by Cate Beauman
“You’re welcome.” He slid her hair away from her temple.
Her heart stuttered, and she stepped back, unable to bear the idea of ruining a special moment with another kiss he would regret. “I should probably say goodnight.”
He moved forward, closing the space between them, cupping her face. “Tell me to go and I will.”
She slid her palms up his arms, pressing her hands to his. “I don’t want you to go, but I can’t let you stay.”
He clenched his jaw, nodding.
She stepped away. “I can’t keep letting you take what you want until you remember you don’t want it after all.”
“Is this about the kitchen?”
“Yes, and Shelby, and the way the whole thing made me feel. For the first time in a long time you made me doubt myself. I did a lot of things last summer that I’m not proud of, but I can’t be ashamed, even if you are.” She turned away.
“Whoa.” He turned her back. “Abby, what are you talking about? I’m not ashamed of you. I never could be.” He pulled her to him, wrapping her up. “Never.” He held her tighter. “I’m so sorry I ever gave you that impression.”
“I just thought maybe—”
He drew her away. “You just thought I couldn’t handle what you’ve been through, what you did to survive.”
“Yeah,” her voice shook.
“Abby,” he looked at her with such regret she had to swallow against the ball of choking emotion. “Damn, I’ve screwed this up.”
She shook her head, realizing she’d been completely wrong. “No, I misunderstood.”
“The only reason I stopped us that night was because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to focus on your safety. I still am. That’s it, Abby.” He kissed her forehead. “That’s absolutely all.”
She nodded.
“Abby—”
“Stay,” she whispered, hoping to soothe, wanting him as he wanted her. “Stay,” she said again, pressing his hand to her cheek.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s over now. Stay with me, Jerrod.”
He held her gaze, capturing her lips slowly, tenderly, rubbing and nibbling, deepening the kiss by torturous degrees.
Flutters rushed through her stomach, and a small hum escaped her throat as his tongue sought hers, his flavor filling her senses. She clasped her fingers with his as he brought her impossibly deeper, drawing out the pleasure of the endless embrace.
She savored his unhurried pace and open her eyes as his lips moved along her cheeks and jaw, then down her throat, inciting a quiet moan. “Jerrod,” she whispered, easing her heavy head back, inviting him to take what he chose.
He slid her robe aside, bathing her collarbone with his tongue, nipping at her shoulder as her hands wandered along his waist and up his back, bumping over contours of muscle, reveling in the feel of him.
“I want to look at you,” he whispered next to her ear, his voice rough. She nodded and he tugged at the tie, groaning as his gaze traveled up her naked body. “God, you’re beautiful,” he murmured as he sent bulky cotton to the floor, taking her under with another gentle kiss, trailing rough palms down her waist. She shivered as goose bumps followed in their wake.
“Are you okay?” He eased her back, brushing his fingers through her hair. “Is this okay?”
How could it not be? “It’s perfect.”
“If I do anything that makes you uncomfortable—”
“You won’t.” She didn’t want to think about anything but the way he made her feel.
“Abigail, if I do—”
“I’ll tell you.” She pulled his mouth back to hers and guided his hand to her breast, wanting him to go on touching her the way he had in the kitchen. He brought his other hand up, molding her, sliding teasing fingertips over her nipples.
She closed her eyes as a firestorm of heat flooded her core, and she whimpered, ready for more. His mouth replaced his hands, lapping, circling, suckling, her legs buckling with each delicious sensation, her nails digging into his strong shoulders as the liquid pull started between her thighs. “Jerrod,” she shuddered out as he continued to shower her sensitive skin with endless attention. “Jerrod,” she said again, clutching at his hips, sliding her hands into his shorts and over his muscled butt, tugging at the elastic waist.
“Wait.” He pulled back. “I need to get—we need—just hold on.” He hurried from the room, crashed into something down the hall, swearing, and came back limping slightly with a package in his hand.
She couldn’t help but grin. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He smiled. “Tim’s old room is like a damn obstacle course, but I knew he would have what we needed.” He held up the box of condoms. “He stays out here sometimes during haying season.” He shrugged and closed the door, locking it, studying her. “Is that going to bother you?”
She shook her head, trying to ignore the troubling idea of being locked in her room.
He narrowed his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She covered her breasts with her arm, suddenly self-conscious.
He walked to her. “Abby, we don’t have to do this if you’ve changed your mind.”
“No, I want to.” She was ready and eager for this next step, but small drudges of fear were there below the surface. “I’m nervous,” she admitted, looking down. “But I want to be with you. It’s my first time since—”
“I know.”
“I was raped, Jerrod. I know you know that, but some men aren’t comfortable with the aftermath.” She averted her gaze for the second time. “I won’t think less of you if you aren’t.” Or she would try not to anyway.
He picked up her robe, settling it around her shoulders, and tipped her chin until their eyes met. “Tonight is between you and me. Whatever comes of it is ours. We don’t have to have sex.”
“I want to have sex. I liked sex, but what if I have a flashback?”
He shrugged. “Then we’ll work through it.”
She nibbled her lip, worrying, wishing they’d just kept going instead of stopping and giving her time to think. “I want this to be good. I want you to be satisfied.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that.”
“But I am. What if I can’t…get there, and you think it’s because of you, but really it’s because of me?”
“Maybe you won’t get there this time.” He kissed her forehead. “Maybe I won’t either.”
She raised her brow.
He smiled. “Abby, I just want to be with you whether we lay together or decide to be together.”
A thousand weights lifted off her shoulders, and she hugged him. “Okay.”
“Would you like to dance again?”
“No, I want you to take me to bed.”
His brows winged up. “And she gets straight to the point.”
She laughed as she took his hand, and they walked to the bed. “I want you. I’ve wanted this for awhile.”
He pulled her against him, running his hands down her arms. “I’ve wanted you since Jackson introduced us at the hospital. Everything about you fascinates me, Abby.” He kissed her.
She shook her head in amazement. “I never had any idea.”
He kissed her again, longer this time, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, her breast rubbing against his chest. She pulled herself closer, savoring the feel of their bodies touching.
He tossed the robe to the floor, sliding his hands along her waist and over her butt. She copied his movements, pulling at his shorts, freeing him of his clothing, standing naked with him, staring. He was magnificent—hugely so. She’d always called him big guy, having no idea—or not exactly.
He brushed kisses along her neck, pausing. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head, worrying some. “It’s just that I’ve never had— you’re pretty—” She swallowed, mortified. “It’s nothing.”
He smiled. “We’ll go slow. Come here,” he whispered next to her ear, walking her backwards. �
��Lay down with me.” They sat on the bed and lay back, their mouths colliding as they faced each other on their sides. “How’s this?” He slid his fingers through her hair. “Are you doing okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I don’t want you to be afraid to touch me.”
“I’m not afraid to touch you.” He sent his finger on a journey from the valley of her breasts, down her stomach, circling her bellybutton, making her quiver. “There’s nothing wrong with taking our time.”
“I know.” She traced his tattoo as she’d wanted to for months.
“I want to take my time with you, Abby.” He pressed feathered kisses to her shoulder.
She closed her eyes as her body vibrated, aching, eager for Jerrod to make her feel and forget the rest. “Not too much time.”
“Slow, Abby.” His breath heated her skin as his mouth skimmed her breasts and his teeth grazed her ribs.
She quivered, arching, playing her fingers through his hair. “Not too slow.”
“As long as it takes.” He moved his hand between her legs. “Open your eyes, Abigail.”
She did, looking into his as he slid his fingers over hot, sensitive skin.
“Mmm,” she whimpered as he explored, pressing and rubbing, sliding. “Mmm, that feels good.”
“Good,” he said, smiling, his breath growing ragged as he continued his torturous teasing.
“I’m—I want—” She yanked his mouth to hers, giving up on her useless words, wrapping her arms around him, growing frantic as sensations built, layering. Then he dipped inside her and her legs tensed, her hips moving with his rhythm as the familiar twinges grew to throbbing.
“God, Abby, you’re so wet,” he groaned, panting against her neck.
“I think I might—”A log snapped in the grate like the sound of a huge hard hand cracking against skin. Her eyes flew open, and she stiffened as Margret’s cries echoed in her head.
Jerrod froze, his breath heaving. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” She sat up, pulling away, the moment lost. “I thought I could do this. I want to. I heard the log pop—it sounded like a slap. It made me think of Renzo hitting Margret.” She rested her head in her hands consumed by hopeless memories. “I don’t want to think of her right now. I definitely don’t want to think of him. I want to think of you and me.”
He sat up. “So we’ll back up a couple steps.”
She looked at him. “I don’t think I can. Dr. Tate said I would know when it was right. It’s right. I want you. I do.”
He caressed her arm. “Maybe tonight’s not the night.”
“Yes it is. I like what you’re doing. I love the way you make me feel. I want you inside of me.”
“We’ll get there.” He gave her wrist a gentle squeeze.
“Okay.” She lay back and spread her legs. “Let’s do it.”
He stared at her, his eyes unreadable, as he pulled her up to sitting. “Abby, I’m not going to mount you like a bull.”
Tears bloomed in her eyes, suddenly afraid she would never be able to have a healthy, intimate relationship with a man like Jerrod. “Why does it have to be like this? Why does everything have to be so damn hard?”
“Because you’ve been through hell.”
“I want this, Jerrod.” She touched his cheek. “Right now. I want this part of me back. They don’t get to have it anymore.”
“So let’s take it back.” He brushed his knuckles along her cheek.
She nodded.
“This is ours, Abby, just ours.”
She nodded again as he brought his mouth down on hers and eased her to the bed, settling himself between her legs. He kissed her endlessly, taking her hands, clasping them at the sides of her head until it was impossible to think of anything but this tender moment with him.
“Are you ready, Abigail?”
She stared into Jerrod’s steady blue eyes, his body pressing hers into the mattress. She’d never wanted anything more. “Yes.”
He freed his hands from hers and tore open the condom package, protecting them both, and slowly eased his way inside her, holding her gaze. “God, Abigail,” he grit out as she gasped, clutching at his waist, taking him in.
“God,” he said again, dropping his head, blowing several steaming breaths against her neck as he lay still. “You feel so good.”
She flexed her fingers against him, gulping in air as sparks of sensation exploded through her system. She wiggled her hips, sliding her hands up his hot, damp back and into his hair, ready to ride the wave, eager to fly. “I’m ready. I’m ready,” she said as their eyes locked, and he began to move slowly, staring down at her.
Their mouths met for a long, tender kiss, heating as he brought her higher with each lazy thrust. She purred, gripping his hips, moaning as wave after wave of heat built, then cried out in triumph as she erupted, her orgasm scorching her from the inside out.
His fingers moved into her hair as he pumped faster, letting himself go, groaning loudly as he jerked, arrowing himself deeper. He rested his forehead against hers as they lay still, the sounds of their heavy breathing mixing with the crackling of the fire.
“I got there.” She slid her fingers down his sweaty back, her limbs heavy after a thoroughly amazing bought of loving. “I definitely got there.”
He lifted his head. “Looks like we both did.”
She smiled at him. “Right now I feel perfectly, fabulously normal.”
He kissed her. “You are perfectly, fabulously normal.” He kissed her again, stroking her cheek. “And beautiful.” His mouth met hers for the third time. “You’re so damn beautiful.”
“You make me feel beautiful.” She pressed her hands to his cheeks and snagged his lip, wrapping her legs around his waist, sliding her calves over his butt, certain she had one aspect of her life completely under control. “I like this—you and me, like this.”
“It’s not half bad.” He grinned.
She squeezed her thighs tighter around him, pushing him deeper inside. “So, when do you think we can do that again?”
He chuckled. “Now works for me.”
She walked her fingers down his hips and clutched his ass. “I think I can handle that.”
They laughed, and he took her blissfully under.
~~~~
Jerrod opened his eyes, snuggling closer to Abby’s warm body and berry-scented hair, nuzzling his face against the soft skin of her neck. He smiled, noting the sun on its way above the horizon, and glanced at the clock. Abby had missed the morning milking—a first since their arrival.
They’d had several firsts over the last few hours, and he didn’t regret a single one. Sleeping with his principal was probably a bad idea. There was no going back to the way things used to be, but as he lay pressed against the woman he’d wanted for the last six months, he didn’t care. Being together didn’t have to complicate their situation—it did, but he would just have to find a way around that. He and Abby would have to adjust to the new changes in their relationship. And that’s what worried him. So far that hadn’t worked very well for them.
Blowing out a breath, he slid a finger along her shoulder. How did two people who spent day and night together separate intimacy from the job he still had to do? There were going to be times when he would have to draw the line for safety’s sake, and she would have to roll with it. That concerned him too. What would that do to the personal side of what they had? He’d never been in a situation like this before, but there were a lot of things he’d never dealt with until Abby walked into his life.
She stirred, making a sleepy sound in her throat as she moved back, pressing her sexy ass against him.
He paused, his finger halfway down her arm, tempted to reach around and play with her breasts, but he was still unsure of how she’d react. She said she wanted ‘normal’ in the bedroom, but he didn’t want to trigger unwanted memories by catching her off guard.
She looked over her shoulder, her eyes still sleepy, and smiled.
He
smiled back. “Good morning.”
“It is a good morning.” She wiggled, teasing his already raging erection.
He brought her closer, kissing her neck, nibbling at her ear, finally caressing the points of her breasts as she moved against him in a sinuous rhythm.
“Mmm.”
“Is this okay?” he whispered.
“Absolutely.” She pressed his hands more firmly to her as each breath came faster.
“I want you,” he said next to her ear. He had to have her. Throwing caution to the wind, he lifted her leg and slid inside her, sucking in a breath as he pushed himself deeper into her tight, hot, wetness.
She stiffened on a gasp, pulsing around him, crying out as he moved and heightened her climax. “Oh, god.” She reached behind, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck as she rode the wave, then sagged, coming down. “More. I want more.”
So did he. He pulled himself free, wrapped himself in a rubber and plunged in again, groaning as she did.
“Jerrod.”
He rolled, taking her with him so her back lay against his stomach, and thrust up.
She grabbed for his hand, rubbing his fingers against her. “Touch me. God, touch me, Jerrod.”
He took over, pressing, circling, sliding, bringing her up as she called his name. She moved her hips with his hurried pace, her moans feral and raspy until her throaty purrs turned into one long moan and she stiffened, bowing back against his chest. “More, Jerrod,” she cried out, and he thought he might go mad.
He adjusted their positions with a quick move, laying Abby under him, ramming himself inside her, groaning as her head tipped back and she called out, begging him to take her higher. Her lack of inhibitions urged him on, driving him crazy, encouraging him to pump harder as she wrapped herself around him, pushing him deeper.
They rolled again, and Abby had her way, taking him in as she rode frantically, reaching back, caressing him.
“Abigail,” he panted, wanting her to stop as much as continue. Her fingers teasing his hot, sensitive skin were going to end it. He clutched at her hips, anchoring her, thrusting up as they called out together, exploding at the same time.
