The Voices condensed around them.
Joy managed to shut out the silky murmurings all the way through the Maze, hearing only her own heartbeat until she emerged from Small Favors and rappelled into the fantastic castle that bore her name. She walked quickly through the glistening formations, giving them barely a glance. She had room in herself for only one thing—the knowledge that Gabe was gone.
But it’s all right. I’ll be all right because this time I don’t love him.
I can’t love him.
Fish followed at a cautious distance. He watched her stand without moving in front of the stone she called the Dreamer. The very stillness of her body told him that she’d found whatever she was looking for within the cave’s dark mystery. She wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while.
Silently he retreated to the rope dangling from the mouth of Small Favors. Sitting on his heels, he waited for whatever came next.
A distant part of Joy’s mind registered that Fish was gone. She was alone. Finally she could let go of the agonizing control she’d been holding over her body and her mind.
As she’d done seven years ago, she opened herself to the healing darkness.
The Voices rippled through the veils of her fear and anger and grief, speaking directly to her core, whispering words that shook her to her soul.
I love him.
I never stopped loving him.
I never will.
He’s within me as deeply as water is within Lost River Cave, water dreaming through stone. Whether I’m here or not, whether I see it or not, the cave goes on living, changing, becoming more beautiful with every glistening drop, every instant of time.
Like love.
Growing whether I will it or not, spreading through me, destroying and creating me at the same sweet and terrifying time.
I love him.
Slowly Joy sank to the floor, her posture echoing the Dreamer as she let the thousand Voices sing through her. After a long time she removed her helmet and gloves and shut off her light, watching with more than her eyes, giving herself to the dreams that lived in every movement of water gliding over stone, creating beauty where once there had been only emptiness.
Somehow I’ll find you again, Gabriel. If it takes another seven years, so be it. Our love will be within you the whole time, growing like the Dreamer within stone, singing to us with a thousand voices. Even if you leave me again and again, our love will still be growing, singing in darkness, waiting to be discovered. Our love.
Because you love me, too, Gabriel.
Your love was written in the fury and despair on your face when you left me tonight. You felt betrayed, as I once did. To feel betrayed like that, my bittersweet lover, first you must give yourself to love.
And lose.
Eyes closed, her mind deep within the Dreamer, Joy heard nothing around her but the hushed music of creation. The sound of footsteps winding through the room toward her were consumed by the sweet rushing whispers of water.
The cone of light that swept over her was intangible, unnoticed, quickly extinguished.
After one glance Gabe turned off the light. He would never forget the sight of Joy seated in front of the Dreamer, her face washed in tears, glistening even as the Dreamer did.
Slowly he pulled off his helmet and sank down next to her in velvet darkness. With motions that were both gentle and determined, he removed his gloves and took her hands in his.
“I’m not going to be a fool twice,” he said quietly.
His husky voice slid among the Dreamer’s songs, sinking deeply into Joy. Invisible, she turned toward one voice, one song.
“Without you I might as well be in a cage, because wherever I am I’ll be looking for you through the bars of my loneliness.” He cradled her hand against his cheek, kissed her palm swiftly. “I’ll give you that baby you want so bad, but first you’ll have to marry me, live with me, let me care for you and Kati as I should have cared for you the first time.”
Joy’s hand stirred beneath Gabe’s palm, warmed by his flesh. She laced her fingers through his slowly, completely.
He began to breathe again.
“What about Tibet?” she asked softly.
She felt the shrug of his shoulder against hers.
“There will be other articles,” he said, “other books. There’s only one Joy, one Kati.”
“But—”
“Sometimes being an adult boils down to facing and making choices,” he continued gently, relentlessly. “I didn’t understand that seven years ago. I do now. I choose you, Joy. You and Kati. I’ll take different assignments now, places where you and Kati can come with me if you want. I want you to come with me. I know you don’t want to hear it,” he added huskily, rubbing his lips blindly along her palm, “but I love you. It took me too long to discover that loving you was the answer to so many of my questions, but I know now. I love you even though you don’t love me. I can’t help loving you. It simply is.”
Joy’s throat closed as she felt the heat of his tears flowing between her fingers. She reached for him and held him with aching strength.
And once again he heard the words that had haunted his memories and dreams, the hidden answer to so many questions.
“I love you,” she murmured, kissing him, not knowing whose tears were on her lips. “We’ll go with you wherever you want, stay behind whenever we must. But—” She hesitated, then said in a rush, “Kati and I would love to see Tibet with you. She’s as hungry for a piece of the Glitter River as her parents are. If not this time, then maybe the next, or the next. You’re so good at what you do, Gabriel. I don’t want you to give it up. Just come home to us, to love. We both love you so much.”
“Do you mean that?” he asked, holding her like he was afraid she would run between his fingers into Lost River Cave’s limestone floor and vanish forever. “Would you and Kati really travel with me?”
“Anywhere.”
He buried his head in the curve of Joy’s neck and felt possibilities pouring through him in a glittering rush.
“We can have it all, can’t we?” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “Love and children and the whole world to explore.”
“We can try. But it won’t be easy.”
“Have we ever done things the easy way?” he asked ruefully.
“No.” She laughed softly against his ear. “We never have.”
Their laughter and words of love mingled with the sounds of Joy’s Castle, becoming part of the Dreamer’s thousand songs . . . love murmuring through stone, creating a world that would always be new, always changing, as unexpected and enduring as Lost River Cave itself.
Thirty-three
IN THE THIN, COLD AIR, THE ANCIENT CITY WAS A SCULPture of cream and white stone, rust and pearly gray, luminous with its own timeless dreams. The highlands around the holy city of Lhasa were a favorite campsite of the nomads who now were free to pursue their ancient and demanding way of life. Bright against the nomads’ dark tents, prayer flags fluttered from posts and lines; and each individual movement was a separate prayer to Tibetan gods. Flags both faded and fresh hung from every shrub and stunted bush, proclaiming the devotion of the people.
The colorful, wind-tossed flags fascinated Kati, but she was careful not to touch them, remembering what her father had told her. They’re prayers, button. The world needs all the prayers it can get.
Behind her came excited cries as her newfound friends chased each other in a mad game of tag between the tents. Tag was the first game she’d taught the kids. And she’d to work hard to keep up with them. Despite all the bulky clothes they wore to stay warm, the kids were quick. While they played, they taught her their words and she taught them hers and they got into whatever mischief they could when they weren’t learning how to write or helping their parents with the herds.
The time she’d spent with the nomads was almost as much fun as having her own brothers and sisters. But now it was time to go to another place, another camp, another city
for her daddy to write about. She was sad to leave new friends—and eager to race on to new experiences.
“Kati?”
She turned toward her father’s voice. “Here!”
Hand in hand, Joy and Gabe came toward their daughter. Kati grinned to herself and then laughed aloud. She loved having a daddy. He was so much fun to tease, and Mommy wasn’t nearly as tired as she’d been before Gabe came back to stay forever. She laughed more too. She was as much fun to tease as Daddy.
“Did you say goodbye to everyone?” Joy asked.
Kati nodded energetically, making her red hair fly. It was her hair that helped her make friends in every camp. The color was like a magnet to the people of Tibet.
“I gave them some of your peppermints and they gave me something I can’t pronounce yet that tasted yucky, but I’ll bet they thought your peppermints were yucky too.”
Gabe laughed and lifted Kati into his arms. She wound her legs around his waist and burrowed in.
“We’ve got some great news, button.”
“Sisters and brothers?” she asked instantly.
“Not quite,” Joy said with a smile. “Remember, I told you it takes time to grow quality babies like you.”
“Then what?”
“Your daddy’s article on Lost River Cave drew enough attention that we’re going to be able to reopen the cave for five more years. It will take time to get everything lined up, but—”
“Fish? Maggie? Gravy-bear? Them too?” Kati interrupted, bouncing up and down against Gabe in excitement.
“Fish and Maggie for sure,” Joy said. “Davy has some maps to finish for his boss before he can come back. That will take him a year and we’re opening the cave in six months, right after we leave Tibet.”
“Davy won’t be far behind Maggie,” Gabe said, kissing Kati’s forehead. “They’re engaged, so I don’t think he’ll let her get away from him for long.”
“Engaged? Does that mean they’re making babies?”
Gabe and Joy tried very hard not to look at each other.
“Probably not for a while, button,” Joy said, fighting a smile.
Carrying Kati, he turned and started toward the battered Land Rover that was their transportation—and their overnight quarters, if it came to that.
“Wait,” Kati said. “I gotta do something first.”
As soon as Gabe put her down, she was off and running toward a line of prayer flags that had been strung between two lean, angular poles. She stood on tiptoe and carefully tied her own prayer to an open space on the line.
When she let go, wind breathed life into the bright cloth, lifting it, sending her special prayer into the sky with every movement of air and cloth. Smiling, she watched the bright flag flutter for a few moments before she turned and ran back to her parents.
She was certain now that it wouldn’t be long before she had sisters and brothers of her own.
And she was right.
About the Author
ELIZABETH LOWELL has over twenty million books in print. Her contemporary novels published by HarperCollins are: Desert Rain; To the Ends of the Earth; Remember Summer; Where the Heart Is. The Donovan novels — Amber Beach, Jade Island, Pearl Cove, and Midnight in Ruby Bayou — were instant New York Times bestsellers. Classic contemporary romances by Ms. Lowell include: Forget Me Not, Lover in the Rough, A Woman Without Lies; Beautiful Dreamer; Eden Burning. HarperCollins also publishes Ms. Lowell’s romance-suspense novels Moving Target and Running Scared. Ms. Lowell lives in Seattle with her husband, with whom she writes mystery novels under a pseudonym.
Please visit www.elizabethlowell.com.
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Also by Elizabeth Lowell
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
Running Scared
To the Ends of the Earth
Untamed
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Credits
Jacket design and illustration by Honi Werner
Copyright
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher.
THIS TIME LOVE. Copyright © 2002 by Two of a Kind, Inc., based on sequel, Copyright © 1986 by Ann Maxwell, Writing as Elizabeth Lowell. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EPub Edition © JANUARY 2003 ISBN: 9780061802799
Print edition first published in 2003 by HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.
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