Ella’s eyes were so confused, like she was angry and sad all at the same time.
“She confused you making sure the kids behaved at the supermarket with you neglecting me. I told her the truth—that your focus is always where it needs to be, and that I’m completely and utterly in love with my wife. Have been from the first night I saw her.”
At that, her expression softened. Ella knew how dedicated I was to her, but it didn’t hurt for me to say it once in a while. Especially under these circumstances.
“I’m still pissed.”
“She’s a confused girl who got a little drunk. I laid it out, Ella.” I raised my hands to cup her face. “You were right, and I’m so sorry for not seeing it.”
Her lips twitched. “Did you just say I was right?”
“You’re usually right.”
“Only usually?” Ella’s eyebrows crept up.
“I love you so much, Ella, and I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “There’s nothing to forgive.”
“But …”
“You didn’t do anything, and you came straight home and told me. Maybe things have been a little rough, but there’s one thing I have absolute faith in.” A smile crossed her face. “You and me. This was the closest thing you’ve come to a Sam moment. You could have mucked around, but you’d never do to me what Sam did.”
“I’m just glad you still know that.” Sliding my arms around her waist, I held her tight. “I don’t ever want this ride between us to end.”
“Me either.”
I grinned. “Let’s just drink this wine and celebrate.” I swept my tongue across her lips before kissing her, and she melted into me. “I’m so proud of you and everything you want to do,” I whispered. “You’re amazing. I don’t even know how you juggle all the things you’re doing now, but I know we’ll make this work.”
She sighed. “I was thinking we could set up a computer in the living room. It’s not ideal, but …”
“I was thinking we could build an extension to the house. We started off with enough rooms, but why don’t we add onto the end of the house and build a home office for the two of us?”
Ella licked her lips. “That could work.”
“I’d been thinking about it a bit anyway, if I’m going to work from home more often. We could build it big enough for us both to work in there during the day once Zach starts school.”
Her eyes that had been so sad before now lit up with excitement.
“We could even design it together. I’ve still got the architectural plans for the house in my Dropbox and that software we used for them.”
Her smile widened. “I love that idea. Team Carver.”
I laughed. “Always. Don’t you ever forget it.”
Ella wrapped her arms around my waist, snuggling into my chest. “Want to know why I love you so much?”
“Well, I’m undecided about whether it’s my rugged good looks, amazing body, or my modesty.”
She laughed. “You’re honest with me. That’s all I ever wanted.”
“I love you, Ella—that’s why. Being with you is easy.”
She raised her face to meet my gaze. “I also love your rugged good looks and amazing body. Shall we take this bottle of wine and a couple of glasses to bed?”
“You read my mind.”
Chapter 16
NATASHA
Life without Sam was tough. All I could think about was him as I went about my day, and I didn’t know what hurt more—his dishonesty, or finding out what he’d done. While he’d cheated on someone else, it stabbed me to the core, bringing back memories of the first time I’d caught Dean.
It was back when I’d still loved him, and not long after Paige was born. Before the drinking, before the drugs, before the violence. I should have left then.
I’d taken Paige for a walk, and we were going to get on a bus to a shopping mall. I’d stood waiting for a bus for half an hour before realising of all things, I’d left my purse at home.
I’d never forget what I walked in on. He must have had her round there the minute I went out. I got all the way to the bedroom looking for my bag when the sight of my husband’s bare arse had greeted me. His thigh muscles had flexed as he’d pumped in and out of some other woman, and this bold-as-brass blonde had taken one look at me and smiled.
“You never told me this was a threesome,” she’d said, hooking her fingers into Dean’s hair.
My heart had fallen to my knees as the man who only a year before had promised to love me forever turned his head, an expression of horror on his face.
Before the scorn, the abuse, and the bad treatment, my husband had leapt off this woman and run after me. If I’d had anywhere to go, I might have left. I should have.
Dad had recently had his stroke, and my mother had had him to take care of. The guilt of Paige and me turning up on their doorstep when mum had enough stress to deal with had kept me from leaving. Besides, I had to work things out for Paige’s sake. That was the lie I’d told myself over and over again—when he’d lied to me, when he’d yelled at me, when he’d hit me.
Never again.
Sam didn’t need to cheat on me to rip my heart out. This was worse than being alone. Now I’d had a glimpse of what love should look like.
I had voicemails from him that I couldn’t bear to listen to. My heart told me I should, but my head knew what it was like to forgive and be let down. I couldn’t be that woman a second time.
A week and a half we were without him. It took that long for Paige to crack.
She frowned, crossing her arms. “I want Sam.”
“I do too, honey, but things are complicated right now.” How could I explain this to a seven-year-old? The first man to come into my life in forever, and I’d let him in, let him get close, and then he’d ruined my faith in him. Not only that, but she saw him every single day at school.
“I have to call him Mr Mason at school.” She snuggled in under my arm as we sat on the couch, and I rested my head on hers.
“I know. I’m sorry he can’t be here.”
“Can we go and visit Finn and Georgia?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe one day.”
Paige raised her face to look at me, and pursed her lips. “I had so much fun with them. Zach and Isabella and Molly too.”
“We’ll see.”
Over and over in my head I churned the same thoughts over again. Was I being too harsh on Sam? What if he wasn’t the same man he had been when he was with Ella?
On the other hand, who would cheat on her? I felt dowdy in comparison. I couldn’t make up my mind whether Sam had simply grown up and had genuine regrets, or whether he was a better actor than I credited him.
Our time together had been warm, loving, and with a passion that burned even now. I still remembered every stroke of his fingers, every brush of his lips.
I hugged Paige tight until she protested. Maybe it was time to move on with my life, whether Sam was in it or not.
Maybe it was time to send Dean the divorce papers.
IT TOOK all my courage to take the papers to Simon’s place the following day. He’d been Dean’s best friend when we were in high school, and ditched him as soon as the bad took hold of Dean. Simon had tried to help me as much as he could in the early post-Dean days, and as bad as I felt, I needed one last favour from him.
He didn’t scare me, even though he lived in a rough area, and was six-foot-something and covered in tattoos. Simon might have looked tough on the outside, but the truth was that he was a real softy within. Paige thought the sun shone out of him, and the feeling was mutual.
It was Wednesday, and the thought of seeing Sam outside the school left my stomach aching. At least I had friends here, even if I was about to ask one of them to do something he might not like.
Fisting my hand, I knocked before I lost my bravado.
Simon smiled widely as he opened the door. “Natasha. Long time, no see. Paige with you?”
I
shook my head. “She’s in school. I took the afternoon off, so I’ve got a bit of time to visit before I have to go and get her.”
His eyebrows knitted together as he frowned. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes. Kind of. Maybe.” I laughed.
He shook his head, the smile returning to his face. “Come on in, and you can tell me what you’re up to. I’ll put the jug on and make some coffee.”
My heart quickened as I followed him into the house. Would my nerves get the better of me, or could I ask him for help?
I waited until he’d made the coffee, sitting at the dining table in his small house. He lived here with his wife, Denise, who I adored too.
In the early days, after I’d left Dean, they’d both helped me out. Denise worked in a second-hand store, and had been an endless source of clothing for Paige when I’d had no money to clothe my growing girl. I’d always be grateful for their help.
“How are you doing?” Simon asked.
I took a deep breath. “Good. Well, maybe not good. Okay?”
He chuckled. “You sound like you can’t make up your mind.”
“I met a guy. It was great for a while, but something happened, and …”
“Did he hit you?” The deep timbre of Simon’s voice would be enough to put fear into anyone.
“Oh. No. Sam wouldn’t hurt a fly. Not like that. He just turned out not to be who I thought he was.”
Simon frowned. “I’m sorry.”
I bit my bottom lip. “I’ll be okay. It’s helped me make a decision to move forward. Take that final step.”
“What’s that?”
“I was hoping you could deliver the divorce papers to Dean.”
Simon blinked a bunch of times as he raised his gaze to meet mine. I doubted he’d seen Dean since the last confrontation they’d had when Simon had stood up for me and asked Dean what on earth he thought he was doing. The bruises he’d received that day were at least as bad as my own, and the blow to his ego just as big.
Slowly, he nodded. “Of course I will. Finally.”
“I’ve been waiting for the proper amount of time. Can’t do it earlier than two years.”
“That’s a bit shit.”
“It is what it is.”
He sat back in his seat and closed his eyes. “He’s not going to take this well.”
“I can’t move on without this. He nearly destroyed me. This is the last thing I need to do to get him out of my life.”
Simon sighed. “I can’t believe he didn’t try to get his shit together.”
I shrugged. “The last time I saw him was when we were in court over Paige. I still remember the anger on his face when he was told he could only have supervised visits. You know he’s never bothered to try and make those happen, right?”
Simon opened his eyes, and such a sad look graced them. “I didn’t know that, but I’m not surprised. He never liked following other people’s rules. I’m glad he’s left you alone.”
“So am I.”
“At least now you’ll be able to really start again. What did this other guy do that was so bad?”
I sighed. “It’s complicated. Things just didn’t work out. At least, I don’t think they did. Jury’s still out.”
“That’s not confusing at all.” Simon chuckled. He reached across the table, placing his hand over mine. “I’ll take him the papers. I’ll stand watch until he signs if you want me too. I just want you and that girl of yours safe.”
The door clicked behind us, and Denise appeared. Her dirty blonde hair was tied in a messy bun, with strands falling out all over the place. Her arms were full of clothing.
“Natasha. Good timing. I just found some size-ten girls’ things I think would be perfect for Paige.”
Simon got up and took the bundle from her arms. She came closer and put her arms around me.
“Thank you. I always appreciate your presents.”
She laughed. “To tell you the truth, I get in and get dibs on the good stuff. Nothing but the best for my girl. She at school?”
“I’ll be on my way to get her shortly. How about I bring her ’round over the weekend?”
Denise smiled. “Perfect. That’ll give me enough time to sort these things out. I can’t wait to see her.”
“She’ll love coming to visit. We don’t see enough of each other.”
“No, we don’t.” She hugged me again.
I licked my lips. “I’d better get going if I want to pick Paige up in time.”
“I’ll get these dropped off tomorrow,” Simon said, picking up the papers.
“Sounds good. I really do appreciate your help with this.”
“Anything for you two.”
I stood, and he made his way around the table, wrapping those large, tattooed arms around me. “Any time either of you need anything, you know where we are.”
“I know,” I whispered.
Denise squeezed my arm, shooting Simon a look that told me she’d be interrogating him afterward about my visit.
“See you sometime over the weekend. I’ll shoot you a text so we can organise it.”
As I left the house, my heart felt a little lighter. Maybe it was still broken over Sam, but my last bit of freedom from Dean was right around the corner.
Things had to get better.
I KNEW Sam would be there.
What I didn’t expect was for my heart to lurch at the sight of him. Those dress pants, the pale blue, collared shirt and tie really did look good. He was scruffier than usual, and his eyes were so tired. Maybe he was getting as little sleep as I was.
A small smile appeared on his face. The previous week Paige had gone home with a friend after school on a playdate, and I’d managed to avoid this situation. I couldn’t do that every week.
“Natasha,” he said as I approached.
“Sam.”
He caught my arm as I passed him. “I really need to talk to you.”
Looking at him up close, I could see the pain he was in. Everything about him screamed it to the rooftops. I knew that pain. I felt it too.
“I can’t,” I croaked. “Not yet.”
“Please.” He licked his lips. “I can’t eat; I can’t sleep. I can barely function without you.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “I hurt too. What I need is time.”
“Don’t punish me for something I did years ago. Way before I met you.”
I pulled my arm away. “It’s not that I’m struggling with. It’s that I confided in you. I told you what happened with Dean, and you knew that was a no-go area for me. You held back.”
“I didn’t want to lose you for something that happened so long ago. It was in a different lifetime, and I’m a different man.”
Paige ran toward me. I shook my head. “I can’t do this right now, Sam.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.”
Grabbing my daughter’s hand, I set off toward the bus stop. All I wanted was to take Sam in my arms and tell him everything would be okay—that we were okay. But I couldn’t deal with it. Every time I thought of him, I thought of how much he must have hurt Ella, how much Dean had hurt me.
“Mummy?”
“Let’s just get home,” I said.
“Sam won’t be my daddy?”
I looked over my shoulder at him. He stood there, watching us, and even at a distance, sorrow seeped from his pores. I turned back to Paige. “No, sweetie.”
“He would have been a good daddy. He doesn’t yell.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Paige. Sometimes things don’t work out.”
She nodded.
“Let’s catch this bus.”
Chapter 17
NATASHA
Sleep was hard to come by.
By the morning, I was exhausted, having tossed and turned all night, haunted by how broken Sam had looked, how broken I felt.
I got up and went through the motions—making breakfast, getting Paige dressed, sorting out her lunch.
Standing at the kitchen bench, I jumped when there was a sharp knock on the door.
“I’ll get it.” Paige jumped off her chair at the dining table and rushed past me. “Maybe it’s Sam?”
I sighed. No way Sam would be here, unless he was going to offer to take her to school. That seemed far-fetched.
She tugged on the door, pulling it open.
“Daddy?”
I froze at the word, turning to see Dean come in the door. “Good morning, sweetheart. Getting ready for school?” Paige looked at me with wide eyes. “You won’t be going anywhere today. We’re going to have a day together.”
His eyes were bloodshot, his words slurred. At a guess, he was high as a kite on something, and the scowl on his face told me this was going to be no friendly visit.
“Get out of my house.”
“That’s no way to treat your husband.”
“You’re not my husband anymore.”
He staggered toward me. “Yeah, I am. I’m not signing your shitty little piece of paper.”
Shit. I winced as he grabbed me by the wrist, the same one he’d once broken. “You really think I’m going to let you go? You’re my wife, and Paige is my daughter. We’re a family.”
“We haven’t been a family for a very long time.” I couldn’t let him intimidate me. I had to be strong for Paige.
“Mummy?” Paige was at my side, and I gripped her arm to try and reassure her.
“Get out of my house, Dean. Before I call the police.”
His other hand came out of nowhere, smacking me hard on one side of my face. For a moment, I couldn’t see anything, couldn’t hear anything but the ringing in my ears.
“Mummy,” Paige screamed.
“Go to your room,” Dean roared.
I breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of her footsteps as she scuttled away. At least out of sight she’d be safer. On the other hand, I was far from it.
“You can’t do this,” I pleaded, trying to pull away from him. His grip on my wrist tightened, and pain shot up my arm.
“You’re. My. Wife.” Keeping his hand on my arm, he pulled me into the living room. I reached for my phone as we passed the end of the bench, but he swept his arm across and it fell to the floor, the back falling off. “No, Natasha.”
In the End (Lifetime #3) Page 16
