by Lisa Rector
Meuric shook his head.
He couldn’t wait to tell Catrin. He couldn’t wait to tell her he’d changed the past.
His memories didn’t lie. This could mean many outcomes. What else in their future had changed because of this?
Meuric caught Cat’s glaring eye as she sashayed past him. Her story had shifted to when they fell into the ocean and their time travel. Some of the dragons made a strange growl of understanding, and others, Meuric was sure, were doubtful. Several of the dragons had curled up with their claws tucked under them, as though they were completely engrossed. One dragonling peered cautiously from a protective parental embrace.
When Catrin told of learning about when in time they were dropped and how Meuric had commanded her to admit it, Efa stopped her.
“Meuric, I want you to continue the story. This is enlightening. These Masters you serve—”
“I serve none of them. My allegiance to them has been betrayed, and they’ve used me.”
Efa waved a claw in the air. “Come now, Meuric, finish the tale. Tell me your story and of your Masters’ betrayal.”
“Very well, I shall backtrack a bit. You must know my history.”
“By all means, Meuric, continue.” Efa folded her claw under herself and curled a spiky tail near her side.
Meuric cleared his throat. He didn’t go back as far as his mother and sister’s history, but he told about Mara and Arya. That much must be shared since he’d revisited their pasts. Meuric told of his first ether jump and of seeing Mara and Arya’s faces time and time again. He picked up where Catrin had left off, when they began their journey out of the Eilian village. He told of how they sought help for their little friends.
Meuric tensed when he told them of Beli, and he revealed what had caused his time slip, but he didn’t look over at Catrin. He told them about when Catrin had healed him from his terrible dream, and how she healed him after their attack from the savages. When he told the dragons of his meeting with the Dark Master, Meuric turned to Catrin.
“He threatened you, Catrin, and I attacked, which was pointless. My power was no match for his. That’s when I woke you, and we traveled on throughout the night.” Meuric moved closer to Catrin. “We eventually reached the river and the pass, but one certainty became clear…”
Meuric lifted her chin so he could see into her eyes. “I love you, Catrin. I had to tell you the truth about Einion. That was in the past. I’d never do another thing like that if I knew it’d hurt you.” Meuric paused.
Catrin’s eyes were shining, but she didn’t glance away because of embarrassment. She trembled slightly as she grabbed Meuric’s wrist.
The dragons were silent—holding their breath.
Meuric rambled, not caring if they had an audience, not caring that he wished every single word could be uttered in private. “He came to me again, Catrin. He told me he’d find you first. I jumped to you, reaching for you with all my mind and strength, but I was shoved somewhere else. I wanted to come to you. I wanted to get to you first. I failed. I tried to return. You want to know where I was…” He dragged his hands down his face. “I relived the deaths of my wives and children. This wasn’t just in memory. I was there. It happened.”
A sob escaped Catrin’s lips, and she pressed her palm against her mouth.
Meuric felt much pain over Catrin’s distress. “Here, you can understand it better this way.” He took her head in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers to share the emotional connection. “You’ll see everything from this past month, all the horrors I endured.”
Her breath tickled his face as she exhaled, and her forehead wrinkled under his. At this point Meuric didn’t care if he was leaving the dragons out of the story. Catrin was all that existed to him. She was all that mattered. She’d know his sorrows and that his heart beat only for her.
Meuric’s mind flashed to Dewydd’s house and the day when Catrin examined his soul. He didn’t care what secrets she saw then. He didn’t care what she’d see now.
Silence fell over the council. As Meuric and Catrin stood together, his fingertips traced her biceps, roaming up and down them while Meuric resisted the urge to crush her to himself.
After she had seen his sorrows, Catrin cried out and crumpled in his arms. Meuric fell to his knees with Catrin and cradled her, wiping her tears away as she wept.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
REKINDLING
Meuric, let me go.” Catrin shook her head away, stopping him from mopping up her tears. What she had seen was awful. How could he have endured Mara’s and Arya’s deaths again?
“I don’t want to let you go,” Meuric said.
“Please, leave me alone,” she whispered. “I can’t take your heartache on top of my troubles.”
“Help me to understand.”
“I’m broken, Meuric. So broken.” Catrin squirmed in Meuric’s embrace. Even within the safety of Gorlassar, she couldn’t rid herself of Cysgod’s haunting voice in her head. “I’m not worthy of you.”
“No, Catrin. I’m the one who’s not worthy of you,” Meuric said.
“Ahem,” Efa’s booming dragon voice broke the couple’s interlude. “You’ve left us out of the tale. This exchange was marvelous to behold. I can see you need time to yourselves. You are weary travelers and have had an emotional journey. We’ll leave you to rest for the night.” Several groans from various dragons rang out, but Efa continued. “Tomorrow you can fill us in after you’ve recovered. The night has waxed late. Come, come. No one is to disturb the pair tonight.”
The dragons left one by one. Mothers nudged the heads of tired dragonlings as they carelessly huffed smoke in their sleepy stupor. A grumpy, somewhat older, more ragged-looking dragon limped away before extending creaky wings.
Meuric stretched his side, reaching one arm to the sky while keeping his other arm wrapped firmly around Catrin’s waist. She wouldn’t be able to stand much longer. Her dramatic camp story had exhausted her.
“Ah, peace, at last,” Meuric muttered.
A dragon returned, bearing a cooked deer. Meuric settled Catrin against a rock and busied himself with cutting pieces of meat off. He eyed Catrin, but she stared straight ahead, afraid to meet his gaze.
Cupping her palm, Meuric dropped a piece of meat in it. He pushed her hand toward her mouth, ignoring her obviously drooping eyelids.
Catrin made an effort for Meuric. Why does he care so much? How can he love me the way he does and profess his love after leaving me? She pinched the meat between her fingers and brought it to her mouth, nibbling halfheartedly.
A finger stroked her cheek. He was crouching in front of her. When she shut her eyes to avoid his blue eyes and to avoid breaking down in tears, he tilted her chin up. “Catrin, make a greater effort. You need to eat. You’re getting thin. Haven’t had me to take care of you for a month, and this happens?”
Catrin didn’t say a word. What could she say? This man had confessed his love, and she’d spent the past month hating him.
“Cat, you don’t have to say anything. Just know I’m here for you. I know you’re furious. You have every right to be. I made a promise, and I broke it.”
Even now he could read her. He spoke every thought she was feeling because she had no more strength to hold any walls up. Hiding her feelings was impossible. Her hand with the meat dropped limply in a sign of defeat that pulsed through her. She felt empty… and cold. She could only whisper. “Meuric, hold me. I’m cold. Hold me, please.”
He scooted behind her and slid his legs around her. His arms swathed her body. He was so warm. With no strength left, Catrin leaned her head against his chest, happy to be in his arms after being alone on the road, especially after the bleak nights on the mountain. Meuric continued to surprise her. She constantly looked into his soul, and she hadn’t shared hers with him. With trauma in his past, how was he such an open book? Men aren’t supposed to be this complex. She turned her ear to Meuric’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. Einion is. By D
eian’s Light, Einion is. He was so complex she didn’t understand how this much emotion went on inside one man. Meuric was cut from the same cloth.
“So, you have a daughter.” She tucked her legs to her chest and curled against Meuric, half-asleep.
Meuric buried his face in her hair and whispered near her ear. “It’s amazing, Catrin. I can’t believe it. I feel all the memories. They really happened. I can even remember when I left her. I said goodbye the day before the battle, at Caer right before the war council was held. I held her. Days before, she didn’t even exist. I can’t begin to grasp it.”
Catrin squeezed Meuric around the waist, and he squeezed her shoulders in return.
“Meuric, I heard him in my head. Like Cerys. He’s been following me. He won’t leave me alone.”
“I wish you didn’t have to endure that. I would have cut down armies to be with you, but I was lost for a while, not remembering this time. The events drew me in. I mean, I was there. But something was missing in the back of my mind. Eventually, my thoughts returned to you. Even before I met you, I felt a void, as if I was longing for you. I’m not sure how time works, but I already knew you when I was with my wives. Does that make sense? Time is one big round. I’m here now, and I’m not leaving your side. I’ll keep the influence of the Dark Master away. I’ll keep you safe.”
She pawed at Meuric’s forearm, smoothing the brown hairs. “I believe you.” After being alone for a long time, without the touch of another body, all Catrin wanted to do was sleep against his warmth. Meuric wanted to talk. She just let him. She already knew his story from his mental unloading, but she didn’t care. He wanted to talk to her. Once Catrin couldn’t make him talk, and now he kept going.
“Meuric?”
“Yes.” He was stroking her hair and curling pieces around his fingers.
She had to tell him. If he was willing to tell her about Einion, she should be able to tell Meuric anything, and he’d understand.
Catrin laid his hand on her heart. “I’m broken. Feel it. My heart-center is broken, and I’m leaking light.”
“Catrin…”
“No, Meuric.” Catrin pulled away and looked at him, not wanting to hear him pacify her. “Help me. I’m afraid.” She held his hand against her heart again. “I don’t know how to stop it. Fix my heart-center for me. Emrys aren’t supposed to feel this way.”
“Feel like what, Catrin?”
“As if I’m going to die.”
His muscles tightened. “You’re not dying.”
“I might.”
“Why would you say this? You don’t want to die, do you?” An edge crept into his voice, warning her. She knew well enough why.
He wasn’t about to take any talk of dying. Not from her. Not after Mara and Arya.
“No, Meuric, I don’t. I know that frightens you. That’s why I want you to heal me.”
Meuric shook his head. “Catrin, this takes more than my skill.”
“You can do it. I know you can. Look how much light you have!”
“That’s not it, Catrin. You need a power greater than healing, and you know it. Have you forgiven Einion? Or Rhianu? Have you forgiven me? No other power can heal you unless you can forgive. I’m not sure how to help you do that.”
Catrin’s hopes fell. “I’m trying! I don’t understand. Why’s forgiving someone difficult?”
“I don’t know, but hold on to me in the meantime. Don’t give up. Take my light. I build it because of you.”
Heat flooded her body, and calm washed over her from an infusion of his light. Oh, it felt good.
“Meuric, you’ve changed. I don’t know how you’ve gained such control over your light since I’ve known you.”
“I learned how to love again. I’ve never had someone challenge me as you have. My life was simple, blindly following orders. It’s easy to kill, easy to follow darkness, but not easy to love. You made me think about everything I am. Nothing has been the same since you, literally, fell into my life.”
“Nothing’s been the same for me since Rhianu fell into Einion’s life,” Catrin mumbled.
“Cat, don’t put this on Rhianu. You told me yourself that Einion didn’t love you the same way, that your romantic feelings were a fantasy.”
“Why’s heartache hard to overcome?” Catrin cried.
“I think you lost your identity. You were Catrin and Einion for the longest time. What was life like before him?”
“A lot less confusing.”
“Why do you love him? What’s special about him?”
Catrin shrugged. What had attracted her to Einion in the first place? When had he changed from a cuddly cooing infant to the man who made her pulse race? Was it purely physical attraction? She loved him because he was family. They had fun together. They knew everything about each other. Had she mistaken familiarity with true love?
“Meuric, you must think I’m immature. I feel inane. I don’t think I know what love is. Show me. You’ve lived for a long time, and you’ve loved two other women.” Her voice dropped. “And you love me.” That sounded familiar. Meuric loved her, but she couldn’t love him in return. Not yet.
Catrin loosened Meuric’s grip on her and scrambled to her feet. Meuric followed. “No, Meuric. Don’t love me. You’ll just get hurt.” Catrin backed up.
All she remembered was how much she loved Einion, how much she allowed him into her heart, and he had never loved her. She had hurt from it. Unreciprocated love would bring nothing but pain.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Catrin. You can’t hurt me, not anymore.” He seized her hand as she tried to run. “Don’t pull away from me.”
“It’s like Einion and me. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s too late for that.” Meuric tugged her into his strong arms. He wove his fingers into the back of her hair. In a playful, yet seductive pull, which sent tingles through the roots of her hair, Meuric forced her to look at him. She caught a whiff of his masculine pheromones, musky and piney with a hint of earthy sweat, and gasped. Her knees gave out, and she slumped into Meuric’s support.
“That, Catrin, is lust. That’s what you felt for Einion. I understand this. You need to understand this.”
Catrin nodded, too overwhelmed to think straight. “Are you going to kiss me?” she blubbered.
Meuric smiled at her. “I already told you the answer. I love you enough not to kiss you, but I’m going to show you how I love you.”
With those words, Catrin felt a rush of feeling, different from the initial contact and heady rush of lust. She saw the memories Meuric had compiled of her, starting with their first fight when they fell into the water. How he struggled to understand this perplexing woman as they floated there all night! He decided she was his savior, despite being as feisty and as vehement as she was. Meuric caught fish on the boat, just for her, not the Eilian. He felt pleasure when she dried him in front of the fire and left burn marks on his arm—Oh, how Meuric had to suppress a grin! He monitored her when she went into the Eilian village, trailing her glow of light with his mind because he was worried about her.
When she burned his hands and felt guilty enough that she had to heal him, he learned about her compassion. Meuric liked to watch her dance through the forest, and he was jealous when Beli flirted with her. He didn’t understand why at the time. Catrin begged him to take her back to the Eilian, away from the presence of the Dark Master, and he had complied. He was vexed because Catrin had peered into his mind to heal him, but only because he didn’t want her to see what type of man he was. Eventually he didn’t care anymore.
Day after day, she depleted her light. Meuric only watched, and it killed him. He met the Dark Master and stood between him and Catrin even though he’d be overpowered. While Meuric watched from the shore, Catrin was sucked under the rock in the river. In desperation, he waited for two breaths before jumping to her, fearing the worst. He wanted badly to kiss her when he had her safe on the shore. But he didn’t. At this point, he knew he loved h
er, so he told her about Einion and watched her run from him into the woods, breaking his heart. The Dark Master threatened to find her first, terrifying Meuric. He didn’t reach her in time.
His feelings kept running through her. Over and over they went.
“Meuric, stop. I understand. Break the connection.” Seeing was too much for her. “I know you love me.” How could she endure his intense affection any longer? She longed to run from him just to catch her breath. She pulled away, whimpering.
“Catrin, stay with me tonight as we fall asleep. No more talk of this.”
Her exhaustion returned. Meuric was right. Catrin held her hand out, and he led her to a soft spot of ground. She laid her head on Meuric, grateful to be in his arms again, knowing she was safe.
“Catrin…”
“Umhmm?”
“Have I earned your forgiveness?”
Catrin murmured, half asleep. “I can’t blame you for wanting to set Rhianu free. I understand why you did what you did. We do anything for love.”
She felt a kiss on her forehead as she drifted to sleep.
***
“Ahem, little emrys, wake up.”
Catrin rubbed her eyes. Meuric’s soft snore echoed in her head. She sat up and peered into the red eyes of a dragon hovering overhead. Efa.
“We’ve been to this entrance and examined it. How did such an opening come to be? Will more intruders come into our homeland?”
Meuric rolled up and ran his hands over his hair, which was an inch long and sticking up everywhere. “Catrin, how did the rift open?”
Catrin swallowed. “A crack was already there, but I lengthened it. I was the one who tore the rift open.” She turned to Meuric and grabbed his hands. “I could have left it shut, but I was desperate to return home.”
“Even knowing what would follow?” Meuric asked.
“Yes,” Catrin replied.
“Oh, Cat.”
Meuric stood and scrutinized Efa’s great spiky face. “You won’t like what we tell you, but I have hope the past can change. We told you we fell through time and landed before the upheaval of the ocean and the great cataclysm. These events don’t necessarily concern you because they happen outside this realm. What we failed to mention are the events that concern the dragons in this realm.” Meuric paused and looked at Catrin. She held a hand out, and he took it, pulling her up.
