“Get up. Wash your face. Put this dress on and follow me.” Clara ordered her. Clara thought by doing this it will take Becky’s mind of all the sadness. However, Becky did not feel like going out, although Clara insisted. Clara knew a hundred places to party in that state even though she did not live there. Becky got ready with a forced smile and both girls stormed out of their room. In a rush, Becky had forgotten her phone.
Coming back home after a tiring day at university and then working with dad, Chris laid on his bed and dialed Becky’s number, hoping to listen to her beautiful voice at the end of the day. He missed her terribly. But the phone rang and rang but nobody picked up…
Chapter 5
“Try some! Seriously!” Clara shouted over the loud music so that Becky could hear what she was saying. They were in a club where almost everybody danced or were getting themselves drunk. Clara was telling Becky to try the vodka shots she had ordered, but Becky was not in the mood. The only times she had tried alcohol were with Chris, and those memories stung her. Thinking of him, she reached for her phone in her pocket but did not find it there. Just as she was about to check in another pocket, Clara pulled her hand and took her to a group of people who she introduced as her friends. Clara was trying her best to take Becky’s mind off Chris. She wanted to see Becky have fun but mainly her not to cry and talk to other people.
Two to three hours passed in the club, Clara became a total party freak and could spend the whole night there. However, for Becky and for having dinner, they left the club and headed home. On the way home, Becky checked the other pocket but her phone was not there. After contemplating for a while, she realized that she had forgotten her phone at home, on her bed under the pillow. Automatically, her pace increased towards her home to check her phone for any texts of Chris. Becky hoped she did not make him feel alone if he had text her while she was in the club.
Taking her heels off, Becky ran to her bed and took her phone out from under the pillow. She felt devastated when she read there was a notification of five missed calls and seven texts from Chris.
Pangs of guilt rushed through her as she read his texts. He had initially asked her to pick up the calls then assumed that she was asleep. He had sent her the sweetest goodnight text that made her feel bad about going to the club while he was calling her all that time.
“Hey,” Becky said in a low voice. She had called him back. Chris had picked it up on the second ring. This meant that he either was waiting for her call or could not sleep without talking to her.
“Hey! You woke up? If so then go back to sleep. Don’t ruin your sleep.” Chris always made sure she had enough rest, which she often sacrificed having just to talk to him.
“Chris, I am sorry, I didn’t sleep. My roommate took me out, to a club, and I forgot my phone here in a rush… I am sorry.” Becky was actually sorry. She was in desperation to talk to him after that long Saturday. How could she forget her phone, the only means of communication with her favorite person in the world? Chris stayed silent for a while as if trying to gather the broken pieces of his heart, but he understood. One of the traits of his personality that Becky absolutely loved was his power to rationalize others’ mistakes and not be angry with them. He was the best man in the world, for her.
“It’s okay, Beck. It’s fine. It happens.” Becky knew he would have said more words if his heart was not broken.
“How are you? And everyone?” Becky tried to turn the topic around, she did not want to break into tears and make him more miserable. She tried her best to act like everything was okay and that she was happy where she was.
“I’m good. And everyone’s better.” Becky missed the cheerful tone he always used in his conversations. “What about there?” said Chris. He wanted to say so much more and ask so much more but the words could not form as his emotions were too heavy to be handled at that moment, so he kept it simple.
“Same here.” Becky said, and then a silence pause arose again. Chris broke the silence and said what he was afraid of.
“Beck… I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” She could not guess what he was afraid of, there were so many things he could be afraid of in such a time.
“Afraid of losing you. Afraid that things will change… afraid that you will change.” Chris said then stopped as silence entered the conversation. They could hear each other’s breaths. He had said something they were both actually afraid of since the beginning of all this since her father told her to go to the ANU.
“Nothing will change, baby. I won’t change. And neither will you. I promise. Everything’s gonna be just the same. You and me. Chris and Beck. Nothing will change.” She said. “I won’t ever change,” She repeated that phrase a couple of times to Chris and to herself.
Chapter 6
The clock ticks, the weeks change, and the pages are turned on the calendar. University life is going just like it should, except that Chris and Becky have not seen each other for quite some time. Instead, Clara had volunteered to help Becky make some friends, especially guys.
Since the day, Becky told Clara about Chris, and how much she loved him and missed him here, Clara had started doing everything possible to make her feel less empty without the need for Chris to be there. Clara knew her case was weak; she knew that Becky will meet Chris when the university ends, which meant approx. three to four years. In the meantime, Becky had to have someone; a guy who needs be affectionate with while taking careful consideration of the gentle nature of Becky. Clara knew any man would love to be with her. Guys like girly girls, most of them do.
Clara took Becky with her when Clara went out with her own boyfriend, Joshua. Clara may be a party lover but when it comes to Joshua, she loved him. Clara and Joshua had been together for a year and a half. Clara had told Becky that she totally loved Joshua and so did he. Becky, besides being happy for them, missed Chris a lot. Becky thought how it had been about a decade since Chris and her were together.
Clara’s motive for making Becky tag along was to make Becky meet Joshua’s friends, who were nice guys and were in the university too. Becky did not seem interested in any one of them. Some were too clingy while some were too caring, actually stupidly caring. She did not like talking to guys in a flirty way as she knew what Clara was trying to do, but she could not turn her down. She saw the advantage of Clara’s attempt when she met Ken.
Ken and Becky were not supposed to meet. Ken had canceled last minute when they were all going out for movies; the rest of Clara’s friends that came were already familiar with Becky.
Halfway through the movie, someone walked up the aisle and sat on the empty seat beside Becky. In the dark hall, Becky saw him waving to Clara and everyone.
“Hey, I’m Ken,” he said and shook Becky’s hand. After the movie, it was Clara who fully introduced Ken to her.
Becky saw something in his personality. He was not trying or pretending to be friendly with her like other guys she met. He did not force any conversation and neither did he insist on knowing her hobbies. Becky liked how he carried his sophistication character with which made Becky attracted to him. Becky herself was a peace-loving person and craved for decent, low-voiced conversations, which Ken provided. They got along. They talked whenever the group went out and were often seen together, talking, smiling, and sharing. They even sat together in the class sometimes; they had a common subject. It did not take long when they exchanged numbers and started to call each other. Clara looked at these messages and thought that she has succeeded in finding someone to talk to.
Chris was in contact, but scarcely those days. Becky would try calling him every day but either he did not pick up or talked via texting. Becky did not complain and went on. The conversations were usually short, about the day and about the teachers and the weather.
She shared a lot with Ken, but never about Chris. And she never knew why.
“I am so happy you love prawns too!” said Ken as he sat opposite to her on the table at a fine-dining restaurant.<
br />
“How can someone not?!” Becky felt cheerful. She had accepted Ken’s date invite and they were out together without the whole group for the first time.
Becky glanced at his face as he talked with the carrot. Ken had beautiful facial features. His round black eyes and the dimples that appeared on the smallest turn of his lips added to his sophisticated, attractive personality. But all this time, while eating, talking and laughing Becky did not stop thinking of Chris. Her mind pondered on counting the times they had eaten together and failed. They were uncountable.
“Beck? Beck?” She looked up and saw Ken was calling her, she had been looking at her plate and thinking. She had heard the name only used by Chris. “I can call you that, right?” Ken had no idea.
“Sure. Sure.” Becky forced a smile, telling herself that it was just a nickname, nothing more. Everything was going smoothly until the next time they went out.
“I love you,” he said. H swallowed hard, trying to anticipate her reaction. They were starting on their deserts when he requested for her attention and said it. Becky made sure she had not gone crazy by looking around. She finally understood the meaning of what Ken had just told her. He loved her. He had proposed to her. She does not know for how long they sat on their chairs not speaking a word while looking into each other’s eyes.
Chapter 7
Time is a greedy thief; it steals itself away and is always looking for more. Becky could not believe she was packing. Four and a half years had passed in this city. University life was over. How did all this happen so quickly? she thought. She sat on the edge of the bed in her room at the hostel; she thought of the first time she entered the room, how she spent sleepless nights here. All the nights she stayed up studying or watching movies with Clara and gossiping with her had passed. Clara had already packed her suitcase and had gone out with her party companions for the last time.
She thought back on how she only spoke Chris’s name in countable amount after she cried talking about him in front of Clara. Clara had helped Becky get over her memories about Chris. Ken had made her feel good. But deep inside, as she sat on the edge of the bed, she acknowledged that she did not feel any such feelings for Ken as he did for her. When Ken had proposed to Becky two years ago, Becky had responded in a neutral way. She never actually, openly expressed anything. She did like him and loved spending time with him, but she could never feel anything for him, nothing like what she felt for Chris.
Becky had not heard his voice in months. The last time they communicated was through text. The conversation only lasted for ten rounds, ten texts. She did not know what he was up to, where his life had taken him, whether or not he had found himself a girlfriend, how his grades were and if he, too, thought about her. She suddenly realized the huge change of events that had occurred in the last few years. She wanted to cry but at the same time, she did not feel like shedding a tear. In fact, it had been a long time since the last time she cried.
Winter was Becky’s favorite season since childhood. She never liked too much heat. Hiding in a hoodie and covering her neck by a muffler, she walked out of the university gates. The same gates she walked into all alone four years ago. Time flies. She was scheduled to fly back to where she came from. Her mind may have tried to bring up thoughts about Chris, but her conscience had buried them, for reasons unknown.
Ken had promised Becky he would visit her every now and then. He was interested in her just like how he was then. Becky even felt like he would ask her hand for marriage, she decided to say no either way. Yet, he did not ask for her hand, not yet at least. Clara had almost cried while hugging Becky goodbye. She wanted to mention Chris but seeing how good Becky was doing, she did not bring him up. Ken had also gone for a hug as they parted, Becky did not oppose to his hugs.
Changing cities and going away from Chris had made her strong enough to get over people easily now. She did feel a bit sad for leaving her friends but did not feel quite as sad as going away from Chris for the first time. She knew there were always enough people to be friends with. But what she also knew was that some people can never be replaced. Never.
“My baby!” Her father had hugged her as she went up to his room and faced him after all these years. She never told him but she had not forgiven him for not listening to her four years ago. When there were holidays in university and everybody in the hostel went home to meet their families, Becky stayed behind. She did not go home; she knew it was the best decision for her.
Becky did not have many friends back home, who she would have gone to meet as soon as she returned. It was just Chris. They had not been in contact and she does not know what time he will be found at his home. She decided to visit him, although she took her time to go over as she adjusted her from where she left it. A lot of things had changed. She took a full two days before visiting Chris. She prepared everything up in her mind, what to say and how to face him. She expected that he would have finished with the university too. He must be either be looking for a job or helping his father in some little business of his.
Four years, four months, and nine days, Becky counted. This was the time period for which she had been away, and almost a year since she heard Chris talk.
Chapter 8
She had to walk around the church and across the public school to reach the street in which Chris’s boathouse was. She walked on that path after four years and noticed a lot of things that had changed. The church had changed color from brown to full white, the new paint job made the church look pretty peaceful. The public school had also been renovated that included a parking lot. She wondered if Chris’s boathouse had submitted to any changes. She wondered if Chris himself changed as well.
Knocking on the little door of the boathouse, Becky waited outside, wondering. She wondered about a dozen things. Chris must have grown a beard, or maybe not. He must have made some changes in the boathouse, maybe he bought a new laptop for his studies? Does he still have that haircut he used to have? I wonder what his father is doing these days? He must have lost weight due to all of his studies, he was always kind of a nerd. He also may have gotten a pet, he always talked about having a dog, although there was no sign of a dog outside the boathouse. Will he smile when he sees me standing at his door? Will he invite me in? Hug me? Will he fix his eyes on my face trying to cover up the lack of communication in all those years? Will he say something in his heavy yet amazing voice? Will he smile his perfect smile? Will he recognize me?
She remembered how he never took longer than 5 seconds to open the door, partly because the house was not too big to cross from one side to the door. She also used to text him that she was coming, he knew it took her exactly ten minutes to walk to his house. Yet, today he was taking too long. She waited for five whole minutes when a lady wearing an apron came up to Becky. She took a key out of her pocket and unlocked the door.
“I’m here to clean the house. I guess you’re looking for the residents here. They are gone somewhere in the neighborhood for some time, to attend a wedding, will be back soon.” The woman walked into the boathouse and left the door open, so Becky walked inside. She must have been the maid that had come to clean the house of any dust. She did not mind Becky’s presence. Becky felt half happy and half bad about the fact that Chris was not at home. She felt happy because she was saved from a probably awkward meeting, facing him and asking him why he ceased contact when he was the one afraid that she will change. She felt half bad because she had mentally prepared herself to confront Chris and talk to him, but he was not there to talk. Nonetheless, she was excited.
She was inside the boathouse, wandering from spot to spot. Each spot brought back a lot of memories, out of which the strongest one was when they sat and lied on his bed, hugging each other and crying on each other’s shoulders. Just how time change, she wished Chris was there at that moment. That bed carried a lot of other memories too. They used to play cards on this bed; they often cuddled when one of them was sad, and they rested on that bed after a long and tiri
ng football game that regularly consisted of just the two of them. They even cried on that bed the last time they saw each other. Moving towards to his study table, she noticed that near to nothing had changed in the house. The study table still had a picture of her with him, holding the football. It gave her hope that Chris remembers her. She thought of the times when they would both share that study table to study for exams in college. She loved listening to him explain to her every topic that she found difficult. He once told her that he will not help her in university and that she should get used to studying by herself. She did. The little dining table with four chairs reminded her of the times when they ordered food at her request while they studied. She always paid, she knew that the money of the ordered food could be an extra amount in his budget. Becky knew his father’s terms. They used to sit on that dining table and talk for hours after they eat. There was not a single thing he did not know about Becky, but surely now there must a hundred things he does not know.
Chapter 9
Becky was reading a book in her own room when a servant knocked on her door and came in. The servant told Becky that her father wanted to see her. Becky thought of nothing dangerous he could tell her to do now. He had already made her do the most difficult thing in life and there was nothing more left that he could take away from her. This was proven wrong when Becky’s father suggested something to her.
“Mr. Brandon told me about the terms of friendship between you and his son. I hope you know who I am talking about.” Becky stared at her father’s face, wondering why he only called her to his room to talk about who she is friends with, and why not for any other cause.
“Ken,” Becky said, stating the obvious.
“Yes, Ken Brandon.” He paused for a while and then continued. “His father and I know each other from business, he is a really nice man, and I’m sure his son would be the same. I wanted to tell you something.” At this point Becky did not investigate any further, she knew exactly what he would ask her, but she still listened. “I wanted to tell you that there are times in life when one should do things for himself, for his own good. It is that time of your life… You need to decide for your future. Studying at that university was an excellent choice, and I appreciate it, and I want you to make another choice for yourself. Marry Ken Brandon.” Becky saw this coming. What astonished her more was the word he used, ‘choice’. When was it ever her choice? She had resisted going to that university, and she was not ready to marry Ken, and yet he called it her choice. “I don’t rightly know Mr. Brandon, but I know that he’s a man of his word. So I suggest you call Ken and ask him to send his parents over so that we can talk over dinner. It would be great.” Becky listened and gave one of those looks she would when she did not like what the other person had said or done. Her father was very well aware of that look Becky had but decided to ignore it, making it seem as if it did not affect him or what he was saying. “What do you say, Becky?” She had no idea what to say. She sat on the sofa as she did four years ago, her hands folded in her lap as she listened soundly.
What the Heart Desires Page 14
