by Lucy Smoke
When we managed to compose ourselves and Texas suggested that we head back, I took his hand and held it tightly for the rest of the walk back to the SUV. The sky was a beautiful blue with tiny white puffs of clouds in the distance. The smell of honeysuckles on the air and the low hum of someone mowing grass somewhere in the background were relaxing. Texas stopped as we hit the gravel parking lot. Startled by the abruptness of the movement, I turned to look at him.
His eyes were more serious than I had ever seen them. So serious, it scared me a little bit. “Texas?” I reached up and touched his cheek. “Are you okay?” He continued to look down at me, unblinking, and didn’t say anything. I dropped my hand and shuffled away a bit, but somehow my hand didn’t let go. “Texas? You’re freaking me out? What’s wrong?” I looked around.
“Nothing.” His voice came out choked as I looked back at him.
“Nothing?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I’m glad you came with me today, Princess,” he said, reverting to my nickname. I smiled, the movement soft and warm. What a doofus.
“I’m glad I came too,” I admitted. Then I took a breath and squared my shoulders as I looked at him. I wanted him to know how serious I was. “I’m your friend. If you ever need me all you have to do is ask.”
We stared at each other for several more impossibly long seconds. I figured he understood and maybe I was making him uncomfortable with all my serious talk and staring so I released his hand and turned towards the SUV. Texas’ hands gripped my arms and spun me around. I gasped as his lips came crashing down on mine.
My eyes were still open. So, too, were his. But then his tongue touched mine and he groaned, and his eyes slid closed. His hands gripped me, held me, and I felt myself falling. This was Texas – he was my prankster, my friend, my… I stopped thinking as my eyes closed and I relaxed in his arms. A small part of me screamed that this was wrong, that I should push him back and explain exactly why we couldn’t do this. The kiss didn’t feel wrong though. It felt very, very right.
My knees felt weak. My joints heavy with the effort they made to hold me up completely. I melted into Texas, letting myself rest against his chest. His jaw brushed against the skin of my cheek as he released me from the kiss and pulled back. He yanked me into a hug and I was grateful. I was too afraid to look at his face. Too afraid to face what I had just let happen. But I couldn’t be a coward forever.
The others didn’t know yet, but I needed to start somewhere. Texas deserved to know the truth. I had kissed more than just him – I had kissed all of the others. It broke my stupid heart, but I needed to be brave. If he really cared about me, he’d understand. I would have to choose one – I couldn’t just keep doing this to them. I hadn’t meant to do this in the first place. I might not even be able to choose any of them. Iris might have something to say about it.
I pulled away, hands gripping his arms. “Texas, I have to tell you something.” My voice shook.
He looked at me, his dark eyes serious. “Is this about the others?” he asked.
My mouth hung open. It took me a moment to compose myself. “Y-you knew?”
He gripped me harder and sucked in a breath. “Yea,” he said. “I know they like you. Bellamy told me you kissed him.”
“Do they...know?” I pulled away. He looked like he wanted to stop me, but he didn’t.
He was quiet. “We tell each other everything, Harlow.”
“You’ve known the entire time?” I couldn’t breathe. Oh, God. What must they think of me?
“Were you trying to keep it a secret?” he asked, brows drawn down, jaw clenched. “Harlow, I didn’t think you would do that. I thought you were just...confused. But if you were trying to keep it a secret…”
“No!” My chest felt tight. “I mean, it wasn’t like that. I didn’t know what to think. But what do they think of me? You must think I’m a terrible person.” My vision blurred. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” I spoke quickly, trying to get the words out, hoping he wouldn’t stop me. “You have to believe me. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I was just...I didn’t know what to do. First, Bellamy kissed me and I... kissed him back and then Marv and Knix and now...you...crap!” I whirled around, my heart racing, galloping in my chest. I put my hands over my face. What had I done?
“Harlow.” Texas’ arms came around me and pulled me back against his chest. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out. It’s going to be okay.” He sounded a lot calmer than he had moments before. Inside, I was freaking out. They would kick me out for sure. Where would I go? I couldn’t hold back the sob.
“Hey.” Texas turned me around and pulled my hands away from my face. I shook. “I know you didn’t want to hurt anyone,” he assured me. “We know that.”
“I’m so sorry, Texas.” I gasped as I spoke. I kept my gaze glued to the ground beneath our feet. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”
“Bullshit,” he snapped, tucking a hand under my chin. He lifted me to meet his gaze. “I kissed you, Harlow. I’d be willing to bet that the guys instigated the kissing too.”
“I kissed you back,” I said. “I kissed you all back.” And it hadn’t all been the guys. I knew that much. “What do I do?” I was back to looking down as I asked it and Texas sighed, nudging me up again. Quick as lightning, he moved forward and kissed me on the open mouth.
“It’s going to be okay, Harlow,” he said, holding me closer. “We’re going to go home and we’re going to all have ourselves a nice long talk.”
“Are you going to kick me out?” The question sprung from my lips, and I could tell that it upset him.
“No,” he said. There was no doubt in his tone and a hardness in his eyes that told me he meant it. “If you don’t want to stay with us anymore, we’ll understand. We’ll find you another place to stay, but we will not kick you out. The choice to leave is up to you.”
I inhaled shakily, then nodded. “Okay,” I said.
But he wasn’t freaking out. Why wasn’t he freaking out?
“Remember,” Texas said as he finally led me over to the SUV and opened the door. “You have all the power here and whatever choice you make, we’ll respect.”
Power and choice, I thought. The same things I had talked to Delilah about. It was an odd combination and a heavy weight in my chest as Texas got into the driver’s side, started up the engine, and backed out of the small gravel parking lot. I closed my eyes and pressed a hand to my chest, trying to ease the flutter of my heart. All I could think, though, was...what if I couldn’t choose?
Epilogue
My hands trembled as I sat on the couch. I wondered if it would be the last time. I was that sure that they would kick me out now that they knew that I had kissed all of them. All of them! Even I couldn't believe it myself and I had been there. Each and every time. I had kissed a few of them more than once...done other things as well. I peeked up through my lashes.
Knix was seated in front of me, on the coffee table. The guys liked to do that, I realized. They had done the same thing when I had first met them, back when they had lived in the condo. He didn't look angry and I took hope from that. Then I made myself squash it down. Just because he didn't look angry didn't mean I would be allowed to stay.
They were nice guys. They probably wouldn't kick me out. I was just overreacting. But they probably would pass me on to a different team. I didn't want that. I didn't realize how badly I wanted to be on this team until I was facing down the wrong end of a shotgun and staring the death of my Iris career in the face. That was ridiculous. What was I doing? I took a breath.
"Okay," I began. "So... you know about..." I didn't know how to continue but I guessed my taking the initiative to begin the conversation jump started them because Marv stepped forward, around the side of the plush chair across the room that Bellamy was in.
Just as he opened his mouth, though, Knix cut him off. "Yes, Little Bit, we knew," Knix said. His fingers twitched and clenched on his thighs. I wond
ered if he wanted to take my hand. I really, really wanted him to take my hand right now. I felt like I was floundering.
"We understand that you're confused," Texas piped up. "I didn't mean to kiss you today when I... when we went to the cemetery." I had expected him to blush, but he didn't. Texas held his head high and looked straight at me as he said it. I was the one blushing... fiercely. "But it happened and I'm okay with it. I wanted you to know that I like you too."
"We all like you, it seems," Marv said finally. His voice was gruff, and he didn't sound happy about it, but neither did he sound accusing. I took that as a small victory. I didn't know what the prize was, but that meant things could be salvaged right?
"Okay," I said again. I sucked in a breath. "So, we stop." I nodded. "Yea. No more kissing. Or..." my gaze slid to Bellamy, who watched me with heated eyes, "anything else."
All four of them shook their heads. "That's not gonna work, Little Bit," Knix said. "We like you. All of us really like you. We've talked about this and there's no reason that you can't...date?" Knix's deep voice went up at the end like he was asking a question. It wasn't completely there, just barely, as if he were unsure.
"Date?" I asked dumbly. "I don't understand."
"Us, Princess," Texas answered. "You could date us and... then um..." he looked around at the group, but all eyes were – unfortunately – fixated on me, "you could choose who you wanted to be with."
My eyes bulged. I gaped at the four of them. "Are you crazy?" I asked. I was serious. "That idea is–"
"I don't share," Marv stated firmly. His eyes were on me and they were just as heated as Bellamy's...maybe even more so? No, that couldn't be right. "I don't like sharing." He amended, but I think it was less for me and more for the other guys.
"How am I supposed to choose?" I asked. I stood up and shook my head. "No, that isn't fair."
"Harlow–" Knix started. He stood as well and when I tried to back up a step – why did he have to be so damn tall? – the backs of my knees bumped into the couch.
I put my hands up. "It's not fair to you," I said. "To any of you. I didn't mean for this to happen."
"We know you didn't, Sweetheart," said Bellamy.
I turned my gaze to the side and he was standing as well. They all were now. I felt surrounded, caged in. I scooted out from in front of Knix.
"I-I can't think," I stuttered. "This is... a lot, too much."
"What did you think would happen?" Bellamy asked.
My shoulders tensed even though he said it gently. He didn't sound angry though. In fact, if anything, he sounded understanding and that made me feel even worse.
"I don't know," I said. "I didn't plan this. I didn't plan to–" I gestured at the four of them. "You all just kind of came out of nowhere. This all happened so fast."
"We get that, Sweetheart," Bellamy said and strangely enough, it seemed that he did – that they did. They understood. It's why they weren't mad at me. Marv may have been tense, but he wasn't mad. Bellamy approached me slowly. Everyone else remained completely still, watching, waiting. For what? I didn't know. Bellamy took my head and looked into my eyes. I felt both lost and safe in the same breath when I looked up at him.
"Trust us," he whispered. "I know it's a scary thing to consider–"
I snorted, my cheeks still red. "Dating four guys is definitely scary."
He smiled. A quick quirk of his lips to the side. "It doesn't have to be forever," he said. "We're all adults. We can handle rejection. If you don't want any of us. If you just want one of us–"
My eyes widened. "I can't have all of you," I said.
Bellamy's eyes remained trained on me. "Will you at least try this?" he asked. "The dating thing? You don't have to. None of us would ever force you to do anything you don't want to, you have to know that. We all like you. We all care about you."
"I can't believe you all knew and didn't tell me," I said.
"We were waiting for you to say something," Marv replied.
"You acted so normal," I said, sighing as I looked over at him. "I didn't even suspect a thing."
He smiled at me. Even rumpled looking – in jeans of all things – and a casual button-down, he was incredibly handsome. My stomach fluttered. This was good, though… right? They all knew now. I gulped down a breath, my mind spinning with all of the guilt I had been repressing. Yes, I thought. This was good. It was better to have it all out in the open. But… could I really do it? Date all of them? I sighed and looked up, meeting their gazes one by one. None of them looked particularly enthusiastic about the idea, but neither did they look horrified. Why would they, though? It was their idea. I sighed, dropping my head again.
There really was only one thing to do. I cared about them. I didn’t want to lose them. The guys – my guys – were just asking for a chance. They had taken a chance on me, after all.
I looked up into Bellamy’s eyes. He still held my hands and I squeezed his hands back. "Okay," I said. "I'll give this... dating thing a try."
"That's all we ask," Bellamy assured me. "A chance to prove ourselves."
"Talk about feeling like the Bachelorette," I said. I didn't even watch that show, but it was one of Erika's favorites which reminded me... "If we're getting everything out there," I said slowly, pulling my hands away from Bellamy and taking a step back in the direction of the stairs. "There's more you need to know."
"Why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like this?" Marv said with a groan. He slumped into the chair and put a hand over his eyes. I felt bad. We were all tired. But this was important.
"Probably because you're not," I said honestly.
Knix's nostrils flared as did his eyes. He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose as if he were getting a headache. "Alright," he said. "Let's hear it." Knix dropped his hand and rested his palms on his hips, waiting. Texas tilted his head to the side, and Bellamy's brows lowered as he looked at me.
"I've talked to Grayson–"
Marv exploded. "Fucking hell!" Leaping out of his chair, Marv’s chest rose and fell as he stormed across the living room. "Are you serious?!" None of the other guys seemed impressed or even vaguely surprised. I had expected Knix not to be, he probably thought I meant the diner visit. But Bellamy and Texas didn't seem particularly shocked. Marv whirled on Knix. "Did you know about this?" Knix looked at him and put a placating hand up.
He sighed, but before he could say anything, I continued on. "I ran into him at the club when I went with Erika," I said quickly. Now, all of them looked shocked.
"What?" Knix turned away from Marv and his hand dropped. Identical expressions of shock crossed all of their faces.
"He was there?" Texas asked. "I didn't even see him."
"He was gone by the time you got there to pick us up," I said. "He said he was there looking for a friend. I thought he meant me, but... I think he was actually looking for someone else. But he called me again when I was at the camp."
Bellamy glanced back at Texas in confusion. "I thought you put a block on her phone from his number?"
I narrowed my gaze at the both of them. "You did what?" I shook my head and put my hand up. "You know what? Never mind. Don't answer that. It'll only piss me off ."
"Piss you off?" Marv asked. "What about us? You were seeing Grayson without telling us."
"I didn't plan it!" I snapped. "You're overreacting."
"I'm not overreacting," Marv snapped back.
Bellamy sighed and moved to block us despite the fact that there were several feet of room between the two of us. "Yes," he said. "You are, brother. Just calm down. Let's hear the rest before we say anything else, okay?" Marv and Bellamy shared a heated look, one full of anger and frustration, but he must have gotten through to him because, with a huff, Marv nodded and turned, crossing the room. He folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the far wall, closer to the front windows of the living room. I guessed that was as good as it was going to get.
"Okay," I said. "So, Grayson called me, and h
e asked me about Erika. I told him the last time that I had seen her was that night at the club." I crossed my arms over my chest and rubbed them before shaking my head. "He said that his brother disappeared from the rehab center he sent him to." There was a deep growl from Marv, but I ignored it. "He said that when he called Erika's cell, her roommate at the college picked up and she said that Erika hadn't been back in a few days."
"So, she's missing too?" Texas asked.
I nodded. "At least, we think so. I haven't even called her parents or anything." All eyes but Marv's turned to Knix. Marv's stayed on me.
"When you told us about meeting him in the diner, I thought that would be the end of it," Bellamy said to Knix. My eyes widened, and I jerked my gaze away from Marv's.
"What?" I asked. I looked at Knix. "You told them?"
Knix's nod was interrupted by another growl from Marv. "And you didn't think to tell me?" Marv demanded. His biceps bulged as he gripped either arm in an effort to remain still. He was practically vibrating with his anger. "You don't have a clear head when it comes to him," Knix said.
Marv dropped his arms and took a step towards Knix. "You know why that is!" I watched the both of them with wide, confused eyes.
"That doesn't make your irrational behavior when it comes to Grayson Caruso any less prominent," Knix said. Steel edged his tone. Marv glared at his team leader with anger and a little bit of hurt. That last part made my chest ache because Marv respected Knix. They were teammates, but they were also friends. Everyone else had known but him. I found myself feeling bad about not telling them all sooner.
"The first thing we're going to do is have you get ahold of Erika's parents," Knix announced, turning away from Marv. "Then we'll take it from there."
