And if there’s a chance they’ll take it
Then I’ll offer them my hand
Yes, I like the boy band
Something was happening. The glowing phones, which had been waving in all different directions…they were all waving…together.
I went into the instrumental section, which was very tricky, and so maybe that’s why the crowd noticed before I did…and it was only when I heard this infinite screaming roar that I realized…
Kurt was next to me. And he sang:
Quite like guitar girl
And I do have a tattoo
Quite like guitar girl
Thinking she should get one, too
Her lyrics make me chuckle
But her bedroom makes me hurl
Yeah, I quite like guitar girl
And something made me glance back up, behind us…
I don’t know how Jaz did it.
But there was my face, singing in my bedroom. Then Karamel, sitting in their camper van. Then, the messages, from me to Kurt, from Kurt back to me. And the comments, all of them, the love and the hate, flashing faster and faster and faster…
And we sang:
Let’s make a new band
While the music’s feeling right
Let’s start a new band
Singing out into the night
Yes if there’s a chance you’ll take it
Then I’m giving you my hand
You and me, a new band
Kurt was clapping, and I held out the mic, like I’d only ever seen on TV, the charms on my bracelet flashing under spotlights hotter than the sun.
“Sing with me, Wembley.”
Yes if there’s a chance you’ll take it
Then I’m giving you my hand
Just tonight, a new band
They sang in a way I couldn’t just hear but feel. They sang it over and over and over again.
In the wings, Savannah and Adrian were singing. And Lacey was singing.
And even, wow—even Jaz.
When Vernon Kay came bounding onto the stage and said, “Give it up for Katie Cox!” I kind of hardly noticed.
The applause began, and I lifted my arms.
“Peace and love,” said Kurt. “Peace and love.”
A microphone was shoved into my face. “Katie?”
“Peace and love,” I said.
And then I cracked up, because, I mean, honestly.
Afterward, everything went berserk.
My plan had been to hide in the dressing room or maybe get back into the car and go home, but instead we got swept along by the clipboard people into this gigantic room, which pulsed and throbbed with lights and music and was completely packed with people wearing special wristbands and very little else, all drinking champagne like they were dying of thirst or something.
“Bruno’s going crazy that he missed it. Heads will roll.”
And: “They didn’t do that at the sound check.”
And: “Are those two an item? There’s definitely something going on there.”
I kind of shuffled in, still horribly aware that I had my sweats on and only the very minimum of makeup, and stood in the corner trying not to look at anyone.
Which was really difficult, as everyone—and I mean everyone—wanted to look at me.
I had pretty much the whole of the iTunes Top 100 come up and congratulate me, which was nice although deeply embarrassing, and once Jaz had given me my phone back, I got some cool selfies, which was even nicer, but nicest of all was the green-apple-flavored Perrier that Lace brought over. In the end, Lacey, Jaz, and Adrian had to form a protective circle so I could drink it.
Which was an okay way of spending the party, pointing and laughing at the various insane outfits everyone had turned up in, until Adrian stepped back to say, “Katie. It’s Tony.”
At the exact same time, my phone started ringing. “Sorry,” I said. “Important phone call… Oh…” It was Dad. I hit Reject, then looked up to do the same to my ex-label boss.
He was right in front of me, his teeth glowing in the ultraviolet light. Or maybe there wasn’t any ultraviolet. Maybe they were just glowing anyway. Maybe they weren’t even teeth, just two rows of tooth-shaped light bulbs.
“Look—” I began, not really knowing where I was going with this, but feeling like I needed to say something.
“I know.”
“It’s just…” I hid my face in my glass.
“I’ll say it, okay? We shouldn’t have dropped you so fast.”
“I understand why you did.” Which was true. “I would have done the same if I were you.”
“Be that as it may, I was actually coming over to suggest you join another label. There’s a job for your dad whatever you do, of course, but we’re assuming you’ll want to go elsewhere.”
What?
“Oh. Right.” My brain finally caught up with the conversation. “And actually, you were the one who set up the whole Karamel-rivalry-single-release-on-the-same-day thing. So you shouldn’t have dropped me so fast!”
“No,” he said.
“I should join another label?!”
“You should. We’re too easily scared by bad press. We’d never had a situation like that, and we panicked. It was irresponsible, and it was unkind. It won’t happen again, but of course, you’ll want to go elsewhere. I’m thinking Monumental Beats would be a good place for you. I’ll get you a meeting with Scarlett. Or there’s FRD. Bethany’s a peach…”
“I don’t need another label,” I said. “I’m not doing music anymore. I’m going back to being normal.”
“Katie.” He stood next to me, and we looked out over the room. The woman closest to us was wearing a top open almost to the waist. She lifted her arm to wave and flashed me. “You can’t go back to normal, Katie. You’ve gone too far for that.”
“I haven’t. It’s only been a few weeks, but it’ll happen.” I tried not to think about that hideous night at the Harvester. “It might be a while, but I will.”
“Your song. Just now. It’s the number one trending topic worldwide.”
“Look, Tony, no one says ‘trending topic,’ just like no one says ‘social media’ and…” I digested what he’d just told me. “Come again?”
“Your performance just now is the number one trending topic on the planet.”
“I don’t…”
“People are saying you’ve brought whole worlds of music together. You’ve become this symbol of reconciliation. Of friendship.”
“In the last half hour?!”
“Doesn’t take long.”
“They’ll forget. Everyone will forget.”
“If that’s what you want.”
Then Jessie J came over. In real life, her hair looks even better than it does on TV, super glossy and perfectly straight.
Eventually she went off to talk to Emeli Sandé, and Tony turned back to me with a sad smile.
“Is there anything I can say? You’re a marvel, Katie. You have the world at your feet. That, there, tonight—that’s your single. The live recording. I’ve already had calls from about nine different countries. We’ll put it on the album with ‘Just Me,’ ‘Cake Boyfriend,’ ‘Autocorrect’—maybe not the one about spaghetti hoops…but otherwise, you can choose. We won’t interfere. And then…your summer vacation is coming up, isn’t it? How would you like to come with us to the States? The UK—that’s great, that’s all well and good, but we need to be thinking globally now. We’ll fly you first class. You can bring a friend, if you want. Two friends. We’ll put you up somewhere fancy. Get you the best of everything. All you need to do is sing like you did tonight.”
“I can’t. I made the decision. That was my last song.”
He sighed. “Look. Katie. I know I’m the villain. But jus
t tell me this. Has anyone, anyone, heard your plan to give up music and told you that it’s a good idea?”
I didn’t want to have to shake my head. And, as it turned out, I didn’t have to.
“You know where to find me,” said Tony. “Whether you want to stay with Top Music, sign with a new label, whatever. Like it or not, you’re a star now.”
I spent a few minutes gazing out into that crowded room and thinking how incredibly upsetting it was that I didn’t feel like I fit in here anymore than I did at school, and really, wasn’t there a single party in the world where a girl could have a good time?!
Then I took my phone onto the balcony to tell the one person who definitely would approve of my decision.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Katie. I am going to kill you. Honestly. The second I get my hands on you…I am going to…I’m…so…I’m so…”
“Mom, are you crying?”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“The last few days have been appalling. Then I get a message from Ade. We put the TV on, me and your father. One minute, we’re seeing Coronation Street, the next, we’re watching our little girl lighting up London.”
“Well…”
“And I don’t like it. I don’t.”
“I know.”
“But I see now, you’ve got to do this, don’t you?”
Now I was crying a little. “I don’t know if I can. What you said, about not getting hurt. I’m going to get hurt, aren’t I?”
“Yes. But…you’ll get hurt anyway. Whatever you do. I can’t protect you forever.”
“I don’t think I’m strong enough.”
“I know you are, Katie.”
“Mom—” I let the pause sit between us for a while because it seemed to say what I wanted to better than words. Then I said, “Mom, it was Dad. He was the one who sold the story.”
“He told me.”
“I’ll never forgive him.”
A snort. “It’s not the worst thing he’s ever done.”
“I kn-know. He’s been…he shouldn’t have… Ending it with you and then running off to America with Catriona and blowing all that money and then… I get it now. And I’m never going to speak to him again. I promise you that.”
“Katie, your father is a total idiot. A complete and utter—” She stopped herself. “But of course you’ll speak to him again. He’s your dad. He loves you. And…it’s hard for him, being the brilliant, talented idiot that he is and having to live with himself.”
“So?”
“So…when you were onstage tonight, I saw him. In you.”
“No!”
“He’s a part of you,” said Mom. “He knows he did the wrong thing. He understands that.”
Since when did Mom stand up for Dad?
“He’s here. Next to me. He wants to say sorry. I do think he means it. Will you speak to him, Katie?”
“Not now,” I said. “Maybe later.” I wiped my eyes. “Is Mands around?”
“Hold on. She just walked through the door. Amanda, your sister wants to talk to you.”
“How was the gig? Was the shop full? Did people come?” I was babbling.
“What about you?! I just read about everything on my phone. You are nuts, you know that? Totally nuts… Katie? Katie, what’s wrong?”
“Dad,” I said. “I’ve just…Mom said…” I tried to pull myself together. “I can’t forgive him. Can I? I don’t think I can.”
“I’m trying,” said Mands.
“He’ll go back to America soon,” I said. “He has a job waiting for him.”
“Maybe you’ll find it easier that way,” said Amanda, so gently that it made my eyelids prickle.
Which I wanted to believe. I really did.
He’s so proud of you, Catriona had said. He loves you so much.
Then I knew.
That if I let him go, I’d be letting go of a part of myself. Someone who, yes, was totally and completely selfish. Then again, I hadn’t been much better lately.
And to forgive people, to love people, you have to be there.
Oh, Dad.
As I made the decision, then and there, Lacey appeared on one side of me and Jaz on the other.
“Lacey was worrying about you,” said Jaz. “I said she’s probably doing shots with someone from the show.”
“Which would be very worrying,” said Lacey. She peered at me. “Have you been doing shots? You look awful. Talk to me, Katie. Talk to me!”
What I wanted to say was that I’d never really meant to bring the world back together.
But then, I hadn’t especially meant to tear it apart. “Ugh! That is revolting.”
We looked down to see Savannah and Kolin kissing underneath a whole bunch of twinkle lights. Savannah was holding Kolin’s head between her hands, presumably to prevent any chance of him escaping.
“So is Kurt going to be your boyfriend?” said Lacey.
“Er, no. I am not the sort of person who goes out with someone in a boy band, thank you very much.”
“Aren’t you? Because when you two were onstage…it looked like…you might…”
“No way!” I caught myself. “Well, I dunno. He’d have to ditch the fake tan and all those hairstyles. But he’s a decent enough guitarist.”
“Not to mention incredibly good-looking and an amazing singer and, um, the most desirable boy on the planet.”
“Yeah,” I said, turning very, very red. “Even so, though, I’m not exactly going to take him to the school dance, am I?”
“Probably not,” said Lacey. “Given that it was tonight. I guess if we got in the car right now…we’d catch the part where everyone leaves and goes home.”
“What?” This was not good. “You missed it? For this? Lacey, I owe you. Big time.”
“S’okay. Wouldn’t have been much fun without you, anyway.”
“You’re a good friend, Lacey Daniels.”
“And you, Katie Cox, are a lousy one. It’s lucky you can get me into such cool parties.”
“The best friend ever,” I said.
“Ahem.”
“And so are you, Jasmine James. Although I don’t remember giving you permission to go broadcasting the contents of my phone to all of Wembley Arena.”
“Like I need your permission,” murmured Jaz.
We stood there, the three of us, and watched the party. “So…are you doing anything good this summer?”
“Mom was talking about us going to Tenerife, but she hasn’t booked it yet because she says the best deals are always last minute. But she said that last year, and then she couldn’t get one, so we ended up in Monmouth.”
Jaz said, “Why?”
“I was thinking,” I said. “How would you like to come with me to America?”
Lacey began to scream so loudly that I didn’t hear Jaz’s reply.
And she continued screaming, and maybe I did too, down the stairs and back into the car, with Adrian and (a reluctant) Savannah, all the way back to Harltree.
The lights whizzed past on the highway, Beyoncé came through loud on the stereo, and Adrian rolled down the windows so that the warm night could flow over us.
Lacey was teaching Jaz this special dance you can do sitting down, Beyoncé was Beyoncé, her voice flying like rockets, while Savannah was compiling a complicated order of beauty products that apparently you can only get in the United States.
And while all this was happening, a part of me was thinking about Dad, and whether he’d have time to hang out between doing whatever work Tony was finding for him. Another part of me was googling my name, and then having to stop because it seemed like the rest of the Internet had been pretty much put on hold to make way for stuff about Katie Cox.
Most of me, though, was
laughing and singing and doing fancy footwork in the back of that car.
I didn’t know whether I was making the right decision. Maybe no one ever does.
But I wasn’t saying good-bye to music. Not now, not anytime soon.
Whatever it meant, wherever it led. And that, at least, felt right.
Marianne Levy spent her twenties as an actor. She was in various TV shows and made a brief appearance in the film Ali G Indahouse, where she managed to forget both her lines. She’s been the voice of a leading brand of makeup, a shopping center, and a yogurt company. Marianne is a regular contributor to the Independent on Sunday. She lives in London with her husband, daughter, and a bad-tempered cat. Learn more at mariannelevy.com.
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Katie Cox vs. the Boy Band Page 20
