by Daria Wright
The pastor was getting old, there was no denying that. “That’s very kind of you.”
He shrugged as he stood in front of the door. His brow furrowed.
“Ach no.”
“What is it?” Ruth turned to look at him.
“My hat. I left it outside.” Without another word he darted out of the room and rushed for the church doors.
Ruth opened her mouth to protest but it was too late. He was already out the door.
She looked around the room. She knew she shouldn’t be nosey, but she couldn’t help it. If I don’t touch anything it should be fine. She looked down at the desk. At the photo album. Nee. I said I wouldn’t touch anything. She reminded herself as she resisted the urge to open it. There were a few scrap pieces of paper but she didn’t touch them either. She could tell one was a newspaper clipping.
Seconds later she heard the door open and close again. When he came back into the room, Jacob was soaked to the bone.
“Ach goodness,” Ruth rushed over to him, reaching for a blanket off the bed. She had promised herself she wouldn’t touch anything, but this was an exception. After all, poor Jacob looked like he was about to freeze to death just from stepping outside for a couple of seconds.
Thankfully, he held his hat in his hands.
“Are you okay?” She asked, wrapping the blanket around him.
Her heart skipped a beat as she felt her dress grow wet against her chest. A blush rose to her cheeks. She hadn’t realized just how close she was to him, and now here they stood… his clothing against hers.
Their eyes locked as she stared at her. Her heart raced. It felt like forever before either one of them moved. Ruth’s mind screamed for her to move, but her legs refused to work.
Finally, Jacob stepped back clearing his throat. “I’m fine, danka for your concern.” He slipped past her and headed for the bed where he dropped his blanket down. He blew out a deep breath and before Ruth realized it he had pulled his shirt off and dropped it on the chair by his desk. Ruth felt her cheeks burn. She looked away quickly, but not quickly enough. As he turned she caught sight of something she never would have thought would be there. A tattoo. Her eyes widened as she forced herself to close them.
“Sorry,” he said quickly. She would hear him open a drawer. She stood there with her eyes shut for a couple of seconds. “You can open your eyes,” he said.
Ruth opened her eyes, but refused to look at Jacob. A tattoo?! She never would have thought he would have such a thing. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. It had been a heart, right? Colorful in a way it was beautiful. But… how could he have it.
“I guess you caught me.” He gave a soft smile. Reaching for the blanket and wrapping it around himself again he let out a deep breath. “The truth is, I used to be an Englisher.”
Ruth turned to the man who stood in front of her. No. He had to be making this up. It had to be some kind of joke, right?
“You… what?”
“Most don’t know. I’d like it to remain that way, but I can’t stop you if you chose to tell others. I know that if they found out… everything would change.”
“But Pastor-”
“He knows. He was told right from the start.”
“Then why would he still accept you?”
“I’ve wondered that for a long time, and when I asked him he said it was because Gott told him too. I’m not sure if that’s true or not, though.” He shrugged.
Ruth crossed over to him, closing the distance between them as she sat down on the chair in front of the desk. “Why did you come here?”
“Because my other community knew. They would never be able to accept me into their church.”
“So you lied.”
“I guess so, jah.” He shrugged sitting down on the bed.
“Why?”
“Because. I did what I had to do. It was just that simple to me.”
Ruth stared at him with wide eyes. The rain came down against the tin roof, filling the silence. She had no clue what she was supposed to say.
She knew that she should think it was wrong, but Jacob had been an active community member for as long as he’d been here.
“Why did you join us?”
“Because that’s what Gott wanted me to do.” He shrugged.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, one day I was sitting at the table and I found out about this community. I found out that the church was looking for more members and… I felt this pull.”
The same way he felt a pull to her, but he wasn’t going to say it. At first he had thought it was lust. Now, he knew it was more than that. When she had been close to him he had realized it wasn’t lust; it was the same pull that he had felt when he first heard about this church.
“When everything worked out I figured it was Gott’s plan for me, and so far I don’t have a reason to think I was wrong.”
“You still shouldn’t have lied to us about it.”
“What was I supposed to do, Ruth? I didn’t lie to you, I just… hid something.”
She looked away from him. He could feel the guilt overwhelm him. He knew it was silly to feel guilty, and he knew that he had never felt guilty about it before. So what was the difference? Her. It was her who made him feel guilty, not the situation- the person.
He reached out, touching her knee softly. “Please don’t be mad at me.” He was so close to begging that it shocked him.
Ruth sucked in a deep breath, her heart doing a back flip as his warm hands touched her. If this is truly Gott’s plan then who am I to judge? She wondered. She knew that it was not her place. But she also knew that he had been right last night. Evil and nature were a thin line. Her body realized as she stared down at the fingers on her. She reached out for him, their fingers tangling together.
It felt right.
The way her heart raced made her smile. She stared at him, their eyes locking.
“You forgive me?”
“Jah.”
“Good, because I have another confession.”
Ruth’s heart did a back flip. “Aren’t you supposed to be the one listening to my confessions?”
“Nee, tonight I need to confess to you.” His eyes didn’t waver from hers. Ruth’s mouth fell open. What could he need to confess to her? She had no clue how she was going to keep her cool. Her mind was already racing. “I didn’t ask you to come over this morning to help me set up. I asked you to come over because I wanted your company. Not company, your company. I like you around me, Ruth. I…”
“I like being around you.” She said this without realizing she was going to speak.
His eyes sparkled. “But I’m not the best person for you, I hope you understand that. There are so many men out there who would be better to you. Better for you… But that doesn’t take away the pull I feel towards you.”
A pull. Ruth had never thought about it that way. She had never thought about the way she aimlessly wandered over to the church before she had started coming here intentionally. She had never thought about it as a pull, but maybe she could. Or maybe I’m just twisting things to fit what I want. Ruth had just begun to accept that Gott had not put her on a path yet, but if she were to admit that she felt that pull she’d be admitting that it was against her own will. It would have to be Gott’s will. Ruth’s brow furrowed. She wasn’t sure what to think anymore. She just sat there, taking it all in.
“Are you going to say anything?”
He sounded so embarrassed.
“As soon as I figure out what to say.”
Ruth had no clue how she was supposed to reply to the man in front of her. A soft laugh passed through his lips. “I understand.” He looked away from her without saying a word. It was a lot to take in, and Ruth had no clue how she was supposed to react to it. She knew that she wanted to say something. She wanted to comfort him, but he had just hit her with a lot.
“At least tell me one thing – do you have feelings for me?”
Ruth bit her lip
. Of course she did. But was she willing to say it out loud? Was she willing to tell him the truth? I’ve got to. What if she said she didn’t and that ruined everything? Would she be able to live with the regret? She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
“Jah.”
Her voice shook she said it, but she had said it. It was out there now and she couldn’t take it back. In one way, she was happy about it, but in another she was devastated. Now he knew how she felt about him.
She risked glancing at him quickly.
Jacob smiled widely, his fingers tightening against hers. He didn’t say a word. He just stared at her, smiling.
Ruth blushed, she could feel her cheeks burning. She knew she was supposed to say something but she had no clue what she was supposed to say.
“You should stay a little longer.” Jacob looked up at the roof. The rain was still coming down. Ruth had almost forgotten about it due to the conversation that they were having. She nodded. She didn’t really want to walk home in a storm. She knew that if she did she would get a cold.
Jacob stood, letting go of her hand and making his way over to the stove.
“Why did you chose to come to an Amish community?” She asked as she watched him set the kettle on.
Jacob bit his lip. Was he willing to tell her the truth?
“I had some friends that… I didn’t really know. They were good friends when I was younger but as we got older we started to go down different paths. After a while it became clear that we weren’t going to be friends anymore… and some stuff happened between us. They clearly had no regard for their life, but I cared about mine. Something happened and after it… things just weren’t the same. I wanted to live a life that made a difference. Gott saved me before I even paid attention to him.”
“He saved you?”
“From a car crash,” Jacob nodded. He had never intended on telling anyone about what had happened to him when he was still an Englishman, but here he was opening up to Ruth like they had known each other for years. He knew it was crazy. He knew if he was thinking straight he wouldn’t say a word to her about. “You have to understand, Ruth… no one can know what I told you.”
“I know.”
The community wasn’t like others. They weren’t accepting of Englishers. They wouldn’t be happy knowing that an English-born man was the one they looked up to. A man of faith that they considered respectable. Ruth knew that she had no choice in the matter.
“I won’t tell anyone.”
Thunder cracked a few miles away.
“Danka.”
He turned to face her, a soft smile on his lips. Ruth returned it. She stood and padded over to him. She reached out for him, her hand touching his shoulder softly. His fresh shirt smelt clean, but his hair was still damp from his trip outside. She silently reassured him that she would keep his secret.
“You are one of the best things that has come to this community in a long time, I hope you know that. I won’t take that away from anyone and I won’t take the community away from you.”
A smile touched his lips as he closed the distance between them. His warm lips touched hers softly.
Ruth’s heart skipped a beat. She hadn’t been expecting that.
His hands touched the small of her back. His kiss deepened as he pulled her closer to him. She sucked in a deep breath, her arms wrapping around his. She’d never been kissed before, but she was sure that he would never be kissed like this again.
Her knees felt weak and her head was spinning.
He pulled away from her, his eyes sparkling. “I never thought Gott would send me a woman like you.”
Ruth’s cheeks turned a deep shade of pink. Could he possibly think she was worth Gott sending to him? What other explanation is there for it?
Ruth had always believed that Gott had a plan for everyone, including herself. But was this truly her path? Could she really be so lucky?
His lips touched hers for a fraction of a second. “I’m a lucky man,” he whispered.
The next morning Ruth was faced with her parents on the other side of the table. She had no clue how she was going to tell them. She hadn’t managed to get home the night before, but she was sure they had just thought it was because of the storm. She had no clue how they would react when she told them that her and Jacob had been bedding all night.
Her heart skipped a beat just thinking about his warm body next to his.
“Deatt, maemm…. I… yesterday while I was stuck in the church-” she felt like she was going to puke, she was so nervous, “- Jacob and I got to talking.”
“Jacob,” her father raised an eyebrow. “You two are on first name basis?”
She could feel her cheeks go a darker shade of pink.
“I told you,” her mother hissed. She sounded so pleased.
“What?” Ruth’s brow furrowed as she looked between her mother and father. Her father, although frowning, had a smile over his lips.
“So, when is the wedding?” Her mother turned her attention back to Ruth.
Ruth’s mouth fell open. She stared at her parents. Why were they being so calm about this? Why were they acting like they had been expecting it? “I told you.”
How had her mother known?
“Go change before breakfast. It will be a busy morning, and if you expect to be spending more time at the church you will have to be done your chores sooner. After all, the wife of a future pastor will have to set a good example for the rest of us.”
Ruth thought about the words her mother had said the day before. That she had looked like a woman ready to follow Gott’s path. How had she known? Did she see us walking together? Had she seen it before Ruth or Jacob had? Ruth smiled from ear to ear.
“Jah.”
She rushed off to her room to change, excitement overwhelming her. They may have to wait a while for marriage, but that was okay. They would have that time to grow closer together, and Ruth would keep his secret.
Epilogue
The room was small for both of them, but with most of Ruth’s stuff at her parents, they managed to make it work. They would have the house built in the spring and then they would have somewhere to call home.
Although it was still taking some getting used to, Ruth loved her new role as a wife in the community. Everyone had welcomed her with open arms as the wife of Jacob, and it felt strange to see the respect that was given to her now. She tried to ignore it, but she had to admit that it felt good to be able to bring more to the community. Before long, the little girls wanted to talk to her instead of Jacob, and Ruth was pretty sure he loved it, even though he pretended to pout every time the girls asked him if they could talk to her instead. With the pastor’s health still not good, Jacob had begun to take on more responsibility within the church, and that meant that Ruth was helping to pick up any slack that he had. They both wanted everything to be perfect, but they both knew that when it came down to it, Gott would make sure everything went right.
Warmth beside her. Ruth closed her eyes. “It’s been a long day,” she said softly. Jacob laughed, reaching out and taking her hand under the blankets. The bed was a little small, but that just meant they had to cuddle close- and that helped them stay warm.
Ruth touched her stomach as she turned to look at Jacob. His eyes sparkled.
They hadn’t told anyone yet, but her mother had figured it out- of course. She had promised to keep it a secret for a little while, though. Once Christmas was over they would have more time to relax, but with preparing for everything, they had longer days than normal.
Ruth stared at the man that she called her husband. Although it had been a long couple of months, she wouldn’t have asked for anything more. Once a silly crush she never thought would go anywhere was now the reason she lay in bed beside a man she loved more than she had ever thought she could love someone. He pulled her close to him.
“Tomorrow will be a busy day.”
The church was going to be packed, which would be a good thing – a they
wouldn’t have to worry so much about heating it. But they would have to worry about feeding everyone who would be there. During the winter months the community spent less time outside, but they did not lose activity. Instead the men turned to prepping for the next spring, and the women turned to knitting, crocheting, and sewing together clothing, quilts, and anything else that they could think of. Right now, Ruth was focused on her wedding dress. Though it would be simple, she knew that it would be the most important thing that she ever wore.
Jacob brushed his finger over her cheek, brushing hair out of her face. He leaned towards her, placing a soft kiss against her lips. “I love you, Ruth.”
“I love you too, Jacob.”
The End
The Minister’s Daughter’s Secret Love
By: Elaine Young
Chapter One
Anna glanced up. She’d been able to feel his eyes on her for a long time, though she hadn’t been willing to admit it.
“Hi.” His dark eyes sparkled.
Anna’s cheeks flushed. She didn’t understand what he was doing here. It’s not like he was part of their church.
“Brad, there you are!” Anna’s father stepped out from the other room. “I was beginning to wonder if you would be late.”
“No, sorry to keep you waiting, sir. There was a bit of traffic today.”
“Nothing to worry about,” her father smiled widely. “Come. Let’s get to work.”
Brad had been coming to do some work around the church for a week or so now. Anna could not figure out why it was Brad who was doing the work and no someone from the community, like her father or her uncle but she knew better than to ask her father about it. He has a plan. She reminded herself.
Anna couldn’t deny there was something about the man that made her heart skip a beat whenever he smiled at her. She hated it, but it was the truth. She watched as her father and Brad left the room, leaving her to herself- thankfully.
She lowered herself onto the bench. Gott, please give me some guidance. I can’t seem to deny the way my heart races when I see him, but he’s an English mann. Mathew asked me to attend church with him this week and I know that he would be a good mann. He has already won my father’s vote without even speaking to him about us courting. He has already shown that he is a good man of faith. That he would raise a good family. So why don’t I want to go with him?
