by Erin Trejo
“What are you to this club?”
“Nobody. I used to hang around here for the parties. A friend brought me years ago to one and I loved watching the guys and girls interact. I guess I was so intrigued I kept coming back. Blade always made me feel welcome and we talk all the time,” she says with a huge smile.
My insides churn, wondering if there is something more going on between the two of them. He had kissed me in the restaurant but now I feel like I need to know if there is more to them. I’m not the type of person to get in the way of a relationship and if that’s what’s going on I need to make it known to Blade that he can’t kiss me again.
“Are you…have you…” God I can’t even find the right words to say without sounding like a complete asshole.
“Have I ever been with one of the guys? The answer is no. They respect that, too. They are different from most men. Tough, alpha, and cocky? Yes, but they aren’t going to push themselves on you. They’re really good guys.”
I smile now, relieved to know there is nothing between her and Blade. I don’t know if that should matter to me because I doubt that Blade is looking for any kind of commitment, and frankly, I don’t think I am either. After Ryan, I don’t see the point and knowing that I’m pregnant makes a huge difference. Not all men would want to take care of another man’s child. But I also won’t deny that he makes me feel something.
“You should stop worrying. I can see it all over your face, Lola. If Blade asked you to go, there was a reason for it.”
My eyes shoot back to hers and the smile that crosses her face softens my insides. I like Jersey, I really do. “Thank you, Jersey. I think I was so lost in my past that I didn’t want to think about right now.”
“The past is just that.”
His voice startles me, but when I turn to look over my shoulder Blade stands there with the biggest smile on his face. I can’t stop myself from smiling back at him. He’s gorgeous with that dark hair cut close but with just enough to tug on. His eyes are deep and soulful, telling stories that his lips never could. Even the crinkles around his eyes say how much wisdom he holds within him. I’m captivated by those eyes. Blade clears his throat, ripping me out of fantasy land. I shake my head quickly trying to see what I missed.
“Are you?” he asks with that smile still in place.
“What? Am I what?” I ask confused and embarrassed that I missed the question. I can feel my cheeks heat as he chuckles.
“Doc need to check your head again?”
“Nope. I just got lost a second.”
“I said are you about ready to ride?” I nod my head excitedly before the smile on my face slowly fades.
“What? Are you okay?” Blade steps in closer wrapping his hands around my shoulders, concern dancing over his features.
“What about Diablo? Who is going to watch him?” Blade chuckles but doesn’t let go of my shoulders.
“You’re worried about my dog?”
“He’s attached to you. Doesn’t he go with you?” I ask on the verge of tears as Blade looks at me funny. I can’t tell him about the reasons why I hate leaving Diablo just yet. That’s far too many secrets to share in such a short amount of time.
“No, darlin’. He doesn’t go on to the rallies with me. He’ll be fine. Angela and one of the prospects are gonna keep him while we’re gone.”
A tremor shakes my body as those words leave his mouth. He’ll be fine. He told me that me, too. Over and over he said the same words, knowing it was a complete lie. A tear slips down my cheek when Blade pulls me from the stool. Wrapping me in his arms, he lifts me, wrapping one arm under my legs, leaving them dangling, the other around my back and walks out of the main room and down the hallway. He walks us in his room and kicks the door closed behind him before sitting on the edge of the bed, me still in his arms.
“Whatever is botherin’ you? You can tell me, Lola. I don’t want you hurtin’. If I did somethin’, please just tell me. I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you cry.”
“You didn’t. You said it earlier, the past is that. I’m sorry. There’s just things that I can’t tell you right now, not yet.” Blade shifts, lifting my face in his powerful hands. His gaze is heated and my heart races just from the look in his eyes.
“I’d never push you to give me somethin’ you didn’t want to offer. That goes for all things, Lola. I’m not him. I’m not the bad guy. If you wanna talk, I will listen. If you wanna cry, I will offer that shoulder, but I promise you, I will never take what doesn’t belong to me.”
The sincerity in his voice breaks me. The tears spill over sliding down my face rapidly, but Blade’s thumbs brush them all away. His lips inch closer to mine, his eyes never leaving my own as if he needs that reassurance that I will let him kiss me. I nod slightly, a little smirk curling the edge of his lips before they meet mine. He’s slow and patient. He gives me a chance to adjust and respond to him. The feeling of his soft lips on mine is nothing I’ve felt before. For someone so rough and rugged he’s soft and perfect. I melt into his kiss, a heat rising inside of me. One I used to feel with Ryan before it faded into hatred. Blade’s lips move over mine in just the right way, a moan slipping past my lips into his mouth. His hands tighten on my face as he presses himself closer to me. I push him back onto the bed, climbing on top of him, our lips never leaving each other’s. From where I straddle him, I can feel just how hard he is and fuck does that turn me on.
Blade doesn’t stop kissing me. I grind against his cock, loving the feeling that it sends through me but I’m hesitant. I’m pregnant. I’m a mess, and as soon as the thoughts dart through my head, I start to pull away from him. Blade moves his hands quickly, wrapping them around my waist to hold me in place.
“I’m sorry,” I say through a hiccup of sobs.
“Don’t stop, Lola. Take what you need. I have no problem keepin’ my dick in my pants. Fuck, you can dry hump me any day,” he says teasingly, but there’s a hint of truth behind his eyes.
I look down at him when he slowly starts to drag my body over his cock once more. I can’t deny that it feels like fucking heaven. Especially with all of these hormones coursing through me. I don’t want all the clothes between us but at the same time I don’t want to tell Blade that I’m pregnant and ruin what we started. Blade moves one hand from my waist, gently pushing at my shoulder until I sit all the way up on him. His cock is raging beneath me, and the thin shorts I have on aren’t helping the situation. When his hand returns, he slowly guides me along his length, his eyes burning into me. My eyes close slowly letting him take control of my movements as heat slips through my body, tangling in the most delicious way in my stomach. I start to push back into him, my body begging for the impending release that it wants.
“That’s right, baby. Take me. Take whatever you want from me. Use me.” His words do little more than heat my core. I press my hands to his chest, fisting his shirt as I move my hips faster. The ache inside of me builds. The heat turns to a fire as I let myself just feel him against me.
“Fuck, babe. This is so fuckin’ hot watchin’ you like this,” he grumbles. My eyes open and when I look at him the pure look of satisfaction adorns his face.
“Blade,” I whine until his hands press me further into his cock.
“Lola,” he whispers my name breathlessly as my body explodes. A huge wave of pleasure crashes over me as my pussy convulses.
“Oh fuck! Blade!” I say his name as ecstasy pulls me into its sweet embrace. My chest heaves for breaths and Blade’s jaw clenches. He looks so goddamn sexy right now that I want to rip his clothes off and let him have me, but I can’t. Instead I collapse on his chest, his fingers moving to run through my hair. His heart is pounding through his ribs.
“I’ve never seen anything so fuckin’ perfect in my life.” His words hit me in the heart and when I sit up to look at him, his lips crash into mine once more. His kiss is heated and needy, but he doesn’t push me…just like he said he wouldn’t. Instead he kisses me once more
and moves me to the side. I watch as he gets off the bed and looks over his shoulder with a grin.
“Gotta fix this or we won’t be ridin’ anywhere.” He winks at me and walks into the bathroom closing the door behind him.
I lay on the bed in my own little world perfectly content with what just happened. My body tingles and my heart races, but in the back of my mind I know this could never work between us. As sweet as Blade is, I know he wouldn’t want to take care of Ryan’s baby. My heart is heavy with all that knowledge, but at least for the moment, I can enjoy just being with him. I’ll give myself this little space of time, and once we come back I’ll start working and be out of here before I even begin to show. He will never have to know.
Chapter 9
Blade
The rally in Daytona is packed like they always are. Being here is second to Sturgis, but it’s a hell of a time too. We roam around just drinking and shooting the shit with the other MC’s that have come out. We never show up where there are rivals and that’s what makes these things fun. We can all hang out and just be who we are with no other worries hovering around us. Except for me, there are far too many worries. I’m on edge after the meth went missing. I’ve been on edge even before that, but for whatever unknown reason having Lola around has settled me a little. Maybe it’s her cocky ass attitude that I like. Or the fact that she doesn’t hold back with her thoughts. I don’t know for sure what it is, but there is something there that I want to explore.
Putting all these thoughts to the side, I kick back with a beer in my hand as we sit around the fire talking with the Sons of Sinners MC president, Wicked, and a few of his boys while the others mingle and have a good time.
“How is business runnin’ your way, brother?” Wicked asks, taking a drink from his whiskey bottle before passing it to me.
“Not bad. Work’s keepin’ me busy.”
“You still runnin’ that construction company?”
“Yeah, still up and runnin’. Got a big job out in Coconut Grove comin’ up,” I tell him. His eyes widen and a smile crosses his face.
“No shit? That’s one hell of an area, yeah?”
Nodding my head, I take a long pull from the Whiskey and pass it on. “Yeah. It’s somethin’ else over there. Outta my league but I’m the best at what I do,” I say with a smirk.
“Heard that. We’ve been talkin’ about rebuildin’ the clubhouse. That motherfucker is so old it’s grown mold and shit. Maybe when you get a chance you can run down and shoot me some prices,” Wicked says, his face serious.
“Hell yeah, I can do that. Can’t have your old lady livin’ in shit now that she’s pregnant,” I tell him. He nods his head.
“Yeah, doc said it ain’t good for her to be breathin’ that shit so she stays at home a lot. Hate that part when I want her close by, ya know? You got an old lady, Blade?”
Shaking my head my mind drifts to Lola. She would make a great old lady but I don’t know that much about her. The parts I do know intrigue the fuck out of me though.
“Nah.”
“You want a family at some point?” Wicked asks curiously. I know how much his family means to him. They are his world.
“Someday, yeah. I’d always wanted a few kids runnin’ around. Come home from work and just see them smilin’ at me. Somethin’ like what I used to have when I was kid.” Wicked grins and nods his head.
“It’s a lot to handle. With the boys and Gin bein’ pregnant, it can get overwhelmin’ at times ,but like you said, seein’ their faces light up when you walk in the door, that’s all that matters.”
I hear a small gasp behind me and Wicked’s eyes move over my shoulder. Turning my head I find Lola standing with her mouth open, her eyes wide. I give her a soft smile that she doesn’t return before she spins on her heel and walks away.
“That one with you?”
I turn back to Wicked and nod. “Found her beat to shit outside one of my jobs and brought her back to the clubhouse. Been around about a while now,” I say when the bottle of Whiskey comes back to me. I take a long pull before handing it to Wicked and shoving out of my chair.
“Thanks for that, brother. Let me go check on her.” Wicked smile and nods his head as I walk past the fire and towards the water. I find her sitting there, staring out at the sea, the Florida sand sifting through her fingers.
“You took off pretty quick, you okay?” She doesn’t answer so I walk closer and drop into the sand next to her.
“Did you know that not all rivers flow into the sea? Some of them dry out and disappear, never once touching another body of water,” she says, her eyes distant.
“What’s this about?”
Lola continues sifting the sand between her fingers never once looking over at me.
“Did you know there were four kinds of lies?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“White lies are the little lies that we tell to protect people. Grey lies are the ones that are harder to clarify. We tell them to protect others and ourselves but they aren’t so bad. Black lies are about simple and callous selfishness. Something we want and desire and red lies are about spite and revenge that may even end in blood.” She still doesn’t look over at me and I find myself wondering which one of those is her. Which lie belongs to her.
“We all do things for a reason. The lies might not be that bad, but if it’s a way to protect yourself, who is someone else to judge you?” With that she turns toward me, hurt and confusion dancing in those beautiful eyes.
“Have you ever been lied to, Blade?”
“More than I care to admit. I pride myself on bein’ truthful, though. It’s the one thing that I have the utmost integrity in. Lies can break down walls but they can also build them. We all have secrets, Lola.”
She shakes her head and blows out a breath. “How do you tell the difference? What’s a lie and what’s a secret when they all seem to mold together?” She asks, making my heart kick up its pace. She’s a mystery to me. She’s something else and that is what keeps pulling me into her.
“A lie is manufacturin’ somethin’ that isn’t true or concealin’ it. A secret is merely an omission. At least to me, that’s how I see it,” I tell her as her eyes fill with tears. She quickly reaches up and wipes them away before grabbing another handful of sand and watching it run between her fingers.
“How can they feel so much the same then?”
“It’s a matter of opinion.”
“Lola?”
I jerk my head around when I hear a man’s voice coming from behind us. I turn and look over my shoulder the same time Lola does to see another man in a cut staring at her. I bring my eyes to meet hers and my heart constricts.
“You aren’t bound to me, Lola. You wanna fuck some guy, be my guest. No need to lie or keep secrets, yeah?” Anger rushes through my veins as I shove myself off the ground. I don’t give her a chance to respond as I stomp toward the cabins. Brushing past the guy I don’t recognize and have no fucking urge to now, I give him an evil stare. He just chuckles but I keep walking keeping my head up. I fucked up. I thought I saw more in that girl, but I was her way out of a situation. I made the mistake of thinking she could be more and maybe, just fucking maybe I had finally found something to look forward to in my life.
“Blade!”
Her voice sounds so small as she calls out to me but I don’t turn to look at her. I don’t need to hear what the fuck she has to say. She can keep her secret or lie – whatever it is – because I don’t want to know now. I keep walking until the cabin we’re staying in comes into view. Shoving through the door, I pull my cut down my arms, tossing it on the couch and ripping my shirt over my head. Anger that shouldn’t even exist rushes me as I drop to the floor and begin doing pushups, trying to rid the fucking hatred from my system. I thought there was something more going on between us. I thought she felt that spark like I did but maybe I was fucking wrong. I should have known better. I should have known not to get attached to her. Not even in the Navy d
id I feel this much hate. I was killing people that deserved to die but this, this is something I’m unfamiliar with and I hate it.
Sweat trickles down my temple and covers my skin when I hear the door close. I don’t look up, knowing it could be one of the guys looking for me, but at this point I don’t need to see any of them either. Huffing for breath, I keep going, keep pushing myself until I can feel something that isn’t ripping me apart when I hear her.
“He asked me to hang out earlier and I told him no. He’s nobody. Just some guy from another club.”
Fuck her. I don’t give a damn what she does. She isn’t mine. She isn’t anyone’s for that matter.
“Do whatever you want,” I huff as I keep going.
“Can you just stop!” she screams louder. I shove off the floor heaving for air as I look at her.
“You’re here. You’re not mine. You can do whatever you want, Lola. I’m not holdin’ you hostage, babe.”
Her eyes slowly sadden but there’s a spark in them. She walks closer to me, resting her hands on my sweat slickened chest before brushing her lips over mine. Still trying to suck in enough oxygen, she invades my space. Her hands roam over my skin, the wetness only adding to the pleasure that rips through me. Her kiss becomes wild and heated. When I don’t respond to her, she takes a step back and sighs.
“I’m sorry.”
Chapter 10
Lola
I’ve never had the urge to fuck someone so bad in my life. Not even Ryan, but the way Blade looks at me, the way he felt under my palms when I touched him, it was all so consuming. He felt real and to be honest, he felt like home. He felt safe and that’s something I haven’t had in my life. Ever. It was a strange sensation that slammed into me, but when he didn’t even kiss me back, I knew it was all in my head. It was something I was wishing for, hoping for but wasn’t real. Now, now I feel like a complete fool.
“You don’t owe me anything.” His words are soft but the meaning is hard.
“I didn’t think I did either,” I tell him truthfully, keeping my head high. His face lights up in amusement, his hands landing on his hips, his sweaty chest gleaming.
