by Erin Trejo
“Blade’s been clingy lately. Maybe that’s why, who the hell knows.”
Jersey nods and puts her hand back on my stomach waiting to see if the baby kicks.
“This is bullshit!” Blade roars and Jersey giggles.
“I think that baby likes when its dad’s all mouthy. It kicks up a storm when it hears him,” she says, keeping her hand in place.
“It is weird. The doctor said the baby can hear though and that it knows our voices.”
“I want his ass dead before she delivers. Do I make that fuckin’ clear?” Blade’s words slam into my chest. It isn’t as if I didn’t know what kind of life Blade has led and the things he’s done, but to hear him say it the way he did without so much as an ounce of emotion jarred me slightly. Jersey moves her hand to mine, squeezing it tightly.
“We took out Akeno. We fucked that end of things up and that’s on me. I let my anger do the talkin’. We lost out on the meth because I was too wrapped up in pussy,” he hisses. His words are like a slap to the face. I shove off the stool and head toward the bathroom with tears in my eyes when his voice stops me.
“Stop right the fuck there, Lola. Walk your pretty little ass back over here.”
I debate ignoring him and keep walking but I know he’ll just come after me. I slowly turn on my heel quickly wiping the tears from my eyes before making my way back over to him. He reaches up and grabs me, pulling me into his lap.
“You’re a nosey little shit, you know that?” he asks, making the guys all laugh.
“You have a big fucking mouth, did you know that?” Like I’m going to listen to him spew bullshit. I know he’s angry, but I don’t need to take it. The guys laugh again and this time so does, Blade.
“If you’re gonna listen in, at least stay for the whole show. I wasn’t done. Yeah, I was wrapped up in your sweet pussy when the meth went missin’ but I don’t regret that shit. Look what I got in the end?” he says, moving his hand over my stomach.
“You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?” The words weren’t meant to come out as weak as they did. There’s a part of me that wonders why I even care about what they do to Ryan after what he did to me, but in the back of my mind, our time together lingers. It wasn’t always bad. There were good times but I know that they were all fake. Nothing with him was real because he was using me to get what he wanted from his dad but that doesn’t stop the ache in my chest.
“You really want that answer?” Ransom asks, pulling my attention to his. I can see the anger in his eyes that I even brought it up but I can’t stop myself.
“Yes and no. You might not get it. Any of you, but I spent a long time with him. He was my safe place for many years until shit changed.”
“Don’t you dare sit there in my brother’s lap and tell me you still love that piece of shit!” Neo snaps, shoving out of his chair. I raise my eyebrow as I feel Blade tense. He’s going to lose his shit and I can feel it but before he can, I shove out of his lap.
“Don’t you dare stand there and tell me what to feel! Who the fuck do you think you are? I was nothing, no one when Ryan found me and took me in. Yeah, it was for his own sick fucking reasons, but I had a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. When I grew up, I wasn’t wanted. No one wanted me. My mom left me with my dad and he didn’t want me. Do you know that the only thing I ever loved was my puppy? You know what he did? He killed it! He snapped his neck and tossed him back in the room with me. The room I was kept in all the time. I hugged that puppy and talked to him as if he was alive until the smell was so overwhelming that he came back and took him away. I ran away after that. Ryan took me in. I was sixteen years old! So, yeah, there is a part of me that is grateful to him! There’s a part of me that thanks him for what he did but the bigger part of me? The bigger part of me hates him. I never said I loved him! I’ve loved one man in my life and he’s sitting at this fucking table. Now you can take that however you want and fuck off!”
They all stare silently at me as my chest heaves from yelling. I step away from the table but I don’t make it far as if I thought I would. Blade’s hand wraps around my wrist and pulls me toward the exit. His steps are hurried and I jog trying to keep up with him. I’ve probably crossed a line that I wasn’t allowed to cross not being a member of this club. As soon as we step outside he drops my hand and rests his on his hips. His head hangs forward, his silence killing me little by little.
“I shouldn’t have yelled at them. I’m sorry,” I say smugly. I wasn’t really trying to apologize because fuck them! Ransom started that shit. Blade’s head slowly comes up to look at me.
“You think I want you to apologize for what you said? For bein’ you?” I shrug my shoulders unsure of what the hell I should be doing in this moment. “I don’t want you to, Lola. You shocked me. I didn’t expect to hear you say that you loved me.”
That’s what this is about? I shouldn’t have said that either but deep down in my heart I know I love him. I can feel it like nothing I’ve ever felt before. “I’m sorry,” I say once more unsure of what else to say to him.
Blade chuckles and walks closer, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and pulling my lips to his. He devours my mouth with his and I melt into his touch as always. I kiss him back, and when he pulls away, I groan at the loss of contact.
“Are you sure?” he asks huskily his eyes demanding answers.
“Sure about what?”
“That you love me?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“I need to hear it, Lola. Please,” he begs.
“I love you, Blade. I don’t know how it happened or when, but I can feel it deep in my chest. My heart beats for you. It calls out to you.” His eyes are wild as he presses his forehead against mine. I want nothing more than to stay in this moment, lost in his eyes forever but I know I can’t.
“I love you too, Lola. More than I probably should, but fuck, I do.”
Chapter 23
Blade
Her breathing is shallow as I watch her sleep, her round belly propped on a pillow. I can see the baby moving inside of her. It amazes me that someone can carry a child inside of them. A living thing created by two people just growing and thriving. I rest my hand on her belly and feel the little thing kicking and moving around inside of his mom and I can’t stop the smile that crosses my face.
Knowing I don’t want to wake her from her nap, I stand and walk into the room right next door that I plan to turn into a nursery. I begin to open boxes and lay out all the parts on the floor before reading the directions. Something about putting together my child’s furniture gives me a thrill. There were times in my life when I didn’t think I’d make it to this day. When I was in the Navy I didn’t know if I’d make if back home, let alone have a family.
As I put the crib together many emotions race through me. I want to get my hands on Ryan for hurting her more than I do for stealing from the club. That’s how I know that my time in the club is over. When someone else is your number one priority, you know. I let myself get lost in the moment assembling the crib as I allow all of these thoughts to float in my mind. As I put the sheet on the small mattress and lay it in the crib, I hear her come in the room behind me.
“You did all this while I was asleep?” she asks, not sounding sure that I could do it. I chuckle and turn to face her, her smile bright and her eyes full of tears.
“Did you doubt my mad carpentry skills?” I tease her, making her laugh. Lola shakes her head, wiping at her eyes. “Don’t cry, babe. This is a happy time, yeah?” She nods her head and sniffs back her tears.
“It’s all happening so fast, Blade.”
“Are you scared?”
“More than I want to admit. I don’t know how to be a mother. I never had a good one, no good example.”
I watch the unease as it dances over her face before I move in to hold her. Pulling her into my chest, this is where she belongs. Right here with me.
“I had a good family growin’ up, Lola. You h
ave a heart that not many do. You can do this. You know right from wrong and you know what it felt like to be fucked over. You won’t do that to our child,” I whisper into her hair. She sighs and holds me closer to her. I let our silence linger, just content to be in her presence. It’s a strange feeling to know that you love someone this much that no words are needed. Lola’s lips press into my bare chest, sending shocks through my body. I groan as my cock hardens.
“You tryin’ to get me all worked up before work?” I groan when she doesn’t stop. I ache for her. Deep down inside I ache for every touch of her soft hands on my body.
“I need you inside of me, Blade.”
I don’t need to hear anything else. Grabbing the hem of her sleep shirt, I yank it over her head to reveal her naked body to me. My eyes travel the length of her, taking in every soft spot of skin that I can.
“I’m getting so huge. I feel gross,” she mumbles.
Gross was the last thing I was thinking and I think it’s time I show her just how fucking sexy she is like this. Her body has become more voluptuous since she’s been pregnant, not that I didn’t love her before, but doc was right, she was underweight. My hands move to cup her hips, jerking her into me.
“Every fuckin’ part of you is so soft and pliable. You mold to me, Lola. Your body was built for me.”
Leaning down and sucking the skin on her neck into my mouth, she moans. I knew she’d like that. I work my way down her body, sucking her nipple into mouth before biting gently, just enough to make her squirm for me. Lola’s fingers find their way into my hair, tugging me to her. I know she wants me as much as I want her and she’s about to get what she wants. Reaching down, I lift her in my arms as she squeals, carrying her into our bedroom and laying her gently on the bed.
“You are going to hurt your back lifting me like that,” she says playfully as she grins at me.
“You think I’m that old?” I ask raising an eyebrow at her. Lola giggles and it sends electricity straight to my cock.
“No. Although you are older than me,” she counters.
“So, you like older men, huh?” I strip out of my sweatpants and climb between her legs, positioning myself where I want to be.
“There’s something hot about that salt and pepper look.”
“I don’t have grey hair yet, babe!” I warn her, pressing the tip of my cock into her entrance. Her lips part as I push in further.
“Got somethin’ to say?” I tease, barely moving inside of her. Her eyes find mine and pull me in as always.
“Are you on Viagra, old man?” Her words make me chuckle before I sink myself into her.
“Does that feel like Viagra?” Thrusting harder, I let her feel me as deeply as I can get inside of her and that still isn’t enough. This woman consumes me in ways I’d never seen coming. Lola’s hands wrap around my neck, her nails digging into my skin as I welcome the burn.
“Fuck me hard, Blade,” she begs.
“Your wish is my command, baby.” Plunging inside of her sends me into a state of euphoria. There is nothing better than being buried deep inside the person you love. Our hearts mingle as one and that drives me higher.
“Love you,” I murmur against her throat, licking at every bit of exposed skin I can.
“Oh, fuck! Love you too, Blade. Fuck!” she screams, arching her back so that I can get deeper inside of her.
I’d die a happy man buried in this woman. Rolling my hips, I hit her in the spot she loves so much sending her reeling out of control. Her pussy spasms, locking me in her grip as I come inside of her. My body tingles and tightens with each spurt of my seed I release. Lola clamps around me as she finds her release, holding my cock hostage inside of her and I gladly let her do it. When she can’t possibly come any more, I slowly slide out of her and fall onto the bed next to her. Lola rolls on her side, running her fingers through my hair.
“We don’t have baby names yet, Blade.” She almost sounds upset by that and that’s the last thing I want for her.
“Let’s hear ‘em. What do you got?” I ask, turning my head to look at her.
“My parents were never a big part of my life but yours were.” Even before she speaks the next words, my heart soars. “If we have a boy we could name him after your dad or if we have a girl, your mom. I understand if you want to wait until it’s actually blood related though.” Closing my eyes I take a deep breath and blow it out before reaching for her cheek. Cupping it in my hand, I run my thumb along it.
“You are testin’ my patience with that shit, Lola. I want to spank your ass until it’s fuckin’ raw for that shit even bein’ in your head still but I get it. This baby is mine and I’d be fuckin’ honored to name it after my parents.” Lola lets out a breath that she must have been holding before she smiles.
“What were their names?”
“My dad’s name was Elliot and my mom was Annabel.” Her smile brightens as the names leave my lips.
“At least they are beautiful names.” Laughing a little I nod.
“Could have been Mortimus,” I tease her. She scoots closer, pressing her lips to mine.
“Thank you, Blade. Thank you for always being you and being exactly who I need.”
“You’ve exposed every nerve in my body. You’ve ripped apart every wall I had built and exposed my heart. You get the real me, Lola, and not many can do that. I love you for that. For seein’ me and still givin’ me that piece of your heart.”
Kissing me hard, she lets her tongue dip into my mouth, taking what she needs from me. My world is complete when I have her in my arms. I can’t wait until I have our baby curled up in the middle of us as a family.
Chapter 24
Lola
“Go fuck yourself!” I snarl as Blade grips my hand. If he laughs just one more time I will climb out of this bed and fuck his world up.
“Calm the fuck down,” he says in a low gruff tone.
“You calm the fuck down! You shove a watermelon out of your vagina you fucker and then you can tell me that!” The nurses giggle as I snap at him.
“Is this normal?” he asks, pissing me off a little further.
“It is,” I hiss at him when the door opens. The man who walks in is pretty fucking hot to be a doctor but neither Blade nor do the pain stop me from checking him out.
“You’re shittin’ me, right?” Blade asks when I cut my eyes back to him.
“What? He’s hot and didn’t put me in here!” Blade raises his eyebrows before looking over at the hot doc.
“Who the fuck are you?”
“I’m here to administer her epidural.”
“Will that make her nicer?”
Seriously, this fucker is full of laughs. Pinching his arm, Blade yelps as everyone else laughs.
“It will make her more comfortable, yes,” the doc adds. Thank fuck! If anyone told me contractions would feel like this, I would have stitched my vagina closed.
“No dick is worth this amount of pain!” I inform the room. Blade raises his eyebrow again and has an amused smirk on his face. Idiot! “Not even yours!”
“I never heard any complaints,” he smarts off. If I could get out of this bed, I would kick his ass but I can’t.
The room got quite after that. The doctor popped the epidural in my back in no time and I slowly drifted into a pain-free sleep. My dreams haunted me though. They were harsh and full of pain. Ryan was there and that was enough to cause me to wake up in a startled state.
“You okay?” Blade asks, having stayed at my side while I slept. I gaze up at him with tears in my eyes. “Are you in pain?” His concern hits me in the heart and knocks the air from my lungs. He’s perfect. So, goddamn perfect.
“It was just a dream. Will you lay with me?” I almost plead with him, which isn’t necessary. Blade would give me the world if only I’d ask for it. Nodding his head, I shift over and make room for him, watching as he climbs into the bed next to me. Blade slips his arm under my head and pulls me close to him.
“I
won’t let him hurt you, Lola. I’d rather die than see you in pain again.” His words are soothing yet scary at the same time.
“I know. I’m just afraid of what he might do when he finds out about the baby,” I tell him my concern.
“Not a damn thing since it’s mine,” he growls.
I giggle a little and lean into his touch. The warmth I feel coming from him soothes me to the core. I know that Blade would take on the world for me and this baby without a second thought.
“Are you happy?” I ask, glancing up at him.
“More than you could possibly know. Everything I knew I wanted at some point in my life is right here in this bed, in you. There were times that I wondered if I’d ever get this far in my life. If I’d be dead before I ever got to experience the joys of havin’ a family like my parents did. I found that in you, Lola. I found the family I wanted.”
“I never thought I would want a family before. My life wasn’t a happy one growing up and to bring a child into that, I was so scared, Blade. I still am. What if I’m not good enough?” His strong arms tighten around me, his lips pressing into the side of my head.
“You broke my dog in the matter of minutes. You love me despite my faults. You aren’t them, Lola. You are gonna be an amazin’ mom. We are gonna watch that baby grow and become somethin’ that we never got to be. We got this, babe. I promise.”
When the doctor comes back in breaking our moment, I’m slightly pissed. After checking me, he tells me it’s time to push. Instantly the panic from before overtakes me. I’m afraid. I can feel it deep inside of me. I can feel that hatred my parents had toward me and I never want that for my child.
“Grab my hand,” Blade urges as I thread my fingers with his after he helps me get into position to push. He smiles at me but focuses on the doctor.
“I need you to push, Lola. Bear down and push, okay?” Nodding my head, I do just what he says, feeling the pressure building. I can barely stand it but I keep pushing. I push to get past all of the bullshit holding me back. I push until I hear the cry. I gasp and drop my head back, listening to nurses and doctor as they say how good I did but that underlying feeling of doom lingers in the back of my mind. It’s so overwhelming that I barely feel Blade’s lips my forehead, kissing me.
