by Drew VanDyke
This was prayer as it was meant to be. Not the rote blessing before a meal, not the dancing around the fire asking for needed rain, not even the desperate pleading of a daughter at the bedside of her dying mother. “Take this shit away from me,” I screamed, and left it in the hands of the gods.
It didn’t matter if anything listened. It was a catharsis.
By the time the family was due to arrive, I’d worked through it, made some decisions. And, though I didn’t like the way Con and Jackson forced my hand, I had never liked lying to Will anyway and it was either “fess up or break up.”
Hope the one didn’t cause the other.
They got in the next night really late. “A rockslide closed 108 for seven hours,” Dad said after perfunctory hugs and greetings. “We sat all day in Cold Springs waiting for them to clear the road. We’re going to bed.”
“Sorry,” I replied. “Tell me all about it tomorrow.” He and Rhonda retired to the master bedroom, which meant the only one on the ground floor, while Amber put JR to bed upstairs.
I went to sit out on the verandah with a cup of hot chocolate, curled up in a onesie and looking up at the moon when Amber joined me. Spanky followed, jumping into her lap.
Traitor.
“I can’t believe you drove the Lexus.”
Yep, that was the first thing my sister started with. I was in the shit with her, but you know, I really didn’t care. I had way bigger concerns than that. “I texted you,” I told her.
“Yes, how convenient that cell reception is crappy in Yosemite.”
“Must be the UFOs.”
“I thought Will was going to bring you up.”
“Will was busy.” See? I can be the bigger woman, not throwing Will’s broken leg in her face.
“You better not have scratched the paint or spilled soda on the leather.”
Maybe I should have after all, but the perfect moment for that riposte had passed. “Damn, Amber.” Sometimes it felt like the girl cared more about her things than she did her own sister.
“Oh, don’t give me that look. You know I care about you.”
“Stop reading my mind.”
“I’m not reading your mind. I’m reading your face and believe me, Ash, you may not know it, but your face speaks volumes.”
“Well that makes one of us.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, the truth is, I can’t read you very well anymore.”
She looked ill for a moment, and then blanked her face.
“See? You just proved my point.”
“What point?”
“It’s like those neural pathways that used to be alive when we were kids. The way I used to know things.”
“The way we used to finish each other’s sentences.”
“They don’t work the same anymore. At least not for me. Why do you think that is?”
Amber shrugged, but it was half-hearted. Like she knew something but she didn’t want to say it.
“Spill it, girl.”
“What’s there to spill?”
“I don’t know.”
“Me neither.”
We sat there in silence for a while, until I broke. I always broke first. I can’t stand the silence. “Adam says it’s because you have all moved on and I haven’t.”
She blew out a breath. “That is so not it.”
“Well, then tell me.”
She sunk down in her seat, and Spanky hopped off to sit on the deck at her feet. “I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
“Couldn’t do what?”
“Couldn’t let you see me that clearly, and vice versa. You have your secrets, I have mine. To keep them, I had to shut you out.”
“You stopped talking to me. It was like the only time we ever communicated was during a quarrel, like when you were trying to tell me what to do.”
“It was just easier.”
“Easier?”
“You know, before you turned the first time, I was terrified something bad was going to happen to us. I had visions of blood and death. After Shane died, the bad stuff seemed to be happening to just you. I couldn’t watch it, couldn’t deal with it. Couldn’t save you from it. Didn’t want it for myself.”
I growled, “I wasn’t your responsibility. I didn’t want you to save me from anything. I just wanted my twin with me, my best and closest friend. To share stuff.”
Amber picked at her perfect nails. “Well, I shut it down. The bond between us. I deactivated the twin switch inside. It was the only way I could have a life without you and your problems.”
“Now that’s fucked up.”
“What is?”
“In your attempt to separate your life from mine, you made me feel like the failures in our relationship were my fault. Do you remember how many times I came to you like a puppy dog trying to fix things? And every time, you pushed me away.”
Amber dabbed at the corner of her eye with her knuckle. “Yes, I remember how needy you were, how suffocating. I couldn’t handle it. You make it sound as if it was some kind of choice, but if I’d let your darkness in, I might have drowned in it.”
“Well, how’d that work out for you? ’Cause it sure made me feel insane.”
“You separated too. You ran away. From all of us. Then Adam moved away, Dad and Rhonda moved away, everybody moved away, leaving me with Mervin, who turned out to be a son of a bitch. Do you know how much shit I went through with him? And where were you every time? Lounging in some spa in the mountains.”
“I don’t recall you phoning me once to talk about your divorce.”
“Why should I burden you with that?”
I put both hands to my forehead. “That’s my point, Amber! I wanted to share the burdens with you. I wanted to see that you weren’t just the perfect construct you show the world. I wanted the connection again!”
“We’re back in each other’s lives again now.”
“Yeah, and don’t you absolutely hate it?”
“I love it and hate it. But…as you said to me once, we’re pack. I just had to be my own kind of alpha. Guess you’ve got to figure out what that looks like for you.”
I crossed my arms, grumpy. “I didn’t hurt your stupid Lexus.”
“I know.” I could have sworn she was channeling Ghost Mom, because she kissed me on the cheek and left me alone with my thoughts.
Grr…
When I went inside the cabin the rest of the family had gone to bed, except for Adam.
“Want some hot chocolate?” He took a kettle off the wood burning stove and poured the water into two cups.
“Sure.” I watched him throw in some powder and marshmallows, and then stir the resulting mess with a spoon, which he kindly left in mine as he handed it to me.
I used it to eat the marshmallows.
“So catch me up.” Sitting across from me over the red and white checkered tablecloth with his hands folded, it felt like some kind of interview.
“I’m not doing it.” I said, cutting to the chase. “You can find yourself another lupine to save the planet.”
“Hmm. Okay.” He looked at me and cocked his head unnaturally. For a moment I could see him as an alien or an android. Adam the Android. Ha.
“There’s too many complications, Adam.” I launched into a full bitch session about the circumstances, and ended with “…and that’s not to mention that Whelan’s back in town and I forgot to tell Amber.”
The room got deadly quiet. Not even a hoot owl or Spanky murmured. Adam raised an eyebrow. How did he do that? I never could. “Whelan’s back in Knightsbridge,” he said flatly.
“Yeah. He stopped at the house last week. Said he was clean and sober, and he looked it, far as it went. Just came by to say hi, like we were kids again and he hadn’t been a creepizoid, trying to watch us through the bathroom keyhole. It was freaky weird, because he seemed kinda normal, very subdued for Whelan, like someone hit the right combination of meds for once.”
Adam rose menacingly and I sh
runk back a little. Sometimes my brother could be seriously scary. “You haven’t told anyone else, have you? Never mind. Doesn’t matter. Get your beauty sleep. You’ll need it.”
“Um, okay. Normally I’d say ‘don’t tell me what to do,’ but I figure there must be a reason you’re going all alpha on me.”
“Yeah, there is. You and me, we’re going back to Knightsbridge in the morning.”
“What happened between you two anyway? I mean, Amber said that whenever he comes around he’s always asking for money. But he didn’t this time. Said he had a job and everything. The worst thing he did was check out my ass.”
Something buzzed. My brother lifted his pointer finger as if to say hold that thought and went out on the verandah with his cell phone to his ear. I utilized my extra-sensitive hearing and listened in.
“Adam?” I heard Jackson say. Werewolf ears, yay.
“Yeah,” my brother said.
“Is Ashlee all right? She hasn’t been returning my voice mails.”
“Yeah, I don’t blame her. But we’ll talk about that later. There’s something else on my mind right now.”
“Whatcha need?”
Adam asked him about Whelan.
“Ashlee never said anything to me. There was a strange scent around the perimeter of the property this morning when the pack got to work. I can check the main house if you want and one of us can sleep on site while you’re all gone.”
“We’ll be back tomorrow by noon.”
“Who’s going back by tomorrow at noon?” Amber asked, yawning into the conversation as Adam disconnected with Jackson. I guess we hadn’t been as quiet as we thought.
“Oh, the construction crew hit a sewer line. Don’t worry, it was in the pool house basement.” Adam cut Amber’s protest off, jumping to the conclusions he knew she’d be calculating. “I’m gonna oversee the rest of the project.”
“And I’m going to help with cleanup. It is my place after all, kinda. Trying to be responsible.” I gave her a dramatic sigh.
Fortunately, she bought it. “It better be cleaned up by next week. Elle says we’re going to have to cut our time here short anyway. Some case the mayor wants her back for. So, I guess it’s barbecue and wimpy California fireworks at Knightsbridge Canyon Reservoir for the Fourth.”
“Shit.” I muttered under my breath.
She gave me a sleepy stare and turned to go back to bed.
“Oh, Amber, while you’re up, I’ve got something to tell…” My sentence trailed off as Adam gave me a look and shook his head. Oh right, I thought. So, I switched gears as Amber turned back to me impatiently.
“Um, well, just thought I’d tell you that I’ve decided not to have the gay guy’s puppies.”
Amber seemed to relax at that and her eyes shone with kindness. “Now, that’s a wise decision.” My Mom’s voice seemed to come out of Amber’s mouth for a second there…weird. “Gay guys are entirely too obsessed with sex anyway.”
“Go political correctness,” Adam said.
“Straight men aren’t any different. They just hide it better.” Amber stuck her tongue out at Adam and gave us air kisses on the way out of the room.
“So, why are we really headed home in such a hurry?” I asked Adam as he drove the Lexus down out of the foothills.
Instead of answering me, he punched a number on his phone and stuck his Bluetooth into his ear. “Yeah, Cal, I need you to do your P.I. thing for me. I need information on the whereabouts of a Whelan Evanston, Whiskey Hotel Echo Lima Alfa November. Evanston, yeah.”
Whelan never used the Scott name. Said if he was going to be the only odd man out, a single W in the midst of 3 A’s, he’d at least keep his birth mother’s last name.
Adam hung up and called someone else. “Russ? It’s Adam. Yeah, I know it’s probably premature, but I need a standing federal warrant for one Whelan Evanston. Not sure. Just a precaution right now. Thanks man. I owe you one.”
My brother drove like a fiend and surprisingly enough, the portable radar detector he threw onto the dash kept him from getting tickets on the way – took a three hour car ride and turned it into two. He had mad skills when it came to driving. Something about Antiterrorist Evasive Driving courses. I had to close my eyes and hang onto the oh-shit handle.
I never seemed to get carsick when I drove, but now...
“A warrant? An APB?” I mumbled. “Why are you so upset? What’s going on? Where are we?” I must have been in an anti-nausea fugue for a while, because we just whizzed by the city limits sign of Knightsbridge.
“Jackson’s making sure everything’s all right back at the house. There hasn’t been anything going on that I should know about, is there?”
“Like what?” I rubbed the side of my head to wake up my brain.
“I don’t know. You didn’t tell me about the sabotage behind the pool house that got Will hurt. I had to learn about it from Jackson.”
“Funny which issue seems more important to you.” I made either-or motions with my hands. “Will, sabotage. Will, sabotage. And don’t try to distract me. What aren’t you telling me about Whelan?”
“You probably should ask Amber.”
“No, I’m asking you. Whenever Whelan’s name is mentioned, your face freezes and I think I’m going to see steam shooting out of your ears.”
“How can steam shoot out of my ears if my face freezes?”
“Gah! You sound like my editors. Now cough it up. What don’t I know?”
“Look, all I can tell you is that Amber has a restraining order against Whelan. He isn’t supposed to be able to come within 500 feet of Amber, Elle, John Robert or the property. Just the fact that he came to the door was a violation of the court order.”
“Why? I mean, I know he’s a drug addict, former maybe, and a douchebag. There’s more?”
“And he almost cost me my job.”
“How’d he do that?”
Adam sighed. “When I left the military and applied for my current position, they did a thorough background check, as usual.”
“Yeah, I remember the questionnaire I had to fill out and the interview with that Man in Black they sent. What a pain in the ass.”
“Yes, well, they interviewed Whelan too.”
“Oh no, seriously?”
“He made up all sorts of shit about our childhood. Things that never happened, or not the way he said. His lies turned the whole process from routine to a two-year wait. It was a huge debacle. Took me forever to refute everything.”
“But that doesn’t explain the restraining order. And I have to tell you Adam, when I saw him, he looked pretty good. Lucid, he wasn’t lying about being clean and sober. Wolf’s honor. My nose doesn’t make these kind of mistakes.”
“Take it from me, the restraining order is necessary. You want more information, you’ll have to ask Amber.”
“This is such bullshit.”
“I’m sorry. But that story’s not mine to tell.”
“Our family has way too many secrets.”
“You’re telling me,” Adam snorted as he dropped me off at the house. Maybe that’s who I got it from…the snorting, I mean.
Jackson was waiting on the porch.
“What’s he doing here?” I snapped.
“I have to go arrange some things. He’s your security.”
“You’re still trying to get me to agree.”
Adam sighed. “Am not. That’s up to you. But he’s the best option, and I trust him with my life.”
“Okay.” I hugged him and got out.
Chapter 8
When Jackson and I walked through the front door into the quiet house, it occurred to me we’d left Spanky up at the cabin. Probably better that way. I sighed, turned off the alarm at the beeping number pad and headed into the bathroom to relieve my bladder.
When I finished, Jackson proclaimed the main house and the rest of the property all clear. He settled into the cushy davenport and made himself comfortable to play guard dog. His words, no
t mine. I decided not to go another round with him about the situation, so I more or less ignored him. I mean, he could have assigned another of his pack, right? I’d have been more comfortable with, hell, anyone else.
None of them would be boning my wolf, after all.
Anyway, it looked like the pool house was still standing and surprisingly enough, they’d cleaned up after themselves in here, even stocked Amber’s refrigerator. I decided to survey their handiwork, heading out the back door and around the pool.
The first thing I noticed was that the place was immaculate. The pack had done a great cleanup job. The second thing I realized was the new bedroom furniture and a big bow in the middle and one of those oversized greeting cards. I opened the card and almost cried.
No more geographicals for you – Love, Dad and Rhonda, Adam, Amber, Elle, John Robert and Spanky. Geographicals… I was surprised they even knew the urban term, meaning to relocate in order to run away from problems.
The wood paneling was sanded down to the grain and smelled of oils and varnish and I saw my stepmother’s touch in the Arizonan pottery on the tiled counter that separated the kitchen from the dining nook, and the dreamcatcher in the window where Ghost Mom hovered.
I teared up.
“Oh dear,” said Mom. “Our family may be dysfunctional, but they really do love you, you know.”
I sat down on the Persian rug and bawled. Chalk it up to stress, but sometimes what a girl needs is a good cry, and then a good nap.
I woke up in a puppy pile with Luken and Elka. My mother’s scent lingered faintly around me. “Now, how did you guys get in here?”
Luken cocked his head at me and let his tongue hang out in a wolfish grin. Elka popped to her feet and led Luken and me the open cellar door, and then down the stairs.
The basement had been fully finished and the kennel in the corner had concrete-set rings for shackles to hold a werewolf. It was ugly, but I supposed I could throw something over it most of the time. Make it into a table or something.
A new washer and dryer stood in the other corner, a bow stuck on the top of the dryer. The card on this one said, No matter what you decide, you’ll always be part of my pack. Jackson. I wasn’t sure if I was irritated or touched that he didn’t seem pissed off at my refusal to go along with his plan. I bit back a tear. That gave me the answer: touched, I guess. Still not gonna open up the waterworks again.
