Her mother’s sternness took her aback. Kerry swallowed and pulled a chair to sit next to her. Every time she saw her mother, she felt guilty for not staying home and tending to her. Other quadriplegics lived at home with loving family members, but ever since Kerry’s father died without leaving any insurance, Kerry had been on the surfing circuit to earn money.
“I’ve screwed up badly.” Kerry blinked back the tears which had kept her company during the flight. “My life is a mess.”
“It can’t be as bad as you think,” her mother said. “Why didn’t you come see me sooner? I had to read how many stitches you got from the internet.”
Kerry buried her face in her hands. “I didn’t want to show you my wounds. Not until they healed. I didn’t want you to see me so ugly and twisted. You lost so much to surfing already.”
“I’m your mother. I’d want to see everything. Come and hug me. I’d hug you if I could.”
Kerry looped her arms around her mother’s shoulders and let herself be comforted. “I hurt so bad. I have no friends.”
“To have friends, you must be a friend.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t know how to be one. I’ve only had Jared, and he’s a user.” She backed up from her mother and wiped her eyes with a tissue.
“Then you’ll have to get over him and learn new ways of dealing with people.” Her mother moved her gaze to the monitor in front of her, controlling the mouse pointer with an eye-control module. “I saw all of the news reports and videos. That ex-boyfriend of yours is talking about a cereal for kids called Shark Crunch, pillows of crunchy corn on the outside with a tangy berry filling inside. Tells me how insensitive he is to you and other victims and their families.”
“Gross, isn’t it?” Kerry bit her lip and huffed. “I’m not going for any of his promotions, but he’s suing me for the advance money.”
“Then you have to think of a way to pay.”
“That’s where I’m coming up empty.” Kerry palmed her face. “I don’t want to be known as the surfer who survived a shark attack. I don’t want to display my scarred leg for people to gawk at, or speak about my attack, or dance on a stage with people dressed in shark costumes.”
“That’s a lot of ‘don’t wants,’” her mother said drily. “What does Kerry Berry want to do?”
“I want Finn back. Finn Meriwether, the guy I met on vacation in Long Island. The guy who called me Kerry Merry.”
Her mother smiled at that nickname. “I read something about him. The Army Ranger who charged a shark?”
“Yeah, him.”
“How’s that going to help you pay back Jared?” Her mother was always matter of fact and straight to the point. After her spinal accident, she never felt sorry for herself. Instead, she devoted her time into learning how to live with her injury. In time, she’d become a blogger and internet personality by using her eye-controlled computer.
“It won’t.” Kerry admitted she had no plan. “I’ll have to find an opportunity. The problem is, I don’t know who’s using me and who isn’t? Ever since I started surfing professionally, there’s always someone coming at me with a promotional angle. Jared being the most aggressive.”
“The same has been true with the many men who dated you for photo ops.” Her mother grimaced, looking sympathetic. “So, tell me what this Army guy’s angle is.”
“He doesn’t have one,” Kerry said. “He only loves me.”
Wow, it really sounds so simple. He only loves me. Kerry fought to keep herself from jumping up and down at that realization. Except now, she’d killed the love he had.
“Sounds like a match made in heaven.” Her mother’s voice was encouraging.
“Except I screwed it up. He doesn’t think I love him.”
“Do you?”
Kerry’s lips quivered and she nodded, almost frantically. “I do. I know now. I wasn’t sure, because I didn’t know if he was using me. He proposed, and I ruined it. I thought it was for show.”
“So, tell him you were wrong.” There went her mother again, cutting to the chase.
“I’m afraid he’ll reject me, tell me it’s too late. Can I show you a video?” Kerry touched the screen of the monitor.
“If it’s the surfing with the shark one, I’ve seen it a hundred times. He was brave, but also foolhardy, and I suspect he doesn’t much care about his life.”
Kerry swallowed hard, and her heart beat heavily. “He doesn’t, and I want to change that. But here’s what I did to him.”
She tapped on the browser and entered her online folder. “I’m ashamed to show you, but he laid his heart out for me, and I skewered it, all because I was afraid he was using me.”
“For what? He’s an Army Ranger. He could care less about commercials and endorsements.”
“I thought he used me for a romantic vacation fantasy.” She clicked on the video. “Tell me if I’m wrong.”
Tears streamed down her face as she watched herself shred Finn’s heartfelt plea for her to become his wife. She’d been so suspicious of him, had hardened her heart, prepared for rejection. Even now, a tiny seed of doubt remained. Did he truly want to marry her, or was the fantasy of having a special someone what he was after?
“Wipe my eyes,” her mother said, sniffling. “I can’t believe you were so cruel. That man put his heart out there for you, and you were so insecure. Then there’s your friend Siena. She thought she was videoing a memorable moment for you, and you accused her of peddling it.”
“I was crazy. I couldn’t see past the promotions and the pressure to get back on the tour.” Kerry dabbed her mother’s eyes with a tissue. “I know now I was wrong. I apologized, but she’s still hurt. What can I do?”
“Show them. Apologies are words. They can be thrown around, but not mean a thing.”
“I’ve sent Siena a gift. She thanked me, but I don’t feel she’s over it. As for Finn, I’m scared. I love him so much that if he refuses to speak to me, I’d rather die.”
“Tut, tut,” her mother clucked. “If I’m sitting here paralyzed from the neck down and refusing to die, you most certainly are not going to die because a man you refuse to speak to refuses to speak to you.”
“What?” Kerry’s stomach contracted. “I didn’t refuse to speak to him.”
Her mother’s eyebrows rose. “Really? When have you called him? Have you texted? Visited?”
“I’m such a loser.” Kerry clenched her fists and shook them at herself.
“Then change. What do you have to lose?”
Nothing. Nothing at all. Except it’s so scary to trust, to believe someone wouldn’t take advantage. To believe someone might actually love me even if I have nothing to offer.
Kerry fortified herself and hugged her mother. She’d have to face her fears and take the leap of faith. Otherwise, she’d never know what it would be like to be truly loved by anyone other than her mother and father.
“This is it, right?” Kerry stroked her mother’s back. “I’ve always known you and Dad loved me, unconditionally. We’re family, ohana. But others? I’m afraid.”
“Others can become your family. Ohana is more than blood, it’s all the people who are bound together by love.”
“I love you so much.” Kerry hugged her mother. “You’re so wise. Thank you.”
“I love you too, Kerry Berry. Now go. Next time you come back, I want to meet this Mr. Meriwether. I like him, and I think I’m going to blog about him, with his permission, of course. His life story is an inspiration.”
“You, Mom, are an inspiration.”
“I get by with what I can do.” Her eyes sparkled as blue as a calm day at the beach. Even though all she had left was above her neck, her mother had faced her own shark and thrived.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Up, up, out of bed, soldier.” Dex roused Finn on his third morning in the City. They’d been putting in sixteen hour days and eating too many late-night pizzas. Not that it bothered Finn since he was headed back to the
Middle East and canned meals out of a tin.
Finn yawned and stretched, but once he was up, he was up. He tidily made the bed and packed his clothes without leaving anything strewn around. Even in the middle of a vacation, he could pass military bunk inspection.
Ten minutes later, the two buddies were pounding the pavement through New York’s famed Central Park.
“Let’s hit the hills first,” Dex said. “Get that out of the way.”
Finn grunted. He could outrun Dex carrying an eighty-pound pack back in their high school days. Dex took off up Cat Hill at a quick clip. Really?
It looked like his friend had not only filled out, but had gotten into shape. Finn pumped his arms and lengthened his stride, feeling his thigh muscles burn and his breath quicken.
He caught Dex under a rock with a sculpture of a crouched cat on top. “You run this every day?”
“Whenever I get a chance.” Dex lengthened his stride as they crested the hill. “Take it easy on the downhill for a bit before we hit Harlem Hill.”
“You trying to kill me, dude?” Finn loped at a brisk pace next to his buddy.
“Nah, just wondering what you’re running from.”
“Nothing.” Finn lowered his chin and pushed forward.
Dex surged, sticking at his side. “Running away only hurts those you run from.”
Great. So the real reason Dex got him up wasn’t to exercise. “Siena told you?”
“Nope. She doesn’t tell me anything. You did.”
“Didn’t say a word to you.” Finn grunted.
“You didn’t have to. I could see you shutting down when you told Ellie you weren’t giving anyone a chance, ever again.” Dex huffed from that long-winded speech.
“It’s really nothing.” Finn wanted to shake his friend. “Are we done with the video game? Safire pretty much tapped me out.”
“Don’t change the subject.” Dex grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. Several runners behind them sidestepped them, glaring at the temporary interference to their running path.
Finn threw his hands in the air as they walked off the path toward the grass. “Look, not everyone’s as lucky as you. Boy genius, great parents, multimillionaire before age thirty, sweetheart of a girlfriend. You got it made.”
“You think it has something to do with luck?” Dex’s breath steamed in his face.
“No, you worked hard for it. Are we finishing the run or not?”
“If you stop running from your heart.”
“What do you know about my heart?” Finn slapped his own chest. “I’m not running from anyone or anything. I’m not hurt. I’m not giving up. I’m going back to duty.”
“Do you love her?” Dex blocked him from the path, hemming him against a tree. “Do you fucking love her?”
“Yes, now get out of my face. She has to fucking love me too, and there’s not a damn thing I can do.”
“Then, you’ve given up.”
“No, I’m not you. I’m not waiting around for her to get her head straight like you did with Ellie.” Oh, shit. Did I really say that?
“Ouch.” Dex glared at him.
“Sorry about bringing up Ellie.” Finn waved off Dex’s restraining hand. Ellie had been Dex’s on and off again girl who’d finally come back to stay. “I’ve lost every single fucking person who’s important to me. I’ll never have what you have with Ellie.”
“Yeah, and I wouldn’t have either, if she hadn’t stopped running. You’re not only hurting yourself when you run. You’re hurting Kerry, and there’s not a damn thing she can do about it.”
“She can start by trusting me.” Finn’s eyes ached from the pressure above his sinuses. “She thought I faked the proposal for some ridiculous reality moment for your sister to capture on video.”
“Then you have work to do, dude. You gain her trust only by trusting her first.” Dex’s eyebrows crowded together as if recalling the days he spent with a full metal jacket around his own heart. “Ready to take that hill?”
# # #
Kerry called Siena first. She had flown from Hawaii and landed in New York’s JFK Airport, but had not called or texted Finn. Truth was, he’d never given her his phone number, and she’d been using that as an excuse.
Siena picked on the second ring. “Hey Kerry, how’s it going?”
“Are we friends again? I’m really sorry,” Kerry started, before remembering what her mother had said. “Saying sorry’s not enough. Can I do something to show you?”
“I might have been too harsh on you,” Siena said. “You were hurting from all sides. Sometimes, I forget how empty I was before Cash came into my life. I even suspected Cash of sleeping with me for bragging rights. Oh gosh, I can’t believe I’m admitting this to you.”
“Si, I love you, you know that, and I would never tell anyone. I hate this distance between us, and I’m hoping you can forgive me.”
“Forgiven. Where are you? Did you see your mother?” Siena’s voice changed to a cheery and encouraging tone.
Thank God!
“I did, and she is a miracle. I needed to be with her, but I’m back in the City. Please, please, tell me Finn is still around.”
“You’re here? Where? Let me come get you.”
“JFK, but I can call a cab. Is he staying with Dex?” Kerry could barely breathe, and her heart beat unevenly. “I don’t even know his phone number. I can’t even text him.”
There was silence on the line and noise in the background. Kerry’s heart pounded, and she tried to keep her heart from leaping out her throat.
“Si, are you still there?”
“Yes. I’ll call Dex, but I should prepare you. Finn’s been working closely with Safire, and they seem to be getting along. Dex says it’s only a working relationship, but I think you shouldn’t get your hopes up.”
She couldn’t possibly be more crushed than she already was. Kerry ventured forward. “Can I get Finn’s phone number? Do you have it?”
“I can give you Dex’s number. I’ll text it to you.”
“Great. I’ll head over to the offices of Thrive.” Kerry’s nerves were so on fire that her teeth ached. Finn was still worth a shot. Besides, she had to apologize in person for misinterpreting him, even if he had no interest in her anymore.
“Call me after you’re done, and you can stay with me,” Siena offered. “I’ve got some clothes to show you, only if you don’t think I’m taking advantage of you.”
“As long as you don’t think I’m taking advantage of you.”
They said their goodbyes and hung up.
Kerry took several deep breaths and felt her head getting dizzy, but she had to forge on. She flagged a taxi and gave them the address to Thrive Entertainment, then called Dex.
The Thrive CEO was unavailable to take the call, so Kerry left a message. She fiddled with her phone and browsed for news about Thrive Entertainment. They had a big release coming up, so everyone was probably scrambling for the launch.
It was late morning by the time Kerry arrived at the offices of Thrive. She paid the cab and sped toward the revolving door, dragging her carry-on. The receptionist asked her who she was visiting, but when she gave Finn’s name, she frowned and said, “There’s no employee by that name. Perhaps you have an alternative contact I can ring up?”
Kerry scrolled through her phone contacts. She couldn’t bother Dex, and she didn’t know any other names, except Safire Chu.
Be brave. You can’t lose something you don’t have. Go for it. Jump into the shark tank and swim.
She straightened her shoulders and replied, “Sure, could you call Safire Chu? Tell her Kerry Mills is here to see her.”
Kerry crossed her fingers, hoping the other woman’s curiosity would prevail. Seconds later, the receptionist said, “She’s coming down. Please take a seat.”
Kerry practiced deep breathing exercises, although her thudding heart refused to calm. If Finn was happy with this woman, she should be happy for him. After all, she’d lost him
by her own fault. Safire had nothing to do with it.
When Safire appeared at the door, Kerry wanted to drop into a hole and disappear. The smaller woman was femininity to the core, pretty and petite. She dressed fashionably for working in a video game company, and not only that, she was friendly.
“Welcome to Thrive Entertainment,” Safire said, holding out her dainty hand. “What can I do for you?”
“Thanks for coming down. I need a favor from you. Is Finn upstairs? Can you take me to meet with him?”
Safire’s brows drew together, and she pursed her lips. “You missed him. He’s gone.”
Panic slammed into Kerry’s chest, hollowing her heart. “Where? Where can I find him?”
“I think he’s headed back to the Middle East. Airport, maybe?”
“Which one? I was just at JFK. Do you have his number?”
Safire shot her a look she could not decipher. What an idiot she was asking for Finn’s phone number from the woman he was no doubt interested in again.
The smaller woman looked at her watch. “I have to go back to a meeting. All I know is, it’s not JFK. He’s military, and he was talking about flying out of an air force base.”
“Do you know which one?” Kerry grasped desperately for any information.
“No, he didn’t say. Sorry.” Safire held Kerry’s gaze. “I wish I could help. Truly. You broke him, you know. He’s not the same man as before, and I worry what will happen when he gets back to the war zone.”
“And you? What have you done to help?” Kerry grabbed Safire’s sleeve.
“I can’t help him. I’m not the woman he loves. You are.”
“Me?”
“You don’t need me to tell you. You should feel it in your bones.” The Asian woman pinned her with a fierce stare. “I’ll have Dex call you and let you know where Finn went. What’s your number?”
Kerry gave it to her and thanked her. “I love him so much. You have to believe me.”
Safire held up her hand. “It doesn’t matter what I believe. I have to go back to work.”
Air Force base. Where? Where?
The Remingtons_Leap, Laugh, Love Page 13
