by Annie Brewer
“You don’t know him like I do.”
“No, I know him better than you do Nick. You know him as someone who was lost and made a mistake. I know him as someone who is trying to fix himself and be a better person. You walked away. You gave me away. He is who you were supposed to be. When you left, I had to move on and deal with my future on my own. I didn’t plan on being with anyone, but it happened. He didn’t turn away when he found out I was pregnant. I kept it from him for as long as I could because I was afraid. But do you know how he found out?” I don’t give him a chance to answer before I keep talking. “He found out after he got me to the hospital and the doctor told him. But he didn’t leave me. He should have, he doesn’t deserve to be sucked into this crazy shit. But he’s been there for me the whole time. I’m sorry I had to fall in love with your cousin, I really am. And don’t take this the wrong way, but he’s better with my brother than you ever were. I loved you Nick, and in a way I always will. But it’s time to move on.” Tears fall from my eyes-damn stubborn, ridiculous tears. I turn away to shield my wet face and rub my eyes on my shirt sleeve. They say losing your first love is hard and it is. Nick always meant a lot to me and it hurt when he left me. He may be here now, but it’s too late.
“I’m sorry Gracie.” He says. I look back at him.
“Stop allowing the past to manipulate your future. I don’t know exactly what happened but I know it should be dealt with so you can move on. You’re supposed to be family. And your aunt cares about you.” He narrows his eyes angrily.
“You talked to her about this? Did she tell you that she had an affair with my dad? She’s the reason this family broke apart. And let’s not forget, Carter almost had us killed. He took advantage of me when he knew I was in no condition to drive.” I don’t register the words right away but when it sinks in, I feel like the wind was knocked out of me and I can’t find my voice. What he was saying sounded absurd to my ears. I wouldn’t believe it. I couldn’t. Sylvia is not that type of person. Something wasn’t adding up.
“It’s not true. She would never do that Nick.”
“Oh so you’re calling me a liar?” I flinch at his harsh tone. No, I’m not calling him a liar, but I’m calling his mother one. She probably knows the truth but refuses to tell her son.
“Sylvia wouldn’t do that to your mom.” I whisper.
“Nicky?” I pause at the sound of his mom’s voice drifting from the top of the stairs. I can’t see her yet but dread it when I do, knowing she’s coming.
“I’m in here mom.” Nick calls back. Wait, did his mom just call him Nicky, and he answered? I shudder.
When her feet touch the kitchen tile, she surveys the area and spots me. “I thought you were talking to someone.” She gives me a once over and her eyes settle on my belly, making me squirm under her scrutiny. “Well, hello Gracie. I haven’t seen you around in a few months. But now I see why.” I scowl at her, she ignores it.
“Hello.” Is all I say without wanting to vomit all over her floor. Nick gives me a look and I mentally flip him off.
“So who is the lucky guy that knocked you up? Or did you trick him into it so you can collect child support?” My blood runs cold in my veins and I wish I had a needle to stab into her eye. I cross my arms defiantly, and notice Nick shaking his head-begging me not to say anything.
“I don’t know, maybe you should ask your son.” She gasps in shock then looks at him.
“Nicky what is she talking about?” Oh for crap sakes. He hesitates for a minute before answering and it’s pissing me off.
“It’s mine, mom. We’re having a baby. Or Gracie is having a baby, and it’s mine.”
“You bitch. I should have known you would trick him into something like this. This is why I didn’t want you around. All girls ever do is get in the way of a boy’s dream.”
“Mom, stop.” Nick says, but she doesn’t back down. I swallow the bile threatening to come up, along with my intestines.
“You mean your dreams? Don’t pretend you give a shit about your son’s future. It’s all about you.”
Her eyes narrow, nostrils flaring but she doesn’t respond to my accusation.
“Well, Nicky now is the time to sign over your rights. You have football and a bright future just within your reach. The last thing you should worry about is settling down.” My mouth drops open in shock. This woman is one nut away from the fucked up tree.
“I think that should be Nick’s decision, not yours. “
“Mom, please stop fighting about this.”
“Are you serious? You’re almost eighteen Nick. You’re almost an adult and you still let her control you?” I take a deep breath before exploding. Knots form in my stomach and I feel lightheaded. “You see, this is why we can’t be together. At least Carter’s family accepts me and treats him like an equal, and calls him the appropriate name. God, I need to go.” I make my way to the door when Nick stops me.
“You’re dating Carter? That boy almost killed my son. He’s an irresponsible brat.”
“He was hurting, he just lost his God damn father and he was only sixteen. Yes, he lost control of himself and made a mistake. But who he is now is better than you’ll ever be.” She snorts in disbelief.
“I doubt that Gracie. You’re more naïve than I thought. He’ll always be like his mother in my eyes.” Hearing this woman talk about Carter and his mom, her own sister this way is making me wish I weren’t pregnant so I could throw myself at her and claw her eyes out.
“Sylvia is better than you. I hope one day you learn to forgive for all that has happened between you two and let it all go. Family is important and without them, there is nothing left.” I look at Nick, “When you decide to remove your mouth from your mother’s breast, let me know. Until then, we are done here.” I open and slam the door behind me.
Chapter 34
I had to know the truth. It was eating me alive. I know Sylvia is too nice to do such a thing. Erin has to be pulling my leg on this one.
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet. I want to talk to her. Get the truth, ya know?” I bring Meg’s coffee in front of me to get a whiff. I stick my finger in it and lick the whipped cream.
“What is this?” I ask her.
“Cappuncino.”
“Ugh, that is sick Gracie. You’re not going to give it back to her now that you stuck your finger in it are you?” Mason makes a disgusted face and I laugh.
“I only touched the creamy goodness. Besides my hands are clean, you know how OCD I am.” It does smell good, but I stand by my ‘I hate coffee’ notion and push the mug in front of Meg.
“I saw you fingering Meg’s coffee. Want some?” Carter approaches our table. Meg and Mason cackle at his very true assumption.
“I wasn’t fingering it. I was just taking a lick of the whipped cream.” I counter. “I used to eat that stuff straight out of the can.
“I remember that.” Meg remarks. I scoot over to give Carter some room to sit down. He lays his hand on my leg. I smile and try to hide the blush from my cheeks, but fail miserably.
“You know that stuff kills brain cells. Also you can get lightheaded if you do it too much.” I did get headaches but it was worth it.
“Yeah, no complaints here. I’ll get a thousand headaches for a can of whipped cream.” Carter smirks at me. I lay my head on his shoulder.
“Good to know what you’d do for a can of whipped cream.” He teases.
I lift my head to look at him. “I need to talk to you.” I tell him softly.
“Okay, do you want to go outside?” I nod and grab my coat as he gets out of the booth. I lean into Meg and whisper, “We’ll be right back.” She pats my hand and wishes me luck. Carter offers his hand to me and I take it as we make our way outside. I start pacing the sidewalk, hoping he doesn’t get in trouble for being out here instead of working.
“Okay so I went to Nick’s house yesterday.”
“Oh. How did that go?” He’s
calm but I can see a flicker of something-maybe jealousy or uncertainty.
“Not good. I mean it was okay with Nick. I told him I wasn’t going to California but that he could come to the appointment with me. But that’s not the worst of it.” He cocks his head to the side in wonderment.
“Erin was there. She was pretty angry when she found me and Nick. She said some horrible things.” His face goes placid. He starts pacing, running his hands through his hair furiously.
“What did she say? I’ll kick her ass if she hurt you. I don’t care if she is a woman and my aunt. She needs to stop treating you like shit.”
“No, I mean what she said about me was nothing compared to what she said about your mom.” He stops pacing and looks in the window.
“I need to go back to work.” I can’t help but feel like he’s hiding something.
“What happened?”
“Gracie, leave it alone.” I grab his arm when he passes by.
“Please Carter, tell me the truth. Did she really sleep with your uncle?” I know I should leave this alone and walk away. But I can’t. He snaps his head to meet my eyes, glaring.
“Is that what she told you?” I swallow hard and nod.
“Just tell me what happened.”
“Why are you so persistent? It’s the past. It doesn’t affect you.” Hurt by his tone, I step back leaving some distance between us.
“It does affect me. I’m having a baby and no matter who is involved or not, I don’t want this family feuding.” I cover my face with my hands, letting out a frustrated sigh. I turn to walk back inside and forget about this but Carter stops me when his warm hand reaches for my arm and pulls me back. I look up to see him grinning at me, but it looks sad.
“I’m sorry Gracie. I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just the past is filled with really screwed up memories.” He sits down on the curb, hugging his knees to his chest. I sit down next to him, our shoulders touching. “Apparently my mom and uncle were an item when they were younger, before my dad moved to town and whisked her away. My uncle wasn’t too happy. But he stepped back and settled for my aunt. After my dad died, he saw it as an opportunity to go for it again with my mom. My aunt caught them in an embrace and went apeshit, blaming my mom. But she tried to get away from him. My aunt just thinks she’s some two-timing home wrecker and she’ll never think otherwise. That’s why Nick hates my family. He thinks my mom tried breaking up his family and because he’ll never get over what I did. Part of it I blame his mom. She makes him believe everything she says.” I couldn’t agree more with that and it makes me sad.
“I’ve noticed that. She told him to sign his rights over. He’s stupid for going along with everything she says. I don’t think mama’s boy really covers what he is.” Carter takes my hand, rubbing my knuckles.
“I’m sorry you have to deal with all this shit.” I bury my face in his shoulder. “It’s okay. I just want this baby brought into a loving family.” I cover my mouth when a yawn escapes. Carter stands and reaches for my hand.
“You should go home and get some sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow.” I almost forget about our day at Six Flags with my brother. He smiles, kissing my forehead. He tries to pull away but I don’t let him off that easy, not without a real kiss.
“I like this feisty side of you.” He says breathless, breaking the kiss. I lick my lips feel satisfied. So do I.
After a dreamless sleep, I wake up feeling refreshed. I normally have weird dreams and sometimes I wake up crying or shaking. And normally I forget the nightmare, unless it’s really traumatic but lately I’ve been bombarded with nightmares regarding my baby. They scare the shit out of me, to the point of turning my TV on and hugging my pillow until exhaustion consumes me. It might be that I am a nervous wreck with everything going on because at times, the nightmare is so mixed up-there’s a body part in the wrong place, missing limbs and even one nightmare consisted of Erin stealing my baby while I was sleeping. I would wake up with sweat pouring down my face and my stomach would ache. But luckily last night, there was nothing.
I grab my clothes which are just some jean maternity pants and a pink sweater, change in the bathroom and head to the kitchen. “Come on Tyler.” I call from the doorway of the kitchen. I’m so excited about Six Flags, but my brother is probably much more stoked. He hasn’t stopped talking about it since Halloween night. Tyler is playing hooky today from school. But my mom was more than happy to oblige. He was usually never absent from school unless it was dire. But this is a good cause. I’m still on house arrest. My parents talked to my teachers and the principle, a.k.a Carter’s mom and they all said I could do my homework from home and have Meg turn it in for me and after the holidays I can go back.
“I’m ready.” Tyler stalks into the kitchen and grabs a juice box.
“I packed lunches for us. The food there is so expensive. But we have plenty of fruit, sandwiches and snacks. We should be good.” He adds soda and juice to go with my bottled waters. I throw in some chips and cookies. “It might be wise to save this stuff for after the rides.” We both turn when the doorbell rings. I hear my mom leading Carter into the foyer.
“You kids ready?” He asks from the doorway as he leans casually, with his hands in his pockets. He’s wearing jeans an Old Navy long sleeved green shirt and black boots. His hair is covered beneath a baseball cap. I can’t help but feel captivated by him and his natural beauty. I feel like I’m growing by the day and I have to work hard to feel some semblance of sexy with this foreign body I’m walking around in. Guys have it so much easier.
“Yes, I believe I have everything.” I start to feel satisfied and ready to leave when I remember what I wanted to bring along. “I’ll be right back.” I go back to my room and grab my CD player, CD’s and pregnancy book to keep me occupied for the day. Oh this should be interesting. But at least it’s not summer. Being pregnant in the summer would really suck-especially in Texas. The heat is unbearable and if that were the case, I’d be keeping my ass home and letting them go. But I will be a team player for today. I come back downstairs and grab my coat, purse and backpack.
“So, why wasn’t I aware we were camping?” Carter teases.
“Ha ha. I am bringing food so we don’t have to buy any. That place rips you off.”
“Okay, you kids have fun and be careful.” My mom kisses Tyler and me as we head out the door.
“Bye mom.” Tyler calls from the street before getting in.
On the drive to the amusement park, I’m so antsy and can’t sit still.
“Are you okay?” Carter squeezes my knee, trying to calm my bouncing nerves. I look down, then at him.
“Yeah, why do you ask?”
He raises his brow. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe the shaking car gives it away.” He replies sarcastically. I dig in the backpack for something to eat, hoping to distract myself. Then I pull out my CD player with my favorite cd already in it-Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet.
“What are you listening to?” He asks. I turn the volume down enough to hear the music and Carter if he decides to carry on a conversation. I smile and look out the window.
“Living on a Prayer.”
“Bon Jovi?” He sounds excited and I nod, returning his smile.
“Yep, I love Jon. I saw him live my freshman year of high school-first and best concert ever!” It really was. My parents surprised me with tickets, so I took Meg and a friend of ours who moved away later that year. But it was definitely a time to remember.
“That sounds awesome!”
“Ever been to a concert?” He looks thoughtful for a minute before shaking his head. I’m intrigued.
“My sister took me to see Lenny Kravitz-her crush. He was pretty good live I think.” That was the last response I expected, because Cassie seems the type to like the pretty rugged guys. But hey, her taste could have changed.
“So, I was thinking.” Carter pulls me out of my thoughts and I stare at him. Why was I thinking about his sister and deciding the type of g
uys she would like? I don’t even know her that well. I have no place to judge.
“Sounds dangerous.” He chuckles.
“It could be. But no, I was thinking I might trade my truck in. I want to get a car or SUV.” I pull my still placed hands out of my back and look at him in surprise.
“What? Are you serious?”
“Yeah, well I’m not a kid anymore. I need a more realistic or reasonable vehicle. I want you to come help me pick it out.” Nerves soared in my belly and I wasn’t sure why exactly. But I knew him asking me to help him pick out a car, meant we were taking our relationship to another level. I guess saying I love you was a pretty big step-no it was, but am I ready to keep moving forward yet?
“Umm, I’m not a good judge when it comes to cars. I’m a total car dummy. I don’t even know how to drive a stick. Besides, isn’t that a step of some sort in a relationship or something?”
He looks at me in confusion. “You don’t know how to drive a stick?” I shake my head. No one thought of teaching me. I asked Nick to teach me once, but he was too busy with his own desires. I couldn’t see my parents teaching me, especially my dad. He gets impatient sometimes, so I never asked them.
“No, no one would teach me.”
“Well, I’ll have to change that. Everyone needs to know how to drive a stick.” I focus my attention on the food again. Dangit, I know I brought something that doesn’t require much effort or napkins. I finally feel a bag of something and pull out Cheezits. These’ll have to do.
“Simmer down baby, I’m feeding you.” I tell my belly. I find myself eating so often these days-which is good since I didn’t eat much in the beginning. I thank the lucky stars for the nausea to be gone.
Carter glances at me, hiding a chuckle.
“I know, I’m eating a lot. This baby is hungry so often now.”
“Well you deprived, uh, the baby of food the first few months. So naturally it’s, the baby is hungry. Or more appropriately, starving.” I snicker at him in between crunches.
“Thank you oh doctor Carter.” He winks at me and I return to my food.
