“Mommy, please don’t make me go back there,” she would beg.
“Shut up, Riviera. You’ll do as you’re told. Now get your skinny ass to the kitchen and do what Floyd tells you.”
She would beg her mom over and over, but her mom never relented. She would beg Floyd not to hurt her, but he didn’t listen, either. Floyd wasn’t even his real name. They just called him that because all he listened to was Pink Floyd.
Riviera had stolen a knife from the kitchen thinking she would cut her wrists, but when the time came, she didn’t have the courage to go through with it. Then she thought she would kill Floyd, but she failed at that and ended up getting smacked around and enduring a particularly brutal rape. That’s when she knew she would have to run away. It took her another year and a half before she had pilfered enough change to afford a bus ticket out of there.
Life wasn’t easy living on the streets of Chicago, but nothing was as awful as that dreadful commune. Being frightened, cold, hungry, tired, or dirty couldn’t come close to living in a place where you hated yourself so much that you prayed every night you would die in your sleep.
Shan watched Riviera quiver as she crumpled to the floor and her breathing escalated. He caught her before she hit the hard surface, but she didn’t respond to him at all; it was like he wasn’t even there.
“Riviera, please answer me.”
She curled up in a tight ball as he held her. Not really knowing what to do, he put her head in his lap and ran his hands through her hair, off her forehead, over and over.
When Riviera finally opened her eyes, she found herself lying on the stone floor with her head in Shan’s lap. Her hands flew to her face and she felt the dampness on her cheeks.
“Oh God,” she choked. The sobs and trembling came in earnest then.
“Come here and let me hold you, babe.”
She crawled onto his lap and felt the comfort of his arms as they wrapped around her. He rocked her back and forth while she cried and held her until her tears ebbed. He held her quietly and said nothing long after the tears had dried.
They sat in silence for a time, Riviera not quite knowing what to say, and Shan wanting to comfort her forever. His heart was so tangled up in her and hurting for her, the only thing he wanted to do was shield her from any more pain, for as long as she lived.
Riviera filled her lungs. “Shan, I need to explain what just happened.”
“You don’t have to do anything. We can just sit here all night if that’s what you want.”
Riviera felt so protected in Shan’s arms. “Why are you so good to me?”
Shan reeled at her question. He knew the answer, but he didn’t dare tell her the truth. He didn’t dare tell her he was falling hard for her because after what he’d just witnessed, he knew it would send her flying out the door. He took his hand and scrubbed his face for a second. “I believe we are kindred spirits, Riviera. Have you ever met someone or been somewhere and knew it was the right thing?”
She squinted at him, trying to discern his words. “Shan, most of my life has been filled with some pretty nasty shit. So I’m not sure I can answer you.”
“Okay, I get that. But my situation is a bit different. For example, when I met Phil, my foreman, I knew right away he was the perfect guy for the job. I could tell he was trustworthy, and he would get things done. I’m a pretty damn good judge of character. I felt that way about you soon after I met you.” He stared at her, not breaking eye contact. He wanted to tell her how he truly felt, but he held back.
She gave him a half smile and said, “So let me get this straight. What you’re telling me is you think I’d make a good foreman?”
Shan bit his lip, trying not to laugh. “Is this the way it’s going to be?”
“What do you mean?” she feigned innocence.
“I demand a whole lot out of my foremen.”
“Like what?”
He laid her back onto the floor and stretched out on top of her. “Well, they have to be at my beck and call for anything.” Then he kissed her.
“Hmm. I’m a pretty good beck and caller,” she said against his mouth. “Anything else?”
“Oh, there’re a lot of elses.”
“Tell me,” she kissed him again.
His hand slid under her shirt as his thumb brushed across her nipple. She moaned softly.
“I’m extremely demanding, even in the middle of the night.”
“Mmm. I like the middle of the night.” She pulled up his shirt, her fingers digging into the hard muscles of his shoulders.
“And there is something else.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah.”
“You gonna tell me?”
“Sometimes I like my foremen to be a bit aggressive.”
“Hmm. Do you care to explain?”
“I’d rather show you.”
He flipped them over so she was on top and straddling him. “Take off your jeans, baby, and then take off mine.”
Riviera didn’t waste time in doing either but she also told Shan to get rid of his shirt. When he was naked, she stood above him and let his beauty seep into her. He was magnificent, as he lay there stretched out on the floor.
“Touch yourself, Shan.”
Through half-closed eyes, he stared at her and placed his hand around himself. Riviera sucked in her breath as she watched him.
“You too, babe. Step over me so I can really see you.” The time for being timid had long passed, so she did as he told her. Standing with one leg on either side of his thighs, she touched herself and they soaked in the carnal beauty of each other.
“I can’t stand this. I need you inside of me. Like now.”
“Not yet.” He grabbed her hand, pulled her closer to his face, and sat up. Burying his face in her, she whimpered as his tongue found her sweet spot.
Her fingers dug into his shoulders and then she pulled herself away. “I want to come around you, with you inside me.” She straddled him, and he entered her in one thrust.
“Oh, Riv, you’re so amazing.” He lay back down and placed her hands on his chest. She swayed her hips back and forth against him as he plunged in and out of her.
“I love to watch this,” he said as he placed his hand on where they were joined. “It’s so sexy and beautiful. And it feels so right.”
“Shan, I think you’re beautiful.” She placed one of her hands over his. Then she reached behind her and put her other hand on him.
“Oh fuck, Riv, I won’t last when you touch me like that.” He moved his hand on her so she would get hers too.
She cried out, or maybe she screamed. She couldn’t remember afterwards. But whatever the case, they climaxed together and then she collapsed against his chest as he massaged gentle patterns across her back.
“We must have a thing for kitchens,” she chuckled.
“Baby, we’re gonna have a thing for every room in this house.”
“Let’s get up. I have a broken glass I need to clean up, plus this floor can’t be very comfortable.”
“Are you serious? I’d lay on a bed of nails if you were on top of me.”
“Shan.”
The way she said his name made his heart beat faster. The way her eyes glowed made his body warm and tingly all over. But the way her hand felt against his chest as she moved it over his heart melted him.
“Yeah?”
“Is this … I mean this thing between us, is it …?”
“I hope so. God, I hope so.” He threaded his fingers in her hair and kissed her like it was their first, tasting every tiny bit of her mouth like he’d never tasted it before.
When he finally stopped, he whispered, “You’re a first for me, Riviera. Why don’t you go get into bed and I’ll clean up the glass. You know where everything is in the bathroom.”
“Are you sure? It’s my mess.”
“Go. I’ll take care of it.”
She got up and he admired the perfect view of her lovely ass as she left the kit
chen.
Chapter Nineteen
The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth
As she brushed her teeth, Riviera knew she had to tell Shan the truth about her past. He must have thought she was crazy when went catatonic. She finished getting ready for bed and made her way into the bedroom just as Shan was walking in.
He brushed her lips with his. “Mmm, minty mouth. I’ll be right in.” Within moments, he climbed into bed next to her.
He pulled her against his chest. Kissing her, he said, “I love having you in this bed.”
“I love being here. Shan, I need to explain what happened earlier.”
“Only if you want, Riv. There are no demands from me.”
“I know that. But you need to know why I freaked out on you. You sort of know the background, but it’s time I shared the whole ugly truth with you.” So she dove into her story.
Shan was disgusted by her revelation. “What the fuck, Riv? Your parents fucking sold you for a place to live?”
“That about sums it up. Well, that and for drugs. And now you know why I hit the deck when you said Pink Floyd. If I know it’s coming, I’m okay. But when it comes out of the blue, like tonight, it’s like, bam. Those damn memories just slam into me. And now you also know why I hate my name so much. I hate them to the point of … ugh. They ruined me, Shan.”
The truth about Riviera only made Shan want to protect her more. Cupping her cheek, he told her, “No, they didn’t, babe. No one could ever ruin you. I think you’re fucking perfect.”
“No, I’m not. I told you I’m flawed. Now you know why. Dr. Ashworth says I need to get angry with my parents and quit feeling ashamed. I think I’m finally getting to that point … finally arriving at that place where I can say it’s all their fault. I used to blame myself.”
Shan surprised Riviera by saying, “We really are kindred spirits. Much more than I ever expected.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t¸ but I’m going to fill you in. This is about my demons. And it’s time you heard this too. I never talk about this, Riviera. Do you remember when you once asked me why I work like my hair’s on fire?”
“Yeah, and you weren’t exactly happy about that question.”
“Well, there’s a good reason. You know all about the wildfires here a few years ago, right?”
She nodded.
“My best friend, his wife, and two kids lived in Bachelor Gulch in one of my homes. It had every safety feature imaginable. The latest security system you could buy at the time. It was totally wired for everything. The night the fires hit, their house was in the direct path of it all. And their alarm system failed. They perished. All four of them. Dead. And it was my fault. The auction house is the rebuild from that. Sam, my friend’s wife, was very involved with Shelby’s Shack. She was abused as a kid and ended up in foster care. That’s how she met Colby, my friend. Colby was also in foster care, but was adopted by one of the wealthiest families in Boulder. Colby was my brother’s best friend and then he and I became best friends too. The three of us were inseparable.
“I wish you could’ve met him. He was the greatest. He was the best friend a guy could have. When he died, it was like a piece of me withered away. Gray and I couldn’t deal with it. I totally shut down … shut Gray out of my life. It’s fucked up our relationship too. Colby was just bigger than life. And Sam … she was so great. It was like they were put on this earth just to be together.
“Colby met Sam when they were only eleven. He always swore they would get married and they did. Gray and I would laugh at him when we were young because we were too stupid to get it. But after they got married, it was … I don’t know. Colby was this perfect husband and father. And she was the perfect wife and mother. And their two little girls were so damn adorable.
“Colby started working for his adopted father’s company, a commercial real estate firm, as a sales agent. He just was a mover and shaker. He ended up opening a branch out here and did extremely well. That’s how I ended up here. When I graduated from college, he was already here because he was older and he convinced me it was the place to be. You need to know something else. It’s why I have problems with getting attached to women and why I haven’t allowed myself to get involved with anyone. You’re the first woman to break through all that.
“After they died, I just couldn’t bring myself to open up to anyone. It felt like my heart died with them.”
Riviera watched Shan’s face, how his eyes bore all the pain from such a huge loss. She noticed how the creases on his face deepened and his lips thinned as he told the story. It shattered her to hear the agony in his voice and feel the rigidity in his body as it stiffened with his words. Understanding flooded her mind, for she knew the torment he had endured. Telling him it wasn’t his fault would do no good. Showing him she fathomed his despair was the only thing she knew she could do.
She climbed over his large body and cocooned him in her arms, holding him as close against her as she could.
“I’ll never tell you it’s okay, because it’s not and it will never be. I’ll never tell you it’s not your fault, because deep down, you know that to be true. I will tell you that I comprehend your pain with the depths of my heart and soul and that my heart aches for you.” Placing her hand over his heart, she said, “I wish I could take some of your pain away, but I’m here for you to lean on whenever you need me.” She lifted his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm.
In the years since the fire, Shan had never allowed himself to feel comfort like what he found in Riviera’s arms.
“It’s odd having someone like you to talk to about this. You really do understand. It’s a relief … like I can unload this burden I’ve been carrying.”
She smoothed his hair back from his face. “I feel the same way. I’ve never told anyone except for Dr. Ashworth about my childhood. Even Amie doesn’t know it all. And Shan, I never thought I’d feel close to anyone, either.”
He ran his palm up and down her arm. “For years, I felt my world had crumbled around me. Then somehow, when I met you, something sparked in me, like a pinpoint of light busted through the pile of rubble I had lived under for so long. Now I feel like I’ve just pushed all that rubble away by telling you everything. It’s freed me from this damn miserable life I’ve been stuck in. Damn it, Riviera, this shouldn’t be a sexual thing here, but I fucking want you right now. More than anything. I’m sorry, but you seem to bring it out in me.”
“What are you sorry about?” she asked.
“You mean you’re up for it?”
Reaching between them, she put her hand on him and felt his hardness. “Oh yeah. I’m definitely up for this.”
“Lay on your side for me.”
She went to roll away from him but his voice stopped her.
“No, babe. I need to see your face when I make love to you.”
“Make love to me?”
“Okay, have sex, fuck, whatever you prefer to call it. Just face me. Watching you come apart when you climax is way too good to pass up.”
She could only stare at him, her words jammed in her throat.
“Put your leg over my hip.” He touched her to see if she was ready for him. “Are you always this wet?”
“No, only since I met you. I never …” she whispered.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Only you do that to me, Shan.”
“Give me that mouth of yours so I can do it while I do you. I want to double fuck you,” he growled. He entered her body as his tongue entered her mouth. His tongue mimicked the motion of his thrusts and soon her fingers were digging into his waist as she pulled him to her in a quick rhythm.
“Harder, Shan. I want all you’ve got. And fast.”
Suddenly he pulled out and she whined, feeling the deprivation and loss of him inside her. “What are you doing?” she cried out.
“Damn, babe, be patient.” He sat on the corner of the bed. “On my lap. Facing me.”
&nb
sp; She climbed aboard and he slid into her slickness as she sighed. “Aaah, nice. That’s so good, Shan. I like this.”
“So glad you approve. Now grab my shoulders, honey, and don’t let go.”
He placed his hands on her ass and continued to thrust deeply into her. “Riviera, don’t close your eyes on me. I need to see you.” Then he made a sound that was a cross between a groan and a harrumph. “That’s perfect.”
They stared at each other as they moved, eyes glazed with passion. Riviera’s nails bit into Shan’s skin, but he didn’t care. He only felt her tightness as it surrounded him. She was adrift in the sensations of his thickness as it nudged against her in the best ways. She outlined his lips with her thumb. He surprised her when his teeth caught the end of it and gently bit the soft tip. Then his tongue and lips sucked on it as she sighed softly. “Aaah, Shan,” was all she could say before his mouth crushed hers.
He cranked up the relentless motion again and added the use of his thumb, massaging her in that way he knew she loved.
“Oh yes, don’t stop that right there. That’s perfect.”
Glancing down between them, he said, “Look at how perfect this is.”
“Yeah, ahh, and it feels, ahhh, perfect too.”
His hand moved to her breast to pinch and roll her pearled nipple and she grabbed his forearm as she screamed his name.
“That’s it, babe. I want to see you come. You’re so fucking beautiful when you fall apart.”
His voice was all over her like water, warm soothing water, working her muscles and allowing them to contract in all the right places. Then she heard him calling out her name and felt his heat explode inside her. His hands beneath her, he squeezed her ass cheeks and kneaded them as he came.
When their spasms passed, they were both still as they stared at each other. Both knew whatever it was between them had changed and grown into something epic … something so powerful and moving, Riviera was afraid to put a word to it. That word frightened her beyond anything because it meant vulnerability in its purest sense.
Shan knew what it was—it had blossomed into something colossal in his heart. The thing was, he knew she knew it too. They kept staring at each other, not a word shared.
Tragically Flawed Page 18
