“I...wondered if that’s what she was working her way up to,” she admitted.
“I’ve never told you I love you.”
“No.” It was barely a whisper.
“Only that I want you.” Somehow he’d come to be holding her hands in a warm clasp.
“Yes.”
“Did you understand what I meant, Eve?”
In an attempt to hide the agony of uncertainty inside, she closed her eyes. “I thought I did.”
His lips, warm and soft, touched her forehead. “Then what did I tell Nic?”
Old fears and new collided with the sense of self-worth she had been accepting—a confidence Ben had something to do with. And...was that a smile in his voice?
She took a deep breath and looked at him again, seeing his worry, his...love? What if it was pity? But...she didn’t believe that. Couldn’t.
“I think—” her voice cracked, but she managed to steady it “—you told her you were sorry, that you’re actually madly in love with this spitfire of a woman who keeps you looking beyond the obvious.”
Ben laughed, the skin crinkling beside his very blue eyes, the creases in his cheeks deepening. “You’re right. I don’t think I said spitfire and didn’t mention anything about you making sure I do my job right, but I did say I was sorry. I told her it was too late.”
The relief felt like a flash flood. She took the one step forward that allowed her to lean on him. He groaned and his arms closed around her immediately.
“I was afraid that’s why you said you had to go,” Ben said hoarsely. “Because you were hurt.”
She shook her head. “No. I really do need to do laundry.” She hesitated. This was a time for honesty. “I suppose I did think you might want to be alone. If you have any doubts. I mean, you loved her for a long time. And Rachel would really like it if you were back together.”
“Maybe.” He rubbed his cheek against her hair. “You know Rachel is crazy about you. And I realized something yesterday.” He waited until Eve tipped her head back so she could see him. “You were right about her. She’s amazingly confident. Because Nic and I both love her and give her everything we can. That’s one of the things I said to Nic. She’ll always be the mother of my daughter.”
“And she’s a good one, or Rachel wouldn’t be so secure.” She swallowed. “Which makes me wonder. Remember when I said she might have nothing to give? I had to have been wrong.”
But he was shaking his head. “Maybe what you’re capable of feeling for your child isn’t the same as for a lover or spouse. Nic sees herself in Rachel. I think her most powerful drive is to make sure her daughter has a happier life.”
“That...makes sense.”
“I worry that won’t last.” He crooked a smile that smoothed the lines of worry on his face. “If not, Rachel has me.” Pause. “Us.”
Such a simple word, to be so powerful. Please, let him mean that, she prayed.
“The day I met you at Seth’s, I parked there in front—remember?—and I helped Rachel out of the backseat. Then I turned around and saw you. You were looking at us—maybe even waiting for us—and my stomach balled up. You’ve never quite believed I could fall in love with you, have you?”
Her sinuses burned. “It was hard, but... I’ve been getting there.”
“Because I did. I love you, Eve. And I’m hoping a whole lot that I’m not in this alone.”
The thread of uncertainty in his voice shook her. Why had she always believed he was the confident one? He’d told her about his mother deserting him. About Nicole leaving him for the thinnest of reasons. Maybe nobody reached their ages unscathed.
And I couldn’t have fallen for a man who had, she realized.
“I love you,” she said, with all the certainty she could inject into her voice. “I do.”
“Damn.” This time he squeezed his eyes shut and bent until his forehead just bumped hers. “I was so damn afraid.”
She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed, feeling the hard beat of his heart.
“What you said Saturday. About why you couldn’t spend the night.”
Eve remembered; of course she did. “I don’t want to confuse Rachel.”
“You were right.” His chest moved as he drew a long breath. For courage? “Can we make that commitment, Eve?”
She wanted to ask what kind of commitment he was talking about. Instead, she murmured, “We’ve only been seeing each other for two months. Are you sure, Ben?”
“I’m sure.” He straightened and tugged her toward the sofa, but instead of drawing her down beside him, he pulled her onto his lap. “You have to admit, it’s been an eventful two months. We’ve...gotten a lot deeper in each others’ lives than people usually do that fast.”
“Hurt each other,” she had to say, although he was right.
“I hurt you,” he corrected, with that voice as rough as a calloused hand. “I never wanted to.”
“You knew enough about me to go for the jugular.” Eve didn’t like remembering the stiletto sharpness of his accusation.
“But not enough to know how ridiculous I was being.” He kissed her gently. “Are we past that?”
Trying to smile, she bobbed her head. “You listened.” Did he know how important that was? “You gave Joel back his life.”
“You mean, I did my job. With a little help from you.”
This smile was a little better. She tucked her head in the crook of his shoulder and neck, and waited.
“We could give Rachel some brothers or sisters,” he suggested.
She sat back up again, so abruptly he grimaced and shifted her on his lap.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eve demanded.
“What do you think it means?”
“I don’t know!”
“It means I want you to marry me.”
“That’s your idea of a proposal?” She tried to scramble off him, but his big hands held her in place.
“No. Of course not. Hold still.” When she reluctantly obeyed, he lifted his hands from her hips to cradle her face. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I was trying not to ask you yet. I figured it was too fast for you. That you need more time to be sure of me. Then my big mouth—” He grunted. “Maybe Rach gets it from me.”
Eve pressed her lips together to suppress a smile.
“I just— I was going to ask you to move in with me. Or...me with you.” The vulnerability on his almost too handsome face was all she could have wished for. “But I wanted you to know I’m sure.” His shoulders sagged. “And none of that makes any sense, does it?”
She could no longer resist either the tears or the smile. “It makes complete sense,” she said, in a small, choked voice. “And... I’m sure, too. Just... I don’t want to get married until after Bailey and Seth. Okay?”
“Yeah,” he said huskily. “Can I at least buy you a ring?”
“Yes, you may,” Eve said primly—just before she pressed her lips to his for the single sweetest kiss of her life.
* * *
THEY DECIDED HER apartment was better than his. They agreed, too, that they’d buy a house once they were married. He mentioned a swing set; she confessed to having caught the gardening bug from her mother.
Without any pressure from him, Eve decided it was time to get serious about creating the nonprofit. Getting their act together enough to earn tax-exempt status would be a big job to start with. Then she and her two partners had to build a base of supporters and start writing for grants. Never mind all the little stuff, like coming up with a name, a logo, finding a space that would meet their projected needs. Even with hard work, they were a year or more away from any kind of launch. She’d keep her job until then, and maybe part-time for a while afterward, until they knew they could make it. But Eve was ready for that begin
ning. When better to change her life?
She and Ben also made the decision to keep mum about their engagement until the following weekend, when Bailey would be in town and they were all invited to the Lawsons’ for Sunday dinner.
This was to be Bailey’s final weekend visit, Seth told Ben. “Praise the Lord,” he added. He, Eve and her parents were all attending her graduation in May, and after that Bailey would be here for good.
“It’s been a long haul,” he said gruffly.
“Nine months.”
“Since we met.”
His expression distant, Seth had to be remembering the day the desk sergeant called to say that a Bailey Smith was here to talk about Hope Lawson. If Hope had never come home, Ben wondered, would he ever have met Eve?
Yeah, he thought. He’d still have arrested Joel. Unless the butterfly effect of them not already knowing each other had changed everything else, too. All he knew for sure was, he’d been hit as hard the first time he saw her as Seth had been when Bailey aka Hope had showed up here, scared, defiant but hungry for family.
As if his thoughts had followed the same path, Seth suddenly focused on Ben. “You and Eve getting anywhere?”
“Yeah,” Ben said mildly. “I think so.” He grinned. “Bailey demanding an update? You can tell her she has to see for herself.”
“You’ll be there Sunday?”
“I will. I asked Nic if I could have Rachel again this weekend so she can come, too. Karen and she hit it off big-time.” He’d half expected Nicole to revert to her usual attitude, but instead she’d been subdued, that sadness in her voice. And, yeah, he’d still felt a pang, but that was all.
“You know,” Seth suggested, “if you married Eve, Rachel would have a grandmother.”
Ben’s phone rang, saving him from having to comment. He’d already had the same thought. Rachel would love to have a new set of grandparents. His father was fond of her, but not very comfortable with little girls. With Nic having no parents at all... Yeah, a grandma who baked and quilted and grew roses would make a difference for his little girl.
But not as much difference as Eve would. A woman who would fight to the death for “her” kids, Ben thought with satisfaction.
The petite, beautiful, warmhearted woman he loved.
He answered his phone. “Detective Kemper.”
* * *
EVE LEANED FORWARD until the seat belt cut into her midsection. “Seth and Bailey are already here.”
Amused, she saw Ben glance in the rearview mirror. “If you-know-who hadn’t lost Elsa again...”
His daughter sniffed. “I know you mean me.”
“Who else?” They rolled to a stop at the curb right in front of the Lawsons’ modest, well-cared-for rambler. “Here we are,” he said.
Rachel unfastened her seat belt in a hurry. “Karen is nice. She said I can call her that ’stead of Mrs. Lawson. Except maybe now I can call her Grandma. Do you think I can?”
Eve exchanged a smile with Ben before they got out. Now the only challenge would be making their own announcement before his eager daughter made it for them.
Ben rested a hand on her shoulder. “Remember, Eve needs to tell her parents and sister our news herself.”
Her forehead crinkled. “Well, she should do it fast.”
“Hear that?” he murmured in Eve’s ear.
She laughed. She’d laughed a lot this week. She felt as if she was walking on air. Ben had brought some of his clothes over and spent every night with her until Friday, when he picked his daughter up for the weekend. Eve had had to work Saturday, so after having dinner with them Friday night and talking with her about their plans, she hadn’t seen them again until they arrived for her up a few minutes ago. He’d given notice to his apartment manager, and after this weekend, Rachel would have a bedroom at Eve’s.
They started up the driveway together, until Ben abruptly came to a stop. Eve turned to him in surprise, to see him smiling down at her.
One hand still on Rachel’s shoulder, he held the other out to Eve. “This is how we met.”
“It is.” She rose on tiptoe to kiss him lightly, then bent to hug Rachel. “Do you remember?”
She nodded earnestly. “I thought you were so-o pretty.”
“I thought so, too,” Ben agreed, the crinkles beside his eyes showing his amusement, but there was a glint in his gaze for Eve, too.
The front door opened. Bailey called, “Here we are, dying of impatience, and the three of you are just standing out there!”
Eve hurried the rest of the way to throw her arms around her sister. “And you’re still not here for good.”
Bailey wrinkled her nose. “I wish. Then I’d be done with finals, too.” She greeted Rachel and Ben and led them into the house.
Ben inhaled. “Man, that smells good. What are we having?”
“Pot roast.”
“In your honor,” Eve said to her sister.
Ben quirked an eyebrow.
“It was my favorite from when I was a kid,” Bailey explained. “I think it was when Mom served it that my memories started to come back. Taste is apparently powerful.”
Their mother appeared, and soon they were exchanging greetings all around. Joel was here, of course, his discomfiture obvious. Eve was amused to see him sticking close to Dad. Eve tried to keep her left hand tucked out of sight, but knew it wouldn’t be long before somebody noticed her ring.
She broke free to hug first her father, then Joel. Suddenly, there was a shriek. Bailey.
“You’re wearing a ring!”
Laughing, Eve turned. “I am,” she agreed. Ben came to her side and gripped her right hand while she held out her left. Rachel stood on his other side, looking as proud as if she was entirely responsible for the happy ending.
Mom burst into tears and hugged them both. Dad hugged Eve and shook Ben’s hand. Seth punched Ben lightly in the shoulder and complained, “You could have told me.” Bailey jumped up and down and kissed and hugged them both, too.
In other words, total chaos.
It took them a while to make their way to the dining room. Bailey, Eve and a beaming Rachel helped bring out the food.
After the expected discussion of possible wedding dates and venues, Eve finally had a moment to ask Joel how he was doing.
Alarmed at being the focus of all eyes, he mumbled, “It’s really good. I’m mostly caught up with school.”
Seth clapped him on the back. “I’ve put him to slave labor. He’s mowed the lawn twice. We’re thinking about painting the house this summer.”
“I wish I could get a summer job,” Joel explained, “but I have to leave to start football practice too early.”
Bailey gave her fiancé, then Ben, a fulminating stare. “I can’t believe either of you thought for a minute Joel would hurt anyone.”
Joel blushed again.
“I could use some temporary help at the shop once you’ve graduated,” Kirk said unexpectedly. “Probably only part-time, but if you’d be interested...”
Joel appeared stunned. “Really? I mean, that would be great. If you’re not, you know, hiring me to be nice when you don’t really need anyone.”
“Oh, I’ll have work for you,” Kirk warned.
Seth grinned across the table at Joel. “You know the Lawsons have adopted you now, don’t you?”
Joel’s dark eyes widened. “It’s, like, just for this summer.”
Seth shook his head. “Joel, as far as I’m concerned, you’re ours.”
“Of course you are,” Bailey said firmly. “Holidays, summers, whenever you need a place to go. That’s what I always wanted.”
Poor Joel was about ready to cry.
“Of course, we’ll expect tickets to every U of O home game,” Seth added with a
grin.
Karen beamed at him, then Rachel. “What a wonderful head start! Two grandchildren already.”
Joel looked stunned, then ducked his head and took what he probably imagined was a surreptitious swipe at his cheek. Eve felt tears gathering, too.
“And you know,” Seth added, “once you have Karen Lawson on your side, man, you have a fierce defender for life. This is the woman who never once gave up on finding her daughter.”
Bailey reached a hand kitty-corner over the table for her mother’s. “It’s true.”
Eyes red-rimmed, Joel lifted his head to look at Eve. “Ms. Lawson is like that, too.” He had to clear his throat before he could finish. “I guess she got it from her mom.”
Damn it, just like that, Eve was crying. The most extraordinary feeling of warmth flooded her chest as she accepted what this boy had put into words as if it had always been obvious. So much that she was came from her parents—the kind man smiling at her, the mother who jumped up to circle the table and hug first Joel and then Eve.
Ben handed Eve his napkin and kissed her wet cheek. For her alone, he murmured, “Never thought of your mom as a spitfire too, did you?”
Eve laughed through her tears. “I should have.” Of course Mom was. She’d fought for Hope, and she’d fought just as hard for Eve.
Bailey and she looked at each other, Bailey’s expression momentarily as naked, as vulnerable, as Eve felt. Bailey nodded; Eve did the same.
“I don’t know about everyone else,” Seth said, “but I’m starving.”
Glowing with happiness, Karen passed the first dish.
Beneath the tablecloth, Ben’s hand found Eve’s. He leaned toward her to say softly, “You have quite a family.”
Eve brushed his cheek with her lips. “You mean, we have quite a family.”
She would never forget the expression on his face when he looked around the table, then back at her. In his eyes was the astonished beginnings of belief, she thought.
“We,” he agreed, voice husky, before finally letting go of her hand to accept a serving dish.
* * * * *
Keep reading for an excerpt from SCOUT’S HONOR by Stephanie Doyle.
In Hope's Shadow Page 27
