“Well, I know, because I’ve been in your shoes. I know what it feels like, to think that the pain will consume you. But one day, you just have to let go,” Jared, said. “Now, enough heavy talk. Turkey or ham?” he held two saran wrapped sandwiches in the air. “I wasn’t sure which you’d like so I made you both.”
“Ham,” I said, reaching for the offered sandwich.
Jared grinned. “Somehow, I thought you might pick that one. Want some chips?”
“Depends on what you have?”
He held up a bag of Doritos and Sun Chips.
I grabbed the Sun Chips.
“So, are you going to tell me why we’re here?” I asked as I unwrapped my sandwich.
“They play old movies in the park, every Friday night, all summer long. This is the last night until next summer,” he motioned to a large screen. I saw a man fiddling with a projector.
“Are you trying to woo me?” I asked, with a raised brow. “Romantic old movie in the park screams seduction.”
Jared threw his head back and laughed. The sound of it filled my body with warmth.
“Trust me, kittycat, if I was trying to woo you, I’d have a much better scheme up my sleeve. Why do you ask, is this working?” he leaned back on his elbow, stretching his legs out, and looking up at me with those perfect brown eyes framed by lashes I’d die for.
I blushed.
“It is working,” he chuckled.
“I hate you,” I snapped.
“No, on the contrary, I think you’re falling for me. It’s okay to take the leap, Katy. I’ll be here to catch you,” he said, in all seriousness.
Oh boy, I was in over my head when it came to Jared.
“No thanks, I’m afraid of heights.”
He laughed; the sound was warm and rich like honey. He shook his head and grabbed a Dorito.
Oh my, had I rendered Jared speechless? Score for me. Normally, Jared was the one leaving me flustered.
The lights in the park dimmed at that moment and the projector flickered to life, filling the screen with a black and white image.
“I brought popcorn if you want some,” Jared leaned towards me and whispered. “Do you want any?” he asked, when I didn’t say anything.
“Sure,” I said, just so he’d move away. He was far too close and it was making me feel frazzled.
“Here you go,” he said, handing me a Ziploc bag full of buttery popcorn. Our fingers barely grazed but it was enough to send a shiver down my spine.
“Thanks,” I said.
“You’re cold,” he commented, having noticed my shiver.
There was no way I could tell him that, no, I wasn’t cold, it was just the affect he had on me, so instead I nodded in agreement.
“I have a sweatshirt in my car. I’ll be right back,” he was gone before I could protest.
I wasn’t really comfortable sitting here by myself with a bunch of strangers, so close to the woods where someone could easily drag me off.
I took a deep breath and told myself that everything would be okay.
In no time, Jared was back and kneeling down beside me.
“Here,” he handed the gray sweatshirt to me. “It’ll be huge on you but it’ll do the job.”
“Thank you, Jared,” I said, slipping the material over my head. It was large enough to fit three of me, but I didn’t mind. It smelled like him, slightly citrusy.
I inhaled the scent, soaking it in and trying to memorize it. I blanched when I heard Jared chuckle.
With reddened cheeks, I peeked at him, but thankfully he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were glued to the movie as he munched on his Doritos.
I silently thanked God that Jared hadn’t noticed. That would have been beyond embarrassing and I would’ve had no reasonable explanation for sniffing his shirt.
I finished the sandwich and started on the popcorn.
I found myself sucked into the movie, absolutely riveted.
When it ended, I wiped away a tear.
“Are you crying?” Jared asked.
“No,” I sniffled.
“You’re totally crying. Why?” he asked, there was no laugh to his voice. He wasn’t mocking me.
“It was just so… beautiful. They don’t make movies like that anymore,” I answered.
Jared leaned back on his elbows and turned to me. “I agree completely. I’m not too macho to admit that. Movies like this…” he paused. “They’re timeless.”
“Exactly,” I whispered.
Everyone around us started packing up the leave.
I was getting ready to stand, when Jared said, “Not yet.”
“Why?” I settled back on the blanket.
Jared stretched out, his shirt riding up a bit, showing off his perfect stomach.
“I want to look at the stars,” he whispered. “Just for a little while. Please?” he begged.
“Okay,” I laid back and looked up at the sky.
“When I was little… my mom… she used to tell me to always look at the sky. She said that the stars held a million wishes. That each one was a promise, a promise of something good,” Jared whispered. “I used to think she was lying. There was too much bad in my life for me to believe in something good. But she was right. No matter how bad things get, you can always find the good, Katy. It’s taken me a long time to realize that, too long, but it’s the truth.”
I turned away from the stars and looked over at Jared. “What happened to you?” I knew from bits and pieces that Jared dropped here and there, that his past wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine.
Jared twisted his head, meeting my gaze. His brown eyes were full of pain.
“I want you to know me, Katy. The real me, not the guy everyone else sees, but the person I am underneath it all. I want to bare myself to you but I’m afraid the truth will make you run from me.”
My breath came out all raspy; once again, Jared had left me completely speechless.
“Why… why would I run?” I finally croaked.
“Because the truth isn’t pretty,” his eyes never wavered from mine.
“It never is,” I whispered.
“I want to make you a deal,” Jared breathed.
“Okay,” I said, hesitantly. “What kind of deal?”
“I’ll tell you about my past, when you tell me about yours. I won’t push you to open up to me, Katy. I’m not like that. I’ll give you time, all the time in the world. But in the meantime, I want you to give me a chance, because I think we could turn out to be something great.”
I swallowed. Finally, I said, “You really like making deals, don’t you?”
He chuckled. “Only with you.”
I took a deep breath and turned away from his thoughtful gaze. I looked up at the thousands of blinking stars.
Minutes past, maybe longer, and neither one of us said a thing. The silence was comfortable and I reveled in it. I was seldom comfortable with the quiet. It let my mind wander to places it shouldn’t. But with Jared… it was peaceful. I felt peaceful, for the first time in two years. I owed it to him, to see if there was such a thing as fate.
“I won’t run from you,” I said, still looking up at the night sky. “I know you think I will, but I won’t. Whenever I’m around you, I don’t want to run, and I think that’s the reason I do tend to run from you. I’m scared of the unknown; I’m scared of losing my heart to you because I’m afraid it will shatter just like my life has.”
I heard Jared take a shuddering breath from beside me. “Katy, if you give me your heart, I promise to do nothing but protect it.”
I could feel his hand creeping towards me and instead of scooting away, I wrapped my pinky around his.
“I hope so,” I whispered.
12
Jared pulled into the darkened Fight For It parking lot. I grabbed my car keys from my purse, and was about to get out, when he said, “Wait!”
I let go of the car door handle and turned to him. My hair fell forward and I hastily brushed it back.
“What i
s it?” I asked.
“I don’t like the idea of you driving home alone so late-”
“I’m not going home without my car,” I interrupted.
“I figured as much,” he snorted. “I’d just appreciate it if you’d call me.”
“I don’t have your number,” I stated.
“Exactly,” he grinned.
I sighed and pulled my phone out of my purse. “What’s your number?” I asked. He rattled it off and I entered it in. A second later his phone beeped with a text. With a smile, I said, “And now you have my number.”
He chuckled as I climbed out of the massive vehicle. I closed the door and he rolled the window down.
“Next time, I’ll bring you a step stool,” he chortled.
“Next time?” I put my hands on my hips.
“Oh, there will definitely be a next time, kitten. You already agreed when you said you wouldn’t run,” he winked.
My legs turned to jelly.
“Don’t forget to call me. I’ll worry,” he looked at me, seriously.
“I’ll call,” I whispered and turned to unlock my car. I whipped back around and he froze in the process of raising the window. He pushed the automatic button and it went back down. “Thank you for tonight,” I looked him straight in the eye. “Thank you for making me feel normal.”
“You’re welcome, Katy,” he smiled. “I hope you’ll give me many more opportunities to make you feel normal.”
“Bye,” I waved, awkwardly, before opening my car door.
His laugh filled the air as I closed the door and started the engine. He waited patiently for me to leave first.
He honked his horn lightly, and waved, when we headed in separate directions.
My heart stuttered in my chest and I wondered if it was possible to feel something for Jared so soon, and if I would ever fully be able to let go of my past.
~***~
“Jesus Christ! You scared the crap out of me!” I exclaimed, putting my hand over my heart. “What are you guys still doing here?”
Piper and Rollo stared back at me.
“We wanted to hear how your date went!” Piper exclaimed.
“It wasn’t a date,” I answered automatically.
“Who cares,” Rollo grabbed my hand and pulled me into the small living room and down onto the couch. “Tell us about it!”
I told them about the park, the food Jared had brought, the movie, and about the stars. I left out our serious talk.
Rollo’s blue eyes grew wide. “It was definitely a date!” his voice went high-pitched with excitement. “Stop trying to fool us!”
“It-” My phone started ringing. “Shit! I forgot to call Jared and tell him I was home!”
I grabbed my phone and answered. “I’m so, so, so, sorry! I got home and discovered a few unexpected guests.”
Jared chuckled. “It’s okay. I was just worried. I’m a worrier. I think it comes from having to deal with my off-the-wall sister.”
I laughed. “Well, I’m home and I’m sorry for worrying you.”
“No need to call the cops? Are you sure I don’t need to come over and take care of these unexpected guests? You know I will,” said Jared, a small chuckle in his voice.
I giggled. “It’s just Rollo and Piper. I’m fine.”
“Good…” He paused. In a low voice, he said, “Goodnight, kitten.”
“Night,” I whispered and hung up the phone.
Jared had turned my stomach to knots.
Rollo whistled. “Jare-bear is calling to make sure you’re home safe? Phew,” he fanned himself. “I really hope he has a sexy gay brother because I think I’m in love.”
“Rollo!” I laughed.
Quietly, Rollo said, “You really like him, don’t you?”
I sighed, and looked out the back window. “I think I do. There’s something different about him. He doesn’t expect anything from me. I don’t feel pressured when I’m around him. I feel… free.”
“Baby cakes,” Rollo said, “It’s about damn time.”
I smiled. “Yeah, it is.”
~***~
I settled into the chair in Sharon’s office, as she looked me up and down.
“How have you been since our last session?” she asked, crossing her legs.
“Better, a lot better,” I smiled.
A smile spread across her face. “I’m so happy to hear that. I take it, there haven’t been any more… breakdowns, for lack of a better word?”
“No, no breakdowns. For the first time in two years, I’m finally starting to feel like my old self. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a long way to go, but I’m finally starting to feel normal again.”
“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that, Katy,” she scribbled something down on her notepad. “You’re making progress.”
“I’m trying,” I mumbled.
“I can see that,” she said. “You look… alive. For so long, you’ve just been this vacant shell, now you have color in your cheeks and you smile more. This is great progress for someone that has been in the emotional state you’ve been in.”
“Yeah,” I rubbed my hands together. “I just wish the nightmares would go away.”
“Nightmares?” Sharon questioned. “You’ve never mentioned having nightmares to me.”
Crap!
“Oh… uhm… I haven’t said anything to you about them?” I looked anywhere but at her.
I heard her drop her notepad onto her mahogany desk.
“Katy, I will never be able to fully help you if you keep things from me,” she leaned closer to me.
“They’re just nightmares. Everybody has nightmares,” I replied.
Sharon took a deep breath. “Maybe so… but your nightmares are tied to what happened to you. You need to be more open, Katy. You have to stop internalizing everything.”
“I just want them to go away and they don’t. Every night, I close my eyes and relive that night. Over and over again,” I spat, tears threatened to burst from my eyes. “Nothing I do, makes it go away.”
“Tell me about the dreams,” she prompted.
I took a deep breath. Sharon was really beginning to get on my nerves.
“Speaking them aloud, only gives them the power to hurt me more,” my voice shook.
“No,” Sharon raised a pale brow, “it gives you the power to heal.”
A knock sounded at the door and she held up her finger for me to wait.
“Yes?” she prompted and the door swung open.
The receptionist stood there, awkwardly. She shook her head and said, “Mr. Johnson is here. He says it’s an emergency and he needs to see you, now.”
Sharon sighed.
“I’m sorry, Katy. We’ll have to pick this up next Tuesday. I need to see him.”
“Not a problem,” I said, grabbing my purse and slinging it over my shoulder. I was so happy to get out of there and not have to talk about my nightmares. Halfway out the door, I called over my shoulder, “I’ll see you next week!”
I got in my car and checked my phone.
I had a missed call from Jared. I rang him back but he didn’t answer. I left him a quick message and then called Rollo.
“Rollo.” He answered.
I rolled my eyes. “Want to go get some pizza? I’m in major need of cheese and grease.”
“Sure,” he said, “Can you pick me up?”
“Of course. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
~***~
“This is so delicious,” I moaned. “Seriously, the best pizza I have ever had.”
Rollo laughed. “Slow down, baby cakes. This isn’t an eating contest.”
“I’m starving,” I replied, around a mouthful of cheese.
“Have you not eaten anything, today?” Rollo asked.
I shook my head. “I woke up late and didn’t have time to eat breakfast before class, and then I had to go straight to Sharon’s.”
“You really need to eat your breakfast, Katy, because the way you’r
e attacking that pizza is frightening.”
“You’re mean,” I growled, taking a sip of iced tea.
“Baby cakes, I’m honest, there’s a major difference between honest and mean,” he sprinkled some Parmesan cheese onto his pizza.
“Yeah, one makes me want to bite you,” I snapped.
He chuckled. “You’re too busy devouring that pizza to bite me.”
I stuck my tongue out at him, just as my phone started ringing.
Rollo snatched it off the table before I could even put my pizza down.
“Oooh! It’s Jare-bear!” he exclaimed, causing a few people sitting around the pizza shop turned to look at us.
“Give me that!” I hissed.
“I don’t think so,” he leaned away from me, stretching back in the chair. He hit the ANSWER button and said, “Hello?”
I heard Jared’s voice rumble on the other end.
Rollo snorted. “No, this is Rollo. I’m gay, definitely not trying to get in your girl’s panties so stop giving me the third degree for answering her phone.”
Jared chuckled.
“Give me the phone!” I tried to grab it from Rollo.
“Not yet,” Rollo told me and returned to the conversation with Jared. “We’re at Mario’s, having pizza, you should join us… that is if Katyrina hasn’t eaten it all by then.” A pause. “Good, see you in a few.”
Rollo hung up and handed my phone back.
“I hate you so much right now,” I glared at Rollo. “Like, seriously, hate you with a burning passion.”
Rollo rolled his eyes. “Puh-lease, baby cakes, once Jared and his perfect ass gets here, you won’t be hating me anymore.”
“No, I’m pretty sure I will,” I glared down at my slice of pizza, suddenly not hungry anymore.
“Well,” Rollo said, “you better turn that frown right side around, real quick. Hot bod just pulled up.”
“Shit,” I whispered under my breath.
I heard the door open from behind me and my body instantly jolted awake, like someone had struck me with a live wire. Every part of my body, even ones I’d long ago believed dormant, were aware of Jared’s presence.
Even before ‘the event’, no one had affected me this way.
“Hey,” Jared said, standing awkwardly beside the table. He was dressed casually in dark blue sweatpants and a tee. He wore a baseball cap low over his eyes.
Unraveling Page 7
