by Violet Paige
He laughed. “Yeah, I think I’ll fucking remember.”
Helena sat next to me on the fluffy hotel bed. We had ordered an entire tray of room service desserts. We were both exhausted from our shopping excursion. Half of the silver trays had been picked through.
As promised, we had posted pictures and videos as we made our way through DC. I posed with fans and signed a few autographs. I’d managed to find a few things I thought Luke would like too. Helena bought them for me, explaining to the cashiers that her brothers loved sunglasses and vintage T-shirts.
My boots rested in the corner of the closet. I didn’t think I would ever look at them the same way again after I had seen them bounce over Luke’s bulging shoulders. I hadn’t decided, but his shoulders might be my favorite part of his body. They were strong and wide. I loved running my fingers over them, feeling the contact of his rigid muscles underneath my touch. I sighed.
“What is it?” Helena stabbed the double espresso chocolate cake with a fork.
I smiled. “Nothing.”
“You have it so, so bad.”
“I do. I really do. And I’m not sorry.”
“You shouldn’t be. I’m glad you’re doing something for yourself.”
I opened another lid and attacked a raspberry torte. “I run a multi-million-dollar company. I have a new athletic line that I’m getting ready to launch. My footwear brand is doing almost twice the numbers that were projected. I’ve been nominated for every possible CYA category I could.” I took a bite. “If I can do all that. I can be with Luke.”
I don’t know when I had traveled so far into the shadows that I had forgotten who I was. It took determination and unrelenting drive to make it to the top. I was the girl who had worked her ass off to get there. Jake had somehow pushed me out of the way of my own success. I had to own that. I let him do that to me. I stepped to the side while he started to take possession of what were my victories. That wasn’t going to happen anymore.
“Hell yeah, you can.” Helena grinned.
We both jumped when my phone buzzed.
“Is it Jake or Luke?” she asked.
My lovesick grin gave it away.
“Ok, I’m going back to my room so you can talk to him, but I’m taking the rest of this cake.” She plucked the platter from the cart and walked out.
I touched the video button to see Luke’s face.
“Hey.”
“Hey, gorgeous.”
“How did it go at the hospital?” I asked.
His room looked simple. It wasn’t nearly as elegant as the suite I had reserved.
“Took one of the other guys with me. Kids seemed to like it.”
“You did?” I didn’t mean to sound as stunned as I was.
“Yeah. Rookie guy named James. Thought it would be good for him too.”
“Wow. Now you are recruiting and mentoring. I like it.”
“Hey, don’t get carried away. I’m going to have to go close down a bar tonight to right the scales here. People are going to get the wrong idea about me.”
I twisted my lips together. These were the moments when I saw him lower the shield that barricaded him from the rest of the world. It made me melt.
“Don’t do that,” I warned playfully. “And Charlie? What did she say?”
He scratched the back of his head and leaned back on the bed. I wanted to be with him so badly. I wanted to fall asleep and wake up in his arms. We were in the same city, but separated because of my choices.
“Yeah, she’s pissed. Madder than a fucking hornet, actually.”
I giggled. “Sorry, not funny.”
“I did what I said I would do. I made the kids smile,” he grumbled.
“And you loved it. Admit it.”
He scowled. “I’ll admit it when we’re alone.”
“Alone?”
He nodded. “Next time you’re on your knees I’ll gladly admit it.”
I turned completely red. I could see it on the tiny screen inset on the video call. “Luke!”
“Give me another blow job like that and I’ll admit anything you want.” He winked.
I wanted to pretend I was embarrassed, but I wasn’t. I was doing a double cartwheel in my head. I had given Luke exactly what I wanted to give him and he loved it. My skills were improving. My boldness was growing. My sexuality was blossoming like an out-of-control wildflower.
“Gladly,” I agreed in an instant.
“Damn it, Alexa. You’re killing me. Think anyone would notice if I showed up at the Deluxe twice in one day?”
“Depends on what time you’re planning on leaving.” God, there was nothing I wanted more.
He shook his head. “I wish I could. It’s too big of a risk.”
“You’re right,” I answered quietly.
“Get some sleep,” he ordered. “I’ve got an early day with press and pre-game. I can’t stay up all night talking to pretty girls.”
“All right. Good night, Luke.”
“Night.”
I reluctantly hung up and stared at the TV. I had flipped to Sports Now to listen to the speculation about the game tomorrow. I wanted to learn as much as I could about the AFA and what was the single most important thing in Luke’s world.
I turned up the volume when I saw Luke’s face appear on the screen. They showed scenes of his appearance at the hospital today. Instead of talking about the showdown with the Sharks, the only thing the anchors wanted to discuss was the new Luke Canton.
I grinned, settling into a stack of pillows. I could listen to them talk about this version of Luke all night. I don’t know when I fell asleep, but the last thing I saw was Luke sitting next to a little boy. And I couldn’t help but think of what an amazing dad he was going to be one day.
30
Luke
Three Weeks Later
I couldn’t believe I was looking at fucking tuxedo pictures when I should have been looking at the playbook. We had a bye this week. So the timing was perfect for me to fly to Nashville for the CYAs.
But tuxes? I hated the fuckers.
“Just pick one. That’s all you have to do.” Alexa chimed in. We video chatted every night.
“Why don’t you just pick it.”
“Because, Helena narrowed it down to three. Don’t you like any of them?”
I scowled. “No.”
“Come on, Luke. Just one?”
I scanned my options. “Last one on the left.”
She smiled. “See? That wasn’t so bad.”
“You don’t have to wear it.”
“Have you seen my dress?”
That caught my attention. “No. But it better be tight and you know I love to see your tits.”
“I’ll work on that.” She played with her bottom lip.
“Did you take the test yet?” I blurted it out like a damn idiot. She may have taught me a lot, but I didn’t have a filter.
“How did you go from red carpet wardrobe to pregnancy test?” she asked.
“I want to know, Alexa. I want to know about our baby.”
It was eating me up. Every time I thought I forgot about it, I hadn’t. One of the guys would bring his sons to practice and everyone would get a kick out of tossing him the ball. It hit me in the fucking gut every time. That could be my kid. I could be doing that.
She held up a box and showed me the test on the screen. “I have it. I just don’t think I can do it without you.”
“Put the phone down and I’ll wait.”
“Luke!”
“Was that insensitive?”
“Yes.” She glared at me. “I need you here for this. It’s a huge deal.”
“You want to wait another week?”
“It’s five days. Five more days and we’ll know for sure.”
I turned off the light in my office and carried the phone down the hall with me. “Think it could be a boy?”
Her eyes widened. “You really want this, don’t you?”
Fuck. I didn’t kno
w what I wanted. Only, that when I was with her, I wanted my baby inside her. Hell yeah, I wanted it.
“You’re going to have my baby, Alexa.”
There was silence on her end, but she wasn’t mad. She was stunned. Quiet. Almost crying.
“Why are you so damned far away?” she whimpered.
“Not much longer. Five days, right?”
“Right.” She smiled. “In five days we’ll be out. We don’t have to hide. We’ll take this stupid test. Our worlds are going to be completely different.”
“And Jake knows about everything? He has a plan?” I didn’t give a shit about that fucker, but he was the reason Alexa had to hold off on making this public.
“I’m taking care of Jake. Ok?”
I walked into my bedroom and closed the door. My house wasn’t nearly as large as Alexa’s. She could walk circles in that place.
“Charlie is basically doing somersaults. It’s like she won some kind of publicity lottery. We are officially off her shit list for the stunt we pulled in DC.”
The only way to deal with Alexa’s red carpet invitation was to include Charlie. Alexa was reluctant at first, but after a few calls they seemed to hit it off. I was still trying to wrap my head around how two women could be so different and work together like they did. Alexa swore Charlie was nowhere near as bad as Jake. She was a smart calculated businesswoman with marketing strategy in her DNA.
“I’m getting in bed. So I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
She puckered her lips together. “Good night.”
“Night, baby.”
I hung up and plugged the phone in the charger.
In five days things were going to implode. There was no fucking way around it. But I had trusted Alexa that this was the way she needed to do it. I wasn’t used to someone else calling the shots. Not Linc. Not Charlie. Sure as hell not a woman in my life.
But it didn’t feel like a prison with Alexa. It felt right. And that scared the absolute shit out of me.
31
Alexa
I paced in front of the pool. Jake always liked sitting out here. I even had lunch catered. I needed every brownie point I could get before we had this conversation.
I arranged the linen napkins again. It had to be perfect. From the sunflowers to the croissants. I couldn’t settle for a wilted petal or a crumb on the tablecloth.
Early November was gorgeous in Tennessee. The leaves rustled around me. From the corner of my eye I caught a few deep orange ones floating to the ground.
I pulled the ankle-length wrap to my chest for comfort. I don’t know what I thought I would find. He was going to be furious. There was nothing here to save me. Nowhere to hide once I told him the truth.
“There you are.” Jake strolled onto the patio.
“Hi.” I leaned in when he kissed my cheek.
“Look at this spread.” He plucked a grape from the fruit tray and popped it in his mouth. I thought maybe it was the pool, but his eyes looked bluer than usual today.
“Let’s sit and eat,” I suggested.
Jake pulled the chair out for me and I scooted into the cushioned seat.
“Gorgeous day.” He mused at the scenery.
“It is.” I pulled a bottle of chilled cider from the bucket. Jake never drank during the day. He said it gave him too much of a buzz.
I offered him a glass before filling my own.
“Remember when I first found this house?” I asked.
He smiled. “I think I found it for you.”
“Ok, remember when you found this house?”
He nodded. “Two years ago?”
“Yes. It was.”
I was headed somewhere. I just didn’t know if I could take Jake with me. I didn’t know if he was capable anymore of being the friend I used to have. But ever since the CYA nominations, it was as if a part of that man had re-emerged. The part that had drawn me to him.
He laughed. “I think we ordered pizza and ate in one of your dining rooms on the floor.”
“And the power went out on us because I forgot to call the power company.”
He chuckled. “Who buys a million-dollar house and forgets to turn the power on?” His eyes sparkled.
“I guess that would be me.” I giggled.
We had bought sleeping bags and crashed in a guestroom together. The furniture delivery was still a week off from when I closed on the house, but Jake and I were so excited about it we didn’t wait for furniture. We didn’t care there wasn’t a dining room set or any beds.
“So much has happened since then.” I turned to look at him.
“Yep. I’m having lunch with country’s reigning country music queen.”
“Oh, you’ve elevated me from princess to queen? I had no idea.”
“After where you started, I’ll give you the title.”
And that’s when my stomach clutched. The sick twisted game Jake played was between us.
“We’ve been so busy I feel like I have no idea what’s going on in your life. Tell me what’s going on,” I pried. I had to stay on track with my idea. My life with Luke depended on this.
“The usual. I’ve been running my ass off booking you for the awards. We’re so close.”
“I don’t mean work.” I smiled shyly. “You. Tell me what you’re doing. Are you seeing anyone?”
He shifted uncomfortably. “What are you getting at, Lex?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged. “We used to be close. We used to tell each other everything. I miss that.”
“You do?”
“I think we would work better together again if we were friends, Jake. I don’t like the animosity. It’s wearing me down. It’s got to be getting to you too.”
He picked at the chicken salad. “Where is this going? I know you don’t care about my personal life.”
“Do you care about mine? Not because of work, but because you used to be my friend?”
He rubbed his smooth jaw. “I’m always going to care.”
It wasn’t the warm and fuzzies I was going for, but it was all I had. Jake would only let me push him so far.
“I need to tell you something as a friend. Not as my manager, but as my friend, Jake. The guy who knew me back when. The man who thought he could make me a star. The one who rented a car with me and drove me from gig to gig because I didn’t have any money to buy anything on my own. That’s the guy I want to talk to right now.”
“What is this?”
I put my hand over his. “I’m with Luke Canton. I’ve invited him to walk the red carpet at the CYAs with me and he said yes.”
I waited for the detonation to take its effect.
The icy glaze covered his eyes and he huffed. “Why, babe? Why would you do this?”
“Because I’m in love with him, Jake. I deserve to be happy and Luke makes me happy. I want you to be ok with this. I want you to see what I see. I want you to be happy for me.”
He laughed so loudly a nearby bird ruffled his wings and flew over the pool. “Happy for you? You are talking career suicide and you want me to be happy?”
I shook my head. “The CYAs are only two days away. I promise you it’s going to be great. Luke is going to look amazing and the press is going to love him. He’ll do as much or as little as you want.” I leaned toward him. “Give him a chance, Jake. I swear you’re going to see a different side of him and the fans are going to love this.”
He pushed back from the table. “I warned you, Lex. I told you if you continued down this path I would reveal the truth.”
I looked at him with utter disbelief. “You won’t do that. It would destroy your career too. Stop bluffing and let’s talk through this like professionals. Luke Canton is my boyfriend and as my manager you have to work him into my career.”
I stood facing him with a new confidence. I felt as if I were suddenly channeling some part of Luke. This is exactly what he would want me to say. I had to stand up for myself. For him. For us.
“Prepare yourself. I
am going to unleash all the secrets you have, babe,” he hissed at me.
“You wouldn’t. Stop with the idle threats.”
He pointed his finger at me. “It’s not idle. I have several top reporters on speed dial. There’s plenty of time between your big country house to my penthouse in the city to make those calls.”
“Then I’ll tell them about you,” I threatened. I was flush with anger. Raging mad. Desperate to stop him.
He spun on his expensive shoes. “You have no proof.”
“I need proof to tell everyone you’re gay?” I huffed.
“Yeah, you do. And it’s just going to be the ramblings of a ruined girl, trying to save her ass versus a well-established manager. No one is going to believe you, Lex.”
“It will ruin you. You can’t be gay in Nashville,” I sputtered. “No one will work with you.”
He began to walk through the house, but I was on his heels. “No proof. As a matter of fact, I’m offended you’re even saying this to me.”
“I know you’re gay. You told me. We’ve talked about it. I cried with you in your rundown apartment. You were afraid to come out to your parents. You couldn’t tell your friends. You couldn’t even tell the man you were in love with.”
His face seized in agony. “Shut up, Lex. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m going to take my chances.”
“And risk the judgment? If there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that all you care about are appearances. You’ll die if I tell.”
He was at the front door. “And if there is something I know about you, it’s that you’re too weak to do what has to be done. You would never sell me out like that. Because as sad as it is, you still care about those memories. They mean something to you. Somewhere in that pretty little head of yours you think I’m still that guy from seven years ago. The one who met you because he had to take a girl to a country music event. You think a sliver of that guy exists. And you know what? He doesn’t. He’s gone, babe.
And what’s left is your soft heart. Your box of memories. And a girl who doesn’t have the guts to save herself.”
He closed the door. I closed my eyes. Everything he said was true.
