by Nancy Thayer
But the problem was: Why was Ingrid over at the house last night? Noah could cook. He was an excellent cook, slow but thorough. He probably had been too overwhelmed with work…but had Ingrid dropped off the food and the video, or, what was it Luke said, Ingrid came over last night to bring us dinner and watch a movie.
And Alice had said, She’s so nice.
Was Ingrid nice?
Noah hadn’t come to the phone to speak to her now. He must have heard the children talking about Ingrid. Was he afraid Felicity would ask him about her?
What should she do now? Should she call him back and demand to speak to him? Was she making something out of nothing?
“Filly?” Alison came into the bedroom. “Are you ready to go?”
“Um, sure.” Felicity forced herself to smile. “Totally.” She carried her backpack—she couldn’t wear it in a car—and hurried down the stairs.
“I thought we’d have a stroll around town, and then brunch at Cru. I bought you a plane ticket. You leave at one, Felicity.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“And my plane’s at two,” Jane said.
“The kids will be glad to see you,” Alison said to Felicity.
“I know,” Felicity agreed, and she felt warm all over at the thought. Then she realized that she didn’t know if Noah would be glad to see her. She wasn’t sure she’d be glad to see him. She wanted to know why Ingrid had come over last night, but she hated confrontations.
As she listened to Alison chatter, Felicity wondered if her mother had ever had this kind of problem with her marriage. Felicity’s father had been drop-dead handsome, and she wasn’t thinking this because he was her father. It was a fact. Alison had been beautiful, still was beautiful, for an older woman, but had she worried as she grew older and her husband continued his work as a pediatrician? Maybe she should have. After all, Alison had met Mark at his office when she took Jane in for a consultation. Alison had still been married to Jane’s father, Flint. Didn’t Alison worry as the years passed that some new yummy mummy might attract Mark, at least for a fling? After all, Alison grew older, but the mothers bringing in little children must have seemed endlessly young. Did her father ever have an affair?
Did her mother?
* * *
—
Scott offered to pick Jane up at JFK, but she insisted on taking a cab. She didn’t want to bother him when he was so busy, she said. What she didn’t say was that she wanted one more hour to organize her thoughts. Plan her attack, more specifically.
She leaned her head back on the seat. The cab went over the Queensboro Bridge and entered Manhattan. Was she being impulsive, wanting a child? She’d certainly been impulsive when she’d kissed Ethan. This morning, she’d exchanged cellphone numbers with Ethan and agreed, quietly, standing in the upstairs hall of the Nantucket house, to let each other know when they were able to go to the island again. They hadn’t touched, but the electric pull between them had seemed as powerful as the moon on the tides.
Later, as Jane, Felicity, and Alison left for brunch, Jane had given Ethan a quick hug, keeping her body slanted so that only her arms touched him. Virtue triumphs! Jane told herself. But at the airport, Alison had handed a small foil-wrapped parcel to Jane. “You forgot this, darling,” Alison said. “I know you’ll want to share some of this delicious bread with Scott.”
Now, as the tall buildings and congested traffic blocked Jane’s thoughts of the gorgeous island and dropped her back into her real life, she thought the bread in her bag was like a little lump of guilt. She wasn’t one hundred percent certain that her mother hadn’t noticed the intense attraction between Jane and Ethan.
And what did it all mean? She loved Scott, she did. She trusted his love for her. She knew he’d never be unfaithful to her.
And until this weekend she’d known she’d never be unfaithful to Scott.
Well, she hadn’t been unfaithful! She had only wanted to be.
She needed to be brutally realistic. It had been only a moment’s magic. In the grand scheme of things, looking down on a kind of calendar of the days and weeks and months of her life, the time she’d spent with Ethan was so minuscule, so insignificant, it was like trying to find a pebble on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art from a satellite in outer space. In the vast expanse of her life, the yearning, the desire, was only a speck, something no one else could see.
And yet.
Maybe, she thought, her longing for a child was causing her to be more sexually, sensually awake.
The cab stopped in front of their building. She swiped her credit card and tipped the driver and gathered her purse and her briefcase (which she hadn’t opened once this weekend) and her suitcase and stepped out onto the sunny street.
She paused for a moment. May in the city was such a great month. No bitter wind howling down the long avenues, no dirty slush to slip in on the sidewalks, instead trees and flowers blooming, the air mild and sweet…okay, not sweet exactly, she was getting carried away. But the summer heat hadn’t yet arrived to intensify the smells of gasoline and millions of overheated people and their dogs.
She entered the building and leaned against the elevator wall as she rode up to the fifteenth floor. She felt like she was being transported from one life to another, and she knew the moment those elevator doors opened that Nantucket magic would evaporate like a bubble.
She found her keys in her bag and undid the locks. She stepped into their apartment. She set her suitcase on the floor and dumped her keys in the bowl on the foyer table and laid her bag next to it.
“Scott? I’m back!”
“You’re early!” His voice came from the room they used as a joint office.
“I am. I missed you. But I had a wonderful time. David’s beach house is stunning. You’ll have to come with me to see it.”
As she talked, she pulled her small roller suitcase behind her down the hall and into their bedroom.
And she waited for Scott to come out of their office and give her a welcome-home kiss.
Nothing.
She sat on the bed, kicked off her heels, and massaged her feet. Walking in warm sand on the beach versus walking in stilettos on hard sidewalk: no contest.
“Did you miss me?” she called. She wanted him to come to her.
“Of course!” he called back.
On bare feet, she padded down the hall and into the office. Scott was at the computer, squinting at a chart, moving the mouse.
“You’re working hard for a Sunday.” She moved behind him and put her hands on his shoulders and smooched the top of his head.
“I didn’t think you’d be back until later. I’ve got to get this analysis done.”
“Okay.” She noticed, as if for the first time, how luxurious his hair was. “You’ve got beautiful hair, Scott, so dark and thick, like an animal’s pelt.”
He shook his head sharply, as if shooing away a fly. “That tickles.”
She removed her hands. “I’ll go unpack. And shower.”
At the door he called, “Hey.”
She stopped.
“I’m glad you’re home. But you are early. And I need to finish this. It’s important. Give me twenty more minutes, okay?”
“Okay.” She had to be fair. This was the way they were. Both of them. Finish the work first; she could cross-stitch it on a wall hanging. She shouldn’t, couldn’t, judge Scott by the few foolish moments she’d spent with Ethan.
In their bedroom, she unpacked her clothes and sorted them: laundry, dry cleaner, shoe rack. She removed her flip-flops from the plastic bag she’d kept them in. They still had some sand on them. She took a long moment to hold them, remembering. Then she held them over the wastebasket and brushed the sand away.
She showered, pulled on yoga pants and a T-shirt, and carried her briefcase into their office.
> “Almost done,” Scott said.
She unpacked her laptop. She’d thought she’d have time on the island to read through at least one file, but somehow she hadn’t worked all weekend. Like a drug, the need to work pulled at her mind. She could start—
“Done!” Scott rose from his desk chair, stretched, and yawned. “What shall we order in for dinner?”
She kept her back to him. “Whatever you want. And I’ve brought you the most delicious bread. I made it myself. It’s unbelievable. I’ll heat it up for you for an amuse-bouche.”
“I’ll tell you what I’d like to amuse my mouth.” Scott put his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.
“Oh, good,” Jane joked lightly. “I didn’t think you’d missed me at all.”
“God, I know, Jane. I’m sorry. But in my defense, I’m stressed.”
“You sound like a lawyer.”
“I am a lawyer.”
“You’re a husband, too.” She turned in his arms and looked up at him.
He smiled. He had a wonderful smile. “I promise to perform my husbandly duties later on, or even before we eat, depending on which of your appetites is stronger. I set the DVR to tape the Sunday morning show, so we can watch it while we eat.” He stepped back and checked his watch. “Time for a Scotch.”
eight
Rain was falling as the ten-seater plane began its shuddering wobble down the Nantucket runway. Felicity had no real dread of flying, but as they lifted off the ground into the clouds, she felt itchy with anxiety. She knew the pilot had instruments, but the dense white vapor around the plane was unsettling.
She closed her eyes and forced herself to focus on something positive. It had been sunny this morning and gorgeous at lunch today at the restaurant on the wharf. And it had been a good time for the three of them, much laughter, delicious food, and a sense that the coming summer might bring them all closer. For the first time in years, Felicity had felt a real affinity with Jane, perhaps because her perfect older sister with the perfect accomplished life wanted something Felicity had. But Felicity had also noticed the sexual tension between Jane and Ethan. They were only flirting, she reassured herself. Absolutely just flirting. Felicity scolded herself for being jealous that for once a man hadn’t chosen her over her sister.
And she was taut with worry about Ingrid being with Noah and her children last night…the fear of infidelity hummed around her mind like a bothersome bee.
It was cloudy in Boston when the plane landed. Her clothes weren’t warm enough for the surprising early summer chill. Was she coming down with a cold? Why was she so dreary today?
Her spirits lifted when she came into the terminal.
Her children raced toward her. “Mommy Mommy Mommy!”
Alice hurtled herself toward Felicity, determined to get to her first. She wore a flowered shirt and plaid shorts and polka dot knee socks, because that was the way Alice liked to dress. Felicity noticed that no one, meaning Noah, had brushed Alice’s long blond curls today.
Luke barreled toward Felicity, tackling her at the knees, almost knocking her down. Squatting on the floor, her arms around both children, Felicity looked up at her husband. “Hi, there.”
“Hey.” Noah’s expression was stiff, fake happy.
She stood and kissed him. His kiss was cool, and he pulled away quickly. But then he had never been comfortable with public displays of affection.
In the Volvo station wagon on the ride home, the children talked and giggled so much Felicity and Noah couldn’t have any kind of a conversation, and that was the way it always was. But anxiety made Felicity reckless, and as they left Route 2 for the winding roads of their suburb, she said easily, carelessly, “So, I hear Ingrid came over last night.”
She was Noah’s wife. She’d lived with him for eight years. She could read even his unspoken words. His hands tightened on the steering wheel and his jaw tensed.
Alice burst out, “She brought us a huge pan of macaroni and cheese—”
Luke yelled. “Mommy, we watched Frozen. She gave us the DVD. Can we watch it when we get home?”
“How nice of Ingrid,” Felicity said, smiling over the back of her seat at her children. “And how unusual for Daddy to allow you to watch a DVD.”
“I know, Mommy,” Alice agreed.
Noah glared at the road without speaking.
“Did you bring us any presents, Mommy?”
“No, sweeties, I didn’t have time.”
Noah pulled into their driveway. The children exploded out of the car, racing to the backyard where they were allowed to play while Felicity kept an eye on them from the kitchen. Noah unlocked the front door and held it open for Felicity as she entered.
Felicity dropped her backpack on the low chest in the front hall. Noah headed to his den at the side of the house.
“Noah, wait. I’d like to know…Could we talk about Ingrid being here?”
He didn’t turn to face her. “Let’s talk about it after dinner.” He went into his den and shut the door.
“Well,” Felicity said to the closed door, “now I’m really worried.”
Still, she managed to finish the day as if everything was normal. She’d left a tuna noodle casserole in the refrigerator for the weekend, and since that hadn’t been touched, she heated it up for their dinner, noticing as she worked in the kitchen that there were no signs of the macaroni and cheese or the dreadful asparagus. She did find an unfinished quart of chocolate ice cream in the freezer. Ice cream was a special treat in this healthy household. Pulling back the lid, she checked and found that only a small iceberg of ice cream was left. So, a DVD and ice cream, too.
She poured herself a glass of wine.
Dinner was chaotic, as usual. Felicity bathed the children so she could reconnect with them after two nights and three days away. Alice didn’t like it when Luke’s toothbrush touched hers. Luke insisted it was his turn to choose the bedtime story. Their concerns were so trivial, she thought, in comparison to the black storm cloud brewing around her mind and heart, a storm that could roar their lives away.
Finally, after the children had been fed, bathed, read to, and tucked in, when they were absolutely asleep, Felicity made herself a cup of chamomile tea and went into the den where Noah was studying a spreadsheet.
“Noah? Could we talk?”
Noah looked up. He was a handsome man. Blond hair, blue eyes, much like Felicity’s own, and replicated in their children. “What’s up?”
She sat in a chair across from him. “Is something going on with you and Ingrid?”
Noah made a scoffing noise. “Yes. We had passionate sex on the living room rug while the kids watched Frozen in the den.”
“You don’t have to be that way about it. You’ve never had any employee over to the house before, except at group parties.”
“Well, you haven’t left me alone with the kids before,” Noah shot back. “And I’ve been telling you it’s a crucial time right now at work. I can only stretch myself so far.”
“It’s always a crucial time at work for you,” Felicity said softly.
“Felicity. Don’t do this.”
She nodded. She knew what he meant. It was always Felicity complaining, never Noah. They had agreed that she would handle the children, the house, the daily necessities while Noah focused on establishing Green Food and financially supporting the family.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just get…” She hated sounding pathetic. “But hey,” she said, brightening. “Want to have some passionate sex on the living room rug?”
Noah smiled. “Can it wait? I’ve got to finish analyzing these figures.”
Disappointment rippled through her. But she caught herself before she complained again. She smiled back. She rose and went to him, running her fingers lightly along his lips. “Of course it can wait. I’ll be upstairs i
n bed, reading. And waiting.”
Noah brushed his head against her hand. “Thanks, Filly. I’ll be up soon.”
But it was midnight when Felicity turned off her bedside lamp and fell asleep, and Noah had not come to bed.
* * *
—
After Ethan and the girls left, Alison walked through the large, empty house, checking to be sure windows were shut in case of rain, looking for anything left behind, stripping the beds and starting a load of laundry even though this was Alani’s task, because the truth was, she enjoyed doing laundry, and she needed this period of transition from busy house to lonely house. No, not lonely. Quiet. There had been years in her life when she would have paid money for quiet.
Finally she poured herself a glass of iced tea and sat out on the deck, looking at the ocean. It was Sunday evening. She’d make herself a salad and finish off the last chunk of homemade bread and watch Masterpiece Theatre. For now, she relaxed and let her thoughts flow.
The weekend had gone well, better than she’d expected or hoped for. Her daughters had obviously enjoyed being with each other, which was a great pleasure—and a great relief. Ethan had been his usual charming self and both girls seemed to like him. But Alison had missed David.
Her phone buzzed. She wasn’t surprised to see David’s number on the caller ID. It often seemed as if they had ESP. She thought about him; he called.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she answered. “Where are you?”
“At home. Lying on the bed.”
“Mmm, I’ll be right there.”
“Sorry, but I’ve got the remote in my hand. The Red Sox game starts in ten minutes.”
Alison laughed. “I wouldn’t dream of interrupting that.”
“How did the weekend go?”
“Actually, I think it went really well. The girls had a walk on the beach together and didn’t pull each other’s hair out, and we agreed on their bridesmaid dresses, and they loved the Wauwinet. Well, who wouldn’t? Oh, and Ethan was here!”
