The Sisters helped me dress. They had taken a vow of silence so they wordlessly helped me slip into my white dress. Their silence echoed in my ears. I wished they would speak. I wanted them to comfort me. I wanted them to tell me what happens when a man and his wife are alone.
The best they could do was smile at me in the mirror. But it wasn’t enough. I was shaking a little bit, my fumbling fingers kept dropping whatever I was holding. The Sisters cleaned my face and pinned my hair up in a simple and modest style. They hung a veil over my eyes. It obscured my vision, everything in front of me looked hazy and far away through the delicate lace.
The Silent Sisters walked me to the chapel. It felt strange to wear a wedding dress in a convent. None of these Sisters would ever have to do what I was doing. They would never have to swear their fidelity to a stranger. They would never have to experience their wedding night.
If only I had been a better behaved child. If only I had the proper temperament to be one of them. I wanted to run to one of the Silent Sisters and beg her to take me with her. I wanted to live in silence with them, in devotion to God.
But I was like a train on the tracks. I could only go in the direction that had been set out for me. The tracks of the train had led me to the chapel and at the end of the track was Mr. Fields. There was nowhere else for me to go.
The Chapel was near empty. The Mother Superior and a novice nun stood to one side. The Priest of the local church stood at the lectern. Next to him, wearing an immaculate dark suit was Mr. Forth. Father Michael gave me a smile and took my hand.
We started walking. I felt lightheaded and worried I might faint. I had no idea who was controlling my body, but I knew it wasn’t me. I didn’t have the wits to put one foot in front of the other. It must have been God guiding my actions. I had put my faith in Him and I had to trust Him to see me to the end.
Before I knew it, we were at the end of the aisle and Mr. Forth was only a few steps from me. Father Michael squeezed my hand and then placed my gloved hand in Mr. Forth's. I glanced up into my future husband's eyes, hoping that I might see a smile. But Mr. Forth looked agitated, almost annoyed. He nodded once at me and then looked up to the priest. Had I done something wrong, was he angry with me already?
The priest's sermon was quick, but I heard none of it. Instead, I stared up at Mr. Forth’s face, but he refused to look back at me. He kept his eyes forward.
I knew nothing about Mr. Forth. I didn’t know what made him happy or what might make him angry. He looked so angry now and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. How did a wife please her husband?
Before I knew, it the priest was asking Mr. Forth if he would love and honor me and if he would take me as his wife.
“I do,” Henry Argos Forth said. His voice was low and hoarse and there was no emotion in it. I handed him a gold ring that slipped easily onto his left hand.
"And do you, Theresa Doe, take this man as your lawfully wed husband? Do you promise to love and obey him in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"
“I do,” I answered, my voice barely a whisper. The gold ring slid onto my third finger where it would always remain from here on out.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
I turned to face Mr. Forth. He was much taller that I was. He loomed over me. His rough and calloused hands were hardened by labor and work. He was broad shouldered and the muscles of his arms pressed against his sleeves.
He lifted the veil over my head. My stomach was in knots as I tried to prepare myself for the kiss. I was going to have my first kiss. I knew I should have felt excited, but at that moment, I only wanted to cry. I looked into his dark eyes as he lowered his head and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. He lingered for the smallest of moments. I could smell the peppery scent of his soap, as his dry lips pressed against mine.
Then it was over. I looked up into his eyes. I had expected more. But I couldn't name what it was that I wanted from him. I only knew that I felt strangely disappointed when he pulled away. There were too many emotions swimming in my head, I felt excitement, fear, and disappointment all at the same time.
Then it was just he and me in his carriage. The coach was lovely. It was painted a muted yellow color with blue trim. The seats were covered in soft cushions and there were curtains on the windows to cut the sun's glare. My small bag that held every possession I owned, sat tied to the back.
We drove in silence. Mr. Forth stared out the window as I stared at my hands twisting in my lap.
“The housekeeper is Mrs. Reynolds. She can see that you get all the dresses and anything else that you may need,” Mr. Forth said after clearing his throat. “She can introduce you to the running of the house.”
“And your daughter, sir?” I asked.
“Marybeth is a sweet girl, only three years old. I know she is eager to meet you,” he said with a nod. “And you need not call me sir. We are husband and wife now.”
I nodded, but my mind was spinning. A housekeeper? I had never expected anything so grand. I knew he had a daughter, but she too was a mystery. Would she call me mother? Would she be well-behaved?
The driver announced that we were nearly there. I craned my neck to look out the window and my mouth fell open when I saw Mr. Forth's home. At first, I couldn't believe it. It was too big, too grand. The house was huge, two stories tall with two separate wings. There was a large wrap-around porch with flowers and shrubbery framing the beautiful house.
There were endless fields behind the house, dotted with cows. There was a large red barn and next to that a stable where several horses paced around and flicked their tails. It was like something out of a fairytale. There was a small garden and a large rose bush. A small creek traversed the field and led to a large pond near the western side of the house.
I had never seen anything like this. My life had been spent in the convent tucked far back in the woods of Pennsylvania. It was nothing compared to this place. Everything seemed bigger and brighter than back home. The mountains were higher, the air was fresher, the streams were clearer.
He helped me out of the carriage and together we walked towards the house. The housekeeper was waiting for us and to my surprise, she bowed slightly to me. She was an older woman. Her hair was gray and her face was lined with wrinkles. She did not look like she smiled very often.
“Theresa, this is Mrs. Reynolds, the housekeeper.”
“Ma’am,” Mrs. Reynolds said. I was about to curtsey to her when she curtsied first. It hit me then that I was now a wife and this was my house. Mrs. Reynolds worked for me.
“I will leave the two of you to your discussions,” Mr. Forth said. “I am to change and then to the stables.”
“I’ve laid your work clothes out for you, sir,” Mrs. Reynolds said. She had a thick Irish accent and an easy report with Mr. Fields that I was immediately jealous of.
He nodded at the two of us and then took off up the stairs. I watched him go with my mouth hanging open. Was that all our wedding day was to be. A few minutes in the church and then to work? I hadn’t known what to expect, but I knew that this wasn’t what I wanted. Besides, how would I ever learn to please him if he was never around?
Chapter Four
“Well, I expect you're eager to see the little ‘un,” Mrs. Reynolds said. But her voice had an edge of bitterness she couldn’t quite hide. “She can be a bit of a handful, but I’ve never been good with children, never having any of my own. My mother had more than she knew what to do with. I left home when I was fourteen years old to go into service. I couldn’t stomach another moment in that house with all those babies,” she looked at me in my white dress and said, “I imagine you’d like to change first.”
"Yes, please," I said thankfully. I didn't feel like a bride. The wedding had been over so quickly, and my new husband is gone so soon that I felt like an imposter in this pristine white dress. "I have some experience with children," I said as I followed her. "At the orphanage, it was the job of the older g
irls to look after the younger."
“So you are from an orphanage,” Mrs. Reynolds said. She looked at me out of the corner of her eye and I could see she was impressed. “I’m glad to hear it. The mistress of this house cannot be afraid of hard work. Mr. Forth brings in a good income, but he’s no great Lord and there is always more work to be done and I have only these two arthritic hands.”
“I have never been afraid of hard work,” I assured her.
She nodded and led me into the fine house. To the right of the entryway was a lovely sitting room with high-backed couches and chairs detailed with intricate embroidery. To the left of the entryway was a dining room with a huge table made of a dark wood in the center of the room. There were framed photos and tapestries and lovely curtains on every window.
“This is your room,” Mrs. Reynolds said. The room was bright and airy. There were two large western facing windows that showed the wide field filled with cows and the breathtaking mountains behind them. There was a large dresser, a small writing table with a chair and a small bed. To my left was another door. “That leads to Mr. Forth’s bedroom,” Mrs. Reynolds said. I swallowed dryly. That room would be where I would sleep. I would lie in bed next to him. He would remove my nightgown and then...and then I had no idea what would happen.
I avoided that door and walked to the bed, the driver had already dropped off my lone bag. I opened it up and to my shock, Mrs. Reynolds was behind me unsnapping the buttons on my dress. The white dress slipped off and I was wearing nothing but my simple cotton shift and kickers. Mrs. Reynolds hung the dress up nicely on its hanger and I quickly put on my dress from the orphanage.
“You’re going to sweat in that dress,” Mrs. Reynolds said with a shake of her head.
“It’s all I have,” I answered, trying to keep my voice even.
"We'll have the dressmaker come tomorrow and take your measurements. He'll also have some lovely samples for you to look at. You can pick out whatever you like. Mr. Forth said you are to have all the clothes you need. He has left me in charge of making sure you are properly dressed. But rest assured I will not let you spend all of his hard earned money on silly clothes."
“I’m sure you know best,” I said with a nod. She gave me an appraising smile. I wasn’t interested in starting any fights with Mrs. Reynolds. We would need to live together and it would be better to have her on my side than as an enemy.
We went back into the hallway and made a right into Marybeth’s nursery. It was a shocking mess. Dolls and toys and clothes were strewn about the room. Marybeth herself was half in her toy chest pulling out more toys and throwing them without even looking to see where they were going.
"Child," Mrs. Reynolds called out. "Come and meet your new stepmother." At first, Marybeth ignored her. My eyes flicked between Mrs. Reynolds and the girl. Was this kind of disobedience really permitted?
Finally, Marybeth stood up and turned to face us. Her arms were crossed and her face was set in a dangerous frown. “I want my blocks,” she demanded with a stomp of her foot. “Give me my blocks.”
“You were playing with them outside yesterday, don’t you remember?” Mrs. Reynolds said. She was clearly irritated and she sighed loudly and barely looked at Marybeth when she spoke to her.
“I want them!” Marybeth called out. She had a head of curly blond hair and bright blue eyes. She was wearing a simple blue dress and no shoes.
“Then you’ll have to go and get them,” Mrs. Reynolds countered.
"No! You get them!" Marybeth said. And her voice was suddenly a scream. Without any warning, the three-year-old threw herself down on the ground and began to kick and scream. Her voice was loud and it echoed through the house. "I. Want. My. Blocks!"
Mrs. Reynolds huffed and stomped her foot and rolled her eyes at me. “We best just give her what she wants. I’ll go and get the blocks.”
I gently put my hand on her arm to stop her and shook my head. Without a word I walked into Marybeth’s room and sat down in the rocking chair next to the crib. I slowly rocked back and forth, waiting for the girl to tire herself out. Back and forth I rocked as if I didn’t have a care in the world. I wanted Marybeth to know that I would sit there all day if that was what it would take.
As she screamed, Marybeth would now and again look up at me from the crook of her elbow, gauging my reaction to her fit. Every few seconds we would make eye contact and seeing that her tactic still wasn’t working she would quickly hide her eyes and resume her theatrical screaming.
Slowly, she began to tire herself. Her screams grew weaker, her fists lost all their strength until finally she was just lying on her stomach. “Go and get my blocks,” she said to me. Her voice was thick with tears and she blinked up at me as if she were the saddest wretch who had ever lived.
“Hello, my name is Theresa, and what is your name?” I asked her.
She slowly sat up and wiped away her tears with the hem of her dress, a habit I would have to break. “I’m..I’m Marybeth Forth,” she said, standing up and falling into a clumsy curtsey. “I want my blocks,” she repeated pathetically.
“I heard you,” I replied. I looked her in the eye and gave her my full attention. “However, young ladies do not ask for things by screaming and throwing fits. They request them politely.”
The confusion came over her face. She looked to Mrs. Reynolds as fat tears welled in her eyes. "Blocks," she repeated her voice a high-pitching whine.
“Why don’t we clean up your room, then we can put your shoes on and I can take you out to the yard and we can look for the blocks together.”
She looked at me as if I had been speaking a foreign language and then finally said. “Mrs. Reynolds cleans my room.”
“Mrs. Reynolds is very busy and you are three years old, are you not?”
“I am,” she responded.
“Well, every three-year-old I know cleans their own room. Only little babies have the housekeeper clean their room. Are you a little baby?”
“No! I’m a big girl,” she said, her voice going to a high-pitched scream.
“Alright then,” I said, as I stood up. “Let’s put all these toys and clothes away and then we’ll go outside and find your blocks. I’m sure Mrs. Reynolds has a great deal of work to do,” I said with a pointed look at the housekeeper.
“Indeed, I do,” she said with a nod. “A great deal of work and more with every hour that passes.” She gave me one last look and then finally left the doorway and walked down the hallway.
“Where does she go?” I asked picking up a lovely doll carved from wood. She had a real cotton dress on and her hair was made from yarn.
“In the chest,” Marybeth said.
“Why don’t you put her in there,” I said handing her the doll. As if she had never completed a chore in her life, which was most likely the case, she slowly took the doll and delicately placed it in the chest.
"Good job!" I said with a little clap and a huge smile. "Can you get another one?" Slowly but surely we made our way through the room. It took a great deal of patience, Marybeth wasn't fast at anything and she was easily distracted. Every toy had a name. As we cleaned, she showed each one to me. Her imagination was wild. Some of the dolls were princesses while others were actresses on the stage.
Every time she did something well I congratulated her. This wasn’t my first time dealing with little children. I had introduced dozens of girls to the orphanage. I had learned that a smile and praise will go much farther than yelling and hitting.
Finally, the room was clean and taking her small hand in mine, we walked down the stairs and out into the bright sunshine.
“My mommy died,” she said as we walked through the thin grass. It was the last thing I expected her to say and I didn’t know how to react.
“I’m very sorry,” I finally said. “Do you miss her?”
She nodded solemnly and then said. “Are you going to be my mommy? I heard Mrs. Reynolds and Mark talking in the stables about daddy bringing home a new
mommy for me.”
Was that how this was, then? Mr. Forth didn’t want a wife, just a mother for his daughter. Perhaps he had another woman who kept him warm at night. Maybe I was to be nothing more than a glorified governess for this child.
"I have married your father," I said. "I can be your new mommy if you would like."
“My blocks!” She cried. There they were, scattered in the grass under a birch tree. She raced towards them, all talk of motherhood abandoned. I watched her play and then the back of my neck prickled, I could sense someone staring at me.
It took me a moment to locate him. He was inside the stables, leaning against the fence. His wide-brimmed hat shaded his face until he pushed it back so I could see his dark eyes. He nodded at me and I smiled and gave him a small wave. Our eyes met and we looked at each other for a long moment that was interrupted by Marybeth pulling at my dress, begging me to come and play with her.
Chapter Five
At seven o’clock Marybeth was put to bed. Thankfully, she was a child that slept well. She was asleep only a few seconds after her head hit the pillow. I lingered over her crib for a moment, gently tucking a loose curl behind her ear.
I didn’t want to leave the nursery. When I left I would have to turn and walk down the long hallway. Then I would take the stairs down to the first floor where I would enter the dining room for my dinner with Mr. Forth.
I had not seen him since the morning. I spent the day with Marybeth. She guided me around the house pointing out all the pictures on the wall and the carpets on the floor. She introduced me to the little white lambs, showed me the chicken coop and vegetable garden. It was a fine house and farm, Mr. Forth had every right to be proud of the work he had done.
Marybeth was sound asleep. There was no more reason for me to be in this room. I felt like I was walking to my death. With every step, my fear and nervousness grew. Mr. Forth was older than me, well-respected and clearly wealthy. What could he possibly see in a plain girl like me? Compared to him, I was an orphan with less than nothing. I must have been such a disappointment to him. That explained his grimace at our wedding. No doubt he was feeling that he had been given a raw deal.
[2016] The Precious Amish Baby Page 7
