by Cole Savage
“What amazes me is that you’re still alive... The fire last month, at the Brookhaven apartments, almost burned and maimed the greenhorn. You went into that structure led by your ego without orders from me. In fact, I told your company to stand down. I told you we we’re going defensive. All the residents were accounted for and the fire got away from us. No shame in that?”
“Fuck, Wally, the building flashed. Even you couldn’t see that coming.”
“You see, Kyle. That’s why sometimes we have to sit back and look for those subtle signs of developing explosive situations.”
“Chief, that’s not fair. You know damn well mere seconds can change the outcome at any fire. Waiting kills our chance of stopping the advance of any fire. Come on, Wally, you know this. We lose the initiative, we lose the battle, and whatever it is we’re trying to save.”
“Kyle, sometimes we have to cut our losses… That building wasn’t worth the life of three firefighters.”
“Dammit, Chief. We knew the risk when we took the job. We’re not teachers for God’s sake. We’re firefighters, and what we do is dangerous. Shit, sir, what about the oath? Did you forget about that little contract we signed when we became firefighters? I’ll recite it to you if you like?”
“You don’t”- Kyle interrupted.
“I will strive relentlessly to protect lives, homes, and property from the ravages of fire. Property, Chief. That’s our job.”
“Lieutenant, times have changed. Firefighting philosophies have changed. OSHA in their infinite wisdom decided that a firefighter’s life isn’t worth the price of a building.”
“Was that Bradley’s Philosophy, Chief?”
“That’s not fair, Kyle.”
“Chief, he was at House Ten in New York. You really think Bradley would hold back at a fire, waiting till it broke out? Hand line in one hand, his dick in the other, watching a building burn to the ground, just so he could get back safely to Shirley and a warm home cooked meal? Do you, Chief?”
“Kyle, this isn’t New York.” The chief said putting his hands on the desk and weaving his fingers together.
“Oh, I see, Chief. Buildings in New York are infinitely more important than the shit-boxes we live in here in Morgantown. Hell, Chief, I guess you don’t need me then. I’ll get some fucking wino off the street and let him hold my hose outside a burning building. Any shit-bird can hold a line in front of a burning building—no initiative required. Let’s take the courage out of our job description and start hiring spineless pissants to do our job if the buildings we’re paid to protect no longer matter”
“You’re bordering on insubordination, Lieutenant.”
“We’re off duty, Chief—remember.”
“Chief, I got five shifts left then I’m gone. Unless you want to fire me right now, I’m gonna to do this job the way I promised when I signed that contract… Balls to the fucking walls. If I burn somebody, send me to Singh Singh and say I told you so.”
“I’m not saying change who you are, Kyle, I’m asking you to be mindful of the guys under your command.”
“Chief, you want to ask Mike and Bruce if they’d rather be on truck yanking their wanks while the Engine is out carrying the load for the station? Hell, Chief, the boot pissed his pants after his first fire, and I’m willing to bet he would have quit if I hadn’t told him I’d have his six from that moment on…There ain’t much use for any of us if we don’t practice our craft. What are we going to do when some lady comes out of a burning building screaming that her baby is still inside?”
“I’m sorry Misses, OSHA says we can’t go in because it ain’t safe, and if we do go, were gonna shit out britches anyway, so I’m sorry to have to tell you, but you’re gonna have to go in the oven yourself to get the little tyke out.” Kyle said sarcastically.
“Come on. Kyle”
“No, Chief. This is how we do it. It’s how Bradley did it in New York, and I know it’s how you did it in Philly…We saved that building, but maybe looking back, a better choice would have been to stand outside and roast marshmallows— hold each other’s dicks in our hands and watch the roof come crashing down.”
“Well, Lieutenant. I guess I’m not going to change your mind... But remember, that bugle on your collar doesn’t give you the right to gamble needlessly with the lives of others.” A knock on the door eased the tension in the room.
“Come in, Sue,” The Chief said wiping sweat from his forehead.
“Everything okay, Chief?”
“Were good. What is it?”
“There’s a phone call for Lt. Tillman. She said it’s urgent.”
“Can you take a message, Sue,” Kyle said.
“She said you would say that. So she told me to tell you that it’s Nicki.”
“Nicki! Shit. I have to take that, Chief. Can we finish this later?”
“You gave me your answer. Watch yourself out there.” Kyle started to walk out of the office, and the Chief stood.
“By the way, Lieutenant, Matt wants off Engine.” Kyle stopped at the door, scoffed, shook his head, and Wally said, “He said put him on Truck or he’s done.”
“You know how I feel about that, Chief?”
“I know.” Kyle looked out at the watch cage, through the plate-glass window at the parked fire apparatus, he closed the door and said,“Fear conquers fear. This is how we Spartans do it, counterpoising to fear of death, a greater fear: that of dishonor, or exclusion from the pack”.
“Not another Steven Press field quote, Kyle— please”, said Chief Riley blowing his breath out. “Are you Toby Keith or Dienekes? Chief Riley played the drums with his head on the desk, arms to his side, then touched his forehead like a man teetering on a stroke. Kyle smiled, opened the door and stepped out. He looked back in and said, “I’ll handle Matt, Chief.” Kyle went to the watch cage, wrote a short note on a post-it, walked to the locker room through the apparatus floor, and stuck the note to Matts locker that said, a famous Firefighter once said: Use prudence when walking in a smoke- filled room. Baby steps are necessary lest ye step in a fiery hole from where there is no return; dancing with the devil is a perilous endeavor reserved for those souls whose flesh cannot burn. My friends call me Kyle, cowards call me from the grave. I’ll miss you, Matt. Good luck flipping pizzas.
CHAPTER 7
Nicki spent several hours on the phone with Kyle, while Karen drove to Harrisonburg to get groceries for the week and would be gone most of the day. When Nicki put the headset down, she didn’t say goodbye, she just looked at it like Kyle lived inside of it.
Karen came through the door around one o’clock carrying a sack of groceries.
“Boys run out the car and fetch groceries— lickity split, I got milk out there.” Karen yelled in the direction of Granny Still’s house, where the boys were playing with Wyatt and his younger sister Margie. Karen put the sack in the kitchen and trotted to the front porch where Nicki was swinging on the porch swing. Tyler was a two-year-old cloned version of his dad, Kyle. An atypical, angular boy with dark hair and green eyes. Karen, Tyler’s grandmother and Nicki’s mom, was a portly version of Granny Moses from the hit show the Beverly Hillbillies, who was grumpy and tottery just about every minute of the day. Cole was a round-headed rendition of Tyler with curly hair, with a beefy torso who was just a baby when Kyle left. Tyler was almost two the last time he saw his dad. Cole was a floater. The kind of kid that hung back, kept his mouth shut, and occasionally surprised someone with a good quip, observation, or trope. But Tyler was the dictator, feudal lord over his brother. Tyler and Cole enjoyed the happy solitude of a period without responsibilities, without clocks, at a time when children were the masters of their universe.
“Well, woman, you gonna make me wait? Did you get a hold of that weasel?”
“Yes, Momma. I talked to Kyle.” Nicki paused to find the right words.
“Am I supposed to read your mind? What did he say?”
“It went well, Momma. We talked for about an hour and a half.
Kyle is living up in Morgantown. He got a job with the Morgantown Fire Department and he works at the University as an assistant football coach.”
“Kyle is a fireman? Boy ain’t that just fittin’. That sum-bitch always liked to play with fire.”
“Did you say he was a coach at the university””
“Yes, Momma.”
“What university, Nicki?”
“Momma, there’s only one university in Morgantown, you know that.”
“Are you telling me that sum-bitch got a job at West Virginia?”
“Momma, do you want me to tell you what he said? For hell’s sake, talking to you is like trying to push a watermelon through a garden hose…Yes, he got a job at West Virginia, although I think it’s an internship.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He’s working for free.
“That sum-bitch. I’m gonna beat him like a red-headed step-child when I see him.” Karen said, grabbing a flyswatter from the porch railing, dropping it on a fly resting on the arm of the swing.
“Momma quit acting like a five-year old. Do you want me to tell you or not?”
“Of course I want you to tell me.” Karen sat back down. “That sum-bitch livin’ high on the hog while his family is practically starving here, and you working two jobs.”
“Anyway, Momma.”
“Hold that thought, honey. Let me run in the kitchen and put the milk in the icebox.” Karen stood, retreated to the kitchen and was back in a flash.
“Go ahead, honey. Let me hear the sorted details.”
“Anyway, Momma, Kyle is leaving the Fire Department in two weeks. They offered him a promotion as the offensive coordinator and he starts camp soon. He has three weeks open, so he said the boys can come to Morgantown to live with him. Three weeks will give him time to find a sitter in case he needs to keep the boys for the school year.”
“That sum-bitch... What does that saddle bum know about football, anyway?”
“Momma, Kyle broke every record at Franklin High as a running back. I’m guessing he knew a little something going in, otherwise, why’d they hire him. He started as an intern on the practice squad, while he earned a degree in English and worked shifts at the Fire Dept.”
“A degree? A degree in what? That boy couldn’t find his ass with a mirror on a stick. Did you bother to ask that weasel why he never sent you a plug nickel while you were raisin’ his flesh and blood?”
“I did ask him, Momma, and I don’t excuse him. He swears there’s something in the works. The Fire Dept. didn’t pay him much and the internship as assistant coach didn’t’ draw a salary so he worked odd jobs in between shifts to pay the bills. His apartment in Morgantown has an extra bedroom for the boys.
“Do you believe that horse crap, Nicki?”
“Momma, I’m running out of choices here. I’m dying and I don’t want to get into a debate with you about child support… It’s a little late for that and he’s willing to take the boys. That’s more than I can ask for under the circumstances. I’m sure he could’ve sent us something but he’s helping us out of a real pickle here.”
“Pickle, my ass. These kids are his flesh and blood. Good Christian folk don’t treat kin like that… You ought to be careful, Nicki. You can put a wish in one hand and shit on the other, and Nicki, your about to find out which hand fills the fastest…That sum-bitch.”
“Momma, honestly. I feel good right now… I feel like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulder. I believe Kyle will be a good daddy to Tyler and Cole. And I, for one, am damn glad they’ll get to know him. Every child should have a daddy. Momma, me and you did a good job rearin’ these boys but we never did the things with them that strong, eager, and adventurous boys need to do, things they can only learn from a father…We never took them camping or fishing. Hell, Momma, when Tyler was four he was playing with dolls. Maybe Kyle can teach them a few things. I know he was never a good husband but he was always a man’s man. He was never intimidated and his presence was felt when he walked into a room. Most boys were scared to look him in the eye and after the fight at prom no one dared mess with him… Tyler and Cole need that in their life. I know he can’t replace what we can give the boys but the alternative is worse…Do you want the County to put the boys in a foster home.”
“Nicki, you’re tired. Let’s pick this up in the morning.”
Karen walked Nicki to her sleigh bed. Nicki changed into pink Long-Johns, and Karen tucked her in. The same bed Nicki slept in when she was young. Karen gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her she loved her. She flipped the light switch off and stood in the doorway.
“Goodnight, Momma.”
“Goodnight, darling.”
The next day Nicki felt better so she helped Karen with the chores; running around the house with a frenetic energy she hadn’t felt in a while.
It was summer break for the boys, so Nicki decided to take them down to the river to have the conversation she was dreading.
“Tyler get out of bed… Go wake your brother.”
Tyler was moving like molasses so Nicki admonished him to move faster.
“Tyler go get your brother. We’re running down to the river for a picnic.”
“Really, Mom?” he said sitting upright. “Are we really going to the river? Can we bring Wyatt?”
“Honey today is not a good day. We have lots of stuff to talk about.” Tyler put his head down to show his displeasure and retreated into Nicki’s room where Cole was sleeping. Nicki fixed the boys eggs and placed a pot of coffee on the stove for Karen. The boys scarfed their eggs down then ran into the bedroom to grab their swim trunks while Nicki loaded the station wagon with a wicker picnic box that carried their lunch for the day. The Boys were already in the wagon, excited about the idea of going swimming, when Nicki said goodbye to Karen and slid into the driver’s seat. Karen reciprocated with ‘good luck’, and the three of them headed out of town.
About five miles out of town, Nicki turned right and drove down a dirt road for two miles and parked next to an open meadow, on the edge of the Potomac. A beautiful place where locals spent afternoons canoeing, fishing, and swinging off a rope tied to a giant oak— cantilevered precariously over the waters of the Potomac. It was a gem of a place but only locals knew about it. The river widened abruptly at the meadow, allowing swimmers calm waters to frolic in without fear of getting dragged into the rapids that followed a few hundred yards down, where the river came to a head. The meadow was surrounded by giant pines, Douglas Fir and Oak trees— covered on every branch with this magnificent Spanish moss, giving the trees a timeless quality. A field covered with wild Geranium, Marigold, and Perennials, showed off their vivid colors in splashes of yellows, reds, and lavender, then stopped abruptly at the edge of the river. The weather was beautiful and Nicki watched white puffy clouds race across a pale blue sky. Looking around, Nicki thought to herself, what a beautiful day to have to tell my boys their mom is dying, and, oh, by the way, you’re going to have to go live with a dad you’ve never known.
She allowed the boys a little fun time, yet watching them, she imagined the boys being without her, and her without them, a feeling of loneliness that bit her hard. Tyler took his white t-shirt off, leaving him with multi-colored boarding shorts that exposed a boy’s body—gangly, uncertain, and protector of nothing. Tyler ran to the rope by the edge of the river, and Nicki and Cole watched Tyler swing off the rope, going feet first into the cool river, then, Cole took off a black Spider man t-shirt, leaving him with cream colored cargo shorts. Cole wasn’t in the same hurry as Tyler, so, standing next to his mom, Cole crossed his arms and watched Tyler jump again. Tyler dared his little brother to swing off the rope, but Cole seemed uncomfortable with the idea, so he sat in the meadow, picking flowers. Tyler double dared him, as if double daring was a more compelling argument for him to jump. Nicki laid a gray blanket down, then she laid a red and white checkered plastic table cloth, where she set the picnic basket. She laid on the gray blanke
t, on her stomach with her feet in the air, and looked at her boys. She looked over at Cole to see if he was contemplating the idea of jumping, and Nicki could see that his fingers were crossed, so she chuckled to herself. She knew that Cole was praying that Tyler didn’t double dog dare him. Double dog dare meant you had to abandon all your fears, and reservations; even though everything inside of you was telling you that you were scared out of your mind. Take the plunge or risk violating a buddy code where everyone labeled you yellow. Tyler didn’t call him out, which was fine for Cole because Cole never jumped.
Laying under a giant Oak that rested on the edge of the river, Nicki sat up, crossed her legs and prepared Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. She looked at Tyler, who was thirty-feet away, and said, “Tyler come here.”
“What, Mom?” Tyler came over begrudgingly with his arms crossed.
“Sit down and eat… I’m only asking once.” Tyler sat, crossed his legs and downed the sandwich in what seemed like two bites. Cole had already perched himself on the gray blanket and took his time eating. Five minutes later, Tyler scampered off, returning to where he had left off; promising to do a flip this time.
Wearing a baby blue knee length sun dress, her long hair loose on her shoulders, covered by a straw cowboy hat, Nicki said, “Tyler come back. I need to talk to the two of you.” Nicki could hear an angry groan from the youngster as he turned around saying, “uhhh.” Tyler took a seat, reluctantly, next to Cole, Cole still munching on his sandwich, savoring every bite, in no hurry to get bullied into jumping off the rope.
“Sit down, Tyler. This is important.” This moment was hard for Nicki. She was not experienced in these matters and the words didn’t come easy. She could see that Tyler was agitated, so she admonished Tyler to settle down and listen. Nicki looked around, holding back a tear, and finally, she said, “Boys, I’m very sick, and I don’t know when, or if I will ever get better.”
“You don’t look sick, Mom,” said Tyler.
“Sweetheart, what I have you can’t see.”
