by Linsey, Tam
The woman stepped inside and with trembling arms held out a bundle of blue fabric. She looked slightly familiar, hair completely covered by a white bonnet, dark gray dress covering everything but her hands and face. Mama? No, Mama would be much older, now. But the dress was the same.
Gently pushing Eily from her lap, Tula rose to accept, self conscious about her nakedness. The robe had been inside the pack Levi had dropped on the plains. Eily was just as naked, small nipples barely beginning to bud into womanhood. The woman looked modestly to the side.
“Thank you,” Tula said and allowed the blue fabric to unfold. Two dresses and the smell of sunshine. She pulled the larger one over her head, worked the hook and eye closures up the front. The man and woman seemed satisfied and started to leave. “Wait! Is Levi all right? When can I talk to Papa again?”
They didn’t stop. The door banged shut. She was grateful they’d left the lantern. In the dusty yellow light, Tula dressed Eily like a doll. The girl didn’t resist, but she didn’t cooperate, either. Once the fabric was fastened beneath her chin, Tula took a good look and bit her lips. A Haldanian face in an Old Order dress.
I likely look just as strange.
A part of both worlds, yet belonging to none.
The Holdout Levi woke to the smell of frying ham. His stomach growled so loudly, he thought it might shake the house. Opening his eyes, he winced as pain lanced across his cheek, reminding him of the fence. The cannibals. Tula and the twins.
He sat up, then regretted the movement as his head spun, but he didn’t allow himself to collapse. He had to blink to be sure he saw true. His old room. Sarah’s quilt bunched around his legs. Morning light leaked around the edges of the curtained window. He was home. The last few weeks had been a dream. Only they hadn’t, and he bore the burn marks on his shoulder and face to prove it.
“Tula!” He flung the blankets off and swung his numb legs out of bed. Someone — probably Beth — had removed his shirt to treat his burns. A set of clothing waited for him on a chair near the door. He didn’t take time to dress. “Tula! Eily! Ana!” He stumbled to the kitchen where Beth stood over a huge cast iron skillet flipping eggs. She glanced his way, then quickly back to the skillet.
Samuel sat at the far end of the long kitchen table with his Bible open before him. “Levi.” His blue eyes held no warmth.
“Brother Samuel. What happened? Where are Tula and the girls?”
His brother-in-law closed the Bible and rose from his chair, the wooden legs scraping loudly against the floor. “The Elders wish to see you as soon as you are proper.” His judgment raked Levi head to toe, and Levi flushed. He was nearly naked. No wonder Beth had not greeted him.
Knowing he’d get no answers until he dressed, he hurried back to his room and shoved his feet into trousers without removing the Fosselite short pants. His legs tingled as if on fire, an aftereffect of the fence. He buttoned his shirt and hooked his suspenders before thrusting his travel worn feet into knit socks. The boots felt tight after so long without shoes, but he laced them before turning to his shaving kit. The razor burned his skin, but soon his jaw and lip were clear. Now, Samuel could have no complaint.
Back in the common room, Samuel was gone, but Beth was elbow deep in dishwater at the kitchen sink. “I made you a plate.” She nodded to a platter loaded with fresh eggs, a flat ham steak, potatoes, and griddlecakes next to a pot of jam and lump of fresh butter. Levi almost gave in.
“I have to know what happened to my friends.”
He couldn’t read Beth’s face as she wiped her hands on her apron. “You’ll have to talk to the Elders. I only know what Samuel told me. They’re holding the Blattvolk in the abandoned milk house near the orchard.”
Relief flooded him. God had saved them. Then guilt crashed down over him. “And Josef?”
“He is well. I took him fresh milk this morning. But he misses you.”
“I miss him.” More words stuck in his throat. He’d failed to get a cure. All he’d succeeded in doing was bringing more trouble to the Holdout. You saved Eily and Ana. The knowledge comforted him.
“Beth.” He stepped forward but stopped short of taking her hands as he once would have. “These Blattvolk — they are not the abominations we think they are. They are people. People who were changed against their will. Not marked. They are Children of God. Tula knew the words to Jesus Loves Me before I met her. And Eily and Ana have been learning the Lord’s Prayer. They can be saved.”
Her face softened. “You always were a dreamer. Eat. Then go see your son. Samuel and the Elders can wait.”
As hungry as he was, he could hardly stomach food, but after a quick prayer of thanks, he wolfed down several bites and excused himself. So many things drew his attention, he didn’t know where to go first. He did as Beth suggested and strode toward the Ward, ignoring the curious stares of wives from lacy kitchen windows. The men and older children would be out in the fields. Annie Fiscer appeared at a back door and called to two small children on a swing suspended beneath an enormous shade tree. The scent of baking bread floated between the houses, mixed with the dry dust of the road. The acrid hint of the hog barn wafted his way and he smiled. He was home.
The largest building in the Holdout, the Ward looked the same as always — a two story brick structure with row upon row of monotonous windows. A wrap-around, covered porch lined with small chairs was currently empty. The surrounding yard had turned brown with autumn. A young woman named Mary knelt at the edge of an herb bed and collected seed heads. She had her back to him, and he didn’t bother to call out a greeting as he jumped the steps to the porch and opened one of the double doors.
Inside, the nurse greeted him with surprise. “Levi! I … didn’t expect you … so soon. Josef will be happy.” She led the way to the playroom where Josef sat at a small table wrapped in a blanket. Other children engaged in quiet activities, either together or alone, throughout the room. Laid out before Josef, several large, wooden puzzle pieces waited to be fitted together, but he only stared at them without moving. Next to him, a glass of milk looked untouched.
“Josef.” Levi called, his heart in his throat. His joy at being home wilted into despair. The boy looked worse than he remembered. Purple smudges beneath yellowed eyes. Lips pasty and chapped. Cheeks hollow against his skull. So much like Sarah just before she died.
Josef looked up and drew a sharp breath that started him coughing.
Levi rushed to his side, ready for chest palpitations, but the coughing cleared.
“Papa!” the boy cried and dropped the blanket from his shoulders to raise his arms.
The stick-thin limbs made Levi cringe. He lifted his child against his chest and held him gently. “Son.” He buried his nose in the boy’s thin hair, hating the scent of illness but breathing deeply, anyway.
Josef hiccoughed sobs against his shirt. “Why did you go away?”
The question broke him. All that time apart. How could he tell his son it had all been for nothing? “I was trying to find a way to make you better. But the scientists turned out to be very bad men.”
The voice of an older child interrupted his answer. “Mr. Kraybill? Is it true you went outside the fence?”
He looked down into the face of a boy about twelve. The rest of the children in the room stopped their play to watch in rapt attention. “Yes. I did. And I have plenty of stories to tell all of you. But not now.” He set Josef back into his seat and pulled the blanket around his thin shoulders. “I brought some new friends I have to see. I hope you can all meet them soon.”
Several questions flowed from children all at once. Josef refused to let go of Levi’s shirt collar. “Papa, take me with you.”
The nurse put her hands out, palm down to quiet the crowd. “Everyone, Mr. Kraybill has to go.” Levi smiled in thanks. She didn’t smile back.
Crouching near his son, he pried the boy’s weak fingers loose and placed them around the glass of milk. “Josef, you can’t. Drink your milk, okay? I’ll
be back as soon as I can.”
“You’ll come back?”
“I promise. Tonight.” He planted a kiss on the child’s head and strode purposefully from the room. As soon as he resolved the situation with Tula and the girls, he would spend every moment possible with his son.
On the road to the abandoned milk house, the sound of a tractor coming up behind Levi made him automatically step to the side of the road. The engine revved high and loud, and he wondered how the Blattvolk made their vehicles so quiet. Maybe Tula could help redesign some of the Old Order engines. The nose of the tractor pulled into his peripheral vision and Levi waved to the driver. Brother John sat behind the wheel, with the other two preachers, the deacon, and Bishop Eldon perched on the running boards. Samuel balanced with one foot on the hitch, his ruddy face somber. They focused on Levi.
“Brother Levi, a word.” Bishop Eldon called out. He was an old man, but his back and voice were strong.
Much as he wanted to get to Tula, Levi halted. The men stepped off the tractor and Brother John cut the engine.
“It’s good to see you, brothers. You won’t regret —”
“The fate of the Blattvolk has yet to be determined,” Bishop Eldon interrupted.
Levi frowned. “What do you mean?”
“They are marked.”
Dread took root in the pit of Levi’s soul. “The color of their skin does not deny them God’s love. They were but children when it was done. They were not of an age to choose.”
“The Brethren have been praying for guidance. But the congregation must vote.”
“On what?” Surely they didn’t mean to turn the Blattvolk out? Lowering the fence would expose the Holdout to danger with cannibals so near. The Elders would never do such a frivolous thing. Or did the Bishop mean worse?
“I cannot say where the Lord may lead us.”
A chill settled over Levi. “Tula could sing Jesus Loves Me before I met her. And the Twins can recite the Lord’s Prayer. They are Children of God, Brothers.”
The men exchanged tight-lipped glances.
Brother John put a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Come to meeting, Levi. You’re in the Bann, but we’ll let you speak your piece.”
They had officially banned him after he left, but there was more at stake here than his own shunning. If they meant harm to Tula or the twins… “Have you talked to Tula?” His voice wavered with emotion.
“‘Satan masquerades as an Angel of Light.’“ Deacon Yonnie crossed his arms over his chest.
A deep tremor shook Levi and he straightened his spine. Although the Deacon’s position was filled by a lottery guided by Gotte’s Wille, Yonnie liked being Deacon far too much in Levi’s opinion. Act within the Ordnung. Taking a breath he said, “The Apostle Paul urges us to prove all things. If you do not open your heart to the truth, you are but blind guides. ‘When the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the pit.’“
The men drew up in indignation.
Levi didn’t stop. “‘Anyone who professes to be in the light and yet hates his fellow man dwells in darkness.’“
“Do not quote scripture at us, Brother Levi, when you are in the Bann yourself,” Deacon Yonnie thundered, a vein in his forehead pulsing.
Brother John put a hand on Yonnie’s shoulder in placation. “Brother, peace. Levi has a valid point.”
Bishop Eldon chewed his tongue. “God instructed the Prophet to baptize the faithful during the Botanicaust. And there are other precedents to accepting outsiders into the fold.” He nodded to Brother John. John’s jaw twitched. His grandmother had been a cannibal left as a baby outside the gate. The Old Order had felt moved to take her in.
“Not Blattvolk!” Yonnie bristled.
The bishop raised a hand. “We must not form superficial judgments.”
“They bear the Mark of the Beast!” Deacon Yonnie countered, and Brother Evan nodded somber agreement.
“I will speak to her, that none may find blemish in my guidance.” Brother John stood straight and tall, never wavering in his gaze on Yonnie.
Levi nodded gratefully. When the Elder Brethren had voted on Levi’s request to search for a cure for Josef, the split had been four to one, with Brother John his only supporter. The congregation had grumbled over that. Years ago, many had opposed John’s nomination into the lottery for a new preacher, but the Bishop had calmly insisted on the choice being God’s. The position was for life, barring excommunication. John siding with Levi had caused a lot of turmoil.
The Bishop sighed and climbed onto the tractor with Brother John. Although the Bishop had ultimately denied Levi’s request to search for a cure, at least he’d listened to Levi’s request. Yonnie’s mouth puckered, but he clambered onto the tractor along with the others.
Looking at Samuel, Levi asked, “And you, Brother?”
Samuel looked over the men on the tractor, then back to Levi. “I shall walk at your side.”
Together they cut across the field ahead of the tractor. At the orchard, men and women stopped singing and lowered long-handled fruit pickers to watch the tractor chug past. They didn’t notice Levi and Samuel slip through the field toward the milk house, and Levi was relieved.
“There’s talk of witchcraft, Levi. That you’ve been seduced.”
“And what do you think?”
“I’ll see the Blattvolk first. And pray for God’s wisdom.”
Levi sighed. What his brother-in-law meant was he’d wait to see what the Brethren said. “I will pray for that, as well.”
At the milk house, men with dogs rested near each corner. Against cannibals, the dogs didn’t seem so awful, but with the threat directed at Tula, Levi felt ashamed. Was it hypocritical for the Old Order to condemn violence, yet train dogs to do the dirty work? He rubbed his fingers against his palms, remembering Dr. Kaneka’s death, remembering the cannibal’s bloody face. He was a changed man, and humbler for it.
The guards greeted the party with nods but remained in place. Brother John opened the door to allow the group inside.
“Tula!” Levi squeezed past the men.
At the sound of his voice, she rose from the floor and hurtled into his arms. “Levi! You are all right?”
She wore a proper dress, fastened below her chin, and Levi grinned. He located Eily, her own dress in a pool around her as she sat with her head bowed as if in prayer. “Where’s Ana?”
Eily slumped forward, her forehead in the dirt, and began to moan.
“Tula?” Levi looked into Tula’s suddenly teary eyes.
“She sacrificed herself so we could run.” Tula’s voice cracked.
Levi’s mouth went dry. He spun to the Brethren. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Her action drew the cannibals away from the gate.” John gazed sadly at Eily. “And her prayer turned our heads.”
Yonnie huffed, but said nothing. The Bishop and the others folded their hands in front of them.
Kneeling at Eily’s side, Levi stroked the child’s frail back. Ana was gone. He couldn’t believe it. Shock swelled into anger. He glared at the men crowding the doorway. “If you had let us in when I asked, she would be alive right now.”
Tula knelt and put a hand on Levi’s where he petted Eily. Her voice was small, but calm. “They couldn’t risk the entire village to save us. But they used the opportunity Ana provided. Don’t be angry.”
Bowing his head, Levi held back the tears. He wanted someone to blame. But Tula was right. His anger would serve no purpose.
He cupped Tula’s cheek. “Are you all right?”
“They’ve not treated us unkindly. I’m glad to see you’re well.” She put her fingertips to his face near the burns from the fence. “Levi, my Papa is here.”
“Your … Papa?”
“At the gate. He called me Katie, and I remembered it all.” She clutched the fabric of her dress over her heart, as if afraid the memories might escape if she didn’t hold them in. “I was born here, Levi.”
He’d suspecte
d something like this, after she sang to him in the Fosselite compound. And it explained her quick grasp of his language while he struggled with hers. He realized she’d been speaking his language since he arrived at the milk house.
“Just because Brother Peter thinks he sees the face of his dead daughter in an abomination does not make it true,” Deacon Yonnie spoke. “We have prayed together, and he believes he may have been mistaken.”
Levi rose. “Gatekeeper Peter? Is her father? Has he been to see her?” Something in his eye must have frightened Yonnie, for the Deacon shuffled back so Brother John stood a shoulder in front of him.
“We did not think it wise to open a door he closed long ago.”
Fists clenched, Levi fought the impulse to deck someone. The last month and a half had changed him. Inside, he prayed for peace. Swallowing his frustration, he turned back to Tula. “Tu – Katie.” It would be hard to change her name in his mind, but he needed to reinforce her connections here. “Do you want to see your Papa?”
Her eyes tightened against tears but could not keep them from spilling. She nodded vigorously. “And Mama?”
Sickness rose in Levi’s gut. Peter had been a widower as long as Levi could remember.
Brother John spoke. “Peter’s wife died soon after his son and daughter disappeared. He’s been alone since then.”
Her face crumpled. Levi put his arms around her while looking back at the men. “God brought this lost lamb back to us. Do you keep her from the flock because her wool has been stained in mud?”
“She’s a serpent spitting lies!” Brother Yonnie hissed from behind the bishop.
“God protect us from her deceit,” Brother Evan added.
“She’s one of us. She’s not a prisoner. I’m taking her to see her father.” Levi kept an arm around Tula as he pushed through the men gathered at the door.
Tula followed Levi into the daylight, nerves jittering as she passed first the Brethren, then the dogs. “What about Eily?” She resisted his pull against her shoulders. “I don’t want to leave her alone.”
