by Imogen Wells
“If I didn’t know any better, I might think you were talking about your father.”
“Yes, well… Hang on, what do you mean if you didn’t know any better?”
Eleanor chuckles before stepping forward and gathering up the laundry. “I may have seen a rather aggravated gentleman stomping past the house last night.”
“What makes you think he has anything to do with me?” I ask, ducking my head to avoid eye contact knowing full well she’ll see right through me.
“Funnily enough, he was muttering to himself too. Only his words were a little more colourful.”
“So, he could have been talking about anyone.” I maintain my indifference, but I’d love nothing more than to know what the hell he was saying about me.
“Well, he was clearly talking about a woman, and you are the only female staying here currently.”
I finish putting the sheet on and give myself time to come up with an explanation that doesn’t involve admitting I had sex with a stranger last night. Although, technically, he’s not a stranger.
“We won’t be seeing him again anyway, so how about we just forget it,” I say with a shrug. I know Eleanor wants to ask more, but she respects my obvious brush off.
Eleanor helps me finish up cabin 4 before we move onto the last empty cabin, which is the cabin I was staying in. It’s Friday, and they’ll have a full house come this afternoon.
The weather, whilst still a little chilly, is meant to be nice this weekend, which means everywhere will be busy.
After finishing up with the cabins, I decide to take Rocco for a walk. Perhaps some fresh air and more pleasant company will put me in a better mood.
And it works. I come back feeling lighter, as though I left my stress back at the reserve.
After dropping Rocco back at the house with Eleanor, I grab a quick shower before heading to the supermarket. I was only buying small bits and pieces, especially as Eleanor insisted that I have my evening meal with her and Harry. Now though, I need to fill the cupboards.
I manage to find a parking space not too far from the entrance and grab a trolley. As I walk towards the door, my phone rings. I stop to retrieve it from my bag, but when I answer it, whoever it was is gone. The number is withheld, so unable to return the call, I shove it back in my bag.
The sound of a little boy talking to his dad draws my attention, and when I look over, my jaw nearly hits the floor. It’s Rick walking with a boy of about five or six as he chats away. I watch as they load their bags into a car before driving away.
Oh my god. He’s married. That’s why he freaked the fuck out. He’s fucking married. I slept with a married man. I conjure him in my mind’s eye looking for one where he’s wearing a wedding band, but I can’t find one. Maybe he’s one of those men who removes it when he goes looking for an unsuspecting, but utterly willing, idiot to spend the night with. How could I have been so fucking stupid?
A car horn snaps me out of my thoughts, and I quickly move over to let them pass. Walking slowly into the supermarket, my mind whirls with realisation and my stomach roils in disgust. Then anger comes, and it makes for an interesting shopping experience.
By the time I’m finished and am back in the car, I’ve calmed down. A little. I do, however, feel sorry for the poor man who accidentally hit the back of my legs with his trolley. He apologised immediately, but it wasn’t enough to convince me that he wasn’t trying to pick me up in the supermarket. Talk about conceited. God, I’ve gone nuts. He must have thought so too.
Back home, I unpack the shopping. It’s at this point I realise how distracted I was. Not only did I forget to buy milk, but I also managed to purchase several items I don’t even eat.
Loading them into a bag, I head up to the house thinking Eleanor might be able to use them instead.
“Eleanor, you here?” I call out as I step through the door.
“Upstairs. I’ll be down in a second.”
I step through to the kitchen, dumping the bag on the counter. It’s then that I spot the beautiful bouquet of red roses sitting on the side. I lean down, inhaling the floral scent. My eyes close at the memories the scent brings forth.
I love red roses. Roses of any colour really, but red is my favourite. Christian was always jibing me about how cliche they are, and how florists must be laughing at the stupidity of men on valentine’s day while making a killing.
“Aren’t they beautiful. I know how much you love them.”
I give a nod as she joins me. “They are and I do. What did Harry do this time?” I ask with laugh.
“Oh, no, they aren’t mine.” I frown. “These are for you.” Seeing my obvious confusion, she goes on, “They were delivered a little while ago for you. The delivery man asked for you by name. Perhaps your friend from last night?”
“Well, he’ll have to do better than a bunch of flowers,” I tell her nonchalantly and quickly point to the bag I brought with me. “I got these at the supermarket and thought you could use them.”
Eleanor empties the contents onto the counter, giving me a strange look when she pulls out a bunch of leeks.
“I have no idea how they ended up in my trolley. Maybe someone put them in there thinking it was their trolley.” The lie slips easily from my lips considering just how damn mad I am at the audacity of the man. I’ve a good mind to go over there and throw the flowers in his face. Obviously, that’s not a good idea because…Hello, Rick’s wife.
“…would you mind, Jess? Jess, did you hear me?”
“Huh…Sorry, what were you saying?” Shit I’ve no clue what she was asking me.
“I said, would you mind popping over to the Taylors farm and collecting some eggs. I need to bake cakes for the village fair tomorrow.”
“Sure. I’ll go now. See you in a bit.”
I took the flowers and dumped them outside my cabin, then cut through the copse to the Taylor’s farm on the other side of the reserve.
After collecting the two dozen eggs Eleanor had requested, I decide to walk back along the main road as it will be getting dark soon.
As I pass the park, I spot the same little boy from the supermarket. I stop just behind a tree and watch him as he zooms down the slide several times before running off to the swings.
I hear him calling to someone out of view, and a few seconds later, Rick appears. He’s wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and plain white t-shirt with a light jacket to stave off the chill. With a smile on his face, he looks relaxed and happy. A significant change to his demeanour last night.
I hear the little boy laughing as Rick pushes him higher and higher on the swing. I feel a pang in my chest at the idea I could be responsible for breaking up a family if he notices me.
Turning away, I come face to face with a woman. Initially, I think it’s Rick’s wife, but then as I take in her grey hair and aged skin, although still flawlessly beautiful, I realise it’s probably not her.
“Sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to startle you. Are you okay?”
“Yes, yes, I’m fine, thank you.” I go to move past her, but she speaks again.
“Do you know that man?” she asks.
Turning back to her, I shake my head. “Err…no, I was just collecting some eggs and saw them on my way past. The sound of the little boy made me smile, that’s all.”
She nods in agreement. “He’s my grandson, Max. When I see them together like that, it’s like going back in time to when Rick was small. It brings a smile to my face too.”
Oh my god. This is Rick’s mother.
“Sorry. I better let you go. You have your hands full there.” She nods to the boxes of eggs I’m carrying.
“Yes, I better. Eleanor needs then for baking. It was nice to meet you,” I say before rushing towards the gate. I feel eyes on me the whole way, but I don’t risk looking back.
Twelve
Rick
I watch her, my eyes narrowed and burning a hole in her back as she walks away. What is she doing here?
“She
seems nice,” my mum says casually as she reaches me.
“I wouldn’t know,” I state, turning back to Max and pushing him again.
“Hmmm. Whatever you say.” Mum walks to the side of the swing so she can see Max better. “Max, it’s time for tea. Come on, Gramps has done your favourite.”
I stop the swing as it comes back to me, lifting Max down. He heads straight for my mum, taking her hand and leading her away.
I turn back to the gate, staring at where she disappeared on to the main road. My phone pings with a text. It’s Seb letting me know they’ll be here in an hour.
I jog after my mum and Max and stuff all thought of the dark-haired beauty with cornflower blue eyes down into the depths of me. I’m not going to think about her, mention her or dream about her. Okay, so that last one is a little out of my control, but I can damn well try.
Seb and Jamie arrive just as we finish washing up. Max seems to be wearing most of the water, so I’m not entirely sure how clean the dishes are.
Thankfully, we were able to secure the spot next to us for them. Once they are all set up, we have a beer under the awning with the patio heater on.
We talk shop for a little while until there’s a lull in the conversation, and Jamie announces she’s turning in for the night.
“Wow, Jamie Morgan calling it a night before midnight,” I joke.
“Hey. I’m still a party animal, but this one—” She pokes Seb in the ribs. “Has been working me hard every—”
“Don’t need to hear it, Jamie,” I stop her, holding up my hand and feigning a grimace.
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Just training, Rick. A regime you came up with, I believe.” She kisses Seb goodnight before turning back to me. “If that’s the first place your mind went, I’d say you need to get laid, Sully.”
“I second that,” Seb chimes, raising his hand like a fucking schoolboy and laughing.
“Fuck off the pair of you.” There’s humour in my words but some heat too. I avoid making eye contact with Seb knowing full well the bastard will see what I’m not saying.
Before he met Jamie, he was the master at hiding behind humour to mask his true self. Jamie’s helped him embrace who he is, accept his past as just that and not allow where he comes from to define him.
Am I envious? Hell yes. But I’m also extremely happy for him, and Ryder and Cam too. They deserve to be loved, to be happy and experience what it is to love soul deep.
I had that once.
Not anymore and never again.
Seb clears his throat. “So, you want to tell me about it?”
“Nothing to tell.” I adjust my position, feeling edgy and wanting to end this conversation.
“Come on, man, I saw your face when Jamie said you should get laid,” Seb presses.
“I got laid. It’s no big deal, Seb,” I snap out. Great. If he wasn’t suspicious of my mood before, he damn well will be now from that reaction. I decide the only way to stop him from giving me a grilling is to change the subject. “I received an email from an unknown yesterday morning.” I lift my eyes to his, noting I have his attention, and he’s letting our earlier topic go for now. “It contained a link to a video from my last special ops mission.”
“What the fuck, Rick!”
“My thoughts exactly. Look, I slept like shit last night, so I’m calling it a night too. When Ryder gets here tomorrow, we’ll chat more.” I get up, grabbing the empty bottles to put in the rubbish and head inside. I hear Seb shutting off the patio heater before he too goes inside.
I hope my news doesn’t give Seb a sleepless night. Although, he has Jamie to take his mind of it.
I realise, and not for the first time, that over the last year or so, probably longer if I’m truly honest, I’ve missed having that special someone to share the burdens of life with.
Watching the guys find ‘the one’ and settle down, even Cam and Ryder start their own family, weighs heavily on me. But it’s nowhere near as heavy as the guilt that eats at me daily, the shame that I wasn’t enough, wasn’t there, wasn’t able to help the one person I should and gladly would have given my life for. It’s a ridiculous notion that I could have stopped Sam from dying, but one my brain refuses to allow me to accept. Not only did I fail in my personal life, but I failed to protect my brothers in the army too.
Like Ryder, I struggled with the loss of so many of my brothers, but I have my own personal demons that I battle with daily. Oh, I hide it well. I’ve had to. I don’t have the luxury of allowing them to feast on my dark thoughts and memories for fear they’ll eat me alive. I have a son that needs me. And this is one mission in my life I absolutely refuse to fail at. Everything else, such as finding love again, is not in my future, never has been. But suddenly, I have this vibrant, independent, fierce and beautifully strong woman who has burst into my life and has me feeling things I don’t need or want to ever feel again.
I throw the covers aside because there’s no way I’m going to be able to sleep while my mind keeps replaying images of the blue-eyed vixen, which fate deemed necessary to cross my path, riding my cock last night. My dick isn’t complaining. Thank fuck he’s not in charge. I flip those images until I see her standing with my mum today, and anger at her edging into my personal space, my life, my family has me shoving my feet in my shoes and snatching my coat before slipping out the door.
The almost full moon sits high in the sky casting an ethereal glow over the already dew-covered ground. In the hour I’ve lain awake, mind spinning, the temperature has dropped significantly. I jam my arms in my coat, zipping it up fully as I pace across the campsite on silent feet.
I could try to convince myself I don’t know what I’m doing, but it would be a pointless waste of energy. Slipping through the gate, I stalk towards the copse of woods where Jessica’s cabin sits.
As I reach the path to her door, the snap of a twig off to the left has me turning that way. Scanning between the dark, gnarled trunks of the trees, my eyes narrow, trying to locate who or what is out there.
Not finding the source, I focus back on my mission. Which is…seeming slightly ridiculous now, but nonetheless necessary. I need to be sure she understands that what happened was a mistake and can’t happen again.
There are no lights on in the cabin, which isn’t all that surprising seeing as it’s almost 1am. I step to the side to peek through the window, when suddenly I sense I’m not alone. Spinning on my heels with my hand raised ready to strike, I manage to duck the first swing my attacker makes, only to come up short as they swerve away from my returning jab. The missed jab unbalances me, allowing my attacker to land a hard hit to my ribs that smarts just a little, but I don’t miss with my next strike. Swiping a leg out as they side-step my oncoming hit, they hit the floor with a grunt. I’m on them in a second, hand locked around their throat, when a feminine cry followed by my name shatters the eerie silence of the woods.
“Jessica?” I release the pressure on her neck, pulling the scarf covering the lower half of her face away. “What the fuck are you doing out here?”
“You know what, I could ask you the same fucking question, arsehole. Why the hell are you creeping round my cabin in the middle of the night?” she snaps, knocking away the hand that is still around her neck. “Get the fuck off me,” she grits out as she tries to buck me off.
I get to my feet, putting out a hand to help her up. She eyes it like it’s a venomous snake before brushing it aside and getting to her feet herself.
“Want to explain what you’re doing out here at this time of night?” I demand, ignoring the little voice telling me I have no right to be asking her let alone be angry with her.
“Screw you, Rick. You have no fucking right to demand answers from me when you’re the one sneaking about outside, my house. Shouldn’t you be at home with your son?” She unlocks the door, reaching in to turn the light on before stepping inside.
I reach out, snatching her hand and spinning her round to face me. The li
ght from inside now floods the porch, and as my eyes travel her body, they stop on her neck. Red marks mar her beautiful olive skin. Marks the exact size of my fingers, and I wince.
Without thought, I reach out my other hand, running my fingers across the redness on her skin. Her breath hitches, and she leans into my touch as my hand trails to the back of her neck, gripping her hair. I pull her towards me, all rational thought deserting me and leaving an empty space where my brain clearly presided.
My lips are a fraction of an inch away from hers when I feel her tense. The whole atmosphere thickens with tension and not of the sexual kind.
Her hands land on my chest, pushing me back and forcing me to release her.
“Go home, Rick. Last night was a mistake, and one I don’t intend to repeat. I don’t have a reasonable excuse for my behaviour, but I never had you pegged as a cheat,” she whispers, stepping inside and shutting the door.
I’m stunned. And pissed. I came here to tell her to stay the hell away from me and my family, only to fall under her spell again after nearly strangling her. Then she has the fucking cheek to turn the tables on me. As her words sink in further, I finally catch what she said last. A cheat.
The irrational guilt and shame wash through me like a fast-flowing river, flushing away my anger and drowning me in sorrow and regret.
My dreams, when sleep finally comes, are filled with a faceless woman. Walking beside me, playing in the sun with Max, at a church, in my bed, laughter and smiles and cornflower blue eyes that are wild and full of love and fire. They are not the eyes of the woman that once held this place in my life.
I wake with a start, and I know my life is about to be turned upside down.
Thirteen
Jess
“Here,” Eleanor says, holding a takeaway coffee out to me just as I finish yawning for the hundredth time this morning.
I take it, thanking her before taking a tentative sip so as not to burn my lips, but I gladly wrap my hands around it. They are freezing as I stupidly forgot my gloves this morning.
