by Ali Cross
I saw Miri, stretched between two zabaniyah, their oozing fluid dripping in sizzling streams onto her skin.
I saw him. Michael. And my once-so-cold heart flamed with love for him. Could I choose Miri when choosing Michael was the only thing I’d ever wanted to do?
But there was really only one choice I could make.
The only choice.
So I spoke the one word that was both my doom and my redemption.
“Miri.”
For Lucy.
For love.
Michael was whispering to me, reaching for me, but quick as thought, Father had thrust me back, and clasped Michael in his grip.
With a roar, Father embraced his Shadow, but before it consumed him and Michael both, Michael’s eyes met mine and oh, they shone with love for me. With pride.
You have chosen well, my love, he said, his voice a whisper in my mind. Remember me.
He would have an eternity in Hell to forget me.
An eternity of torture until such a time, if a time ever came, when his Halo was utterly subdued.
Wiped out.
Gone forever, from everywhere but my memory.
Father stepped into the chasm, his arms encasing Michael, my love, in an embrace that would never again be mine.
They plunged downward, the blackest shadow of Hell and a golden ember of Heaven, descending until the darkness finally cloaked Michael’s light. The zabaniyah let Miri fall to the ground and followed their master. With a shudder that rocked the earth, the ground closed up behind them.
Leaving me there. On Earth.
The one place I never wanted to be.
The one place I could never escape.
chapter thirty-five
Miri and I stumbled onto the road leading down the mountain. I couldn’t muster the strength to Become, to fly us away, to her home, to some place else. Instead, it was all I could do to keep her on her feet as we walked in the drizzling rain.
Her forearms were burned, the skin covered in large, painful-looking welts, but Miri didn’t complain. She didn’t say anything at all.
Headlights cut across the road ahead of us and I lifted my arm to block the searing light. Before the car even came to a stop, the passenger-side door opened and Cornelius lunged out. At the sight of him, Miri lost all strength to stand and collapsed onto the ground.
“Longinus!” Cornelius cried, and Longinus was there, gathering Miri into his arms.
“We must get her to the hospital.” Cornelius bustled after him and helped Longinus put Miri in the backseat.
Someone placed a cold hand on my back and I looked up to see Knowles. He was just a man. And I was just a girl. But we were both so much more, and nothing, all at the same time. We were both twice-exiled. Cut off from all that we loved. Forever.
Cornelius spoke to me, but his words held no meaning. Longinus climbed into the car beside Miri, and Cornelius called to me, but I shook my head.
When Knowles asked, “Are you with us?” I knew he was asking a whole lot more of me than did I want a ride. But there was no way I could answer. Not then. He dipped his chin and examined the mud at our feet for a moment before turning away and joining the others in the car.
I watched them drive away, leaving me on the road. In the dark and rain.
Alone.
When the knock on the door came, I jumped. I’d been expecting it, but it seemed I still wasn’t ready.
I looked around Lucy’s apartment one last time. I’d tried to keep it mostly the same—I wanted as much of her as possible to stay. It made me feel closer to her.
I rubbed my damp palms on my jeans and walked to the entryway. Couldn’t put it off any longer.
I opened the door slowly. So slowly. Like I was afraid of what would be waiting on the other side. Even though I knew perfectly well who was there.
Cornelius stood in the hall, an uncomfortable smile on his face that didn’t match the sorrow in his eyes. Knowles and Longinus stood behind him. I saw Miri, half-behind Cornelius, her gaze on the ground, like she was hesitant to look at me.
“Hi,” I said, and Cornelius stepped aside.
Miri said nothing and my heart dropped. I really hadn’t expected more.
But I’d hoped.
And suddenly she launched herself at me and wrapped her arms around me with a fierceness I’d never known she possessed. She held onto me and I held onto her. Maybe I wasn’t alone after all.
Miri had fallen asleep an hour ago, curled up on the couch under the comforter from Lucy’s bed, much like she had that first day I’d met her. Had that really only been a week ago? It seemed like a lifetime.
Longinus sat on the floor with his back pressed against the wall. He couldn’t possibly be comfortable, but I’d come to realize that was the point. And that we were more alike, he and I, then I’d first known. We shared one important thing in common—a desire for penance.
Cornelius rubbed his eyes for the zillionth time—the old guy had to be exhausted. He pulled himself to his feet, tossing his glasses onto the big armchair he’d been sitting in.
He went to the sliding doors, facing the distant red tinge heralding the coming of a new day.
“We should be going,” Knowles said. He sat in an old rocker that had been Lucy’s gramma’s. Every time he rocked back his face fell in shadows—which, despite everything, still suited him best.
“I suppose you’re right,” Cornelius said. With a sigh he turned and looked at me. It seemed all the talk had really just been putting off what I most wanted to know.
I didn’t have the guts to ask, even now. Even when everyone knew it was the last thing to be said.
We’d talked about The Hallowed and all the good they’d done and all the bad they’d thwarted. We talked about what happened to me on the Bifrost and about James and Lucy. We’d talked about the spear and where I had it—Longinus wanted his spearhead back, I suspected more because without it he questioned his identity, than for any fear that it wasn’t safe. And the spear was safe, protected by Heimdall in the one place between all the worlds I trusted. We’d even talked about Miri and the new vision she’d had—a vision that told of such widespread destruction my mind could hardly comprehend it. My father wasn’t done with me yet.
But we’d somehow managed to avoid talking about the Apocalypse.
And we hadn’t even breathed a word about Michael.
“Well, someone has to say it,” Knowles said, his face in shadow. “It might as well be me.”
He didn’t rock forward, just stayed back. I suppose it was easier for him that way.
“Lucifer has what he wanted; none could be more pure in heart than Michael. Now, the Apocalypse will come. And . . . ”
I didn’t need to see his face to know what he was about to say. I didn’t need any of my newly-discovered powers of the creature I’d Become. I only needed my heart, which still felt as vulnerable and fragile as ever it did before I made my choice.
“And Michael will be the harbinger.” It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would to say those words. I’d been practicing them in my mind for the past two days, but I hadn’t said them out loud until now.
Turns out, they’re just words. They didn’t hurt any more or less than they did when I kept them to myself.
“We don’t know what role he will play,” Cornelius said, crossing from the window to the couch. He sat on the arm and placed his hand on my shoulder. “It may be we will yet discover a way to rescue him . . . ”
I appreciated his intention, but we all knew there’d be no saving Michael. Not now. He was a Gardian in Hell—there was no way he could survive untainted. No matter how brave or strong he was.
I only hoped he couldn’t remember me anymore. That the endlessness of Hell would dull his memory.
So he wouldn’t hurt for missing me.
So he wouldn’t remember how I had betrayed him.
I fought the tears that filled my eyes. I would not cry—period. Not now. Miri stirred, and I found myself stroking her ha
ir just as Lucy would surely have done. There was more of that these days—times when I felt myself doing or saying something in a way that was more Lucy than me. I liked it—it made me feel like she was near.
And now, with Miri so vulnerable in sleep and having been through so much, I couldn’t begrudge her life. I’d made the right choice, the choice Michael wanted me to make.
If only it didn’t hurt so much.
“The battle’s only begun, child,” Cornelius said.
“I know,” I whispered.
Knowles rocked forward in his chair, revealing his tired face and tired eyes. “You haven’t given us your answer.”
I wanted to pretend I’d forgotten the question.
I’d hated Knowles for asking me that night. I’d just lost the love of my life, my forever love, and he had the nerve to ask if I’d join him in a fight? But I knew it was just his way—his own need to finally and forever put Lucifer in his place—permanent exile in Hell with no Doors at all.
I couldn’t answer then, but I could now.
I stood, stalling for a moment while I straightened the blanket over Miri. When I turned to face Knowles, I saw Cornelius and Longinus had joined him.
I looked around Lucy’s apartment—my apartment now. I had everything I needed.
I had friends.
I had been forgiven.
I had been loved.
And as the sunrise tinged all the white in the room with the pinkish-red hues of a new day, I realized that no matter what, those things would be forever mine, because they were me.
I was dark, sure. I was still the devil’s daughter. But I’d no longer inherit his kingdom. My inheritance proved to be something entirely of my own making. And my life, my fate—my destiny—wasn’t decided for me. It was for me to choose.
I let my gaze fall on Knowles. Then Longinus. And finally Cornelius. I couldn’t bring myself to smile, but I knew the hope I saw in their eyes reflected my own. When Cornelius reached out to me, I gripped his hand.
“I’m with you.”
###
Watch for DESOLATION,
book two in the Desolation series,
coming spring 2012
Acknowledgements
Whoever said writing or selling a novel is the hard part, was wrong. The hard part is thanking the people who were instrumental in bringing your story to life.
There are the people who believed in me and helped me stay the course--my husband and my sons. My sister, and my friends, Jill, Gabbi, Meg and Jeri, and all the readers of my blog. And Chris? You know I couldn't have done this without you.
There are the people who helped me discover Desi's voice and held me to the fire when I didn't write as well as I could--Brianna, Christine F., Elana, Jenn, Sara and Stacy.
There are the people who read this book and weren't afraid to tell me what needed to be fixed--and there are far too long to list. Jeff and Kari at Bobby Lawrence Karate--thank you for supporting me and inspiring me every day. I am so very grateful for your time and efforts on my behalf.
They also say it takes a village to raise a child and certainly that's true of raising a novel.
Thank you, all of you, for believing in me and my story--Desi belongs to you, now.
About the Author
Ali Cross is the sensei of the Writer's Dojo where she holds a black belt in awesome. She lives in Utah with her kickin' husband, two sparring sons, one ninja cat, two sumo dogs and four zen turtles.
Find Ali online at http://www.alicross.com
Table of Contents
prologue
chapter one
chapter two
chapter three
chapter four
chapter five
chapter six
chapter seven
chapter eight
chapter nine
chapter ten
chapter eleven
chapter twelve
chapter thirteen
chapter fourteen
chapter fifteen
chapter sixteen
chapter seventeen
chapter eighteen
chapter nineteen
chapter twenty
chapter twenty-one
chapter twenty-two
chapter twenty-three
chapter twenty-four
chapter twenty-five
chapter twenty-six
chapter twenty-seven
chapter twenty-eight
chapter twenty-nine
chapter thirty
chapter thirty-one
chapter thirty-two
chapter thirty-three
chapter thirty-four
chapter thirty-five
book two in the Desolation series,
About the Author
