by Daria Wright
“Jessica,” Dave’s voice was soft, surprised, as she turned from where he was wiping down the benches.
“Hi…” Jessica looked around, unsure of why she was really here. It’s like my feet just moved without my body thinking about it.
“What’s wrong, child?”
“I…” Jessica took a deep breath. What would he say if she told him the truth? “I’m not sure how I got here.” She confessed.
This seemed to get his attention. He stepped away from the pew that he’d been cleaning and padded towards her.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… I intended to go for a walk to clear my head, but I didn’t realize I was here until I stepped outside the door.”
“Maybe the Lord has guided you to somewhere you can clear your head. Come, sit. Tell me what is on your mind.”
Jessica moved towards the pastor, sitting down beside him. She folded her hands over her lap and stared downwards.
“I… I want to spend time with someone… who might not be a gut person. When I’m with them, it’s like… I’m happy.”
“Are you not normally happy?”
“Nee, I am! It’s just… different.” When she was with Kevin, she smiled like she had before her parents died.
The pastor was quiet for a couple of seconds as he thought about what she had just said. “And you’ve prayed about this?”
“Yes.”
“What did the Lord say?”
“He… I’m not sure he answered me.”
“Pray again and you will find your answer. Gott wants happiness for everyone, he will show you the way and he will keep you safe.”
Will he really? She didn’t dare voice it. “Danka.”
“Mary says you will be staying with us.”
“Jah, I… I know it will be a long process but I’m committed to it. I’d like to spend my life here, after all the peace it has given me, and the support.”
Dave smiled. “We will be happy to have you. And I am sure that you will become a model member of community.”
The words lifted Jessica’s heart in a way she never thought they would. “Danka. For listening, and for your kind words but I do not want to keep you from your tasks at hand.” Jessica stood. She gave the pastor a smile and he walked her to the door.
Back to walking, Jessica was left to her own thoughts. Gott, will you really keep me safe? She asked. Am I really worth your attention? Is the pastor right? Will you lead me to happiness, or are you testing me? Jessica was sure that if Gott were to test her strongly enough she would fail. She hated admitting it even to herself, but she knew that she did not have the faith. Yet. That will change.
“Jessica! Anna said you’d gone for a walk. We were worried.”
“I’m sorry to worry you again, I just… needed to speak to Pastor Dave.”
Mary raised an eyebrow, concern written over her face. Jessica’s smile widened, trying to let the woman know that everything was okay. “I’ve been thinking long and hard about my path in life, that is all.”
“Does this mean you have doubts about joining us?” Anna asked.
“Nee, that more than ever is something I know will be best for me.” Maybe it had been Gott who led her to the church, maybe not but it had been exactly what she needed. Whether it had been Gott or not, Jessica had come to find faith in the church, and that was something that was helping her get through the day. She sat down beside Anna and Mary.
Mom, dad, I hope you can hear me. She closed her eyes tightly. I hope you can hear my prayers because I need help. I don’t know what to do, I need guidance. Mom you used to help me with any trouble I had. You used to be there for me all the time, and I believe you’re still there for me. She opened her eyes, letting out a deep breath. She knew praying to her parents would only keep them in her memory and make it harder for her to move on, but she still found herself doing it often. A sense of calm overcame her, her heart rate lowering.
“Girls, go inside.” Mary snapped.
Jessica and Anna turned to Mary, her eyes locked on the road ahead of them. Jessica turned to see what could have caused the reaction. Her heart skipped a beat for a fraction of a second, then she returned to calm as she watched Kevin’s truck pull up.
“Girls,” Mary repeated.
“Nee,” Jessica stood. “I believe this is something I’ve got to deal with.”
Mary grabbed her wrist, cold fingers biting into her sink. When Jessica turned to see Mary she expected anger but that was not what was there. Fear.
“I will not lose another child to him. Not like Sarah.”
Another child?
“Sarah…” Jessica stammered. She knew Sarah. Sarah wasn’t Mary’s child.
“After he… she never came back. I will not let that happen again.” Mary stood, her cold fingers still wrapped around her as she stepped towards the house.
Jessica held fast. Her own reaction shocked her.
“Mary-” she twisted away from the woman’s hold. “You will not lose me. But you cannot come in the way of Gotts will.”
Everyone stared at Jessica, shock written all over their face. The truck came to a stop in front of the white gate that led to Mary’s home.
Jessica gave her a smile, reaching out to reassure her. “I’ll not be long, and I will come back to you.”
That was a promise, but she did not spend any more time talking to Mary. She turned on her heel and headed towards the man who stepped out of the truck.
“Jessica!” He called. “Why are you avoiding me?”
Straight to the point. But how was he sure she had been avoiding him? For all he knew she had gotten sick on the way home.
“Would I be coming towards you if I were avoiding you?!” She called back, closing the distance between them.
He was left speechless by the look on her face, which only made her smile. She stopped in front of him.
“You’re here to ask me to walk with you, right?”
“I… jah, I guess I am.”
“Gut, we’ve come something we need to talk about.”
Chapter Four
Growing up, Jessica had never been tactful. She’d never been good at beating around the bush and prying to get the information- as she’d grown up that hadn’t changed.
Jessica stepped past the truck and headed for a small pathway that led through the woods.
“You’re right, I was avoiding you.”
“Why?”
“Because my family asked me to.” Family. It had come out without her realizing it but it felt right.
Kevin didn’t say anything. She turned to see the hurt, anger, and fear written over his face. His eyes red, and refusing to meet hers. She took a deep breath, knowing she needed to ask him. “What did you do to Sarah?”
“What?” He snapped.
“Sarah, when you were little.”
Kevin stared at her, coming to a stop. Jessica turned, holding her hands behind her back as she waited for him to speak.
“Why does that- you mean that is why they hate me? That’s why they never let me play with them again?”
His voice broke.
He’d wondered for years why they never let him play again. Why they never wanted anything to do with him. He felt a tear roll down his cheek and wiped it away angrily. He laughed, bitterness lacing his voice.
“I told her Gott wasn’t real.”
Jessica stared at him, a smile still spread over her face. “And what did you do to Julia?”
So, her family had been talking about him. Figures. It didn’t matter if he’d spent months crying when they told him he wasn’t allowed to play anymore.
“I told her I loved her.”
Jessica took a deep breath; glad she’d mastered pretending everything was fine on the outside. She should be more upset about what he’d said to Sarah, but all she would think of what that he’d told Julia he loved her.
“Do you?”
“Of course not, I was 14.”
He st
ill looked angry, but not with her. Jessica took a deep breath. What am I supposed to do? She looked away from him.
“Do you truly believe Gott doesn’t exist?” Would she be able to be friends with someone who didn’t Believe?
“Of course not,” he muttered, looking away from her, “I was a little kid who had just lost his parents. I hated the world, and I hated anything that could be blamed for taking my family. I hated idea of a God who could take my family from me with I was still in diapers.”
Jessica reached out and touched his arm softly. She understood what he was going through. She understood how he felt- because she’d wondered the same thing. Closing the distance between them she stared into his eyes, and for the first time since they started talking he met her gaze.
“I get it now,” he said, his eyes locked on her, “I get it’s not up to us to choose our fate. I get that things happen for a reason, and sometimes it takes years of reasons for one special thing to happen.”
So he did believe in Gott? “You do? You truly Believe?” He wasn’t just saying it?
“My gran is Catholic,” he gave her a soft smile, as if that answered everything- and it did.
“And you?”
“I…” He reached out and touched her but didn’t finish his sentence. He just stared at her.
For a long time, Kevin hadn’t known what to believe. Until he found himself rained out of work and about to work on the kitchen. When three things got in his way so he moved to the bathroom- but the hardware store was out of toilets. So it was the least important room he’d be working on, the living room. And then he’d gone to the store and met her. And the next day, hardly realizing what he was doing he was back there. And the next day, the night before he’d heard Gran praying for him. That day he arrived at closing time he understood what was happening. It hit him like someone’s fist, but he understood.
It was why he showed up again today, twice. When he was all but kicked out of the shop he’d intended to go home, defeated- but he took a wrong turn and reconsidered it as the street he and Jessica had walked to get back to her house.
He reached out and touched her cheek.
Jessica’s heart skipped a beat, feeling his warm hand against her cheek.
“You’ve forgotten a question.” His voice was soft as he stared at her.
“I… I did?” She hadn’t realized there was anything else to ask.
“If I love you.”
Her heart did a backflip. Did she really want an answer to that?
“Do you love me?” She couldn’t not ask. Not now.
“Jah.”
He pulled her close to him; for a fraction of a second their lips touched. The kiss was soft, warm, welcoming.
He pulled away from her just as quickly as he’d stepped towards her. Jessica was left breathless.
Her heart skipped a beat as she heard something behind her. Both she and Kevin turned to see what it was.
Oh nee. John stepped out from the forest. What was he going to do? What would he say? Would he ban Jessica from seeing Kevin? Or kick her out of their house?
Jessica’s heart raced.
John stared at them, then turned on his heel and walked away.
Epilogue
“Will Kevin be staying for dinner?” Mary asked when Jessica made her way into the house.
“I… don’t think so.” It was still hard for Jessica to get used to the turn of events, but she was sure it was harder for the rest of the family. She wasn’t sure what John had told them, but whatever it was, the entire family seemed to great Kevin with open arms. And that was all that mattered, right?
Things had moved fast for them, and while Jessica tried to get accepted into the community, Kevin was doing the same. It seemed crazy to think that almost a year ago, Jessica had felt like her life was normal. She was an English girl, and now here she was. Her life had been uprooted, but in a way it had been what she needed. She still missed her parents every day, but she knew they would want her to be happy, so she focused on being happy.
The End
The Superstar’s Lost Love
Elaine Young
Chapter One
Danika blew out a deep breath as she felt a hand touch her butt for the seventh time tonight. All in all, that was pretty good for a shift this long, but that didn’t make it any more enjoyable.
“Get us another beer, will ye, sweetheart?” The old man had long gone bald, but that didn’t stop the way his eyes lingered on Danika’s breasts. You’d think if they actually wanted a chance with her they would try tipping her. But nope. The old men were apparently too stupid for that.
She crossed over to the bar and gave her co-worker a smile. “I’m sorry, but I need some fresh air. The boys in the back need more beer.”
“It’s fine.”
The girl was new and she was sweet. She just couldn’t believe that it was Jenny Mills’ daughter of all people. They grow up so fast, she thought. Jenny Mills had been the girl to baby-sit Danka when she was younger. She’d been a great babysitter, and Danka was sure she’d make an even better mom.
I miss Bekka, she thought as she sighed, leaning against the building. The back room was so squishy she felt stifled in there if she spent more than a couple seconds.
Pulling out her cell phone, Danika flicked it open. In truth, the phone which was a few years outdated, and it was beginning to run slow. When the notification came up, letting her know she’d gotten a message an hour ago, she was reminded of just how old the phone was. A newer phone would have told her right away, but not hers. Hers had to be open for her to actually get a notification. Oh well. I don’t need a new one yet. The truth is, she wasn’t going to spend $300 on a phone when she could put that money towards the upcoming birthday party. I’ll survive, she reminded herself as she clicked on the message.
Ally.
Danika’s heart skipped a beat. Ally had been her best friend growing up, but she’d moved to California and had met someone. Why would she bother messaging me?
Hi Danni!
I can’t believe it’s been so long! I kept meaning to try and message you but… well you know how things are. Anyways, Kyle and I are getting married! Can you believe it? We’re doing it back home because mom and dad won’t let us buy the family tickets! I’m arriving tomorrow. Do you want to get together for lunch? I’d love to have your help with the wedding- maid of honor ;)
Maid of honor?
Was she crazy? No. There was no way this was actually happening, was there? She’s getting married? They wanted to fly the whole family out for the wedding? Wow. She hadn’t realized her high school best friend had done so well for herself. It was true they’d lost contact, although she still saw Ally’s brother from time to time. Her heart did a backflip as she thought about him.
Unable to bring herself to reply, Danika tucked the phone into her pocket and headed back to work. Only an hour left. She thought as she pulled the door open.
That hour felt more like eight hours, but the second she stepped through the door, she couldn’t help smiling.
“Mommy!”
She heard those words every day, and every day they made everything better. Despite the two jobs and the small apartment it didn’t matter. Every day when she came home and saw her daughter, it made everything better.
Danika dropped to her knees and pulled the little girl into a huge hug. Her mind drifted to the message she’d gotten from Ally. Her heart did a black flip. He’ll be there, won’t he?
No, maybe he would be away. After all, he was busy she was sure of that.
“Mommy, how was work?”
“It was alright,” she lied. It’s not like she was actually going to tell her daughter how crappy it was. “How was your day?”
“It was okay.”
Danika stood, glancing over at the babysitter.
“You’re home earlier than I expected.”
“Just an 5-hour shift today. Thank you so much for looking after her.”
“Anytime, she’s a fun kid to hang out with.” The nice thing about the babysitter is that she lived right down the hallway, which meant Danika didn’t have to worry about getting her home after a long day.
“I’ll add it to your paycheck for the week, alright?”
“Sounds perfect. Thank you.”
And being a teenager, she was flexible about when she got paid, which made it much easier on Danika’s budget. She watched as the blonde-haired babysitter headed out the door, saying goodbye to Beka. Danika knew she was lucky to be so blessed. A lot of single parents weren’t able to stay at home most of the day with their kids. Even though Danika spent that time at home working, she didn’t care. She was just glad it meant she got to spend the time at home.
“Are you hungry?”
“Hmh.”
“Alright,” Danika said as she pushed herself to her feet and headed for the kitchen. “Let’s see what we have lying around that we can feed you.”
There wasn’t much, but Danika did manage to get a good meal sorted out for her daughter before getting her in the bath and getting her in bed.
As she closed the door to the little girl’s bedroom, she bit her lip. It was silly and she knew it. She padded to her bedroom and opened the door, heading for the closet. She pulled it open and grabbed the small box of keepsakes. Placing it down on the bed, she removed the lid and pulled out the red book she’d been thinking about.
Making her way to the living room she flopped down on the couch, flicking the TV on and tuned it out as she stared at her high school yearbook. She flipped through the pages, shocked by how much some people had changed. Some had grown up and moved away, like Ally - others had stayed here and started their own family. Like her.
But you know, successful.
Her cheeks flushed as she stared down at the signatures. She wondered where all her ex-classmates were. How many of them became successful? She wondered.
And here she was, trapped in this same small, stupid town that she’d sworn she was going to get out of.
The music hit.
