belly. I put my right hand at the bottom, where my belly ends turning my palm facing up and my left hand at the top where my belly starts just under my breasts, palm up. I turn sideways and face the mirror. A smile spreads across my face, an overwhelming calmness washes over me.
“You’re a tiny thing aren’t you?” I say to my flesh.
“Please help me give you the appropriate amount of nutrients. This morning sickness is making it hard little one. On both of us.” I drop my hands to my sides, dry the off and get dressed. After closing my bathrobe over my clothes, I walk into my room. I sit down at my desk and open my journal and start writing.
Dear Journal,
I saw the baby. I have a sonogram picture. Wow, when I first saw it, I couldn’t believe it. That’s my baby is all I kept thinking. My body is starting to change, I can feel it. I should hear the heartbeat at my next appointment. Oh and Meg took me to the book store, I bought that book “What to Expect W
hen You’re Expecting”. I am going to dive into it tonight oh and guess what? Meg finally admitted her feelings for Mason. They will hopefully finally be together, if she tells him, which she better. I like Carter. I want to be friends. Hopefully he won’t dismiss me when he finds out I’m pregnant. Well, I must go now. Until later.
Gracie
I set my journal in my desk drawer and grab my pregnancy book. I walk over and sit on my bed flipping through the pages. I’m about ten weeks now. Pretty soon I’ll be in my second trimester where I’ll feel semi-normal again. Fingers crossed. Though the sickness is subsiding a little. I look at my clock that reads 9:30. I think the coffee shop closes at ten or so. I could fulfill my end of the bargain and go talk to Carter while sipping on…what water? Nah, what would be my excuse? That wouldn’t work. I’ll have to wait on that. I put my book on the nightstand and crawl under the covers for sleep.
“So what week are we in now?” Meg asks me, while skimming my pregnancy book.
“We? Is this a partner thing now?” I say amused, looking up from my Seventeen magazine in my hand.
“Well, we are kind of going through this together, ya know? I mean you’re going through all the fun symptoms crap and I just get to watch you and laugh.” I glare at her. “Okay, not laugh but I go through the sympathy pains.” I smile at that.
“I’m ten weeks.” I state and go back to browsing my mag. “Seriously, these love articles are so stupid. They think they have problems. Ha! Whatever.”
Wow, some chick was making out with some guy’s nose in the dark thinking it was his lips. How awkward and funny.
“Hey, you should put your situation in a magazine article.” Meg says, looking up.
“What for?” It would be kind of funny, but not really. I can’t trust that they wouldn’t give out my information.
“Just to get your name out there. Ask for advice.” I look at her in surprise.
“No thanks. I’m not in favor of being exploited.”
“Or you could write an article about your experience as a teen mother. That would be helpful to other teens in your situation.”
“I’m not a teen mother…yet.”
“No, but after you have the baby. You can give advice or tips and share how you coped with teen motherhood. You know you had to give up a lot for your future, for this baby. Maybe others need to know that they’re not the only ones. Reach out to those who are scared or alone.”
“I’m not encouraging teen pregnancy.” Why is she all of a sudden pushing this matter?
“I’m not saying you are Gracie. But as you know, it does happen.” I sit up and look at her, shoving my magazine aside.
“Want some advice? Don’t have sex. No matter how much you want it, don’t have sex. At least until you’re out of high school. Condoms don’t work half the time, and not to mention being in the moment and it’s going so wonderful you forget to even use one. So right there, you’re screwed. Just. Don’t. Have. Sex.” That’s pretty good advice. I should have thought of that one months ago. Oh well, too late.
“So let’s see…in this month you should feel fatigue and sleepiness, a need to pee a lot, nausea. Um, and constipation. Oh how pleasant. Better you than me sister.” I look up and she’s smiling at me as if it’s a funny joke.
“Thanks for the compassion, or empathy.” I say closing the magazine and lying down on the bed.
“Your baby is the size of a grapefruit, or a little bigger. It’s so amazing.” I lie beside her scanning the information.
“Oooo, let’s see where it talks about emotionally-ah everything I’m experiencing.”
“Instability-including weepiness…check. Misgivings, fear, joy, elation.. .check. A new sense of calmness. Nothing yet. Wait, I did feel a sense of calmness after I took my bubble bath the other night. I looked at myself in the mirror and I felt calm. So…check. Well, looks like I’m pregnant alright.”
“You see what you’re going through is normal. Maybe it will pass next month.” She replies. I read a little more before I push myself off the bed.
“My mom thinks I should join a support group for pregnant teens.” I say, looking out her window into the night.
“You should. It might help ease your worries.” I look up at the sky, trying to find some stars and pinpoint them but my focus is elsewhere.
“Why? I think I might be okay after a little more time.” Then I add. “You’re right about one thing. I am giving up a lot for this baby. Not that I regret it, but it just seems unfair that women have to give up stuff and the guys don’t have to do shit. They just move on with their lives like and not look back. They don’t have to wonder if they’re making the right choice.” This is obviously one of the symptoms just mentioned.
“I think you should join a support group. Get all of your feelings, fears and doubts out in the open. It might help.” I sit down on her bed, suddenly feeling tired.
“I don’t need a support group. I have you.” I smile and Meg comes and sits next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. I lay my head on her shoulder.
“Hey, Megan we have errands to run sweetie. Oh hi Gracie, I forgot you were here. It’s great to see you.” Meg’s mom walks over to us as we stand up. She pulls me into a hug and I hug her back, wondering if she knows.
“Look I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to. No one should have to go through this alone.” She pulls back to look at me. Okay, she knows.
“Oh I’m fine. I have my parents and my book and my doctor. I’m okay. But thank you.” She hugs me again and I glance at Meg who is giving me an apologetic smile. I smile back reassuringly.
“Well, I’m out of here. You ladies be good.” I say as I make it to the front door. I hug Meg and she whispers, “I’m sorry for telling my mom. It just kind of slipped out.” I smile at her.
“It’s okay. I’m not mad. I would have been surprised if she didn’t know.” I tell my mom a lot of Meg’s business, so how can I get upset that she told her mom about me? I get in my car, or actually my mom’s Monte Carlo. I flip through my CD’s I brought with me and pick Carrie Underwood.
As I’m driving down the highway, with my windows down and hair blowing in the wind, I methodically slow down as the coffee shop comes into view on my right. The light is still on at 10:00. I contemplate stopping there but before I can decide, the car decides for me, as I’m pulling into the parking lot. I sit there, engine idling. It looks dead inside, maybe it’s closed. I look to my left on the window, a sign Now Hiring gets my attention. Hmm, maybe I could work part time. I need the money and obviously Carter needs help. Meg would love this. I kill the engine altogether and get out of the car.
Chapter 16
I lean against the car for a few minutes, staring out at the highway unsure of what to do. On the one hand, I do need money. Do pregnant teens work? I suppose I can learn a thing or two about making coffee, even though I don’t drink it. Maybe I could learn to drink it. Maybe after a few tries, it will taste good.
“I’m sorry but we’re...” About that time I turn around and cut off the rest of Carter’s sentence and face him.
“Hey Carter.”
“Gracie.” He says my name so low I almost don’t hear it. Damn, his voice is husky but very sexy. I give him an “I’m sorry for bothering you so late” smile.
“I saw your sign and wanted to talk to you about getting a job here.” I nod to the sign. He looks at it then looks back at me, raising his eye brows in surprise.
“You want to work here? You don’t even drink coffee.” He chuckles a little. But he smiles, lighting up his blue eyes. I straighten and fold my hands together in front of me.
“I can come back if it’s too late.”
“No, no it’s fine. Come in.” He opens the door for me and I brush past him.
Just friends. Just friends, Gracie. I sit down at a booth and he leans against the table.
“Can I get you something to drink?”
“Um, just water please.” I’m so lame, it�
�s embarrassing. Who orders water at a coffee shop?
“So what are you up to? Or what were you up to?” He asks when he comes back with my water. He sits across from me, folding his hands together, elbows on the table.
“I was on my way home from Meg’s house and I saw the light in here still on and I thought about the cheesecake I never got to have last time. So I thought I’d swing by and harass you and eat some cheesecake. And then I saw the sign and thought what a great place to work. I need money and you need help. So here I am.”
He raises his eyebrow in contemplation and says, “So you need money huh? I’m guessing for college or something?” I wish it were that simple.
I smirk and take a sip of my drink, looking at him over the rim of my glass. “Something like that.”
He’s going to notice when you get bigger. You may as well tell him. My subconscious tells me and I tell it to go and mind its own business. I will tell him when I’m ready.
“Well, I can get you an application. We usually do them online but if you prefer, you can take it home and fill it out. It’s up to you.” I nod.
“Okay, I’ll take it home. I need to discuss it with my parents first anyway.” It’s not that I need their permission. I just want their advice on working while I’m pregnant. It’s not like I’ll be carrying anything heavy.
For the next hour we talk-about anything, everything. He tells me about his sisters, Cassandra and Candice. They are both older. Cassie has 2 kids and she’s a nurse, and Candice is in college-a med student. I tell him about my brother and my parents, not like there’s really much to tell-except for that. But it never slips out. I’m shocked when I realize how comfortable it is to talk to him. Almost as easy as talking to Meg. Maybe a friendship with Carter isn’t such a bad thing. We laugh at random jokes and I find myself relaxed. I lean back in the booth and stretch my legs out under the table. He’s sitting in the booth long ways, with his legs stretched out on the seat.
“What’s it like being the principle’s son?” I ask out of curiosity, mainly. But also to keep the conversation going so I have an excuse not to leave.
