Sadie grabbed her arm and held tight. She could already feel the current pulling at her knees, drawing Brett away from her. Brett winced in pain, but she didn’t turn around.
“Come on, Brett — we have to go back!”
Brett shook her head, so small it was almost imperceptible. “We can’t go back,” she whispered, and the words were gone as soon as they left her lips, lost in the wind and the waves.
Sadie took her hand. It was cold and hard, like polished stone. “Brett, please.” Her voice was pleading. The numbness was creeping up her legs, and the lower half of her body felt heavy and foreign.
Just then she felt Jeremy’s hand on her arm. Wordlessly, he scooped Brett up and threw her over his shoulder, turning and charging back toward the sand. Sadie ran after him, willing the feeling back into her legs.
They ran all the way back to the locker room, Brett slumped like dead weight against Jeremy’s back. Sadie trailed behind, trying not to watch Brett’s arms as they dangled and swayed. The skin on her forearms was tinged with blue.
When they finally pushed through the door, Jeremy laid Brett on the floor near the showers, and she immediately rolled away from them and faced the wall. They both collapsed onto the ground, gasping for air.
“Leave me alone,” Brett whispered to the wall. “You should have left me.”
They sat her down in the shower, turning the head so that the hot water beat down on her legs. Jeremy left them to change into dry clothes, and Sadie sat there with her for what felt like hours, until the color finally returned to Brett’s cheeks and the room was filled with hot steam.
“Do you want to tell me what happened back there?”
Brett shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“This can’t be about finals.”
“No.”
“What’s wrong then?”
She shook her head again. “I can’t tell you.”
“Look, you don’t have to. I already know there’s something going on, but it’s not too late to get away. It’s not too late to get out.”
“I already made my choice.”
“Brett, they didn’t give you a choice. They tricked you, just like they tricked me, with smoke and mirrors and all those promises. But you can get out.”
She shook her head. “You don’t get it.”
“Yes I do. I know that what the Sullas are doing is bad. They did something to me on Saturday night, and they’re probably doing it to you, too. We can help you — just tell me what it is.”
Brett looked her in the eye, and all Sadie could see was pain. “I’m not talking about the Sullas, I’m talking about him. I picked him in the Pairing, and we’re a good match. Teddy said it’s too late to switch.”
Nothing she was saying made any sense. Sadie reached up and turned off the faucet.
“Let’s get you dry, okay?”
Brett nodded.
“Thayer mentioned the Pairing earlier — what is that?” She peeled off her wet jeans and wrapped a towel around her chest.
Brett struggled with her wet clothes, facing away from Sadie. “It’s a tradition — the Sullas think it’s important to use relationships to keep the family strong.”
Sadie squinted at her through the steam, but all she could see was a pale wash of color.
“What do you mean, relationships?”
“You know, love … marriage.”
“Are you seriously telling me they tell us who to marry?”
Brett shook her head. “We get to choose. But you have to stay in the group. I mean, what else are you going to do anyway, marry some random guy and then carry this secret around your entire life? It would never work. It makes sense, really. It’s smart.”
Sadie was glad the steam was too thick for Brett to see her face. She was so brainwashed, she didn’t even realize she was being controlled. Brett turned away from her, and Sadie could see the outline of her narrow back. But something was off.
“Hey Brett, come here — are you sure you’re warm enough?” The skin on her back looked mottled with blue, like a corpse.
Brett moved closer. “Yeah, I’m fine. And it’s my fault, not theirs. I didn’t have to choose him.”
“Choose who?”
Brett stepped out of the fog and Sadie gasped. She was wrapped in a fluffy white towel, but underneath it she was skin and bone. Her shoulders were covered with bruises, some a fresh, deep purple, others older and fading to yellow and green. Her clavicle jutted out from her chest like an empty shelf.
“Who did that to you?”
She shook her head. “No one. I don’t want to talk about it.” She sighed and forced an empty smile. “Look, I’m okay. I kinda freaked out back there — I’m really stressed and I haven’t gotten much sleep the past few weeks. Can we just go back now? I’m tired.”
“No way, Brett. We have to at least take you to the nurse. You could have hypothermia. Or that thing mountain climbers get where their toes turn black and fall off.”
“Sadie, I’m fine. It’s not like I tried to kill myself.”
Sadie’s throat went dry. She stood up so they were eye to eye, the steam swirling around them in heavy wisps.
“Yeah, Brett, you did. It’s forty degrees outside and you just decided to walk into the freezing cold ocean in the middle of the night. You’re not okay.”
Brett squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, then crumbled. Her face broke, and she folded in on herself like a dying flower. Her shoulders sagged, and tears ran down her cheeks. “I didn’t want to die, I just … wanted to feel something else. I couldn’t take it anymore.”
Sadie grasped her hand and Brett squeezed it. She looked up and her eyes were wild.
“But I can’t face it right now. They’ll ask me a million questions and do tests and … they’ll send me away. The Sullas won’t trust me anymore. And he’ll know I told. Don’t make me go, Sadie. Please!”
“Who’s he? Whoever he is, I can help you. You can get away.”
Brett’s eyes grew wide and she shook her head. “I don’t want to. He loves me, it’s just … it’s only once in awhile. When he drinks. I just need to be better when he’s in those moods. I always say the wrong thing.”
“He loves you? And this is how he shows it?” She lowered her voice. “Look, we’re getting out of the Sullas, and you can help us.”
Brett dropped her hand and stepped back. “Why would I want to do that? Why would you?”
She looked so scared that Sadie felt herself starting to give. “Okay, okay, forget I said anything. I just want you to be okay. I’m trying to be a good friend.”
“You are. You saved me. I don’t know what would have happened if you and Jeremy hadn’t …”
She threw her arms around Sadie and sobbed. Sadie patted her back, trying not to feel the sharp bones of her shoulder blades.
“Okay. We can go back to Ashby, but tomorrow you have to make an appointment to talk to someone, okay?”
Brett nodded against her chest.
“We’ll figure it all out tomorrow,” Sadie said again, not really sure whom she was trying to convince.
On the walk back to Keating, Brett told them both more about the Pairing. It was an unofficial tradition — there was no dramatic ceremony, no binding record — but members of the Sullas all paired off by senior year. After that the path was clear — Harvard or Yale, a European grand tour, law school or business school, a proposal. Brett said the pairs never broke — that would be considered disloyal. The Sullas liked stability. They liked their members to do what is expected of them.
Brett looked longingly out over the water as she recited these rules, and Sadie had to force herself not to grab Brett’s arm, tethering her to land and to life. Even so, she felt the weight of Brett’s words settling over her. What is expected of them.
With one careless decision she had signed away her entire life. She had no control over her present, that much was clear after Saturday night, but she didn’t own her future either.
>
Brett went on. Those that didn’t find a pair at Graff had to hope they would find a straggler from another school — one of the other recruiting grounds for the Sullas — who hadn’t matched either. But from what Brett said, at that point you would be lucky to find someone who didn’t chew with his mouth open or pick his nose when he thought no one was watching. Sadie didn’t mention that anyone would be an upgrade from Brett’s current match. From everything she knew now, he was a monster.
“If you leave high school without a pair, you’re screwed. Everyone knows that,” Brett said. Sadie could practically see her usual facade building back up around her. Her hair had dried into subtle waves, and with her bruises hidden underneath a black warm-up jacket, she was again transformed.
Sadie tried not to mention the obvious. If Brett was planning on staying with Josh, then she was already screwed. But she talked like she was one of the lucky ones. She had a suitable match — a good family, a respected name, a membership in the Sullas — and that was all that mattered.
“My parents didn’t even meet until years after high school,” Sadie said. “I thought that was normal.” She thought of the photo back in the bottom of Anna’s hamper, with Teddy’s smiling face and gripping fingers. Maybe Maylynne had left because she wanted her future back.
“Yeah, well look how well that turned out.”
Sadie made a noise like she had been punched.
“Sorry, that was a terrible thing to say.” Brett rubbed her temple with one hand and closed her eyes. “I’m just so tired.”
Sadie felt Jeremy squeeze her hand reassuringly. He had been so quiet since they found Brett, but he was still there and that was what mattered.
“So who else is paired? Thayer and Finn, I guess. That one’s obvious,” Jeremy said, clearly trying to steer the conversation back toward safer ground.
“Not as obvious as you would think. He took a long time before he finally ended up choosing her.”
“Who would he have chosen instead? I thought they were basically engaged at birth.”
Brett shook her head. “He hooked up with a few girls. Olivia for a little while, then a few others. Even Anna. I forgot about that — lots of people thought he was going to choose her before everything happened.”
They kept talking, but Sadie wasn’t listening. She forced her feet to keep moving, but all she could hear were Brett’s words echoing in her head. The pairs never break. If Finn had chosen Anna, where would that have left Thayer?
They were nearing campus, and instinctively the three of them veered farther into the shadows as they walked.
She went through the motions of saying goodbye to Jeremy and walking Brett to her room, but everything around her seemed muted. Her voice sounded tinny and far away as she told Brett she would come by first thing in the morning, and she floated down the hallway, her footsteps making no sound.
When she finally collapsed onto her bed, she had so many thoughts swirling around in her head, she could barely breathe. She knew now that Jeremy was on her side, but there was still so much to do. She had to convince the Sullas to go to the benefit. She had to find out what was going on in that basement, and she had to figure out why Anna had a picture of her mother and Teddy stashed away in her locker. More importantly, though, she knew she finally had the ability to do those things. She had help — Jeremy, Jessica, the twins. She didn’t know if she could trust anybody else, but at least it was something.
She curled into a ball, hugging her arms to her chest. She could still feel the bruising around her wrist, where Josh had gripped her so tightly it had left a mark. She tried to remind herself that whatever she was facing, what Brett was going through was worse. She had promised her whole life to someone, and already, she had seen how much that promise would cost.
At practice the next day, Brett wouldn’t meet Sadie’s eyes. She didn’t blame her, and she tried to give her space. But now she couldn’t help but notice the long-sleeved shirt she wore under her jersey, and for the first time, she understood its purpose. It was armor — not to protect her body, but to uphold her facade: the perfect student with the perfect boyfriend. It was all a lie.
She dawdled in the locker room, sending Jessica and the other girls back to Keating ahead of her. Jessica had given her a questioning look, but she had gone anyway. The four of them had arranged to meet later that night to go over the plans, and by then Sadie had to let them know if she had managed to convince the Sullas to go. She still hadn’t managed to get Thayer alone, and she wasn’t sure how she was going to do it.
The way things turned out, it was easy.
“Hey, Portland,” Thayer said, her words echoing around the empty room, “ready to meet your maker?”
“Is that a drinking game?” she deadpanned.
Thayer rolled her eyes. “It’s time for you to meet the elders at the tower. Remember when I told you they’d tell you more about the Sullas when they thought you were ready?” She swept an arm dramatically toward the door. “It’s time.”
Sadie had to force herself to walk slowly in line with Thayer’s pace, but she wanted to sprint. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to run toward the tower or away from it, but her body just wanted to move. She was finally going to get some answers.
They climbed up to the third floor, passing the cavernous ceremony room, and the small room Sadie had walked into looking for the bathroom. The door was open and it was dark inside, but she shuddered when she saw the leather couch.
They stopped in front of an unmarked door. It looked just like the rest, but it was fitted with a modern lock. “This is you. Don’t embarrass me, okay?” Thayer smiled. “And congrats. This means you’re officially, officially in.”
Sadie raised an eyebrow. “I thought that’s what the whole white-robed, bovine-fetish wedding ceremony was about?”
“Very funny. You were in then, but now you’re going to find out exactly what being in means.” She fluttered her hand in a wave and turned back toward the stairs. “Have fun.”
Sadie squared her shoulders and turned toward the door. As she raised her hand to knock, the door opened. Teddy smiled at her and extended a hand. “Welcome to the inner circle, Sadie. I have so much to tell you both.”
Sadie shook it and peered past him into the room. It was an office, decorated like the salon with a rich, oriental carpet and a huge desk made of polished wood.
“Us both?”
Someone stepped out from behind Teddy and held up a hand. She was so glad to see Jeremy, she almost collapsed.
Teddy waved a hand toward two chairs. “Have a seat.”
He took his place behind the desk, and for a moment no one spoke. Sadie’s eyes wandered the room, settling on a marble bust set into an alcove cut into the stone wall. The man’s nose was missing, replaced by a jagged gash of raw stone, and his eyes were blank spheres that looked ghoulish in the dim light.
“Beautiful rendering, isn’t it?”
Sadie blinked. Teddy was looking at her, an amused smile on his face.
She nodded. “Who is it?”
Teddy glanced back at the bust. “Lucius Cornelius Sulla — celebrated Roman general and a personal hero of my father’s. He’s become something of a mascot around here.”
He looked at her expectantly. “He looks very … heroic.” She heard Jeremy stifle a laugh.
“Yes, he does. Okay, let’s get to it,” Teddy said, leaning forward. “Two weeks ago, you both became a part of something, but I’m sure you have lots of questions about exactly what that is. I’m sure you’ve heard snippets about our goals, maybe you’ve read our mission statement in the logbook, but you haven’t heard the whole story.”
Sadie found herself nodding along, maybe too eagerly, and Jeremy reached out and took her hand. She took a deep breath and forced herself to relax.
“As I’m sure you can understand, we have to be very careful about who to trust, and simply taking our oath doesn’t guarantee you’ll be worthy of becoming one of us. You two have tak
en many tests already. The interview with the Fates, the initiation ceremony, the White House event. You’ve both performed well.”
Sadie shifted in her chair. She didn’t like to think about herself being constantly evaluated. She thought about her trip to the hospital with Jessica. How closely had they been watching?
“Why don’t you tell me what you’ve heard so far, so I know where to start.”
Sadie glanced at Jeremy and he nodded to her to start. “Well, the point of the Order of Optimates is to make the world a better place.”
He looked thoughtful. “That’s true. Has anyone shared with you how we are planning to go about that?”
“Through philanthropy projects, like the hospital.” She couldn’t resist mentioning it, but Teddy didn’t even flinch.
“Also true. We sponsor many projects, all unified by the single goal of helping others, and improving our positioning.” He leaned back in his chair, lacing his hands casually behind his head. “Do you two read the news?”
“Sometimes,” Sadie said. Jeremy nodded.
“And what do you usually see?”
They glanced at each other, but Teddy continued before they could answer. “I’ll tell you what you see. Discord. Brutality. Degradation.” He sat forward, his face suddenly flushed with color. “This country is in crisis. The global economy is as close to complete collapse as it’s ever been. People are getting poorer. They’re getting dumber. They’re getting fatter. They’re dying earlier of what should be preventable diseases. And genetic conditions — Alzheimer’s, cancer, autism — are only getting more prevalent, when we have all the tools we need to eradicate them.”
Sadie just blinked.
His eyes flashed. “We have all this potential, but no one is doing anything about it. No one is taking the initiative.”
He smiled, then, and Sadie felt a cold fear seeping through her body, for a reason she couldn’t quite explain.
“Well, we’re taking it.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jeremy shift in his chair. “What do you mean, exactly?”
His smile dropped, and his face became a somber mask. “This country was built on the idea of a better future. As I’m sure you know by now, this group was founded by one of the country’s founding fathers, and through the years, we’ve always felt it was our duty to protect those ideals. And the United States is failing. The political system isn’t working. We fight and bicker and take sides, and nothing gets done. The health-care system isn’t working; we spend $150 billion a year on costs directly related to obesity, a condition that should be 100 percent preventable. Hell, the people themselves aren’t even working. Unemployment rates are close to 10 percent.” He stood up suddenly, and Sadie felt herself involuntarily shrinking away from him.
Poor Little Dead Girls Page 24
