by Joshua Guess
Hours, it seemed like. It might have even taken that long in reality.
But she's alive. Our baby didn't make it.
Gabrielle didn't want me to look at him, but I had to. I couldn't let him go without at least touching those tiny hands at least once. I needed the reassurance that he had been. I don't know if I can explain it, so I don't think I will try more than that.
Jessica was unconscious by the time the baby passed, so she didn't have to deal with the immediacy of it. I don't know how I am going to be able to tell her when she comes to. Jess had always been indifferent bordering on not wanting children, but when we found out she was pregnant, things changed. She changed. I don't know if I can bear to be the one to crush the joy in her heart as it has been in mine.
I found out much later what happened.
Jess met up with Aaron, Pat and Will as she was coming home. The army guy came out of the south woods, yelling at Will. He got close to them, yelling about Will coming back home. Pat and Aaron were unarmed, but tried to give Jess and Will cover with their bodies. The guy drew a gun, but Will was prepared. He pushed himself out of his chair to snag a rock from the ground and to get out from behind his two protectors.
Will threw perfectly, crushed the guy's throat. Pat and Aaron were shocked enough that both of them moved from where they were standing, and that made an open path to Jess. I would like to think that the shot was just wild and random, that no human being left alive could possibly shoot a pregnant woman on purpose. I don't know. But regardless of his intent, the result was clear.
Evans took a look at the man's corpse not too long ago. He says that there are deep bruises in the shape of fingers around his windpipe. I guess Will was doing more than just checking for a pulse. Good for him.
I need to go check on Jess again. If this seems flat and without my sometime habit of writing elaborately and with pretty words, it's because I just can't find the right ones to express what is pouring through my head right now.
I have to go.
at 7:40 AM
Death to Aggressors
Posted by Treesong
I've known Josh in passing for years now, but I've really gotten to know him much better in the months since the world around us has crashed and burned. Usually, Josh has been the one to call for more security, more weapons, more draconian responses to the mindlessly hostile world in which we now live. And usually I, along with a few of our friends, have been the one to call for communication, for cooperation, for even tempers and merciful responses, even in the presence of brutal acts and heartless people.
But you know what? I'm running out of patience, running out of understanding, running out of mercy.
We live in a world where most of humanity has either outright died or been turned into some horrible mockery of life we now call "Zombies." And here, in a small corner of the Heartland of America, a small community of us are doing what we can to band together with other peace-loving survivors and build a new life for ourselves. Our goals may at times seem selfish — and may at times BE selfish — but we are part of a grassroots effort to rebuild humanity from the ashes of a global apocalypse.
After all that's happened — the collapse of civilization, the death of most of humanity — how can any sane person dare to violate the peace among the living, to invade a settlement of survivors, to bring needless death into a world already overflowing with the living dead?
There's a simple answer to this question. No sane person can do these things. And no sane person can tolerate these things.
I am a peace-loving man. I simply want to live here with my loved ones and scratch out some small measure of peace and comfort and survival in a world that has pretty much literally gone to hell.
If you live outside of these hallowed walls, I don't care who you are, or what you believe in, or what you're doing with your lives, as long as you leave the non-aggressive survivors of our land in peace.
But make no mistakes. I have taken the lives of both Zombies and the living in defense of my people. And I would do so again without hesitation, without question, without remorse, in defense of my people.
If you, too, wish to live in a society of peace, a society of rights, a society of justice, then by all means, join us in our effort to build such a society.
But if you come to us as an aggressor, with murder and conquest in your heart, then you had better pray to whatever God you believe in that your death will be swift and painless. Because if you come here to violate our peace, to take our land, to kill our children, then you have forsaken all pretense at humanity, and humanity will forsake you in return. The way I feel today, if anyone else tries to invade this compound, I may personally nail them to a post outside our front gates just to watch them die. It would also send a message to any other would-be aggressors that we don't take such murderous behavior lightly.
This might be a good time to point out that I've just learned yesterday that my lover is with child. I found out this otherwise joyous news only hours before the tragedy Josh has written about. There are also other male-female couples in this compound, and any of them who aren't with child currently might end up being so in the coming weeks and months. Unless, of course, this incident scares them away from it. It is for these children that we are building this new world, and it is for these children that I pledge my life in defense of this community.
If any of you come to this community with malice in your hearts, then Gods help me, I will kill you all. We've worked too hard and come too far to have our effort at a new life ended by mindless monsters who don't have the good sense to approach other survivors in a spirit of peace and cooperation. If you come to us with weapons drawn, then by the Gods, we will end you, and we will use your own weapons to end whoever sent you.
at 12:36 PM
Friday, September 10, 2010
Busy Away the Tears
Posted by Josh Guess
An update.
Jess is devastated, as you would expect. I am not doing much better, but I have had things to do and keeping busy has at least distracted me from losing the baby enough that I don't head off to Richmond to start killing people.
Will has been confined since just after the attack. None of us hold him responsible, but neither do we trust that he won't go out and try to get to Richmond himself. Pat questioned him about the man that shot my wife, and Will says that the guy was a PFC named Steve Parker, which matches the military ID we found on the body. He looked pretty thin and rough, like he had been living out in the open for a while. My guess is that he struck out on his own looking for the downed helicopter, and was probably watching us for a few days before he made his way in. He looked pretty starved, so I can only imagine what the sight and smell of all our food did to his mind.
No, I'm not apologizing or making excuses for him. He shot my wife and caused her to lose our baby. If I could, I would bring him back to life just to kill him myself.
Everyone is pretty distraught. Jess is loved around here in a way I can never be, and people are pissed. Courtney sort of took over, trying to calm people down while making sure that the compound was secure. She was the one to have Pat lock up Will, and she searched the body of PFC Parker. She wants to know what happened just as badly as the rest of us do, and she is a lot more suspicious of Will in this than I am. But considering that Will was the one who took action, probably saving Jessie's life, combined with the fact that he has been under lock and key since he got here, I just don't see how he could have been involved.
I think on Courtney's part that she feels like she has to do something, and that wonderful mind of hers has to consider all possibilities equally. I certainly understand it, and since she's a lot more able to think dispassionately than I am right now, I trust her judgement.
This does mean that some time down the road we are going to have to do something about the soldiers in Richmond. It's something that we will be discussing in council soon, I am sure...
Steve, Courtney's husband, nearly broke
his hand. He was there at the clinic with us, helping Evans and Gabby in any way he could. When things calmed down, my normally relaxed and calm friend went nuts, and punched a wall with everything he had. Said he was just frustrated that there wasn't more he could do.
The friends I have, I would never trade for anything. They have been rocks for me to hang on to, and their support has meant more to me than I will ever be able to say.
at 12:24 PM
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Together
Posted by Josh Guess
Jess is still resting up, and will likely be off her feet for a few days. I am taking the rest of today off to spend time with her, and this post will be short.
Not a lot of new info to be had. Will is out and about now, since none of us think that he had anything to do with the man who attacked my wife. Will says that it is likely the man was sent this way looking for the crashed helicopter, that it has been done before by the soldiers in Richmond.
I am only writing a post at all today because we had some big news come in.
This has been a quiet time for zombie attacks, thank god, and that means that work all around the adjoining neighborhoods is moving along well. We've also been able to get some people out to find some basic construction materials for our power plant. Thank god my brother knows how to make concrete...
This big news is that the factory that houses all of those turbines is beginning to clear up. That means that a group can be sent to it to start bringing them this way. Patrick has volunteered for the trip, and he is going to be heading out with a dozen others on monday. We can't let this opportunity slip by us, especially considering that satellite photos show a large number of trucks available at the factory to transport them...maybe we will send more than thirteen people...
If Pat and the folks that go with him can manage to find enough fuel, they will be able to bring back enough turbines to keep even our more power-hungry endeavors running at full strength. So much can go wrong, but it gives me something to research and plan, something to work on.
But my brother is doing that right now. I will help again in the morning. Today, I will join my wife on one of the hospital beds we lugged over, and we will mourn together.
at 10:09 AM
Monday, September 13, 2010
Freedom and Ashes
Posted by Josh Guess
Patrick and our group of volunteers are heading out today, heading toward the factory that has the turbines we need to build our power stations.
Pat really doesn't want to leave. He has been one of our best friends for what seems like forever, and he has been trying to be there for Jess and I after the shooting and loosing the baby. And while both of us have taken a lot of solace in his being there for us, living in the zombie apocalypse has taught us that hard practicality and taking advantage of opportunities trumps whatever personal tragedies we face.
Because the facts are simple. We love Pat and will miss him, but his staying here will do nothing to help Jess heal faster, and will not bring back our child.
But his going will mean a chance at sustainable power, which will benefit everyone here immensely. Most prominent in my mind at present is the fact that the clinic will be able to grow into something closer to a hospital, since with all that electricity we will be able to run x-ray machines and the like. Frontier medicine only suits us as long as it's required by circumstance...
Which leads me to something interesting.
Evans has started taking names from people to learn medicine. He's got enough gray in his hair that he worries about leaving us without a doctor and surgeon. Will has asked permission to learn from him, which is surprising. Some people are still nervous about Will, worried that someone from his unit in Richmond managed to perpetrate such a heinous act here. Those folks don't think we should put full trust in him, and they lump medical training in with that.
I happen to think that every person who learns skills that might save others is a treasure. It's something that we will take up in council, as well as the larger issue of Will's place here in the compound. I don't think it's fair to the guy, given the strength of character he has shown us, that we continue to dictate his freedoms piecemeal. I think it's time for a definitive yes or no on his status. Is he a citizen here, as he wishes to be, or an enemy?
I will vote citizen. He has proven himself to me, and has killed for us. And I think that if we are going to build a society that will do and be better than the one we have lost, we need to start trusting a little more. Making one man's life so stressful and complicated because of where he comes from rather than judging him on his actions in his time here only makes his life that much worse. The constant fear of being thrown out or imprisoned for his former affiliation with the soldiers in Richmond does nothing to improve his life. I don't wish that albatross of stress on anyone, because as we have all been shown once again in the last week, life is far too short.
It's here to be lived, and enjoyed if possible. Will could die tomorrow, and if he does, I would like it to be with the certainty that he did so in service to his equals, as we should be in service to him.
...I guess I should add, before I go, that we had a small service for the baby yesterday. Nearly everyone who was off duty wanted to come, but it ended up being Jess and I, with Will, Pat, Steve and Courtney. Treesong acted as our minister, and we gave our unnamed son our love as we set the pyre alight. We decided to spread the ashes at the base of an apple tree near our house. I'm not a religious person, and only spiritual to a mild degree, but it gives me hope to think that he will help that tree grow, and that its fruit will strengthen and sustain others.
To all of you that wanted to come, we are sorry. It would have been too much for me to see the sadness on your faces, our own pain magnified back at us hundreds of times. Jess and I appreciate your love and concern, and hope that you understand.
at 9:05 AM
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Simple Motions
Posted by Josh Guess
I spent my morning burning off some stress. The folks from downtown have taken to securing the adjoining neighborhoods with amazing zeal, every free person from down there at the fallback point coming here in their spare time to help with our efforts. Not surprising, considering that they are going to be living there, but a nice bolster to our workforce.
I have been patrolling the boundaries in armor, cutting down undead. Going out and sweating inside of the mismatched gear we use to defend against zombie bites, walking into danger with each cut of the blade, is just what I needed to get my mind right.
It isn't that I don't want to mourn. It hurts more than I can say. But sitting at my desk working on figures and plans isn't at all helping me get past the pain and be effective. It just leaves me more opportunities to think about what has happened, to turn it over in my mind, and I know intellectually that I need to do something to snap me out of that habit or it will consume me.
So...
Walking a beat, hearing the swish as the heavy Iaito in my hands cuts the air. Feeling the sudden resistance of cold flesh and bone as my swooping blade meets the enemy. Watching the parts fall away from each other as the threat is suddenly just a pile of meat.
It makes me feel like "The Bride" from Kill Bill. Like Ogami Itto from Lone Wolf and Cub. Like every titular character from Seven Samurai. Yeah, it's corny and stupid. But it takes me back to a time when I was younger in almost every way, in which those characters were ideals of righteous revenge, if not justice. For a moment, every time I see a zombie and mentally fall into the rhythm of motion that at once tenses and relaxes me, I become that ideal. For those few seconds, I don't think about recent events, I simply act.
Stupid, I know. But it's useful work, and if it makes me feel something from my younger days, if it makes me feel like some protector from the movies, then so what? It's just another form of release, something all of us desperately try to find nowadays, and if I get poetic and silly about it, feel free
to laugh.
Hell, I would want you to laugh. God knows I wish I could here lately.
But now, of course, it's back to those plans and figures. My brother can't do it all (without losing his mind, anyway) and I have to help him. But you know? I do feel a little better.
Now if I could only get a hold of Patrick and the people with him, to see how far they've made it.
