by Amelia Autin
“I don’t need a second chance. I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you?” Dirk raised one eyebrow in inquiry. “Do you really? I doubt it.” Before Jason could respond, he said, “You know, I warned Alana about you.” When Jason gave him a questioning frown, he nodded again. “Yeah, way back at the beginning. I told her you’re an extremely complicated man with a lot of emotional baggage. Which is nothing but the truth. I also told her I didn’t think you’d break her heart deliberately.” His voice hardened. “Which turns out to be a damned lie. Alana loves you. Do you know how rare and precious that is? Who the hell do you think you are to play God with her life?”
Jason flinched, but that was the only reaction he allowed himself. “Look, I don’t know what Alana told you, but I—”
“Nothing. Not a damned thing except that even though you’re no longer engaged to her, she still considers herself engaged to you.” Dirk stood there for a minute as if waiting for something. But when Jason said nothing, he made a sound of disgust and strode toward the door. He turned around at the last minute, his hand on the doorknob. “Think about what you’re doing, Jason, before it’s too late. Think about your reason for breaking off your engagement, whatever it is. Weigh that against a woman who believes in you so completely she refuses to accept it. A woman who could have just about any man she wanted...but she’s set her heart on you. Then decide what you’re going to do.” With that he was gone.
Jason stared at the closed door through which Dirk had left, his thoughts in turmoil. Think about what he was doing? Except for his work with RMM, he’d done nothing but think about it since Alan Richardson had shown up a week ago to tell him he wasn’t worthy of Alana.
Alana.
Would the ache of missing her never go away? Was he doomed to spend the rest of his life seeing her everywhere he turned? Hearing her voice in his mind? Yearning for the touch of her hand, the smile that lit up her face and tore at his heart?
He didn’t just miss her in his bed, though the nights had been endless ever since he’d told her he couldn’t marry her after all. So why had he done it? Why the hell had he done it?
He’d laughed when Alana’s father at first offered him a quarter million US dollars to break off their engagement. An offer that had soon risen to a half million. You’d better take it, the other man had threatened, because if you marry Alana, I’ll make sure you never touch a penny of Richardson money, you hear me? I’ll disinherit her if she marries you. Cut her off without a dime. Then where will you be? No better off than you are now!
He’d laughed again at the meaningless threat, shaking his head in refusal. I’m no fortune hunter, Mr. Richardson. In fact, I—
But his laughter had merely fueled the older man’s rage, who’d then viciously spat out, Alana doesn’t love you. She couldn’t possibly. You’re just part of a rebellious phase she’s going through, like taking this job here in Hong Kong. She’ll come to her senses eventually. And when she does, she’ll be ashamed. Not just that she tied herself to a man like you, but of any children you have, too.
Ashamed. He couldn’t bear the thought that Alana might someday be ashamed of having loved him. Married him. Borne his children. He couldn’t bear it.
“But she’s not like that,” he murmured to himself now. “She’s not like him. She’d never be ashamed.” So why had he let those intentionally hurtful words influence his actions? Why had he played right into her father’s hands and broken off their engagement?
Profound shock transfixed him when the answer finally dawned. “You’re ashamed,” he whispered. “You. Not her. You.”
He shook his head vehemently as if he could banish the insidious little voice inside his head that way, the voice that taunted him with the unpalatable truth. Don’t continue lying to yourself the way you’ve lied for years. You’re ashamed. That’s why. You thought your grandfathers’ prejudices never touched the man you are, but you were wrong. That’s why their words had the power to wound you. Because deep down you think they just might have been right.
He wanted to violently refute that assertion...but he couldn’t. Suddenly everything fell into place with appalling ease. His vow that no child of his would ever hear himself referred to by those hateful words wasn’t why he’d broken off his engagement; he’d already overcome that when he’d asked Alana to marry him. No, he’d walked away from her for one reason and one reason only—he’d looked at himself through his grandfathers’ eyes and found himself wanting. He’d broken Alana’s heart because he’d judged himself unworthy of her...accepting her father’s assessment of him. Of them.
All at once his brother-in-law’s words swept through his mind, and he stabbed the intercom button for his new executive assistant. “Mrs. Liang, I need the corporate jet ready to go no later than eight tomorrow morning.”
“Yes, sir” came the prompt reply. “Going where? They’ll need to file a flight plan.”
He thought for a moment. Where had Alana said her parents lived? Then it came to him. “Richmond, Virginia. That’s in the—”
“US. Yes, sir, I know it. I’ll buzz you once they have a takeoff time.”
“Good. And clear my calendar for the next week, please.”
“What about the board of directors’ meeting on Friday?”
“Reschedule it.” He’d never done that with a board of directors’ meeting before, but Alana was more important.
He hung up and immediately began planning his next move. Should I call her? Text her? he wondered. Let her know she was right and I was wrong, and I’m on my way?
No. Better to take her by surprise. Her reaction when he showed up unexpectedly might be the best indication of just how badly he’d screwed up by ruthlessly discarding the love of a woman who believed in him. Who understood the cause for which he’d worked so tirelessly. Who’d even trained in secret to dedicate her own life to the same cause—not just because of him, but because she believed in it the way he did.
He could search the world over and never find another woman like Alana. So perfect for him. And all she asked was that he let her love him and give him children created from their love.
“Stupid,” he muttered. “You’re supposed to be so damned smart. Then you go and make a colossal blunder like this.”
Filled with restless energy, he paced his office, back and forth. Back and forth. Thinking. Planning. Concluding that all he could do now was throw himself on Alana’s mercy and beg her forgiveness. Then tell her everything. Everything. Including what he’d just learned about himself. And pray as he’d never prayed before that she still loved him when he was through.
Jason stopped abruptly at the expansive window in his corner office that faced out over Victoria Harbour when something caught his attention. On good visibility days like today, the sun sparkled off the water and the boats plying the harbor, and you could see Tsim Sha Tsui, the southern tip of the Kowloon mainland, from here.
A sudden compulsion made him grab his smartphone from the desk and head for the door. “Call me on my cell when we have a departure time,” he told Mrs. Liang, stopping at her desk on his way out.
“Yes, sir. But in case something can be arranged for tonight, where will you be? Close enough to make it to the airport in time?”
“Tsim Sha Tsui for the next hour. Then I’ll head home and pack a bag.” With that he was gone.
He valet-parked at the Peninsula Hotel as he always did, then walked over to the Avenue of Stars. He didn’t know why the urge to visit the Bruce Lee statue there was so strong, just that it was. When he finally reached it, he waited for the tourists to leave, then just stood there. Staring at the statue of a man who’d come to symbolize so much to so many...including him.
Bruce hadn’t been pure Chinese, either, he remembered now. Bruce’s mother had been Eurasian, just like Jason. And Bruce had married a white woman, back when tha
t had been an unwritten taboo. A Caucasian man having a liaison with a Chinese woman—so common it was hardly worthy of comment. A Caucasian man marrying a Chinese woman, on the other hand, as Jason’s father had done, was a rare occurrence back then. But a Chinese man and a Caucasian woman? Practically unheard of. And yet... Bruce had done it. He and his wife hadn’t hesitated to bring children into the world, either. Children born of their love...just as Jason’s parents had done.
That brought him right back to thoughts of Alana and the children she wanted to give him. Could he risk it? Could he not risk it when it meant so much to her?
He breathed deeply and once again reached the decision he’d already reached twice before. But...third time’s the charm, he acknowledged. This time there’ll be no changing my mind again. This time’s the real deal. He swung around, intending to go home and pack for a week’s absence, then stopped as if he’d been pole-axed.
Alana stood there, not ten yards away.
He’d dreamed of her, waking and sleeping, and for just a moment he thought she was a figment of his imagination. But when he mouthed her name, she came closer. And closer. Until she touched his cheek and said, “Hello, lang jai.” Breaking the spell.
“Where did you come from?” he asked in stupefaction. “I mean...hell, I don’t know what I mean. How did you find me?”
“I took a cab from the airport directly to Wing Wah.” She laughed a little. “They guard their employees like a hawk—did you know that? But when I asked for you and gave the receptionist my name, she called upstairs and a woman who said she was your executive assistant came down. She’s really nice, by the way,” she said as an aside. “She told me where you were.”
“I didn’t tell Mrs. Liang I was coming here,” he protested.
“When she said Tsim Sha Tsui, I just knew where you’d be. I don’t know how I knew, just that I did.” She smiled when he just stared down at her, still not quite believing she was here. “Your Mrs. Liang offered to keep my luggage, too, so I could—” She stopped all of a sudden. “I’m chattering, aren’t I? I get that way when I’m nervous. And I’m super-nervous right now.”
“Why?”
“Why am I nervous?” Her smile faded. “Because I know why you broke our engagement. Because I know my father came to see you...and what he said.”
“Alana—”
“I know, Jason, so you don’t have to pretend. I made him tell me everything.” Her eyes were pools of sadness, as if what she’d learned devastated her as much as her father’s words had devastated him just over a week ago. She drew a deep breath and added softly, “Then I told him I was no longer his daughter.”
Jason’s throat tightened, and he couldn’t have spoken right then to save his soul. His eyes squeezed shut for endless seconds as hallelujah! reverberated in his soul. After all this time he’d finally found the woman who would count the world well lost if she had him. The woman who would sacrifice everything for him...the way his mother had sacrificed for his father. Then all he could think was, Ten years. Ten years I’ve waited for this moment. For this woman. And when his eyes opened again they were damp.
But she wasn’t done. “And I know why you think you don’t want children. But I knew that even before I went home.”
“Alana—”
She cut him off again. “No, let me finish. There could never be anything except pride for me in being your wife. Being a mother to your children. How could you believe my father when he said I’d be ashamed? I’m not my parents, Jason. Please, please believe that.”
“May I speak now?”
She laughed again, the musical sound he loved, and delicate color flooded her cheeks. “Oh. Of course!”
“I believe you. But you didn’t need to tell me. I’d already figured it out, and I was—” He snapped his fingers. “Which reminds me.” He whipped out his phone and pressed speed dial. “Mrs. Liang? It’s me. Can you cancel the corporate jet? I won’t be needing it after all.”
He smiled to himself when she said, “I’ve been expecting your call, sir, ever since Miss Richardson showed up here. I hope I’m forgiven for telling her where you were. I rather thought you might want me to.”
“You thought right. Have you already rescheduled Friday’s board meeting?”
“Not yet. I was putting together some alternative dates for the board when Miss Richardson appeared. Once she did...”
“I can see you’re going to be a gem, Mrs. Liang.” He held up one finger to Alana, indicating he’d just be a minute more. “Keep the board meeting where it is on the schedule, but cancel everything for tomorrow. I won’t be in the office.”
He disconnected and realized from Alana’s suddenly stricken expression that something was wrong. Then he cursed himself for a fool. Corporate jet. Board meeting. She’d obviously put two and two together.
“You don’t just work at Wing Wah Enterprises, do you? You—you’re someone high up in the ranks. CEO?”
He cupped her cheek. “I was going to tell you...”
She backed away from his touch and her eyes widened as something else suddenly clicked for her. “You didn’t rent that boat, did you?”
“Yacht. And no, I didn’t.”
“You...lied to me?”
He heard the hurt in her voice, saw the pain in her eyes, and winced. “Not exactly.”
“Then what...exactly?”
Nothing but the truth would serve. “I wanted to tell you a dozen times. But each time something held me back.”
“What?”
“I wanted to be loved...for me,” he admitted in a low voice. “Is that so hard to understand?”
Her eyes softened. “I loved you for you. Couldn’t you tell?”
Her usage of the past tense made his heart clutch. “Loved?”
She shook her head. “Love.”
“Then, can you forgive my deception?”
Now it was Alana’s turn to close her eyes for a moment. Then she sighed and looked at him again, a yearning expression on her face. “If you can forgive mine.”
He frowned. “I don’t—”
“I should have told you right away. As soon as I knew,” she blurted out. “But I was afraid.”
“Afraid? Of me?” His tone rose in incredulity.
She shook her head. “Afraid of what you might try to make me do.” Her voice was little more than a whisper. “Because you said you didn’t want—”
Then he got it. “Children,” he finished for her. Shock held him motionless for a moment. “You’re pregnant?”
She nodded solemnly. “I tried to tell you, but I couldn’t. You were so adamant! Then, after you rescued me the second time and you said you couldn’t let me go, I was going to tell you. I really was. But I didn’t want you to think I only cared about having a father for my baby. I wanted you to be secure in my love before I...” Her eyes beseeched him. “Can you understand?”
“You’re carrying my child.” All at once the image he’d tried so hard to suppress rose in his consciousness. Alana with their baby in her arms. He drew her gently into his embrace, almost as if in a dream. Then his arms tightened unexpectedly as wonder welled up in him. Followed quickly by a joy he’d never in a million years imagined he’d feel at the idea of fatherhood. But then...he’d never in a million years imagined Alana, either. Intense happiness and fierce pride combined to make his voice unsteady when he repeated, “You’re carrying my child.”
She buried her face against his chest. “I don’t love you because of the baby,” she whispered. “I want this baby because I love you with all my heart.”
Epilogue
Not even two hours later Alana lay naked in Jason’s arms. In Jason’s bed. In the aftermath of lovemaking so intense she’d wept again from the emotional and physical release. He’d been hesitant at first...worried
he’d somehow compromise her pregnancy if he made love to her the way they both wanted. And though she’d quickly assured him she wasn’t as delicate as she appeared, she’d been touched by his concern for the baby he hadn’t realized he secretly wanted.
They cuddled without words for the longest time. Then she stroked a hand down his cheek...the strong column of his neck...until she touched the braided gold chain he wore. She searched for and found the medallion, fingering the raised dragon on one side, the phoenix on the other. The symbols of RMM.
“My father said he offered you half a million dollars to break off our engagement,” she whispered. “But I knew that wasn’t why you did it.”
“It wasn’t.”
She rubbed her cheek against his chest and lifted the medallion to her lips. “I thought he was lying when he said you accepted his offer. But even if he wasn’t lying, I knew if you took the money it would be for RMM, not for you.”
“I considered it,” he admitted. “I thought it’d be poetic justice if I took his money and used it in a way that would gall him if he knew the true purpose. But then I realized a man like him...he’d never understand. All he’d see was what he expected to see—a man with no honor.”
“You’re right.” She drew a trembling breath. “But I still want to know why you believed him and not me.” She swallowed hard. “The whole flight back to Hong Kong, all I could think of was you thought I was the kind of woman who—” Her voice broke with emotion she couldn’t quite contain. “How could you, Jason? Don’t you know me at all?”
* * *
He tightened his arms around her. “I never thought that,” he said in his deepest voice. “Never. It was all me.” He went on to explain the revelation he’d had in his office this afternoon. Those deeply buried feelings of shame that had finally seen the light of day. “Left over from my childhood. Completely irrational. But still. There. Once I finally acknowledged them, they lost their power over me.”
