by Annie Brewer
“Sorry, I’ve wanted to do that for a while now. I know this is not the most romantic setting for a first kiss.”
“It could be worse.” I say to lighten the mood.
“So what did the doctor say? What caused this?” I ask even though I’m pretty sure I did. I’ve put stress on myself and let others get to me. He runs his hands through his messy hair, contemplating.
“They said you’re okay. But it was stress related and you’re not eating the way you should. I’ll let the doctor talk to you.” He looks distressed, pacing like something is bothering him, more than he is letting on. I put my hand on his arm gently.
“Hey what’s wrong?”
“I just think maybe you should take some time away from work.” I sit up, a little hurt.
“Are you firing me?”
“No, no of course not. I just think it’s putting too much stress on you and the baby.” I close my eyes and prepare to tell him the truth.
“That’s not what did this.” I take a deep breath, folding my hands in my lap. “I enjoy working with you. I love working. It helps me escape, life.”
“But it’s following you there, so where’s the escape? You passed out during work. Your frenemy came in and had you gripping the counter so hard, I was afraid it would break in your hands.” He interrupts.
“I’ve been stressed because when my ex left me, I was crushed, scared and alone. I knew I was broken. I’m not wanting to find someone to rescue me but I had plans. I had plans to leave this town with my ex and go where his football scholarship took us. We wanted to start our life in the real world together. And then this God damn thing happened.” I lie back, trying to get comfortable, tears stinging my eyes. I feel my face flush with frustration. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to yell and that was the wrong thing to say.” I rub my belly silently apologizing to the baby, even though I know it can’t really hear me. But it makes me feel better. “This has been the hardest year of my life and it’s supposed to be the best year.” Tears are finally falling down my face.
Carter lays his hand atop mine. “It’s okay Gracie. You don’t have to explain anything.”
“No, I do. I’m sick of hiding from this. It’s controlling my life and making me batshit crazy. When we first met and you found me crying in the hall at school. It was because of that bitch. She’s hurtful and was really mean. I didn’t want to get involved with anyone and then I saw you. You were so sweet, despite my appearance that day. But you didn’t make me feel bad at all. You made me feel okay. Meg knew you and tried to get me to talk to you. I was shy and also afraid. I was scared to tell you I was pregnant. I hated hiding it from you but I couldn’t handle telling you and risk scaring you off.” I look down at my hands, avoiding his eyes. “Especially since I had fallen for you. I didn’t want to, but I did. I fell for you.”
“I’m not going anywhere Gracie.” I look up at him and see him smiling. He gently runs his finger along my cheek. I shiver under his touch. I close my eyes, enjoying the tingles racing up and down my spine.
“But you should. I’m a train wreck. I kept a huge secret from you. That’s not exactly a great start to a relationship.”
“Stop it. I understand. Look if you need help my sister went through it. She could give you some advice.”
“Thank you. That might help. So where does that leave us?”
Chapter 26
“Mrs. Jordan, it’s nice to see you awake. How are you feeling?” A tall, lean man with glasses and sandy brown hair walks in with a clipboard in his hand. His name tag reads Dr. Benjamin Bradley. I sit up in the bed as he approaches my bed. Carter steps aside so Dr. Bradley can examine me, his eyes never leaving mine. I was hoping to finish our conversation, but I guess that will have to wait.
“I’m feeling a little tired, but okay.”
“I can imagine. Your body has been through a great deal of stress. I need to talk to you about your condition.” I shift my body, trying to get comfortable and glance from Carter back to the doctor.
“My condition?” Panic settles in my bones and all the blood drains from my face, a feeling of dread fills my stomach. Oh God, what’s wrong with me?
“No, it’s nothing serious. But you have anemia, your iron is low, you’re not eating properly and your blood pressure is high. There need to be changes or it could have some effect on the baby. How’s the morning sickness?” He asks, writing something on his clipboard.
“I don’t really have it anymore. I mean, it comes and goes, but it’s nothing like it was. I’m able to keep more food down now.” He nods, seeming pleased.
“Okay, well you need to keep your stress level down. Try to limit the amount of stress you take on. Go for a walk; take a bubble bath, read a book. I don’t care what it takes. Also, I’m giving you some iron pills and you need to take them daily. It’s imperative. Eat healthy foods and if the baby is hungry, feed it. You need to gain more weight. Okay? Any questions for me?” I shake my head as he writes more and then looks up at me. “Okay, well you’re all set to go home. Just get plenty of rest and eat well.”
“Thanks doctor. I’ll get right on that.” I smile and he nods before leaving the room.
“Gracie!” Tyler runs in, stopping beside my bed. I dangle my feet over the side and pull him up next to me.
“Hey buddy.” I tousle his hair.
“I’m so glad you’re okay.” He hugs me tight. My chin rests on his little shoulder.
“I’m a fighter sweetie. It’s gonna take a lot more to get rid of me.”
“Oh thank God you’re alright sweetheart. What happened?” My mother and father stalk into the room.
“I’m okay. Just had a little scare.” My mother turns to face Carter and he nods.
“Thank you Carter for being there for her. I’m assuming you know now.” He nods again.
“Yes Mrs. I mean Mary, I do. And I’m just glad I was there. I noticed she wasn’t looking very good and tried to help her, but luckily she’s okay.”
“I’m sorry but I think this job is too stressful for her right now. She needs to rest and take time off before we decide for her to go back.”
“Mom, I’m fine. I just had a lot going on but I’m fine now. I want to go back to work.”
“Over my dead body, Gracie. You are not going back, not right now.” My mother’s tone takes on a finality that sets me on edge. I narrow my eyes at her in irritation.
“Your mother’s right. We can’t afford for this to happen again honey.” My father pipes up. And irritation flares as I stand up, preparing for an argument.
“Gracie, they’re right. Take time off. The job will still be there if you want it.” Carter rubs my shoulder. My mother notices his closeness and seems perturbed for a minute. I give him a frown.
“Thank you Carter, we can take it from here.” I glare at my mother’s rude attitude.
“This is not his fault. Drop the attitude mom.” I snap in defense.
“Look, we’ll talk later okay Gracie?” Carter moves toward the door, a need to follow him causes me to react and I grab his arm, wanting him to stay with me.
“We need to finish our conversation.”
“We’ll talk soon, I promise. Go home and get some rest. You’ve had a long day.” He smiles, assuring me we are okay. He lightly kisses my hand before leaving me alone with my parents. I fight back the tears that sting my eyes.
“So he knows now and is okay with it. See I told you he was a great guy.” Meg and I are shopping at Party City, picking out candy for the trick-or-treaters that will raid our goodies in just a few days.
“Yes. He was really sweet about it. I don’t know how he kept so calm and rational.” I smile, as a memory fills my mind. “We had our first kiss.” Meg stops dead in her tracks, turning around with wide eyes.
“Oh my God. You kissed Carter? Like really kissed him?” I laugh at her expression and nod, still flashing a goofy grin. “Like with tongue and all?”
“Uh, yes Meg. All of it, now quit it. Yo
u’re ruining the memory. It was passionate and very intense. It wasn’t exactly the best first kiss location or circumstance but…” I give a faraway look, remembering his hands on my skin, his intense gaze and the way his lips tasted. “It was amazing nonetheless.”
Meg grabs me in a hug, a little too enthusiastically. She pulls back and I see tears pool in the corner of her eyes.
“Oh Meg, don’t cry. Those better be happy tears.” She sniffles, swiping at her eyes.
“I’m sure he was scared of losing you and never having the chance to tell you how much you meant to him. I’m so sorry Gracie. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
“What do you mean? I don’t…”
“No, I mean when you fainted. I should have been there. I’m sorry; you must have been so scared.” I grab her shoulders and stare into her eyes, smiling.
“Meg, stop it! Stop apologizing. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know it was going to happen. Hell, even I had no real warning. If I did, maybe then I would have picked up the phone and said “Meg, come help me I’m about to pass out. Be my rescuer” and then maybe you wouldn’t feel so guilty. But seriously, it’s fine. I’m fine. Carter was there. All is good. Just be happy.” Soon we’re half crying half laughing in the middle of Party City, with people stopping to watch the chaos and I could care less.
Meg wipes her tear stained face as she chuckles while hugging me. “God, I needed that laugh Gracie. Thanks. Not that what happened was funny, but how you said the phone call line was just too much.” She stops laughing, looking at me seriously. “I owe Carter. I’m his biggest fan. I’m so happy you two got close. Of course if it weren’t for me, you would probably still be admiring him from afar.” She adds proudly. I can’t help but agree with her. I was too much of a coward. God, where would I be without my best friend?
“Okay we need to go. Carter is coming over to take Tyler trick or treating.” I tell Meg, grabbing bags of Kit Kat bars and a mixed assortment for my mother to hand out later.
“Oh crap, I need to text Mason and have him meet us at your house.” She looks up from her phone, “Do you mind? He’d love to see you.” I smile.
“Of course. You guys are my best friends and always welcomed. You know that.”
When we get back to my house, Carter’s truck is parked out front.
“That boy doesn’t waste any time. He wants to see his girl. Awe.” I blush, thrill taking up space in my belly.
My parents had called the school to let them know what had happened, having to tell them I was pregnant but was keeping me home for a few weeks-which I was totally put out by the idea. They treat me like a handicap and I hate it, but I wasn’t going to argue and get myself worked up about it, making matters worse. It just wasn’t worth it, so I reluctantly agreed to it. The good thing was that I got to see Carter more. He came over a lot to bring me food and check up on me. We had decided to give a relationship a try since we both really liked each other. I liked getting unexpected visits from him. And sometimes he brought flowers or candy. He made me feel so loved and I was grateful for him. The only thing about the school knowing was that now, Carter’s mom knew too. Being the principle and the mother of my boyfriend was a little awkward for me but Carter assured me she wasn’t by any means judgmental of the situation. In fact, he had told me she wanted to meet me. And I mean, meet as in on a personal basis-at her house having dinner or cheesecake, shootin’ the shit kind of thing. I wasn’t ready for that yet. I mean, she’s cool as my principle but I don’t really see her enough to care. Now it’s different and weird.
“Okay Mason is on his way.” It’s going to be a great night for my little brother.
“Okay buddy, you look fabulous. You’re ready to save the world. I wouldn’t want to make you mad.” Carter comments as we step inside the bathroom. Carter helped him put on his red Iron Man costume. He has a mask and gloves to match his body suit.
“Awe, Tyler you are going to be the cutest little superhero EVER!” Meg says, as Tyler smiles and puts his fist out shouting.
“You ready buddy? Get your basket.” I tell him stepping into the hall starting for the stairs. Once Tyler is satisfied with his look, he follows me to the kitchen.
“Okay you kids be careful. Tyler, you stay with your sister.” My mother tells him kissing him on the cheek. “You look so adorable.”
“Awe, mom.” He wipes his face as if she gave him cooties. “Next year I’m going as Darth Vader. He’s more cool, scary and doesn’t get kissed by his mom.” We all laugh.
“Hey, do you have enough candy?” I ask and she shoos us out the door.
“Yes, more than enough. Now go have fun.”
“Don’t worry Mary; we’ll keep an eye on him.” Meg assures my mother as we leave and head for the sidewalk.
“So Tyler what do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?” Carter engages in conversation as the five of us walk door to door for candy. Tyler gives Carter a befuddled look, I laugh to myself.
“Umm, I’m eight. I already know there’s no Santa.” I giggle.
“It’s true. Unfortunately, he caught my mother placing presents under the tree when he was sleep walking a few years ago. He was so disappointed.” I reveal.
“Bummer. My sister was nine when she learned the truth. She still pretends he’s real for the sake of my nieces and nephew.” He looks lost in thought for a minute then catches Tyler’s eye. “Hey Tyler.”
“Yeah?”
“Ever been to Six Flags?” He smiles so wide at Carter, lighting up his whole face. Tyler loves Six Flags, his favorite place in the world. In Texas at least, since he hasn’t really been to enough places yet.
“I love Six Flags. The rides are like awesome! My favorite is the Splash Mountain.”
“Do you want to go during the holidays?”
Tyler slows his pace. “Are you serious?”
“Uh-huh. We should go. It would be a blast.” Then he looks at me, disappointment in his eyes. “Oh, you can’t ride the rides.” I smile and nod.
“I can go, I just can’t ride anything. But it’s okay, it could be fun for you two.” He takes my hand firmly in his, lacing our fingers together. The contact sends electrical shock through my body. I sneak a glance at Meg who is standing on the other side of Carter. We exchange a knowing look when she notices our joined hands, at that moment she winks and smiles.
“That would be awesome Carter. I love rollercoasters and since I’m a little bigger, I can ride more.” I can’t help the stab of jealousy that sneaks into my brain, even when I try to push it away. I have no reason to be jealous, but yet it’s there staring me in the face. I just want to slap it away. Rollercoasters have always been my favorite thing as a kid. And to share that experience with Carter would make it that much more memorable. But I know there’s always later, after my pregnancy. Right now is about making Tyler happy and by the looks of it, he’s already there.
“Geez, my bucket is full.” Tyler comments. His bucket overflows with candy. We should have brought another basket. We’ve hit three streets and passed many trick or treaters. I take a moment to observe everything around me as Tyler and Carter approach another house together. I step back on the curb, letting the kids pass me. I see a princess, Buzz Lightyear, a witch with long black hair and freckles on her face, Batman with his mask and cape, cheerleader with her pom poms and her outfit a little too short for this occasion and then a lady bug. Something in my heart stirs. She looks to be about two or younger. I look at her with a feeling I don’t really anticipate, but it’s there. It’s then that I see my brother and Carter and my whole world shifts. A vision takes place in my mind. Me, Carter and our baby-having a picnic in the park, happy. I don’t know what the future holds for either of us but I know I want Carter to be a part of it. Nick is the father of my baby now, but I don’t know what is going to happen especially once graduation passes. For now, I’m putting that on hold to figure out later. I just want to focus on the here and now and right now…
“He�
�s amazing with Tyler.” Mason sneaks up beside me. He’s smiling in admiration, and probably staring at Meg’s ass.
“Yeah, he is.”
“What were you thinking about earlier? You looked like you were in another world.” Did I look like a spaced out freak? That’s embarrassing.
“Oh I was just thinking about stuff. I guess I was having an emotional moment or something. Did I look stupid?” He rocks side to side and bites his lip.
“No, you just looked like you were daydreaming but totally zoned out.” Yeah, I definitely was that. “I won’t pry or anything but I will say, I’m glad you found each other. Nick was kind of a prick. No offense.”
“None taken. And thanks, he’s really been so amazing through all of this. And I am so glad you and Meg are finally together. You’re perfect for each other.” We hear laughter drift from the crowd of kids.
“Do you love him Gracie?” The question has so many meanings. I know I love him and I know I’m in love with him. I’m just not sure if he feels that strongly about me yet. And the feeling is terrifying yet thrilling.
“Yes.”
Chapter 27
“You kids wore him out. I think he enjoyed himself.” Tyler smiled and galloped on the way back. I was afraid the candy would keep him awake all night, but we lucked out and sleep found him after dinner. I’ve never seen him happier. But it could also be the prospect of a trip to Six Flags.
Standing in Tyler’s doorway with my mother, Carter looks uncomfortable. I take his hand and say, “Come on, let’s go outside.”
“I’m going to bed. Thanks for giving him a fun Halloween.” My mother looks from Carter to me and smiles. “Good night you two.” She places one hand on each of our arms.
“Good night mom.”
It’s dark outside but there is enough light illuminating the street. We walk hand in hand, gazing up at the few stars we ever get to see in this town.
“I wish we could see more stars. They’re so beautiful to look at. But here, there’s too much light. It takes away from the beauty.” We stop in front of his truck, my backside pushes against the door and I prop my feet up on the curb, holding me up. Carter faces me, staring at me intently.
