by Lisa Rector
I don’t want you to wake up one morning with your memories returned and realize you let yourself down. Not when I can guide you and keep you on the right course. I’m trying to protect you. I’m sorry this has affected you so, but you’ve done worse. You’ve broken more necks than I can count.
Rhianu stood and threw her brush across the bedchamber. She hated this hollow, washed feeling as if the mudslide had swept away something inside her. Aerona, you’re wrong. If the death of Gwenna makes me feel like this—this terrible guilt… how could I be as bad as you say?
Aerona growled. I’m not surprised that you aren’t listening to me now. You were always stubborn. At least that has not changed.
Her dragon sister was right. Rhianu was stubborn, and she had hurt Aerona’s feelings. She shouldn’t fight with the one friend who knew her inside and out. Rhianu laid her hands on her chest. I’m so sorry, Aerona. You’ve been loyal in helping me through this. Please forgive me.
You know I always do. Remember—the light makes you vulnerable. If you were in possession of your true senses, if you carried the darkness in your center as you’re supposed to, you wouldn’t feel this way. No confusion, no guilt, no insecurities.
You mean I would be unfeeling.
No. You would be in control. You would have strength and power. You would be so sure of yourself that nothing could make you afraid.
Rhianu climbed under the covers. She didn’t like feeling impotent, as her experience with Einion pointed out, but she didn’t want to be a hardened monster either. Bide your time. She yawned. I’m sure I’ll figure out what I’m doing.
Try not to let your heart bleed through your shoulder. I’ll hide my disgust at the fun you’re having.
Fun?
If that’s not what you’re having with the king, then what is it?
Rhianu blushed and pulled her covers up to her chin as she snuggled under them. She wouldn’t know. She lived moment to moment. As Rhianu closed her eyes, sleep swept her away…
“Tell me how to enter through the portal,” Rhianu hissed. “How can you be so headstrong?” Her whip lashed out and struck the woman on the back. Rhianu couldn’t see the woman’s face, but she relished the cry that accosted her ears.
The woman’s arms were tied above her head, attached to chains hanging from the ceiling. Rhianu circled around the room and glanced into the pitifully pale face. The woman’s delicate emryn features contorted in agony. Blood dripped from her back, down her legs, and onto the floor.
“I told you, I destroyed that part of my memory. I can’t let you enter Gorlassar. Not after what you’ve become.”
Rhianu’s hand caressed the edge of the woman’s cheek. “Oh, Mother. You will suffer greatly for this.”
Rhianu turned to leave the dank, stone chamber where she tortured her prisoners, but stopped when a voice spoke to her. His voice slipped through her thoughts as readily as Aerona’s.
Drink her blood.
My lord?
Drink her blood. The blood is the key. Drink it, and you will see the memory. No truth can be hid if it’s still inside her.
Rhianu’s hand drifted to the knife hanging on her hip. She unsheathed it slowly and turned it in the air, catching the light of the torches. Siana’s head sagged. She wouldn’t see it coming. The knife pierced her skin, and Rhianu drew it down the length of her arm.
Siana screamed.
The blade dripped with blood, and Rhianu brought it to her lips. She had never tasted blood but slid the flat side of the blade across her tongue, leaving the heavy, metallic flavor in her mouth.
Rhianu dropped to her knees, gasping.
Her throat burned like dragon fire across dry grass. Her mother’s memories flooded her. Feelings Rhianu had never experienced rushed through her. She felt her mother’s torture—the pain she had inflicted upon her—firsthand.
She saw her mother as she had loved her father, young and carefree, and learned how love felt. She felt her mother’s anguish when Rhianu murdered her father.
Drink more. Drink until you find the memory.
Rhianu brought the knife to her mouth again. Her tortured cries filled the air as the blood burned—burned because of the light inside her mother, the light Rhianu now drank into her dark, cold body.
For hours Rhianu endured the pain and cried from the onslaught. Blood pooled on the stone floor while Siana whimpered. Rhianu lived through memory after memory, and they still never showed the entrance. Images revealed glimpses into Gorlassar and its paradise, but never of the entrance or the path her mother had taken from it. No knowledge about the magic protecting the dragons and about how to enter. How was this possible? How did she destroy a part of her memories?
Meuric finally stopped her. He came into the room and cut Siana down. “Rhianu, what are you doing? Have you lost your mind? This is our mother!” He curled Siana in his arms and carried her from the room.
“Let me die. Just let me die,” Rhianu’s mother moaned as Meuric carried her away.
He returned and lifted Rhianu by her elbows from the floor where she lay, her throat now swollen almost shut. She wheezed as she looked into his rigid face.
“Of all the things you’ve done…” he said.
Her head rolled back, and a slap bit her cheek…
Rhianu bolted upright in bed. She clutched her throat, gasping. She couldn’t breathe! Her windpipe blistered with pain. Water! She groped for the carafe on the bedside table. Her fingers fumbled with the glass and it rolled, shattering on the floor.
“My lady!” A girl cried.
Rhianu clawed at her neck, her scream hoarse. Help me!
Terrified, the maid yelled, “Help! Help! Guards!”
A pair of guards burst into the room. Rhianu tore at the sheets, tears streaming down her face. Make the burning stop! Oh, make it stop!
“She can’t breathe,” the girl cried. “Find His Majesty. Find a healer!”
Einion burst into the room not two minutes after the guards left. Rhianu ripped at her throat, crying uncontrollably. Make it stop. She grabbed Einion’s arm as he slid onto the bed and pulled her to his chest.
His hand trailed to Rhianu’s neck as he tipped her back enough to look into her face. Einion’s dark eyes flared golden, and his light dipped into her.
In Rhianu’s desperation, her fingers bruised his bicep, but his face held no vexation for his own discomforts. As she stared, noting every creased line around his worried eyes, her airway opened, the burning ceased, and her breaths deepened. Rhianu reached into his hair at the nape of his neck, seizing the strands, tugging the roots, not wanting him to leave.
Einion laid Rhianu back onto the silk pillow and pried her hands apart, sliding them down his shoulders to rest at her sides. He perched on the edge of the bed, with his body turned to hers, bracing himself over Rhianu as he gazed into her face. “You’ll be all right now. Rest.”
Rhianu looked at a stupid curl hanging in the middle of his forehead and wished she could tuck it away, but instead she shut her eyes when his thumb swept her cheek and wiped the clinging tears.
Afraid to speak, afraid the burning would return, Rhianu grabbed his hand before Einion could retreat. Rest was the last thing she wanted. She didn’t want to slip back into the nightmares again.
Not when Einion’s light could keep them away.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
SHIRKING DUTY
Rhianu smiled at the crazy glint in Einion’s eyes when, during breakfast, he announced they would go riding in the country.
“A day off? How can you afford such a luxury?” She had recovered from the prior day’s nightmare, but it still loomed in her mind. A trip would be most welcome to ease her spirits. Perhaps that was why Einion suggested it.
He set his cup of juice down. “Well, I’m going to visit some of the villages on the way. A bit of business mixed with pleasure. Perhaps a day and a night?”
“On the way to where?” Rhianu buttered a piece of toast, trying to play down her
curiosity, also knowing that Einion wouldn’t miss it.
Einion smiled. “One of my favorite spots. We’ll go on horseback so you can see the countryside.”
“Sure, I’m ready for anything.”
Rhianu hurried to her room after breakfast and dressed in her riding garments. Einion had given her a riding outfit much like her dragon-flying ensemble to replace what the lightning had singed. The tunic came to her knees over soft leather pants. When she pulled them on, she felt very comfortable.
In a sudden flash, Rhianu had a vision of herself, dressed in sturdy armor while flying on Aerona. Rhianu gasped and grabbed the door of the wardrobe as the thrill of the wind in her hair and the urgency of the task overtook her. As heavy and stiff as her gear was, the memory could only be of flying into battle.
Her knuckles whitened as Rhianu squeezed the door harder. Most of her memories came in appalling glimpses and reeked of destruction. Truly, she was a powerful Dark Emrys. What was she supposed to do with these memories? What would happen when they all returned? Did she want to use the darkness or the light? Which one would define who she really was? Rhianu huffed and curled her fingers into her thighs. Enough of this!
Rhianu met Einion in the courtyard, where he stood with the horses and an entourage of people.
“Sorry, I couldn’t escape my guard.” Einion strapped a pack to his horse. He handed similar provisions to Rhianu. “Food and water. A bedroll. We ride light.”
Rhianu busied herself with the straps for the bundle, ignoring the chill that followed her from her room. She was glad she had taken Einion up on riding lessons. Before, she was not sure if she had ever ridden on a horse. It didn’t come as naturally as flying on a dragon.
Einion leaned into her. “Are you all right?”
She jumped at his words. “Einion! Good gracious! I can’t hide anything from you.” Rhianu swallowed. “Another annoying memory assaulted me.”
He squeezed her hand where it fumbled with the reins. “How can I ease your anxiety?”
“I don’t know.”
The back of his fingers grazed her jawline. “Forget your cares for the next two days. Will you do that for me?”
Ignoring the tumble of her stomach and his pleading eyes, Rhianu patted the horse’s shoulder, and Einion gave her a leg up. “Yes, Einion. I’ll try. Just for you.”
Einion mounted. “Good. We shall forget our darkness and be light! Rhianu, you are light. I am light. Our darkness shall not tarry as we ride!”
Rhianu’s smile stretched across her face. Einion could be so ridiculous.
A guard of a dozen emrys escorted them on their journey. Six of them rode horseback, ready to follow their king across the country. The other six flew on dragons to scout ahead.
Those on horseback exited the city through the east gate where the bridge crossed the river and turned north.
Einion guided his horse off the road and into a field, heedless of his guards.
“My lord?” head guard Llew questioned, but they all followed Einion’s lead.
Traveling a few more paces, Einion turned and looked at Rhianu. His eyes flashed, and his body tensed, defining all the muscles in his thighs. All of a sudden, Einion dug his heals into the flanks of his horse, and the beast galloped across the field.
“What’s gotten into his head?” Llew grumbled.
The group took off after Einion. They raced over many rolling hills as Einion hooted and hollered. Rhianu laughed at the spontaneity and the exuberance Einion displayed, and she urged her horse on, faster, until she met up with Einion. Eventually they slowed their horses to rest, and when the group arrived at a stream, Einion climbed down and let his horse drink. The others followed suit.
“What was that all about?” Rhianu gasped, out of breath from all the exertion. Einion’s red face and blown hair did not detract from his smile. Did his eyes ever not twinkle?
“Freedom. Feeling light. I told you, we’re leaving the darkness behind us.” Exhilaration filled Einion’s voice, and his shoulders dropped, relaxing. “Could you ask for any better weather?”
Llew flexed his fingers in his gloves. “Your Majesty, your first stop is not far away, a village off the main road. I was about to stop you. Any farther and we would have passed it.”
“Very well, thank you. I wanted to flush the excitement out of my system before we entered town.” Einion wiped his brow with a handkerchief. “You know, to look more responsible for my subjects. And less antsy.”
Llew grinned. “But of course, Your Majesty. Most prudent.”
The horses were ready to move on so the group continued to the first village of homes resembling nothing more than derelict shacks. Families flocked around to share their grievances while Einion listened with great concern. Tired housewives set humble offerings of food before them. Einion and Rhianu ate with exclamations of great appreciation—Rhianu didn’t ask what was in some of the chewy stews. Einion spent so much time playing with the children in the square near the well that Llew, who was more like his timekeeper, urged him to press on to more important matters.
Einion worked with his emryn guard to heal the never-ending numbers of sick. He showed Rhianu how to heal a child with the sniffles and mend a lame mule’s ankle—all with his light. This pattern continued in the next few villages.
“It’s your turn, Rhianu,” Einion said, as he stared down at a little girl with a sprained wrist.
Shaking her head, Rhianu backed away. “Oh, no, Einion. No. I don’t know how…” The little girl had blonde hair and blue eyes, just like…
Einion wrapped his hand around Rhianu’s forearm. Confidence swelled inside her. “You can do this. I’ll show you how.”
His fingertips at her lower back urged her forward. They crouched in front of the child, and Einion guided Rhianu’s hands to the girl’s swollen wrist.
“What’s your name?” Einion asked.
“Taryn.”
“Well, Taryn, this won’t hurt a bit,” Einion said.
The child nodded, and her eye caught Rhianu’s. Rhianu blinked, fighting back tears as she bobbed her chin reassuringly at the girl.
Einion didn’t take his hands off Rhianu. “Now tell the light what to do,” Einion whispered. “Look with your mind.” He closed his eyes, but kept talking. “See the injury. Seek with your light. Dive into the fibers of the muscle and tell the light to heal them.”
Rhianu shut her eyes and did as Einion directed. Slowly her mind fell into the folds of the muscles and deep into the tissues. Sucking her breath in, she quieted her cries upon seeing the angry, inflamed structural components that called out to her for relief. Heal. Restore. Muscle recovered. Built-up fluid dissipated. I can see it! Heat flowed into Rhianu as she realized Einion was fortifying her light.
Taryn laughed. “Mam, it doesn’t hurt anymore!”
Rhianu’s eyes flew open. She had done it! Jumping to her feet, she knocked Einion back in the process. Rhianu giggled. “Einion! I did it!”
Einion pushed himself off the floor and grabbed Rhianu’s shaking hands. “Yes, you did it. I knew you could.”
Somehow Rhianu found herself with her arms around Einion’s neck. She tried to unhook herself when the firm pressure of Einion’s grip alerted her to her audacity, but his arms trapped her.
“I know she’s not the same little girl, but it’s a way to counter the bad things that happen in the world,” Einion murmured in her ear. “The darkness can’t heal. Only the light. I wanted you to see this for yourself. To feel this for yourself. You’re more than your dark past and the nightmares.” His hand slid up her back, and he gave her one final squeeze before releasing her. “I needed to see this too. To pull myself out of my own head.”
“Have you forgiven yourself?” Rhianu asked.
Einion bobbed his head up and down. “I think I have. I think I have.”
“Then I think I can forgive myself too. Thank you, Einion,” Rhianu said. “I couldn’t have done this on my own.” And honestly, she kn
ew that she couldn’t have.
***
They headed closer to the North Mountains as the day progressed. Rhianu wilted on her horse, stuffed from the plentiful offers of food the villagers gave them. As the afternoon wound down, a nap called to Rhianu.
They left the road again and rode around a hill, single file, through a small gap in the undergrowth. As the view opened before her, Rhianu gasped softly.
Einion turned in his saddle and smiled. “Here it is.”
The hill flattened out, and a beach appeared at the edge of a smooth lake with water the calming color of greenish blue. Rhianu could see to the bottom. Red and gray rocks covered the lakebed, and Rhianu couldn’t see any fish or water plants. Several large boulders flanked the lake’s edge and completed the serene landscape. Looking around, Rhianu realized green, sloping hills and surrounding trees cloaked the lake with seclusion. Beyond the treetops, the sharp peaks of the North Mountains cut into the sky.
The crisp blue skies made the lake appear all the more vibrant and the hillside all the more green and lush. Rhianu couldn’t believe how pure and rich the colors were around the lake.
“Trahaearn and I found this one day while flying overhead. Incredible, yes?” Einion directed his men in setting up camp under some trees in a grassy spot.
They would stay the night in this enchanting place? Rhianu climbed off her horse and stepped to the water’s edge. She turned to find Einion taking his boots off.
“What are you doing now?” Rhianu asked.
“Here…” He bent to undo the laces on her boots and slid the first one off her foot. “You have to feel the water on your feet.” Her second boot slipped off.
Rhianu stuck a toe in the water, only to snatch it back as a freezing chill bit her. Disturbed, the water rippled outward but settled to its former glassy stillness.
A sudden splash destroyed the tranquility. Einion had run past her, diving into the water. Alarmed by his daring, Rhianu whipped around and saw his shirt lying on the beach. Thankfully, his pants were not. Einion surfaced, spitting water in her direction, missing her.
