by Lisa Rector
You have me, Rhianu. We are as one. I waited for you for years before you were born. The instant your mother gave birth to you, I knew you were the rider for me. I felt you in my soul. Your essence whispered to me with your first breath. We’ve been inseparable since you placed the dragon stone around your neck. If you trust nothing, trust me now. I know you feel that.
I won’t give up yet. I do believe you, Aerona. I have to be patient and hope time will restore my identity.
A noise startled Rhianu, and she whipped around, leaving her conversation with Aerona. She was not the least bit astonished by the face she saw. Rhianu knew the High Emrys would seek her out at some point. At last, she has come. Even without my memories, I can still feel her power and know of her significance. To protect her brother, she would challenge my presence.
Meinwen entered the library, softly shutting the door behind herself. “You might have deceived Einion, but nothing can be hidden from me.” The fire in her eyes challenged Rhianu.
Rhianu bristled. I thought she was all milk and honey. What arrogance! “I’m sorry. What are you talking about?” Rhianu would play the innocent because for all she knew, she was innocent. She felt she was—even though Aerona told her differently.
“I know how much darkness you carry. It is greater than even you know. Though, I believe you are as one lost.” Meinwen said the last statement with more kindness, which stunned Rhianu.
“Can you help me?” Rhianu would not need to elaborate. Meinwen would know exactly what she was talking about.
“I cannot. It is not in my power to restore your memories, but I can tell you of your heritage. I recognized your face before I heard your story.”
“My heritage? My face?” She twisted her hands together. How much did this emrys know of her?
“Well, for one thing, child, you are my great-granddaughter,” Meinwen said. “You have your grandfather’s characteristics. His name is Urien. He’s my eldest. Your mother, Siana, was my dearest friend. I was heartbroken, her father too, when she left us.”
“Child? You’re younger than I am. What are you—sixteen?” Rhianu asked.
“I am the oldest, the guardian of the last dragon. Einion didn’t tell you?” Meinwen smiled, and Rhianu saw it in her eyes—endless ages of knowledge. Meinwen was an old soul.
Apprehension slipped through Rhianu. Nothing she said, no control, would be able to hide her true motives and desires from the High Emrys. Thank the Masters, Rhianu had no idea what her true motives and desires were. “No, he didn’t.”
“I can tell you much of this great power that holds you. The First Evil. Cysgod. He was sealed in Uffern to keep his hand from Gorlassar, but before that, he destroyed all of the dragons save one. Evil does nothing but kill, decay, fester. To anything of beauty, anything of purity—Evil seeks an end. Misery is its total desire. A species as extraordinary and pure as the dragons incurs the jealousy of such a being.”
“I feel… confused.” Without understanding why, her admission of weakness filled Rhianu with shame.
“That’s his tool. He’ll use you again and again with no consideration for your happiness. Rhianu, all half-emrys have a choice. At one time, you served darkness, but it is not absolute. The path before you can go either direction. You have the ability to choose light or darkness. The light is forgiving—forgiveness. No one can make the choice for you, and the Evil cannot force you.”
“You say I have a choice. Einion said as much. Is that because I have no memories? What if I did remember everything? What if I’m as evil as Aerona says? Could I turn from that?” Rhianu tensed her whole body, unsettled by irritation flooding her. “She tells me I was powerful… wicked… and strong. Men feared me—I feared no one!”
“But you fear now,” Meinwen said, her voice mellow.
“I don’t know what to do.” Rhianu hated acknowledging this. Do I fear? Losing her memories gave her zero understanding of exactly how scared she was.
Aerona interjected. I’ll admit—you’re unnerved. Fearful even. You’ve never been this confused in your entire life. I can feel the uncertainty vibrating throughout your core. You stink of it. I told you—you have me. You need not be afraid.
That’s of little comfort, Rhianu replied.
Meinwen broke through her contemplations. “Do what you came to do. I cannot stop you.”
Ice raced through Rhianu’s veins. The High Emrys knows.
“Yes, I know what you’re doing,” Meinwen said.
Good. Maybe she can explain it to me because I sure don’t understand. An obstinate feeling inside her wanted to challenge Meinwen, and her words struck out of their own accord. “Why don’t you stop me?”
“That’s not my place. It’s not my purpose. I cannot force your agency, but I’ll warn you—you’ll never be able to enter Gorlassar. That’s impossible.”
Rhianu studied Meinwen’s flawless face, past her unfurrowed brow all the way down to her unclenched jaw. The minx was too composed. She’s lying! “No, I think it’s not impossible. Why would you lie? I assumed the High Emrys was incapable of lying.”
“I am incapable of lying, but I’m saying—unless you forsake the Evil forever, you will not be able to pass through the barrier. The evil you carry cannot pass because such are the enchantments placed on the portal.”
“You want me to attempt my plan? Just to prove you wrong?” Rhianu wasn’t sure if she really wanted to.
“I do not fear you or what you might do. What will happen must happen.”
“Are you telling me you know the future and are saying it will come to pass anyway?” Rhianu flexed her fists by her sides. “Or are you being presumptuous?”
“You might never know.” Meinwen smirked, her green eyes piercing Rhianu’s narrowed ones.
But despite all the ancient wisdom in Meinwen eyes, her youthful body and the impishly childish smile of the High Emrys revealed her immaturity. She wasn’t an all-knowing Creator, even if she communed with one. The High Emrys was just an immortal, subject to her own carnal impulses like everyone else.
Rhianu couldn’t suppress the smile that formed on her face. Weakness. The High Emrys still had weakness. Rhianu could see this well in others, and what’s more, she enjoyed exploiting others’ weaknesses. This was familiar. This was a part of herself she could remember.
Yes, Aerona said. Yes. This IS a part of you that you embrace. You were never weak.
Surety swept through Rhianu as her dragon confirmed her feelings.
“I’m simply saying you must follow your course in life to obtain your absolution,” Meinwen said.
Rhianu snorted. “You think I’m looking for absolution?”
“You’re looking for something. Are you not?”
The witch with her preening prowess! Rhianu turned away from Meinwen and looked out the window. “If you’re not going to stop me, I see no further reason to continue this conversation.”
“Very well,” Meinwen said. “May the light guide you.” She did not say this with malice, but with love.
Rhianu glanced over her shoulder to see Meinwen touch her fingers to her lips and pass them slowly in a horizontal line through the air before her. Quiet whispers left her mouth, and she was gone.
Did she cast a spell on me? What insanity! She presumes to know too much. Rhianu felt more unsettled than she had after breakfast. Be strong. I can be who I want to be. I have nothing to base myself on from before, so why not make it up as I go? Why not?
Remember your feelings before she rattled you, Aerona said. Forget her gibberish about absolution. You need no absolution. You have nothing to be guilty of. Everything you’ve done has been for the Dark Master. You served him, and he gave you power. Don’t you want power?
Rhianu shrugged, even though Aerona couldn’t see her. What did she want? Power? She wanted to know who she was. She wanted her memories.
Are you going to continue with the plan? Aerona asked.
What was Meinwen’s intention? Why had she come into
the library only to tell Rhianu things about herself and throw the hidden past in her face? Meinwen claimed she didn’t want to interfere, but why the conversation at all? Was Meinwen, with her so-called nonmanipulating ploy, trying to prevent Rhianu from her mission? No. The High Emrys was making sure that, despite Rhianu’s memory loss, despite the good or the evil that might come from her actions, Rhianu made a choice. The High Emrys would not stand in the way of agency. The idiot.
With her answer on her lips, Rhianu smiled. Yes, I’m even more determined. Meinwen all but threw the challenge in my face. I have fuel to my fire now. I’ll continue to play the impressionable, helpless charity case and see how resistant Einion is to my charms.
Rhianu felt exuberance from her dragon. That’s my Rhianu.
***
“Are you telling me you quarreled with Rhianu?” Einion sniffed the damp air in the courtyard. Clouds formed on the horizon, indicating rain for the coronation’s forecast. “I hoped you could help her.”
“I did help her. She is set on her path. Her memories will return soon enough,” Meinwen said.
“How do you know this?”
Meinwen stared at him dumbfounded.
Einion laughed when her face remained rigid but her eyes flickered with amusement. He should know better. “Never mind. Poor question. I’ll trust you in this, Sister. What exactly did you say to her?”
“Exactly what she needed to hear. You know how I operate.”
“I should’ve known you’d do something like this.” Einion pinched Meinwen on the shoulder. “Meddling in your nonmeddling High Emrys ways.”
He sighed. Meinwen pinched him back and jumped away. Einion ran after her in playful retaliation. She squealed and ran right into the arms of Lord Ithel as he entered the courtyard where Einion and Meinwen were waiting for the first lord to arrive. Word from a messenger said he was minutes out.
“Time to put on your grownup faces,” Ithel said.
Einion’s grin tightened his face. Sometimes dealing with the immaturity of others was frustrating for Ithel, but he bore it rather well. He had to, while his most beloved matured from a child these past sixteen years. Einion had often caught Ithel playing some youthful merriment with Meinwen, but the love never left his eyes. Watching his dearest grow from an infant after spending centuries together as lovers and soulmates and waiting for when they could share that bond again, would be wearisome, to say the least.
Einion understood, even if he had not had the experience himself. He imagined he might feel that way about Catrin in the future, given time. Circumstances as they were, he hoped she could be more patient, but Catrin didn’t want to wait much longer. He understood—she was over seven hundred years old. Emrys developed a restless desire to find their eternal mate around this time. Einion, in the time of an emrys, was but a child. He didn’t think Catrin could wait seven hundred years for him to reach that time—for him to develop that same yearning. But his mother had married at eighteen. That was perfectly normal for a mortal. Einion shook his head. He was so muddled.
A child soon to be king. The mortals trusted him. Twenty-one years was not immature to a country that needed their ruler. Einion frowned at the differences between the two worlds. He hated living between them. Because of his age in Gorlassar, he almost lived a carefree life. His expectations were not yet calculated, but he had spent a lot of time this past year preparing to become king in his father’s realm. The burden weighted his shoulders. An aching pressure built in Einion’s chest, and his vision dimmed at the edges. He clutched the fabric covering his chest, willing his vision to clear.
As the tension eased and his sight returned, he caught Meinwen’s worried gaze right when the first lord’s carriage pulled into the courtyard.
But the strangeness of the moment had passed.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
COMMONALITY
The lords had arrived.
In a dreadfully dull meeting, the regent, Arthfael, signed his rule over to Einion and became the new chancellor. Getting on in years and with no male heir, Arthfael was more than pleased to hand his temporary rule back into the proper hands. Einion welcomed Arthfael’s knowledge of the realm, and the regions had prospered under his leadership. The nine lords pledged their loyalty and support to their new prince, future King of Terrin.
Discussion moved to other provincial matters—the planting of spring crops and spring festivals to usher in an abundant growing season. Einion would travel to the nine regions, greet his subjects, give speeches, and toast to their health. He would be required to bless the earth and sanctify it.
Einion looked interested in the matters, but his brain wandered to Trahaearn. Tonight, let’s fly. I need to breathe. Guilt blossomed under his skin. He did care about his kingdom, but his heart wasn’t up to the task. He loved his subjects, but he just needed a moment to gather his wits and align his purpose in a less distracted head.
No problem, Brother. Pick you up at sundown. And ease up. You’re being too rough on yourself.
The meeting adjourned, and the lords made their way to the formal dining hall. Einion slipped away for a detour. He knew where Rhianu was and wanted to check on her. He caught her as she emerged from her room, dressed for dinner in an emerald green gown, which billowed out around her.
She smiled, and relief filled her eyes. “Einion, there you are.”
“I’m sorry I’m just catching up with you. Long afternoon. I hope my sister didn’t upset you. She told me you talked, and not all of the conversation was pleasant.”
Rhianu waved her hand. “Oh, it was fine. She’s a concerned sister. She did give me purpose. I have more hope about my memories returning.”
Einion lifted his eyebrow. “Did she now? My sister likes to meddle. Not sure if it is her sisterly duty or some High Emrys thing. But you’re feeling all right? I sense some uneasiness.”
“You should talk. I sense some uneasiness in you.”
Einion rubbed the back of his head. Rhianu had turned the conversation to him—women with their sneaky talents. “Yes, I guess you’re right. Too many issues are pulling me in various directions.”
They neared the dining hall. On an impulse, Einion grabbed her hand. He realized that Rhianu would be feeling just as lost and bewildered as he was, and Einion had the sudden desire to confide in someone—someone who might feel the same darkness tugging in her chest as he did. At least they had the commonality of being the only half-emrys here in his realm. “I want you to feel this is your home for as long as you want. I hope you can come to me with any concern. Please, and I beg of you, don’t think of me as a king. I’m your friend. I need a friend. After a while, my family will leave. I’ll be on my own. If you’re willing to stay, I would be grateful.”
Rhianu smiled up at him, and her lips pressed into a thin, sympathetic line.
Einion shrank back. I said too much. Something about Rhianu caused him to reveal more of himself than he intended. Maybe those cocoa-colored eyes that sank deep into his panging heart triggered the lapse.
He shrugged the thought off. Rhianu didn’t notice. In fact, she didn’t reply, only leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, pressing her full lips to his face ever so firmly and sure. The touch lingered even after she pulled away.
His face burned hot, but Rhianu had already turned and entered the hall. Einion rubbed his cheek and stared in astonishment at Rhianu swishing away.
Well, that’s one way to silence your nerves, Trahaearn said.
Einion’s mouth dropped open. The kiss sent a powerful message. Rhianu had no need to utter any words. He’d just told her she was a friend—that he needed a friend, and her response was a kiss. Many women had kissed him on the cheek before, but nothing had stirred up such feelings inside. For the first time, Einion knew he’d met someone with as much emptiness, as much unsurety, and as much longing in her heart as he felt.
It left him breathless.
Einion straightened his tunic and quelled his emotions, composing himself,
ready to brave the rest of the night.
***
They’re your family. Einion stood in trepidation as Meinwen, Ithel, Aneirin, and Ahnalyn settled into their seats. Einion had called an informal meeting, gathered around the hearth, but they would be discussing official business. Emryn business. The first of Einion’s to lead.
They had not involved the mortals and left Catrin out of the circle as well. She held no official office in Gorlassar, and Einion didn’t want her negative opinion of Rhianu to factor into the conversation.
He started with all the information Aerona had shared with them. Rhianu had been forced to serve Lord Meuric but escaped. Half-emrys had transitioned to Dark Emrys, and Meuric was the leader of a dark dragon army.
“I’m going to assume that everyone here already knows of the half-emrys across the wilderness,” Einion said, drumming his fingers against his thigh. “I’m sure you have discussed it in councils in Gorlassar. I suppose I shouldn’t be amazed that no one has told me yet.”
“Yes,” Ahnalyn said.
“Were you planning on informing me once I became king? This is not information I can ignore.”
“I understand that, Einion,” Ahnalyn said. “We did not intend to keep this information from you. You had enough weighing on your mind with preparing for your rule. Believe me. We were going to tell you in council after your coronation. Since Rhianu fell into your life, the truth is now unavoidable.”
“We’ve known, since Caedryn, of the half-emrys but not of the Dark Emrys,” Meinwen said.
“Aerona said they’re half-emrys who have undergone the transition by murdering in cold blood. How is this possible?” Einion asked, looking at each face in the room, hoping they would not withhold any more details. They would have to accept him as a king of his own country and forget his inexperience in Gorlassar.
