Suddenly, with a groan, he flipped her off him, put her on her back and drove himself into her again. Over and over, one hand beneath her to protect her from the wood floor, kissing and biting and suckling until with a hoarse cry, he stiffened and emptied himself into her.
Then, he collapsed beside her on the rumpled blanket, their naked bodies glistening with sweat.
She felt at that moment what everyone feels at one point in their lives when they dream of achieving the impossible, the need to be good, to be righteous, to be of service, dutiful and brave, to be trusted and commanded, and sent out to slay dragons. She believed, to her sudden amazement, in the cupid-bows of romance, that love could be not just a fairy tale but the truest truth, and the whole force and shaping passion of life.
“Gideon,” she whispered, taking his hand. She loved him so much. Should she say it? Or would it drive him away?
Surely, he’d recognize now that what they had was special. He threw one arm over his forehead, panting hard. She felt her throat tighten, amazed that this had finally happened.
But as he caught his breath and the sweat cooled on their bodies and they grew chill, she felt him pulling away. She felt the change in him. She snuggled against his side, and he held her, but he hadn’t said a word. A nameless dread came over her.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Uranus retrograde is a time to rethink old beliefs
and free yourself from patterns that no longer
work.
—Gideon’s horoscope
Gideon spent the next morning in a haze, his extremities tingling, his senses heightened. He swore he could still taste the sweet sweat on Jamie’s skin, but maybe it was just the salt breeze drifting in from the ocean.
Then Roman Byers arrived for a session with Apollo and jolted him back to normal.
“What’s the matter with you?” snapped the man, when Gideon dropped a bucket of oats outside the horse’s stall. “You’re scaring him.”
Roman left Sadie in the breezeway and entered the stall, lowering himself gingerly onto the straw bale, armed with carrots, apple slices, and a curry comb. He’d become protective of the old horse, but whether it improved his mood or not was anyone’s guess.
It certainly hadn’t improved Gideon’s mood. Roman monopolized Jamie whenever they were together, which left Gideon feeling both left out and useless. If this was equine therapy, it didn’t seem to be accomplishing anything.
Apollo approached from the back of the stall, his ears pricked forward, and Gideon was surprised to note that his step was a bit more confident. Perhaps his feet were starting to feel better. And his eyes seemed clearer, too.
He amended his opinion. If the extra attention from Roman had achieved this, then it was worthwhile after all.
Gideon went about his chores, staying nearby, just in case. With Roman’s mumbling and grumbling in the background, he let his thoughts drift back to Jamie.
The sex was probably a mistake that would complicate things between them, but he didn’t regret it. She’d caught him at a weak moment and truth be told, he’d needed what she’d offered.
Holy God, had he needed it. The physical connection had been a natural culmination to the emotional outpouring she’d triggered, and he’d been desperate for both, he realized. He’d been shut down for a long time, in every way, but she’d awakened him. No power on earth could have pulled him away from her unselfconscious enthusiasm, her generosity, her ability to give and receive pleasure.
All that tight, wet heat.
He gripped the pitchfork with restless fingers, remembering that second, spontaneous orgasm. She came so easily, had she any idea what that did to a man? To see a woman find pleasure so quickly, to feel her clamp around him like that?
He’d lost his mind, become crazed, fully, completely. Damn the consequences. He loved her. She loved him. It was perfect pleasure and nothing else mattered.
Wait. He straightened up and the tool slipped out of his fingers, clattering onto the concrete floor.
Roman’s head appeared above Apollo’s stall wall. “Damn it, man. Do you have to be so noisy?”
“Sorry,” Gideon said, barely listening.
No one had said anything about love.
After that first, explosive bout on his living room floor, they’d taken a hot, soapy shower together, and made love a second time, in his bed, slowly and luxuriantly.
She’d stroked his face so tenderly and when she’d begun to shake and cry out again, he’d nearly shouted out with joy. She was right, they were good together.
But then she’d kissed him, put on her clothes, and disappeared into the night.
He hadn’t seen her at all today, and every minute seemed to stretch longer and become more laden with suspense. Had he imagined the tenderness? He wanted her again, but what if she’d had time to think about his confession, consider the baggage he brought into the relationship and decided to protect herself? It’s what he’d advise. Hell, he’d warned her away, hadn’t he? He was a bad bet. But she’d played her hand anyway.
Then again, it was a busy time of year. Haylee’d been impressed with the bond Jamie had built with the poodle and was letting her work more with the puppy. They had livestock to move before winter, a full roster of guest activities coming up, and then, the autumn slaughter.
It was nothing personal.
Still, he wished he’d seen her at breakfast. Jamie didn’t hide her feelings. He’d know immediately if she regretted last night, or if, like him, she wanted more.
A tiny part of him feared that once more, he’d thrown his heart onto the table without knowing for certain that he had the hand to back it.
Lana had nearly broken him when she’d deprived him of his son. He would let no woman do that to him again.
Fortunately, Jamie understood that Blake was his priority. Maybe one day, there could be something more between the two of them. Once he’d sorted out his life, become the father Blake needed.
She understood that whatever was happening between them would have to stay casual.
Settled in his mind, he went about his chores, then went to the tack room to do a bit more work on the saddle. Olivia had decided not to sell it to him, but instead to give it to Jamie for her birthday, as a lead-in for Gideon’s gift.
He smiled, thinking of the mustang boarding at the farm. He couldn’t wait to see Jamie’s face when she learned that the horse was hers.
This, at least, he could give her, he thought with a twinge.
A sliding sound came from Apollo’s stall, followed by a thump, then a moan.
Gideon left the wheelbarrow in the middle of the breezeway and rushed to the old horse’s box, where Sadie was already on her feet, barking and pawing at the door.
Gideon was next to him in three strides. “What is it? What happened?”
Roman squeezed his eyes shut tight. He lay half on, half off the straw bale. “Goddamn it,” he managed through gritted teeth. “Lock down. Can’t move.”
“How can I help?”
“You can’t.” Roman panted. His arms were shaking. “It’ll pass.”
Beside him, Sadie whined and pawed at his legs. Apollo, not bothered by the dog’s presence, nudged Roman with his big muzzle.
“I’m getting you to the hospital.”
“No.” Roman shifted slightly, then jerked wildly, crying out. “Aw, hell. Fine.”
Gideon ran outside, hoping someone would be within earshot. His heart leaped to see Jamie exiting the kennel.
“What?” she said, her eyes widening at his expression.
“It’s Roman,” he said. “He fell or something. I’m taking him to the hospital. Can you call Jonathan?”
“Of course. Do you need help?”
“Can you bring my truck to the front of the stables?”
She took the keys he handed her and ran off. Gideon jogged back to the stall, where he found the man hovering on the edge of the straw bale.
“I’m fine,” Roman said. Perspi
ration shone on his forehead. “You’re overreacting.”
“Maybe,” Gideon said. “Think of it as a liability issue.”
Hoping he wasn’t hurting the man, he positioned himself underneath him, to bear as much of his weight as possible.
“Okay?” he said. “Now stand up.”
With a hoarse groan, Roman got upright. Sadie was beside herself, hovering so close they almost stepped on her. They made it to the truck and, with Jamie’s help, they got the man settled into the passenger seat. He was sweating profusely now.
“Roman.” Jamie bent over him. “Where are your pills?”
Roman squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.
Sadie jumped up, trying to get in beside him. She missed, her claws scrabbling wildly against the upholstery and Roman’s leg.
“God almighty, dog,” Roman cried out. “Jamie, help her in, will you?”
“I can keep her here if you want.” Jamie’s eyes met Gideon’s in a mute question.
“It’s okay,” Gideon said, lifting the dog into the car. “He needs her.”
* * *
Gideon wheeled Roman into the emergency room with Sadie pacing anxiously beside them. He hadn’t thought to grab a leash, but the dog stayed close.
When they took Roman into triage, he kept the dog with him. Obedient but unhappy, she danced from foot to foot, agitated and upset at the separation.
“Settle down, girl,” Gideon said, patting her. Perhaps he should have left her with Jamie after all.
About twenty minutes after their arrival, a small Asian woman appeared.
“There she is. Sadie, you can come on in now. Your master is waiting.”
Sadie limped over to her as fast as her feet could find purchase on the slippery tile floor.
“You know her?” Gideon asked.
The nurse looked up in surprise. “Mr. Byers is a regular, and we’re all big fans of Sadie. Come on, girl.”
They disappeared behind the double metal doors. Gideon sat in the waiting room, resting his forearms on his knees, his hands folded. Where is Jonathan? He should be here.
“Are you with Mr. Byers?” A different young woman came through the doors. She was wearing green scrubs and had a stethoscope around her neck.
“I am.” He got to his feet. “How’s he doing?”
“Are you family?”
Gideon blew out a breath. If he said no, they might not give him any information, might not even let him see the man. “Yes. A son.”
Roman needed someone with him. As soon as Jonathan arrived, he’d relinquish the role.
“I’m Dr. Fairchild. Follow me. And thanks for bringing the dog. He does so much better when she’s with him.”
She brought him to a curtained-off area where the older man lay on a narrow bed, pillows wedged around his body. His color was better, Gideon noted, and he was breathing normally again. He appeared to be asleep. Sadie lay curled up on a layer of flannel sheets in the corner, her head on her paws, motionless except for her eyes.
“Is he going to be okay?” Gideon whispered.
“How much do you know about his condition?” the doctor asked.
Nothing, Gideon wanted to say. Not one damn thing. But that would get him evicted and wouldn’t help Roman one bit.
He shrugged instead. “Not as much as I should. He’s chintzy with the details. Doesn’t like to talk about it, I guess.”
“Sounds familiar.” She smiled. “My dad’s the same way. We’re waiting on radiology, but I don’t think he’s broken anything. The degeneration already present, combined with soft-tissue injury and scarring results in massive, deep spasms like what you witnessed. Given his previous nerve damage, it’s a complicated situation. The spasm will ease and we’ve medicated him so he’s not in pain. As soon as Jonathan arrives, we’ll discharge him. That’s right.” She leaned closer to him. “I know you’re not his son. But I also know that Roman wouldn’t have let you touch him unless he was in seriously rough shape. And since you brought him in, and you stayed, you obviously care about him. You’re a good man.”
Shows what you know, Gideon wanted to say. He regretted his impatience at the old man’s grouchiness. Olivia often said that no one got up in the morning determined to be an asshole, but that enough pain, disappointment, or sorrow could make anyone behave badly.
In that case, Roman Byers must be dealing with a lot of heartache.
The doctor was looking at her watch and there was activity over by the nurses’ station, so he thanked her and let her go.
He stepped closer to the man in the bed. “You asleep?”
“Nope,” said Roman and smiled droopily.
Drugged. Good.
“I’m going to go find some coffee,” Gideon said. “You okay if I leave for a few minutes?”
“Never wanted you here in the first place.” He spoke deliberately, as if picking the words out of a hat and finding, to his delight, that they went together.
“I recall,” Gideon said. “Can I get you anything?”
“Got everything I need right here.” Roman tapped the IV taped to his hand. “Where’s my dog?”
“On the floor.”
Roman turned his head slowly, then blinked. “Good. Good girl. She’s a very good girl. Be sad when she goes. Big shoes to fill. Chaos can’t do it.”
Gideon thought of how much emotional effort Jamie had already invested in the pup. How much of her own time she’d spent teaching him basic obedience, how far the little guy had come since she’d picked up the runaway at Driftwood Creek.
“Give him time,” he said. “He’s in good hands.”
“Your girlfriend’s a smart cookie.” Roman was fading fast.
Girlfriend. The word caught him off guard. He let it roll around in his mind for a moment. It wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t entirely right, either.
“Jamie’s got a gift,” he said.
He could have said a lot more. She had passion. She had skill. She had more patience than she gave herself credit for, she had the ability to see what others couldn’t, to encourage, cajole, badger, whatever was necessary, to make someone believe in themselves again.
She’d made him believe in himself, he realized with a jolt.
“You love her.” Roman’s eyes were closed and his voice had taken on a singsong quality.
Gideon didn’t know what to say. Maybe he should just leave. Roman probably wasn’t completely aware of his presence and, with any luck, wouldn’t remember this conversation tomorrow.
“You love her,” he repeated, louder.
“Jamie’s my friend,” Gideon said, emphasizing the word. He looked around for someone, anyone. Nobody.
“A friend you want naked,” Roman continued.
Heat rushed into Gideon’s face. How on earth did Roman know that? “Yeah, I’m going to get that coffee now.”
Roman blew a raspberry. Those drugs were doing a number on him. “Shoulda kissed her at the creek that day. She wanted it. You did too.”
Gideon stopped. “You saw that?”
A rough laugh. “Pissed her off, too. Take her to a nice hotel, man. That’s what I always did. Women appreciate a little effort.”
“Well.” Gideon shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “Okay then.”
He nearly bumped into Jonathan as he rounded the corner to the vending machines.
The younger man grabbed his arm. “Gideon! Thank God. Where is he? Is he okay?”
Gideon reassured him, pointed the way and, relieved, made his way to the parking lot.
All the way home, Roman’s words echoed in his mind. Did he love Jamie? Of course. She was easy to be around. They had a lot in common. The horses. Their need for solitude. They respected each other but also knew how to joke around.
But did he love her the way she wanted?
That moment beside the pool had been his first inkling that what he’d thought was a crush on her part might be more. After the battering his pride had taken over the past few years, to see a w
oman he cared about look at him with admiration and genuine interest, well, it did his soul good. Maybe, if it hadn’t felt so good, he could have stopped things before they got to this stage, before the stakes had risen and words like love and girlfriend started to go around and people’s hearts were on the line.
“Damn,” he muttered, as he pulled his truck to a stop next to his cabin. He lay his forehead against the steering wheel.
Learning to love his son took all the emotional energy he had. Jamie deserved someone who could love her with his whole heart, and whatever beat inside his chest might have been a slab of frozen beef, for all the good it did anyone. All the soft, tender bits had been carved off long ago and what was left was hard and stringy, utilitarian only. It moved to bring blood throughout his body. There was nothing left over for anyone else.
If he really loved Jamie, the kindest thing he could do was to let her go.
Chapter Twenty-Four
With Venus in Cancer, don’t be surprised if you
start crying at cat food commercials.
—Jamie’s horoscope
“I’m done.” Haylee waddled into the main house and flopped into the chair nearest the window. “Life’s too short to deal with mean old men with attitude problems.”
Jamie looked up from scraping carrots for Daphne’s stew. There was only one person Haylee could be talking about: Roman Byers. Her pulse sped up. Since the day Gideon had taken the man to the hospital, he’d gone to his place to check up on him daily and driven him back to the ranch several times a week to visit the horse.
Every time Roman visited the horse, he had a training session with Haylee and unfortunately, his outlook on life hadn’t been improved by recent events.
“Does that mean you want me to take over?” she asked. “I’ve got almost no mean old men with attitude problems in my life. Well, except for him.”
She looked over at Huck, who stood leaning against the doorframe, cleaning under his nails with a pocket-knife. Except for the bright pink knitted beanie, he was the poster-boy image of a young, healthy, happy ranch hand.
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