by JM Stewart
Chapter Five
Cecelia’s feet rooted to their spot on the tiled floor as all the implications of Kyle’s offer flooded her mind. Shock settled into her system, leaving her unable to do much more than blink and process what he’d said to her. Tell his family the baby was his? Surely he wasn’t serious. She couldn’t do that. “Then they’d think we’d, that we’re . . .”
Heat flooded her face, and she let the sentence trail off into the uncomfortable silence that rose over the kitchen. The word she needed refused to leave her tongue.
Lovers. The word alone brought with it the memory of his kiss the day before. How could she say that with him staring at her as if he’d merely asked how her day went? Like he hadn’t just turned her world upside down?
It didn’t help that tension radiated off Kyle. He held himself stiff and straight, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. The muscle in his jaw jumped. The implications of his offer had occurred to him as well.
An edgy, jittery nervousness crept into her limbs, and her left hand shot up into her hair, her fingers plying and twisting the ends. It was a nervous habit, one she knew darn well he saw right through, but she needed something to do or she’d go out of her mind. Images bombarded her faster than she could stop them, popping in vivid Technicolor before her mind’s eye. Naked bodies so entwined she couldn’t tell one from the other. Sweet nothings whispered in the dark while hands caressed, stroked, and teased. Mouths seeking every inch of bare skin. It would be a mutual exchange with him. Oh, no doubt Kyle made love slow, sweet, and sensual. Entirely too easily she could imagine making love to him. Because he’d gone and kissed her.
“Because they’d think we were lovers?” He spoke casually, as if he used the word every day to describe their relationship, with a tone so nonchalant she couldn’t help but turn to stare at him.
Oh God, he had to go and say it out loud. It didn’t help that his eyes filled with heat, soft and subtle, but potent all the same. They darkened, became more gray than blue, suggesting his mind had followed hers straight into the bedroom. She wasn’t sure what was worse, thinking of becoming so intimate with him, or that he did nothing to hide the desire in his eyes.
Tension hung in the air like a dense fog, and she wanted nothing more than to get away from these unwanted feelings.
She braced her hand against the kitchen counter beside her, the yellow tiles cool beneath her palms. God, how did we get here? She was so comfortable with him she’d spent the other night in his bed, in his arms. His kiss yesterday had shaken their foundation. Now, she had to face the very real possibility his feelings for her had changed, that hers had changed as well. The idea drew and repelled her simultaneously. She couldn’t deny that falling in love with him wouldn’t be a hardship. There was no man better than him, save his brothers. But acknowledging the attraction between them would change everything, and that meant the very real risk of losing what they had. She needed him. She didn’t know what she’d do if she didn’t have him in her life.
“Them thinking we’re lovers bothers you.” He stepped closer and leaned against the counter beside her, his well-muscled arm brushing her shoulder.
“Yes, it bothers me.” She reached a shaky hand into the package to pull out another cracker. For the first time in her life it disturbed her he could read her so well. Did it mean he saw her? Could he see the things she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about him? “I can’t let them think the baby’s yours. That we’re . . .”
She shook her head and turned back to the window, biting down on the cracker. She still couldn’t say that word. Not without those images filling her mind.
“Lovers?” His voice was a low, husky rumble beside her, altogether too enticing, washing over her like a silken caress.
The edge in his tone made her shiver. If she didn’t know him better, she’d almost swear he was testing her. To make matters worse, the heat of his gaze seared into her, begging her to turn and look at him.
“Why not? If you don’t want to tell my family the truth, then don’t. Then you don’t have to tell them anything about Jimmy, because all they’ll be focusing on is that we’re together, or so we’ll let them think. The girls have had a wager going for years. It’ll make them positively giddy.”
“It’s a generous offer, Kyle, but I can’t. I can’t let them think the baby’s yours. It just wouldn’t be right.”
She couldn’t deny the truth of his words, though. She knew what the other girls thought because they bugged her about it all the time. When were she and Kyle going to get it together? Yesterday was the first time she hadn’t been able to laugh it off. The first time she wondered if all this time they’d seen something she hadn’t. Something that had been there all along. Which made her question their entire relationship.
To let them think the baby was his, that they’d made love, as if they’d hidden their relationship this whole time, only made her question exactly that. When had their relationship changed? How long had he felt this way? Suddenly Kyle stopped being her best friend. He was overwhelmingly male, with his broad shoulders and lean, deliciously hard muscle. Kyle kept himself in good shape, and every inch of her had noticed.
All the things her mind said she shouldn’t be thinking about in relation to him. Except the images and sensations wouldn’t leave her. She couldn’t ignore the fact that her body reacted to his. She wasn’t that experienced, but she knew desire when she felt it, and God, she wanted desperately to lean into him right then, for his arms to close around her again. She hadn’t experienced even half the passion with Jimmy that she had in Kyle’s kiss yesterday.
“It’s your choice.” Still holding himself stiff, he shrugged a shoulder and pushed away from the counter. “Tell them whatever you want. I’m simply offering you an out.”
Like the discussion had never happened, as if the tension sizzling between them didn’t exist, he moved toward the sliding glass doors with a stride so casual she wanted to scream. How could he act so damned unaffected? With one glance, one word, he sent liquid heat pumping hard and fast through her veins. He made her yearn to be in his arms and then turned away and pretended nothing had happened.
Just like yesterday.
“Why would you do that?” The question flew from her lips as a last resort as his hand reached for the handle on the sliding glass door. She had to know the answer.
“Why wouldn’t I?” He twisted at the waist to peer back at her, his expression frustratingly impassive. “That’s what friends do, right?”
With a nonchalant shrug, he pulled open the door and disappeared out onto the back deck.
As the door closed behind him, she resisted the urge to stamp her foot like a child. She should be glad he had the sense to keep walking away, but she wasn’t. He kept coming back, kept teasing and drawing her in, and it drove her insane. He left her so confused she didn’t know which end was up anymore. She needed to know if he had feelings for her, even if she didn’t like the answer she got. Which meant there was only one thing to do. She had to quit being such a chicken and put it out there.
It was time to confront him.
***
“Malia thinks Ceci’s pregnant.” Evan’s low voice drifted from Kyle’s left side.
Seated in a lounge chair on the back deck and flanked on both sides by his brothers, Kyle didn’t miss the hint of curiosity in Evan’s voice. Too busy watching the activity down in the yard, he merely grunted in answer.
Malia, as usual, provided the entertainment, in the form of hula dancing. The music wafted from speakers over his head, providing a gentle, throbbing beat that reminded him of waves breaking against the shore. All five women, along with Alana and Allie, stood side by side within the circle of the tiki torches, wearing knee-length dried grass skirts over their clothing. They followed Malia through the slow, flowing movements, as if dancing to the rhythm of the ocean.
Ceci moved with a fluid grace, her hips rocking in a smooth, gentle motion that heated his blood beyond the boilin
g point. Damned if he wasn’t tempted to slip behind her and trap her within his embrace, to feel her sway against him to the sensual rhythm.
To make matters worse, the muted flicker of the tiki torches cast shadows over her face, but her eyes bored into him, staring with a bold curiosity that captivated him and left him barely able to remember to breathe. He didn’t dare blink.
For a moment, he reveled in the fantasy. That’s what this was. Something his mind conjured, influenced by the tropical paradise his brother and sister-in-law had created. For this one frozen moment, he imagined heat playing in her eyes and that she danced for him.
“Yeah, what makes her say that?” He folded his hands over his stomach, pretending nonchalance at his brother’s inquiry. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard that tonight, but nobody had asked outright yet.
The ice in Evan’s drink clinked as he lifted his glass to his lips. “Something she said to Malia in the kitchen earlier. Lia says she’s refused a drink three times, is insisting on sticking to water.”
“Becca thinks the baby’s yours.” From his other side, Chase nudged him with an elbow, humor lacing his tone. “Why do you suppose she’d think that?”
His brothers were getting a kick out of this. They were also fishing for information.
“Because she’s hoping too hard. Don’t think I don’t know about that bet they have going.” This particular piece of gossip seemed to tickle everyone, the women especially. He meant what he’d said, though. It was Ceci’s choice whether she told his family the truth about the baby or not. He’d support her decision no matter what, but even he had to admit a tiny part of him hoped she’d decide to let them think the baby was his. Even if only in pretense, she’d be his.
In an attempt to distract his brothers from their current line of questioning, he leaned toward Evan. “Hey, aren’t they supposed to be wearing coconuts?”
As soon as the question left his mouth, the image formed in his mind. Too well he remembered the luau they’d had last summer. Ceci wore a bikini top and a grass skirt, giving the impression she had on nothing else. He remembered thanking God for long shirts that night because his body betrayed his overwhelming reaction.
Evan grunted beside him. “Lia said it was too cold.”
Chase gave a tsk of disapproval. “We have to throw one of these in the summer next time. July. When it’s good and hot.”
“So, is it true?” Evan nudged his left arm with an elbow. “Is she pregnant?”
Kyle darted a glance at Evan, brow raised, and tossed his brother’s nosy question back at him. “Is Lia?”
Evan turned back to the yard, hiding his grin behind his glass as he sipped at his drink. “Touché.”
They stopped talking again as the tempo of the music picked up. The drums became a pounding beat, reminding him of surf slamming against a rocky shoreline. Ceci’s hips gyrated to a beat so fast it made his head spin. God almighty. How could he even remember what his name was when she did that? The way her hips shimmied sent his wicked mind straight into the gutter and made his jeans very uncomfortable.
Nope. The movement did not inspire thoughts of the ocean. Making love in the ocean, maybe. Which did nothing for the aloofness he attempted to keep toward her.
His mother was the first to drop out of the dance. She shook her head and laughed. As she strode for the deck, her lips moved, and although he was too far away to hear, his memory of previous luaus told him it was likely some form of, “I am too old for this.” Becca and Lila were next, collapsing to the ground in a fit of laughter. His nieces dropped alongside them, their arms out wide, little chests heaving. Ceci kept up for about a minute. Then she, too, joined the giggling, panting heap of girls on the ground, leaving only Malia. She finished the dance with a flourish, and as she took her bow, Evan and Chase pushed out of their seats, moving down the stairs leading into the yard to join the group.
Kyle couldn’t help watching Ceci. Out in the grass, they all laughed and joked, and Ceci was in the midst of it all. It was her expression that caught him, though. Her eyes lit up, her smile bright and filled with a joy that had an echoing grin curling at the corners of his mouth. Blood or no blood, she was a part of his family. The only thing she lacked was the Morgan name.
If that baby were his, he wouldn’t have hesitated to ask her to marry him. The need to give her exactly that swelled in his chest. To give the baby she carried a father, to give her the love she didn’t even know she deserved.
Except doing that meant he had to tell her everything. He could never be with her as long as he lied to her. To keep a secret from her as a friend already tied him in knots, made him feel as if he’d betrayed her. To become intimate with her on top of that felt wrong, as if he took advantage of the situation. Made him feel too much like his father, lying and cheating to get what he wanted.
The familiar ache of an oncoming headache seeped over him. It always came as a dull ache, not unlike a steel band tightening around his skull, and usually came with stress. He dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his temples. He was so far in over his head with Ceci he’d lost sight of the surface. The open curiosity and the attraction in her eyes she couldn’t quite hide could easily make him forget why he couldn’t have her. Why he shouldn’t lay his heart on the line and make her his.
“You’re rubbing your temples. Do you have another headache?” Ceci’s soft voice came quiet and shy, and Kyle pried open his eyes to find her standing before him. Her eyes searched his, timid and uncertain, but she smiled softly.
“Mmm.” It was the only acknowledgment he was capable of right then. His head began to throb, and her nearness had him longing to do everything he shouldn’t. Like bury his face in her belly and let her massage his skull in that way that was equal parts bliss and torment.
So, instead, he closed his eyes, shutting out the vision of her, and nodded.
Completely oblivious of the torment it wrought, her soft hands slid onto his shoulders, her fingers kneading the stiff muscles in the back of his neck. “You really should see a doctor about these. There are meds they can give you, you know.”
“It’ll go away. They always do.” Her fingers hit the exact right spot, the soft pulse at the base of his skull, where he carried all his tension and his head ached the most. He couldn’t stop the low groan that escaped him and dropped his chin to his chest in surrender. “God, that feels good. You have magic fingers.”
“Still, you should go.” Her voice lowered, softening with vulnerability. “I came over to apologize for getting so upset before. I didn’t mean to sound so ungrateful. That’s a very selfless offer to make.”
“It’s okay. And I told you. That’s what friends do.” He’d meant the words as a reassurance, the same way he had earlier, but just like then, the word friends made his chest ache. He had no idea what they were anymore. “We are still friends, aren’t we? Have I completely screwed this up?”
Silence ticked out, and tension rose between them. When a good thirty seconds passed, he forced himself to open his eyes. His body tensed, and his skull continued to throb as he waited for her to answer. “Ceci?”
Another blip of silence ticked out, but before he could draw his next breath, her arms came around him, her chin resting on his shoulder. The entire backyard shrank as his senses homed in on her. Her scent, of wildflowers, fresh air, and sunshine, swirled around his head. Her warm breath whispered across his neck, sending goose bumps shivering across the surface of his skin. Her small, pert breasts pressed into the backs of his shoulders.
“We’ll always be friends, Kyle. That’ll never change, but . . .”
The hesitancy in her voice caught him. When she straightened away from him, he twisted at the waist to peer back at her. “But what?”
For a moment, she stared, her eyes searching his, then she straightened her shoulders. “Why’d you kiss me?”
Panic curled through him, sending his pulse pounding into his rib cage. Damn. Why hadn’t he expected her to ask that?
But he couldn’t answer it. To do so would be tempting fate. An intense need for distance seized him. Half afraid he’d lose his mind and do something else he’d regret, like pull her into his arms and show her why he’d kissed her, he shot to his feet.
He flashed her a smile he knew had to look as phony as it felt. “Headache’s better. Thanks.”
He didn’t wait for a response but strode toward the yard.
“I need to know, Kyle.”
Her words, the quiet determination in her voice, stopped him cold barely two steps away. His hands fisted at his sides. His answer sat on the tip of his tongue, but the voice of reason sounded in his head. Don’t say it. Whatever you do, do not say it. Just keep walking.
Her soft footsteps sounded behind him. “You can’t just do something like that and walk away and expect me not to question it. You blow hot and cold, do you know that? I know desire when I see it, yet you just keep walking away.”
“Ever think maybe I wanted to kiss you?” The words left his mouth on a hoarse whisper, and God help him, a desperate need to see her eyes seized him. He turned to find her directly behind him. She stared for a fraction of a second too long, heat and curiosity blazing in her eyes. A heartbeat later, a light blush stole into her cheeks, but she didn’t move, didn’t say a word.
Everything inside of him ground to a halt, his mind twisting off in another direction. I’ll be damned. If ever he needed a confirmation, there it was. Whatever had happened between them was definitely not one-sided.
Evan appeared behind Ceci in the open doorway, the dinner cowbell in hand. The bell was Evan’s idea of humor. Their family got bigger and bigger ever year, to the point that Evan had begun calling them a herd. He held the bell in the air, shouting over the clanging, “Come and get it!”
Ceci broke the intense gaze first and turned, back stiff as she crossed the deck and moved down the steps into the yard. His gut knotted as he watched her go. He shouldn’t have told her that. He shouldn’t have kissed her, either.
