by Jackson Kane
Watching Star get dragged away to the far wall killed my hard-on.
After a pause, she started in again with only her hand this time.
I immediately stopped her and put my shit away. “Forget it. Just get me another beer.”
Top had torn off the remainder of Star’s shirt. She fought him off the best she could, but that wasn’t saying much. Top was enjoying the challenge.
I forced myself to look away again. She was dead anyway. Who gives a shit? That’s just the way things went here. I’ve known that girl existed for what? A few hours at most? Hell, I didn’t even know her name until she got up on that bar. Top was the only blood family that was still alive, and this club was all I had. Was I really going to jeopardize all that because of my nagging conscience?
Any goodness left in me died with Maria. I didn’t give a fuck about anyone, let alone the bitch whose boyfriend killed my younger brother.
To hell with her.
“No! Please!” Star’s scream rang out all the way across the room even over the music. It made me reach for my box of smokes. With oddly clumsy fingers, I packed the box and pulled a cigarette out, knowing this would soothe my suddenly racing nerves. Yeah, the nicotine was great, but it was the act of something burning, drawing smoke in and out, that really hooked me. After a few, hurried drags, I was only more on edge. I crumpled the cigarette in my fist, burning cherry tip and all. I wasn’t drunk enough, and I knew weed or coke wasn’t going to cut it.
I started to make my way out of the bar. I needed some fresh air. If I couldn’t see what was happening to her, then maybe I’d be able to forget about—
When Star’s screams sharply cut off, I couldn’t help but look.
Top had his hand over her nose and mouth. She writhed and struggled for air as he tore off her panties and forced them over her face. Star gasped for air and kicked wildly, but it was no use. For as drunk as he was, Top had her. She wasn’t going anywhere.
Are you really going to let this happen? This time it was Bren’s boyish voice in the back of my heart. It wasn’t a judgmental reprimand. Those I could brush off. It was a plea. That made it so much worse.
I exhaled hard, pinching my eyes shut and hating myself for being so weak as to actually care. I growled at myself, at Bren, and at the whole damn world.
Fine. Just this once.
Opening my eyes, I scanned the bar. The drunkest motherfucker around was Black Nicky, big Scottish guy with a neatly trimmed chinstrap beard. He was our Sergeant at Arms. The bastard that kept us all in line. Mostly.
He’ll do.
Black Nicky was passed out at the bar. I snatched the beer out of the blonde’s hand as she made her way back to me and bee-lined for the drunken Scot. I took a big sip, put the beer on the bar, and shook him awake. “Nicky! Black Nicky! Wake the fuck up!”
“Imup imup... I am awake!” he snorted, quickly falling back asleep.
“Did you hear what they just said?” I asked.
Nicky’s eyes opened really wide, then started drooping again.
I was losing him so I stood him up and continued, “Fuck you, you mother fucker!” I exclaimed loudly to no one in particular as I threw an arm around the drunk Scot. Then, quieter, I turned back to Nicky. “They said that you used to fuck sheep back in the old country. You’re not a sheep fucker, are you Nicky?”
Nicky’s eyes opened wide again, this time staying open. His haze lifted as he flew into a blind rage, looking for someone to hit. “That was one time!” he roared.
I pointed him toward a few of guys directly across from us.
The bewildered bikers regarded him with confusion, then with terror as Nicky launched himself at them. Black Nicky was a big mother fucker and easily took three of them to the ground.
Tee jumped in to tear Nicky off but was being thrown around like he was riding a mechanical bull. I tossed my beer on Old Man Gunny who was face-deep in a girl half his age. He turned, thinking Tee had done it, and laid him out with a brutal punch. Tee didn’t deserve that, but I needed Nicky to tear it up for a while longer.
I’d buy all Tee’s rounds tomorrow night.
Gunny jumped in, and the bar fight spread like a grease fire. I had to duck a chair thrown by Twatch who somehow lost her pants in all this. Not the first time she was bare-assed in a bar fight and certainly wouldn’t be the last. Her husband, Twitch, was a lightweight and had passed out an hour ago as always.
It was pure pandemonium. Guys were throwing punches just to hit something. They were still pissed off about what happened to Bren and desperately needed to blow off steam. Sex and drugs wasn’t going to cut it for the Steel Veins. We needed violence too.
They were a powder-keg ready to blow. I just supplied the match.
It wasn’t enough. One hand on her throat, Top was too enthralled with Star to notice or care about anything else. He watched her wiggle desperately while his other hand slid down her stomach to the hem of her skirt.
Damn. Looks like I’m going to need a sacrificial lamb.
I pulled aside one of the terrified employees. Stockier than rest of the other girls, the redhead was the shift leader and was more or less just a bartender. “What’s your name?” I asked, going through the motions.
“Britney.”
“Pretty wild, huh, Britney?” I nodded in feigned disbelief.
“Oh, my God, yes! This is crazy!” Britney was terrified.
I could tell that she’d never seen any fights like this before. She was still new to that position. I didn’t remember seeing her last time we were here. That wasn’t surprising; Muse had a high turnover rate for her employees.
Bren was far from the only person buried out behind the parking lot.
“Not much you can do, Britney. Sure as hell can’t call the cops, and Muse is asleep by now. If you wake her up because you can’t handle what’s going on, you’ll probably become one of the regular employees.” I let the implications soak into her.
“Fuck! Jesus!” Britney arched her drawn-on eyebrows and gasped. “What do we do?”
“You see that big guy over there?” I pointed. “His name’s Top. He’s the chapter president and is your best bet at stopping this before they destroy the place.”
“I–I don’t know.” She was on the verge of breaking down.
I pulled her down as a half-full mug sailed over our heads and smashed into the top shelf of liqueur behind the bar. Glass and expensive booze sprayed out in a wide arc, coating everything.
Britney screamed.
“You’re in charge, Britney.” I took her by the shoulders. “Be in charge. You can do this.”
Britney’s worry was apparent, but her desire not to end up like the rest of the girls was strong enough to push through. She swallowed, nodded to me, and left to talk with Top. Plead with, more likely.
“You!” I called out to the other startled bartender, a brunette who was cowering on the floor covered in liquor and broken glass. I remembered her from one of our previous trips here. She wasn’t as rattled as Britney but was just trying to keep her head down and wait for this to blow over. “Get me an extra work shirt. I need a pair of pants, too.” I sized up the girl. She had a slight enough built for what I had in mind. “Something in your size.”
The brunette bartender hurried off, slipping out the side door into the hotel proper.
Britney was having trouble getting Top to even acknowledge her. He’d been drinking for a while and was too riled up to notice the timid bartender. She wouldn’t be able to do it…
I snatched up a nearby glass and hurled it against the wall just above Top’s head.
Britney screamed and dropped to the floor. Top scanned the room but couldn’t place the thrower.
I grabbed another mug and was filling it at one of the taps across the bar, innocently watching the chaos unfold.
Finally, pants around his ankles and cock at full attention, Top looked around and realized how badly everything went to hell. He looked murderously angry, but h
e had an obligation to all of us and to Muse. This brawl had gone too far, and he needed it ended now. It would take him a little while to de-fuck the place. He let Star go, pulled up his pants, and waded into the middle of the fight. Now bikers were the ones flying through the air.
Gasping for air from the strangling and still shaking from the attempted rape, Star took advantage of the distraction and rolled off the table she’d been forced onto.
The brunette had returned a minute later with two handfuls of clothing.
I skirted around the outside of the brawl and brought them to Star who was a sobbing mess.
Even bitter defiance has its limits.
I’d killed, blackmailed, threatened, maimed, but rape… I gritted my teeth.
Rape was just too far.
Disgust and guilt gripped me when I looked down at the wreck Star had become. Lying there naked, she looked so fragile. The harsh, flickering, neon-blue Budweiser sign on the window next to Star dulled all the new bruises and gave her skin a waxy, sickly look. She looked like she’d just come off a mortuary slab.
“Put these on.” I tossed her the clothes.
Betrayed, she looked up at me through watery eyes, dripping with skepticism.
I tried to keep the growing pangs of remorse and empathy from my face. “Hate me later.” I turned my back to let her get dressed. Not for privacy – it was far too late for that, but at least without one more person looking at her. “You don’t want to be here when he comes back.”
Regardless of how she felt about me, that point hit home, and Star dressed as quickly as she could.
Fewer bodies flew now as Top bellowed commands. The bar’s chaos was winding down, and soon Top would quell the riot.
We couldn’t wait any longer. Time was up when I could see Top look around. Star needed to be a ghost. Now! I picked up her glasses which was becoming a habit I wasn’t thrilled with, then I grabbed her by her shirt and led her out of the bar.
When we were safely through the breezeway that divided the bar from the hotel, I handed her glasses back and placed a room key in her hand. She’d be relatively safe if she hid in my room for the night, at least. “Room 203,” I said before turning back to the bar.
“Why are you helping me?” Star warbled in air and choked on it. She was on the brink of really losing her shit.
I couldn’t answer. Honestly, I didn’t know why I was helping her either. Not really. I had illusions about being some bullshit hero.
“I don’t understand you! You save me just to watch me suffer? Do you get off on my pain? Is that it, you sadistic fuck?” Star scolded me with hushed tones, obviously worried about drawing any more attention.
I still couldn’t face her.
When she shoved me, I whirled around and grabbed her, squeezing her arms to stop her from throwing punches at me.
“Please just tell me if I can trust you. I need this! Please, just tell me. I can’t handle any more of this...” She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.
The hallway we were in was dark, and rain had started to fall against the windows. Gentle crashes of a distant storm echoed across the empty plains. Our world inside this hallway was still. If I had something to say, this was the perfect time to say it. “This world is fucked, fast, and rough. I am cancer. I am death’s handshake. In my wake, I leave only ruin,” I softly growled at her. “No, you can’t trust me.”
Her face started to fall, but I was able to turn away in time to be spared most of it. She was right to hate me. To fear me. The further from me she was, the better off she’d probably be, even if that meant dead.
I walked back into the bar.
Top had it mostly wrapped up now. I helped him pull the last of the thrashing drunks off each other. He yelled for a bit, but he understood why all this went down. The grieving process was as fucked and stupid as we were. I helped clean off the bar and had the mortified bartenders slide everyone who was still standing another round.
There was so much blood, beer, and debris that it looked more like a war zone than a bar.
“I’m not looking forward to explainin’ this to Muse. I’ll wake up with my balls on her shelf.” Top chuckled.
“Heh, yeah. Hell of a night,” Skank piped up. “Just give those big, black tits of hers a good motorboatin’, and she’ll forgive you.”
“Before or after the entirety of the gas station score?” I offered, masking the repulsion I felt about this evening.
Everyone laughed.
For the rest of the night, every time Top would look around for Star, I reeled him back in with a story, question, or joke, all the while feeding him shots. After a few, no one was sober. Top was asleep on the bar, and the ones that could walk had stumbled off to their rooms. We all had hell to pay for the destruction, but that was tomorrow’s problem.
For now, my goal was to get as obliterated as possible and forget everything about this shitty day.
The night had wound down, and I was still horny as fuck from Star’s bar dance. I was about to find a backroom and rub one out when I spotted the junkie blonde from earlier staring off at nothing in a booth. I thought she was using her phone but was way past the point of concentration. She’d disappeared a while ago to the shooting gallery and came back on a wicked nod.
Fucking junkies.
I was pretty sloppy-drunk when I walked the blonde into the hotel and couldn’t remember what the fuck happened to my keys. She told me her room number, and we went there instead. For some reason her key wouldn’t unlock it, so I put my shoulder into it. We crashed through her door and into the dark, hallway-lit room, undressing before we hit the ground.
She plastered me with clumsy, drunken kisses that I tolerated to a point. I didn’t bother sliding her panties off, just flicked them to the side, and unceremoniously rammed my middle two fingers into her.
We weren’t making love. This was just ugly, necessary sex.
“Unh,” she grunted. Her pussy was warm and slick enough. With ease, I slid in a third and curled my digits. She moaned now, still too softly. I wanted this girl to scream. I needed it. A fourth finger squeezed in which made her grunt.
“Fuck!” Now for the first time since we started, her eyes fully opened. Her arms slipped impotently behind her, mashing roughly against the wall as she struggled to prop herself up.
My fingers stretched her sidewalls further apart and slithered back and forth in a beckoning motion. My thing wasn’t violence for the sake of violence like some of the other guys, or drugs, for that matter. I didn’t do yoga or talk about my feelings. I wasn’t a child at heart, and I’ve never held a stress ball. Hell, I wasn’t even much of a drinker, tonight excluded for obvious reasons.
The blonde gave me a full scream, first of many.
This was it. My cock hardened at the sound of her voice hitting a higher pitch. This was how I grieved.
The blonde’s ass slapped down onto the TV mounted cabinet, my fingers still inside her. I pulsed, tensed and felt her scream vibrate through her pussy. It was loud enough to wake the neighbors. That wasn’t good enough. I was in a ruinous mood and needed more.
When she stammered for more, I pulled out completely. I wiped my hand off on her stomach and just stood there until she begged.
“Pleasepleaseplease!” The blonde crumbled forward on top of me. I pulled back farther, and she followed. I hit the bed and let it swallow me up. Something large shifted off the mattress and fell. I didn’t have the time to check what it was before the blonde landed on me. “Not a lollipop...”
It took a second to register her muffled words with her mouth stuffed full with my cock. She was energetic but still wasn’t very good. Sloppy and loose, she didn’t squeeze the shaft hard enough or make any kind of suction. I had to stop her and flip her onto her back.
The girl just could not suck dick.
“Fuck me! Fuck me fuck me fuck me!” She squirmed and clawed for me, trying to suck me in like I was another fix for her.
That was fine. I d
idn’t care what I was to her. I didn’t even know her name.
Star.
No! Fuck. I pushed the name out of my head, kneeling before the blonde. Cock in hand and rubbing back and forth, I was still slick from the bad blowjob. There was no easing in when I roughly thrust into the blonde. She existed here in this moment to please me…that was all. I rammed hard enough to crack her pelvis, and neither of us barely felt anything.
The girl beneath me groaned vacantly, but my head was elsewhere.
My eyes mashed shut. I still could see Star crawling toward me across the bar. Thoughts of Star sprouted in my mind like weeds. I couldn’t tear them out fast enough. Every dull thrust into this blonde made the dream of Star feel more vivid. I hated that my body was yearning for her.
Star was a lost cause, I’d have to let go of whatever hang-up I had with that girl.
I opened my eyes to find the street light that filtered into the room through the sheer curtains glinting off a pair of ovals on a metal frame. How’d I miss that before?
It was a pair of glasses. Glasses that looked a lot like Star’s… I must have been drunker than I thought.
I flipped her over, grabbed her hips, and pressed her face into the comforter. I squeezed harder into her thighs to get a better handle for what was basically masturbation with a hand the size of an entire woman. It wasn’t working. None of this was. I felt my cock starting to go soft. I wasn’t enjoying myself and wasn’t going to get off.
What was I doing?
I couldn’t even fuck to console myself. I was coming apart at the seams, and all I could think of was a girl I shouldn’t be with and couldn’t save. Is this what life was now without Bren?
“Who’re you?” the blonde asked distractedly.
A silhouette rose on the other side of the bed and snatched the glasses off the counter. I couldn’t see any details, but I could feel the flood of emotions coming off the slender form.
“Nobody,” came a woman’s voice – cracked, broken, and overflowing with disdain and sorrow – before she bolted for the still open hallway door.
“Star?” I asked, not sure if I said the word or just thought it.
