“I was just thinking about things.”
“This place seems to do that to people. I like to escape here when life gets too overwhelming.”
Part of her was tempted to tell Josh who she really was. They were both adults now, so it shouldn’t matter. But, then again, she was enjoying meeting him as a new woman, no old baggage to make her feel insecure.
“I’m sorry about your dad. It must have been hard on the two of you.”
“It was. It’s only been recently that I started thinking to the future again. Since he died, I was just kind of existing…you know?”
“Sure. I can’t even imagine what you must have gone through.” Cindy’s parents had supported and defended her all her years growing up. It wasn’t their fault kids were so cruel, not thinking about anything but the suffering they could inflict on others. When her parents went bankrupt, part of her rejoiced when they were forced to move south and settle on a much smaller property. That happiness fueled a whirlwind of guilt since she’d essentially thrived off her parents’ suffering. She’d been making it up to them every since.
“Life goes on, or so they say.” He rose to his feet, his leather boots creaking when he stood up straight. Josh reached out a hand to help her up, and she took it. His grip was warm, strong, and calloused. A man’s hand. She could appreciate a cowboy not afraid of hard work and sacrifice. He reminded her of Chance back home, and she suddenly missed the dirty-blond farmhand. She’d promised him a dinner date tomorrow, but here she was lusting after Josh Granger. “Come on, darlin’. We best get inside before the sun sets. You won’t see your hand in front of your face if we don’t turn back now.”
She knew that fact well. Cindy had wandered off too many times to count when she was a kid, needing to get rescued by her father when she couldn’t see her way back. With few friends, she had a vivid imagination. Now that she was an adult, that imagination had taken a turn to the naughty side. All she could think about was being dominated by the cowboy, allowing him to rid her of her virginity.
“Good thing I’m not afraid of the dark,” she said. It was important for Cindy to be strong, fearless. She’d followed the victim route and wanted no part of it again.
He chuckled, shadows highlighting the muscled planes of his chest as they walked back to the ranch on horseback. The gentle plodding soothed her, the snorting of the mare occasionally breaking the evening hush. “What are you afraid of, Ms. Taylor?”
“A woman never tells. It’s not smart to leave your weaknesses on your sleeve.”
“Who taught you that? Your momma?”
“Something I learned myself.” Cindy had cried herself to sleep too many times to count. She’d blamed God, her parents, and every doctor from here to Ontario. But life was what it was. All she could do was harden herself, leave the past buried, and keep going forward.
By the time they arrived at the rear barn, the sun had set, the spotlights providing much needed illumination. Josh stopped his horse and dismounted, gathering the reins as he led the animal ahead.
“Aren’t you cold?” He still had no shirt on, and the bitter Alberta evening was giving her the chills through her clothing.
He smiled that winning smile. “For the amount of time I work under the sun, I expect my skin turned to leather long ago.” His skin didn’t look like leather to her. In fact, she was tempted to reach out and run her hands over his shoulders and down the length of his muscled arms. “But don’t you worry, darlin’. You’ll be warming by the fire in no time.”
Josh quickly secured both horses in the barn and then led her to the side door. The house had two stories, the brick painted an aging white.
Once the door opened she was greeted with a flood of warm light. The scent of burning wood mixed with the hearty beef stew. It smelled like home.
“I was about to send the Mounted Police out looking for you,” Adam teased. “If you’re hungry, food’s on the stove. I’m heading up to bed now. Matthew will be by in first light to pick up a wagon of hay for Angel.”
“His sister has him wrapped around her little finger. It should be Clay or Landon picking up their own feed,” said Josh.
Adam shrugged. “They’re busy. Lord knows it ain’t easy starting up a new cattle operation in this economy.”
“I suppose,” said Josh. “Get your sleep. We’ll be joining you shortly.”
Cindy hadn’t moved since they entered. The mention of Matthew Garner’s name sent her heart racing. He was one man who would recognize her in a heartbeat. Unlike most of the townsfolk, he’d only been kind to her growing up. He’d always been the joker but didn’t find humor in teasing her for her disability. But even though her memories of him were fond, she didn’t want a reminder of who she used to be. She was a new Cindy now, and reveled in the fact Chance and Josh didn’t know or recall her past.
She refused to be looked at with pity or treated like an invalid.
“Come on, let’s eat,” said Josh, tugging her toward the kitchen by her sleeve. She’d never been inside the Granger house. It was spacious but homey. She could imagine living in a house like this. The furniture was mismatched, the woods in various stains, but it screamed comfort and love within a family.
“It smells great,” she said after sitting at the kitchen table. It was a heavy slab table made of solid oak. She traced the many grooves and dings with a fingertip as she waited for Josh.
“Me and my brother weren’t exactly gentle when we were kids. That table has seen its fair share of dinky car races and BB gun target practice.”
She didn’t want him to think she was judging them, because she wasn’t. “I like it. There’s nothing I hate more than a sterile home. That’s what hospitals are for.” And Cindy hated hospitals with a passion.
He set two steaming-hot bowls of stew on the table and sat across from her. Josh looked so damn sexy. His bare broad shoulders looked even more intimidating up close in the confines of the house, no shadows to hide him. The moment felt intimate, but she avoided such situations like the plague.
She started eating to avoid any more personal conversation. Cindy knew how easy it would be to fall in love with a cowboy like Josh, especially since she’d fantasized over him for years. If only things were different—if only she were different.
After the meal, eaten mostly in silence, she called her mother to let her know she wouldn’t be coming home. Cindy wasn’t a child so her mother didn’t put her through twenty questions. She could imagine the things going through her mind since Cindy rarely spent time away from home.
Josh led her up the creaky wooden steps to the second floor. It had been a long day, and her joints ached. She couldn’t wait to hit the bed and give in to the exhaustion pulling at her.
Josh pushed open a door near the end of the narrow hallway and allowed her to peer in. “It hasn’t been used in ages, but it’s clean. There are fresh linens in the blanket box if you need more. It can get nippy at night, but I’ll leave the fire on for you.”
“Thank you. It’s more than enough for me.” She walked in after he flicked on the light. The lone table lamp allowed her to see the room in its entirety. It was quaint with a double bed, dresser and blanket box. The wallpaper was floral, peeling from water damage near the ceiling. A heavy patchwork quilt covered the bed.
“It’s nice having you here,” he said. Josh leaned against the doorframe, watching her explore. “I can’t remember when a woman brightened this house last.”
His comment made her think. “Why aren’t you married?” she dared to say. She was certain Josh was older than her. It would make more sense if he were married with a couple kids by now. But for some reason he appeared to still be single, seven years later.
He walked in and sat on the edge of her mattress. He looked too big and masculine in the small, feminine room. “My daddy said the same thing to me time and time again. I’m just sad he’ll never get the chance to see me walk down the aisle with a woman I love.”
“I’m sorry. I shou
ld have kept my mouth shut.”
Josh shook his head. “Don’t apologize. I’m a bit of a fuckup, but I’m trying to remedy that…starting with the irrigation system.”
“Just the two of you are running this farm. I’d say that means you’re doing just fine. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” She should be one to talk. Cindy pushed herself to be the best. She studied day and night for her agricultural management diploma and then devoted herself one hundred and ten percent when Mr. Oakley gave her a chance to work for him. She rarely gave herself free time, and wouldn’t entertain a social life. It was a sad way to live.
He stared at her for a long moment making her squirm. “I don’t see a ring on your finger. Why’s that? You’re a catch if ever I saw one.”
“Looks can be deceiving.”
Josh stood up, closing the short distance between them. She braced her hands on the dresser behind her to keep from falling over, her legs felt so weak. “You’re a beautiful woman with a good head on her shoulders. There aren’t many women around here worth keeping, trust me on that. You on the other hand…” He leaned closer, his voice trailing off. Why did he have to smell so good? She swore he was going to attempt to kiss her. “…are a prize.” He took a deep breath near her neckline then retreated to the door. She already missed the heat that had radiated from his bare skin, the tickle of his scruff on her cheek.
“I don’t have an alarm,” she said.
“Don’t worry, I’ll wake you.” He winked and then closed the door tight, leaving her alone with her body thrumming. Even a cowboy with a reputation could be a gentleman. It surprised her he hadn’t tried to make a move on her. She should be relieved but mostly felt disappointment.
She let herself fall backwards onto the bed, the springs protesting as she briefly rocked up and down. Cindy exhaled the tense breath she’d been holding, studying the stains on the white ceiling above. What was wrong with her? She must be more repressed than she thought. After constantly avoiding Chance’s advances and now dealing with Josh, she was like a sexual bomb ticking away to detonation. She had to be stronger than her desires though.
Cindy turned off the night lamp, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the moonlight streaming in through the curtainless window. She slowly undressed, folding her clothes and setting them on the bedside table. “Fuck,” she murmured to herself as she looked down at her right leg. She peeled down the elastic cloth and carefully laid her prosthesis on the floor by the bed. It would be safer to keep it on since she wasn’t home, but her leg was killing her and she needed it off for a while so her skin could breathe. Being a light sleeper, she’d put her leg back on, including her Wranglers, the moment she heard stirring in the house tomorrow morning.
She slipped under the unfamiliar covers and turned to her side so she could see the moon beyond the window. The clouds moved around the white sphere as if not daring to get too close. It was a beautiful sight that had always brought her peace.
Cindy eventually closed her eyes, her breathing growing steady. Soon sleep would claim her, and as she often did, she’d dream of being a whole woman. A woman worthy of a husband like Chance or Josh. In her dreams.
Chapter Four
She stirred to life after a loud bang. Cindy sat up in a rush, trying to get her bearings. Another truck door slammed shut, and muffled male voices could be heard outside her window. She tossed the warm blankets back and rushed to attach the prosthesis to her lower leg. It wasn’t like her to sleep past sunup, but here she was, sitting on the bed with the early morning light warming her skin. After rolling up the lip of her leg over her knee, she tugged on her blue jeans. Once she was decent, she felt worlds better, safe from discovery.
Cindy’s worst nightmare included being caught with her artificial leg off. The kids in school had been cruel, outcasting her for her difference. In grade school her parents couldn’t afford a modern prosthesis, so she was forced to wear a metal attachment, which was difficult to walk in. Joining sports was out of the question. It wasn’t until her late teens that a charitable organization paid for her to have a couple modern legs custom made for her. She loved them, but she was already known as the cripple to the townsfolk.
She didn’t have anything with her since she hadn’t planned on staying overnight. She had to get to a bathroom to wash up, and she wanted a brush to tame her long hair. After she was fully dressed and decent, she quietly padded out into the hall. Voices echoed up the stairway. She recognized Josh’s voice, but not the other one.
Cindy found a bathroom at the other end of the hall. It was humid inside, the fresh scent of Irish Spring still lingering in the air. One of the brothers must have had a shower recently. It still amazed her that she’d slept through it all. She locked the door behind her and looked around the small room. There was no trace of femininity. A damp navy towel hung on the ceramic bar, bottles of shaving cream and colognes lined the back of the sink. The scent did wondrous things to her body, heat pooling between her legs. She thought perhaps her desire yesterday had been a onetime occurrence, but she now feared it would only increase in intensity. But she’d given up on the idea of a happily ever after as soon as she started becoming interested in boys as a teenager. Cindy would never be accepted once a man discovered she had such a devastating birth defect, so she resigned to being alone.
She’d just finished washing up when a pounding on the wooden door made her jump.
“Cindy? You in there, darlin’?”
She cracked open the door. “I was looking for a brush. I didn’t bring an overnight bag.”
Josh pushed open the door, not considering she might want some privacy in a bathroom. He bent down and opened the cupboard under the sink, easily finding a brush.
“Here we go.” When he stood back up, he towered over her. He smelled delicious, his brown hair slightly damp and pushed off his face. At least he wasn’t bare chested—not that the tight white T-shirt did much to curb her imagination.
He shifted her around by the shoulder so she faced away from him. She certainly didn’t expect him to brush her hair. He placed a palm on top her head and used the other to brush out her long hair. It was an odd experience, both awkward and intimate. It would take a lot of practice before Cindy was comfortable with human touch.
“You don’t have to do that, Josh.” Only after she said his name did she regret not being more professional. She should have used his family name.
“I love your hair, sun-kissed and beautiful.” Each stroke of the brush was smooth and gentle. She nearly forgot her name, only focusing on his touch. Cindy may be twenty-seven, but she had no experience with men. She’d effectively avoided relationships in hopes of never having to reveal her deformity. Now she savored the human contact, realizing what she’d been missing all these years.
“We should head outside to finish the quote,” she said.
“No rush.” Now he trailed his fingers along the shell of her ear, tucking stray hairs in neatly. Her pussy began to throb so intensely that she could barely keep her breathing steady. She heard him set the wooden-handled brush on the porcelain sink. His presence was larger than life behind her. Cindy froze in place, unsure what to feel or do.
She let out a barely audible gasp when he ran the backs of his fingers along the side of her neck.
“I want to get to know you, Cindy Taylor.” His voice was hushed, seductive. She was cocooned in warmth and new titillating sensations.
“I don’t mix business and pleasure,” she managed to say, wishing her words had sounded more final.
“We’ll see.” He spun her around by the shoulder. She refused to look him in the eyes when she could barely contain the unfamiliar surge of emotion growing inside her. He tilted her chin up so she was forced to look at his handsome face, just as Chance had done yesterday. She was greeted with a playful smirk. “You’re full of surprises aren’t you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“After yesterday I thought you were hard as nails. Now I’m not
so sure.” Could he sense her insecurities, the ones she tried to keep bottled up? Or did an experienced cowboy like Josh recognize a virgin after a simple touch?
“I’m just here to get a job done.” She dealt with horny cowboys every day of her life. They never fazed her. Why did Chance and Josh have such a profound effect on her? She felt like a schoolgirl with a crush, not an independent woman of twenty-seven.
“Very well.” He took a step away from her. “I’ll meet you outside as soon as you’re ready.”
Once he left her alone, she dropped down and sat on the ledge of the bathtub. The simple life goals she had for herself suddenly didn’t seem sufficient. How could she settle for living with her parents and working for Oakley? How on earth did she think she could eliminate the love variable from her life? It was all around her, in every movie and song. She felt the spark every time she saw Chance Anderson and now with Josh Granger. But her traitorous desires mocked her. She could never commit to a serious relationship, not with her secret like an albatross around her neck.
Matthew waited for Josh to join them in the yard. Adam was ready to help load the hay bales, but they needed an extra hand. It was bad enough he was making this trip for Angel. These days he seemed to be everyone’s errand boy, and it was beginning to give him a complex. The family farm was going to ruin now that he was the last Garner left on the ranch. His father put it up for sale two months ago despite his protests. As much as he wanted to, he was unable to run the entire operation himself.
All his brothers and baby sister were married and moved on with life—except Matthew. Now he wouldn’t even have a viable income to be of any value to a woman. His world seemed to be collapsing around him, and he wasn’t sure where he’d end up once all the pieces settled.
“Where’s that brother of yours?” he called out. If they didn’t get loaded soon, he’d be stuck unloading in the scorching afternoon heat.
“He’s just checking on our guest. He’ll be out in a minute.”
The Reluctant Virgin [Ride 'em Hard 6] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 3
