by Alexia James
Brett blinked, “You want me to swear not to rat on you to Jer about something,” he tried.
“Yeah.” Freya sighed and stared unseeing over the field. Eventually she spoke, “It’s a bad habit of mine, you know.”
Brett waited, refusing to be drawn; then understanding struck, “Legging it when you hear something you don’t like?”
A shiver of laughter shook Freya and she grinned again, “That’s one way of putting it. I guess I freaked when you said you’d found the time rip. I don’t know why, I knew anyway that it was going to be found. It was just a bit of a shock after everything else.”
“Dare I ask about the everything else?”
Freya paused and drew a breath, gaze skittering away.
“You want me to swear, I’m happy to.”
She bit her lip and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. “I stole a time device and I need somewhere to stash it so Jeremy doesn’t find it.” It was Brett’s turn to shiver with silent laughter, and Freya looked up at him sharply.
“Fantastic. Jeremy promised to train me up on using the thing, but he won’t let me have one. I’ll look after it for you and in return, if he ever discovers it, I won’t tell him I got it from you.”
“I’m not sure. I mean, if you keep it in 2008, I won’t be able to use it if I need to.”
“How about if I promise to visit every week.”
“Done. Jeremy will do his nut if he ever finds out, you know.”
Brett laughed softly, an eerie imitation of Jeremy, “Don’t worry about that. I can deal with my little brother. Besides, it’s not Jer who’ll give me grief over it anyway.”
Freya smiled and then rubbed her hands over her arms as if suddenly chilled. “He’s going to get it closed now isn’t he,” she said quietly.
Brett guessed they were back to the time doorway. “Why don’t you want him to close it, Freya?”
She looked up and huffed, “Because…” she hesitated, conflict running over her face. “Because, it’s just— he just can’t okay.” She fidgeted for a moment, fingers finding short blades of grass and pulling them up.
Brett was silent, watching her with Jeremy’s dark chocolate eyes. She tried again, “It’s just…I need to come here.” She paused and suddenly realised the truth she had suppressed. “It’s that Nathan is…” she stopped again, “My brother’s not dead here, because he’s not born yet. I can have him and Janet here.”
“And if Jeremy closes the time rip and things don’t work out between you, then you won’t be able to come back here.” Brett spoke softly, his tone low.
Freya exhaled sharply and said in a rush, “I know it’s dumb. It was six years ago. I should be well over it by now. I know, intellectually, that it makes no difference that he’s not born yet here. I can’t even go back and save him, because to do so would mean I would change history and I might lose Janet, not to mention Jeremy.
“I know it’s all academic anyway. Here, there, wherever, he’s still gone and he’s not coming back.”
“Freya, there’s nothing dumb about how you feel and there’s no time limit on grief. Jeremy was right about you. He told me you were an incredibly strong person.”
Freya stared at him, stunned, “He said that?”
“He’s worried that you’ll grow out of him in a few years time and not want him around anymore.”
Freya could only blink at Brett in astonishment, but he did not say anything further; simply staying quiet and waiting for what he was sure was coming next.
“He wants some kind of commitment from me. I can’t, I don’t.” She broke off and looked away, shocked by the tears that suddenly ran down her face. She gave a choked gasp half-laughing and holding out a hand as if to ward him off. Brett took her outstretched hand and pulled her towards him, hugging her carefully.
Freya laughed and swallowed her tears, hugging him back, suddenly glad for the comfort when she felt so mixed up. “Christ, Brett, I’m a mess.” Reluctantly, she straightened up, wiping away the last of her tears with her palm, leaving a streak of mud over one side of her face. “Commitment’s a dirty word.”
Brett shook his head, “You’ll sort it out.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as he spoke, “Maybe we should go back and let him know you’re okay.” He stood up as he spoke, pulling her to her feet. Freya rubbed her hands over her arms, not wanting to walk back to the house yet. Brett turned and waited.
“Brett.” She hesitated and looked away across the field for a moment. Here was yet another person that she cared for, who she didn’t want to lose. When had she gained so many friends? There had only been Janet for so long now, and suddenly she had all these people to think of.
She sighed and looked back at him. “I always wondered what Nathan would have been like if he’d lived to grow up. I like to think he would have been something like you.” She spoke the words quietly, wanting to say them, but embarrassed at the same time.
He walked back to her and took her hand, “That’s the nicest compliment I’ve ever had,” he placed her palm against his heart and said, “I promise you, whatever happens with Jeremy you won’t lose me from your life. I think we’re gonna be good friends.” He grinned suddenly and said, “As you’re seeing my little brother, that makes you a sister by association. I think my other brothers are going to want to meet you. They are going to be thrilled to have another little sister to boss around.”
Freya allowed herself to be drawn back to the house. As they entered the kitchen, Jeremy looked up from where he was lounging against the sink. Brett gave Freya’s hand a reassuring squeeze and said to Jeremy, “Where did Janet get to?”
Jeremy studied his fingernails for a moment, “Greg turned up and decided he would be better at cooking than you. Apparently, he’s taken Janet to the shops.”
“Greg said that did he? Excuse me.” Brett stalked out the door, leaving Freya to face Jeremy alone.
The kitchen was suddenly silent. Motes of dust played in a clear rectangular beam of sunlight from the open window, their chaotic movements in accord with Freya’s thoughts.
Jeremy had not approached her. Had not said one word. He just watched her intently, making her pulse scramble. She attempted to sort through her mixed thoughts and feelings. Jeremy wanted her. Brett had confirmed it and given her a small insight of his brother’s feelings. She wanted him too, far too much. Her feelings for him were bordering on obsession.
She wanted to watch his beautiful face all the time, to try to read his emotions as he so easily read hers. She wanted to listen to his voice, the gentle inflections in it, and she wanted the calm she felt around him; the capability he seemed to wear like a second skin.
Clear as a bell, the knowledge sang through her that she wanted him for all time, not just a passing relationship. Somewhere along the way she had fallen hard for him, and now she was damned if she would let him get away. But all that was for the future.
She wanted Jeremy and he wanted her. Why couldn’t it be as simple as that? She slowly crossed the room to stand in front of him and hesitantly wrapped her arms around him, resting her face against his shirt.
Jeremy held her close to him, allowing hope to burn bright inside. He stroked his hand over her head to feel her silky hair. His fingers reached the nape of her neck and burrowed under the golden mass to find soft skin.
“Freya,” he said quietly, “I won’t try to close the time rip. Brett is going to live here, but in 2008. Between us, we should be able to monitor it well enough. You can come and go as you please through the rip, or I can transport you with my time device.”
Freya looked up at him in shock. She had never expected anything like this; he was contradicting everything he had previously said.
“There will be conditions, of course, but I hope you will hear me out.”
Freya looked into his eyes, studying the dark chocolate colour, trying to see what was behind the change of decision. Now that he was saying she could get herself home, perversely, she was ha
ppy to let him transport her. She smiled and almost shook her head at her contrariness. “What are the conditions?”
His fingers left her neck to stroke through her hair, gently combing out tangles. “I cannot allow anyone to know I am not from 1908, and if you are to visit me here, then you also need to give the illusion that you are from this time. I can provide you with suitable clothing, but you will need to know the laws and customs here.” He shrugged, “I can train you in these matters easily enough, but no one from either 2008 or 1908 should have knowledge of the time rip, or the work my colleagues and I do here. For others to know could put our lives at risk.”
This was going to be easier than she had expected. “Okay, I promise not to say a word, and I’ll do my best to learn the stuff you tell me.”
Jeremy smiled gently at her. “There are other matters that you should be aware of. In this century many diseases are endemic, such as TB, or consumption as it’s known here. I would like you to consider being vaccinated against anything you may come across.”
“I’ve already had my BCG at school, that’s the one for TB, but you can never get enough immunity in my opinion.”
“Good, I will ask Matt to set it up.”
Jeremy had obviously been thinking this through for some time and Freya felt herself relax as the full implications of it all struck her. Jeremy was giving her space to make her own choices, to take things at her own pace. She smiled a bit shyly up at him.
“Does this mean we’re going out?”
He looked down at her in puzzlement for a moment or two before understanding crept over his face. “You will have to forgive me for not having much knowledge of twenty first century slang; it is not a period I have studied. Are you saying that you want to be my girlfriend?”
Freya glanced away from him as a smile curved her mouth and her teeth scraped across her lower lip. “Maybe,” she said, still not looking at him. She felt his laughter.
“Maybe? Perhaps I need to remind you of my attributes.” His palm edged around her neck, thumb forcing up her chin, and she felt a familiar dizzy breathlessness as his mouth hovered a whisper from hers. She waited for him to close the distance, but maddeningly he remained motionless.
“Jeremy,” she said, and then when he still didn’t move, “Please.”
She expected laughter but it didn’t come. “Please be your boyfriend, or please kiss you?”
“Both.”
“All right.”
Epilogue
Freya sighed and, dropping her head back, gazed up at the stars. The sky was inky dark, a rich void with sparkling points of light. The swing seat creaked gently as she caught the ball of one bare foot on the grass. Jeremy had designed it with Joe, and she had helped sand and seal the wood. It had taken all of the remaining summer to complete it and the garden that was still a riot of colour.
It was early October now, and they’d yet to have a frost sharp enough to wither the summer bedding plants. Freya stroked a hand unconsciously over the slight bump in her belly. She could hardly believe she was carrying Jeremy’s child. A son or daughter with his beautiful dark eyes and sharp intelligence.
They’d had a quiet wedding in the local church and visited their families afterwards. Freya had not wanted a big fuss made and with Jeremy’s job, it was as well to keep a low profile. She had worn a blue and white sundress and Joe had given her away. Matt had been best man, with Janet and Brett their witnesses.
Afterwards, the six of them had gone back to the farmhouse and had champagne in the back garden. Matt had begged a smart carriage from the London office in 1908, and Joe had handled the team that drove them between the church and farmhouse.
She remembered the laughter they had shared, the bright sunshine sparkling off cut glass and white wine. The small blue butterfly that had clung unnoticed to the back of Matt’s jacket and the night that had followed; holding hands with Jeremy, up the stairs to his bedroom, the dark glint in his eyes a promise of what was to come.
Visits to her family had been somewhat strained. Her parents had naturally been disappointed that she had married without their knowledge. Jeremy had helped smooth things over and their acceptance and desire to welcome him had done more to warm Freya towards her parents than anything had for many years. She slid her hand over her slight bump once more and felt hope burn bright that they would all step closer to burying the past.
Freya was still working out the details with Jeremy. Now that she had a child on the way, certain things had to change. It wouldn’t be easy bringing up a child with grandparents in 2112 and 2008. Freya still didn’t know how they would manage, but Jeremy had a quiet confidence that was somehow contagious.
He’d already started fashioning a cradle out of the left over wood from the swing seat. Joe had been an unexpected source of information on carpentry and Jeremy an eager pupil.
Movement near the gate caught her eye; Jeremy had come to find her. He sat beside her and she leaned into his warmth, suddenly realising how cold it was.
“Still out here dreaming?”
“It takes my mind off feeling sick.”
He smiled ruefully, “Poor Freya. Dinner is nearly ready now. Do you want to come in?”
“Okay.”
The grass was cold on her feet. Jeremy’s arm a warm contrast around her waist as they walked slowly back towards the house. Freya paused outside the gate, scanning the dark quiet meadow.
Memories of the first time she had been here flooded her mind. Hot and filled with weeds and a very disturbing man. Incredible to think she’d spent so much time running from this place, and now it was home.
She had wasted years of her life running, and for what? A handful of empty years enlivened only by Janet’s fierce refusal to leave her alone.
Her hand went unconsciously to her belly, her mind backing away from the thought of losing what she now carried. Lightening fast, an image of her parents after Nathan’s death followed, and a little more acceptance crept into her soul. She still couldn’t understand her parents behaviour towards their remaining child, but something closer to forgiveness crept in.
She glanced up at Jeremy and smiled, her face lit with love and knowledge. Jeremy lifted one hand to stroke her cheek and, returning her smile, guided her on towards the house.
About the author
Alexia James has had over thirty-two jobs in the last fifteen years and although most of them have been temporary ones, she is hoping this one will be a little more permanent.
She lives outside London with her husband and a budgie called George.
Acknowledgments
Thanks to my sister in law, who read through the first draft, pointed out a few gaping holes in the plot and corrected some appalling spelling and grammar mistakes, any left in are my own. Thanks also to my husband who has put up with more speculation on plot lines and characters than any sane person could be expected to cope with.
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