by Daria Wright
“What’s wrong? Don’t want to come back for more?” he teased.
Without a word Helen turned on her heel and reached for her horse. She climbed into the saddle and pulled herself to onto the beast. She squeezed her legs together with all her force and the creature took off, leaving Owen in the process. Her mind spun, her heart raced. She could feel a small bead of sweat against her lower back and she knew it wasn’t from the morning hear. She hated herself. She was running everything and she knew it.
What am I supposed to do?
She couldn’t deny the feelings she had when he kissed her. It was unlike it had ever been. She hadn’t felt like he would force himself on her. She hadn’t felt like she couldn’t pull away. She had pulled away, hadn’t see? She hardly remembered how it all happened. All she remembered was his lips against hers. And that was all she could think about.
But with every other man, she hadn’t felt free. Even when they touched her she hadn’t felt like she could pull away. With Owen, she was sure she could. She was sure he would let her.
Why is he doing this to me?
Owens’s heart was still racing; he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way her lips had felt against his. It had been unlike anything he had ever felt before. He hadn’t wanted to pull away from her, and arousal had nothing to do with it. He had just wanted her. He had wanted to kiss her, and caress her.
Why would she marry a man like his father? Why was it, that despite what a cruel man his father was, he could get anything he wanted? And yet, here Owen was, without anything he was proud to say was his. Sure, he had money and girls, and anything he wanted but that wasn’t something he was proud of. The money was useless, though he had worked hard for it.
A soft sigh passed through his lips as he mentally shook himself. He didn’t have time for worrying about this girl. This girl that he couldn’t get out of his head. Helen stood there, staring. She couldn’t bring herself to speak. The little girl wore a soft pink dress. Although it was old and a little torn, she still looked adorable in it.
Helen’s heart ached as she watched the little girl playing with a group. Maybe they were her friends. Friends that Helen would be taking her away from, despite the fact that this little girl probably didn’t even remember who Helen was, or why Helen would want her. She would miss her friends, and all the girls would be mean to her. Would they tease her for who she was? For whom her mother was? What would Helen do if she found out how she was born?
I could never tell a little girl the truth like that. But what else would she say? It wouldn’t matter, no one cared why Helen had her daughter out of wedlock. No one cared about the pain she went through. The pain she still had to deal with. She hated that man for what he had done to her, but she loved her daughter. Her daughter was the most important thing to her, and together they would make things work. Even if the whole world was against them.
Helen sighed softly, watching from the park bench.
“Fancy meeting you here.”
His voice made her heart skip a beat and a thin sweat break out against her forehead.
“Owen. Did you follow me?”
“No, don’t be so self centered. I was out; my pub is just down the street.” Oh, so he had been out drinking. Yes, Helen could smell it on him.
She always hated the smell of ale. He sat beside her, not moving. She was surprised that he didn’t try to touch her. She thought for sure he would. “So, children, that’s why you’re marrying my father? You want children?”
Helen snorted. They both knew a man his age wouldn’t have much luck with a child. They both knew that his father wouldn’t be likely to actually sire children. “Why are you so interested in my intentions with your father?” she raised an eyebrow as she turned to look at him. “You’ve made it clear you do not like the man.”
“No, I do not like him. In fact, I hate him. But you, on the other hand, I quite like.”
Chapter Three
Her mind still raced with what he had said. It was not easy having him sit in front of her like this. She could feel him staring at her, at her breast. The maids had insisted that she wear a dress that ‘complimented’ her. They had said the lord of the house had picked it out just for her. She hated it.
She hated that she had to wear something he wanted her to wear. She hated that he had that much control over her and she hated that she couldn’t turn it down. She had to. She would have to for a long time. But we’ll get out. She promised herself. If she could just stay long enough after the wedding to get Lilly back and then they could take off, maybe once Lilly was a little older. A year or two, three at most. Then they would be on their own, they would have to fend for themselves, but that was something Helen was willing to risk.
She was doing the only thing she could to get her daughter back but she wasn’t going to be trapped here her whole life if she had anything to say about it. A large, soft, hand lay down on top of hers where it sat on her leg. His hand made its way up her leg. Her body stiffened as the carriage made its way along the path towards the house.
She hated doing this. She had always hated these sorts of events, but ever since she had been shammed it was worse. Everyone stared, everyone pointed and whispered. She could hear all their whispers too; she could hear what they called her. What they said about her.
The worst part was, she didn’t hate them for what they said. She only hated herself. The carriage slowed down to a stop. Owen was the first one out. Helen allowed his sisters to go first, and then his father stepped out, pushing past her. He didn’t wait for her, instead it was Owen standing there, holding his hand out to her.
“Allow me to assist you,” his eyes sparkled.
“Thank you.” She held her hand out to him and he helped her down.
“Now,” Owen’s father stared at them both. No, he stared at Owen. “Don’t make me go over this again. This is a group of important people. Do not do anything to embarrass me.”
“Yes father, after all, I wouldn’t want to make you feel like a fool in front of such important people. They may show their dislike for you.”
The two men stared at each other.
“Just, for one night, pretend that we all get along.”
Helen took a deep breath. She could feel the tension in the air.
“My lords,” she made sure her voice was soft and light, “come; we must not keep the party waiting.” She forced a wide smile over her lips as she reached out and took them both by the arm. She led them towards the doors. “Before either of you make a scene.” She muttered the last part, just loud enough that the two men could hear her.
Owen cleared his throat, stepping away from her as they made their entrance. No one stopped to look at them as they pushed the doors open. Helen revelled in what little time she would have left until people realized she was here. She sucked in a deep breath. I can do this. “Come,” without more than one word her husband-to-be almost dragged her off towards a group of men. Helen felt her cheeks flush as everyone stopped talking and stared at the two of them.
“There you are! We were beginning to think you may not make it.”
“I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Her husband-to-be glanced over at her, his eyes narrowing. He cleared his throat. “The wife here took a little longer than I expected.”
Helen felt her cheeks grow a shade darker. She knew that in a group like this it wasn’t her place to speak. She was there to look pretty and that was it. She understood that and she would go along with it. She forced a smile over her lips, listening as the men talked. And talked, and talked.
Okay, maybe listening isn’t the right word. She mostly just tuned them out, and pretended to be listening. Not that any of them noticed. But when one of the men exclaimed that he would love to introduce her husband-to-be to a man who would make a great business partner, and the group of them went off, Helen found herself alone. Completely alone despite the fact that there were so many people.
She made her way towards
the punch stand. She could tell people had started to notice her. She could hear them whispering about her and she hated it. She took a glass of punch without saying a word to anyone.
“M’lady,” Owen’s voice was soft against her ear, “you seem to be quite the talk of the room.”
Helen flushed deeply. What had he heard?
“Is that so?” She said.
“Has my father left you to fend for yourself already?”
“Yes, he had some business people to meet.”
“Ah, yes. Business. That is his true love. Was never my mother, or any of his children, and I doubt it will be you.”
“I never expected it to be me.” The idea of that man being in love with her almost sickened Helen. She took a sip of punch. She could tell people had started to talk about her from where she stood.
Owen’s eyes softened. “Will you be joining some friends, then?”
“I don’t have friends,” she confessed. She hadn’t meant to, but it came out before she thought much of it.
“Y-you…” He trailed off. It looked like he was trying to wrap his mind around it. “Then I guess it will be my job to keep you entertained.” His eyes sparkled as he said it, holding his hand out for her.
“Excuse me?” Helen raised an eyebrow. Before Owen could say a word she spoke again. “Do not feel like you have to keep an eye on me. I’m not new to the looks that these people will give me and I am more than capable of taking care of myself. I have had to for a long time, and that tends to give you a crash course in how to do it.”
“Please, forgive me. I didn’t mean to offend. I would very much like it if you danced with me, Helen. Please, just one dance?”
He had never used her name before. Since she had gotten here, no one had used her name. It had been a long time since someone had spoken her name except herself.
She bit her lip as he extended his hand to her.
“I only want to make sure that you’re not alone.”
She tentatively took his hand and let him lead her to the dance floor. “But tell me something, why does your father have such…”
“Hate for me? Because I do not do what he wants,” Owen answered her question as he pulled her into his embrace.
She hadn’t danced in a long time, but it didn’t seem like she had forgotten it. Within a couple of seconds, she fell into rhythm with the song.
“Do you do it to bother him?”
“Some days,” he said, his eyes sparkling.
“Other days?”
“We are just too different, and that is something that we will both have to come to live with. I hate my father, and my father hates me.”
“Y-you don’t actually believe he hates you, do you?” she asked as they danced. Sure, the two men fought often, and it seemed that they fought passionately but that didn’t mean they hated each other. Owen was his son. A father couldn’t hate a son, could he?
“I do. He has told me many times that he hates me, who I am, what I do, everything I stand for. He hates it. He hates me. And I do hate him, before you ask, more than anything in this world. He is a vile man.”
They fell silent. Helen had no clue what she was supposed to say to that. She didn’t even know how to keep her composure. She just swallowed dryly and nodded.
As the song ended Owen didn’t pull away from her, instead he pulled her closer.
“Let’s do another song.”
Helen looked around, they were being watched.
“But everyone…”
“Can stare all they like,” Owen shrugged. “What is it about you? Why don’t they like you?”
“I’m a… disgrace. Shameful, sinful.” The words were hard to admit to herself, and even harder to admit out loud.
There were a couple seconds of silence. “Then I guess we are the perfect pair, aren’t we?”
His words shocked her. Helen stared, wide eyed. She couldn’t believe was being so kind to her.
She hated the fact that he always seemed to leave her speechless, but in a way, she kind of loved it.
He pulled her closer to her as the song ended again. “Another.”
“A-are you sure? What will people think?”
“It doesn’t matter what they think. They don’t matter.”
Helen’s heart skipped a beat. Did he really think that she was worth it? Did he really think she was worth whatever stares they received? It was the best night he had had in a very long time. Mostly, he hated going to these stupid things, but tonight he didn’t mind so much. Because of her. Because this girl, this woman his age who was going to marry his old man of a father, was here dancing with him. Could he ask for more?
But she wasn’t his. And chances are she wouldn’t even look twice at him. Of course he was sure she had a reason for marrying his father, one that did not involve love. Owen was sure that his father wasn’t even capable of loving anyone, even his own mother. So it must be money. That was the only thing he could offer Helen, wasn’t it?
I can change that. He thought.
Chapter Four
A soft knock on the door made Helen’s heart skip a beat. Her husband had long since passed out from an evening of drinking and mingling with friends, or just people he wanted to take money from. Helen wasn’t really sure, honestly. Either way she didn’t care.
The door opened softly. “Helen?” Owen’s voice.
Helen bolted up right. She stared at him, her eyes wide. “What is it?”
“Helen, I need you.” He stood in the doorway.
“What?” “Please, come with me.”
Helen slipped out of the bed without thinking. She made her way over to Owen. “What is it?” He reached out and took her hand, guiding her towards the door. “Wait,” Helen came to a stop, “tell me what’s going on. Please. I need to know.”
Helen’s brow furrowed. She wasn’t sure how she felt going out with him after everyone else was asleep. But she wanted to. She wanted to so badly. “Helen, I… I want you, I like you. I… I’ve never felt this way about someone else before.” Helen’s heart raced. She sucked in a deep breath. Maybe it was just a line, right? It’s not like he actually felt that way, did he? No. He couldn’t.
“You’re… such a unique woman. There is just something about you that makes me… I don’t even know. I don’t even understand it, honestly. I wish I did. I wish I could explain it more, but I can’t. Please, come with me. There is something I want to show you.”
Helen let him lead her from the room and down the hall. She still couldn’t believe that he had just said that to her. His fingers tangled into her as she fell into pace with him. “Owen, please explain this to me. Please.”
He sighed softly. “I wish I could. I wish I could explain to you how I feel… why I feel this way,” he sighed deeply. For a second he didn’t say anything, but even in the dark Helen could tell he was stressed. “I don’t know what it is about you; I just… want to spend time with you. I want to show you things. I want to show you who I am.” Helen’s heart did a back flip as she processed his words. Going over them again and again. She couldn’t remember the last time she had actually felt like maybe, just maybe, she had a friend. No, more.
Owen was more than a friend and she knew it, but that scared her out of her mind. His fingers tightened against hers. Helen stopped her mind racing. She was trying to take everything in but it was so hard. “Owen, I…” Owen spun to face her, his eyes locking on hers. “What is it?”
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She had so much she wanted to say but she couldn’t bring herself to say a word. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t say a word.
Owen stood there, watching her as Helen tried to use her words and say something. Even if it wasn’t useful, she just wanted to at least say something. “Owen… I… I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say,” she admitted.
“Then don’t say anything. Just come with me.”
She was shocked when they came to a stop in front of a small pub. It did
not look like the kind of place someone like him would be seen, but when he stepped out, in clean clothes, it seemed like Owen had been waiting for her, she could tell that Owen was a regular there. The men greeted him with wide grins before shifting their gaze to Helen. “I don’t understand,” she whispered. “It’s alright, everything will make sense soon.” He gave her a soft smile and she totally trusted him. Then, she realized how deep she was. She didn’t just like him. She really liked him. If he asked me to… what would she say? The fact that she didn’t have an answer scared her, a lot.
“There you are!” An elderly man stepped forward. “I thought you weren’t going to join us. Heard you had some special event your father was dragging you to.”
“Yes, the duke wanted me to come to some dance with him,” Owen waved it away, “but I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“I see you brought a friend.” The elderly man looked her up and down, but not sexually. He held his hand out to Helen. “It’s a pleasure.” “The pleasure is mine,” Helen said, her training taking over. “You two come inside. Owen, go get changed, I’ll take care of the girl you have with you.”
Helen’s heart stopped for a fraction of a second. No. She thought. She hadn’t agreed to be separated from Owen. She didn’t trust anyone else here. She didn’t even know them, and that scared her. But she followed the man to the bar where he grabbed her a warm ale and she took a sip, more to be polite than anything else. She could feel the eyes on her.
Despite the fact her dress was simple it wasn’t hard to tell that she wasn’t like most of the people here, at least not when it came to money. Helen was from money, and even a simple dress would give that away. So, here she was with everyone staring right through her.
“Did he meet you at that ball thingy?” the elderly man asked.
“No, we already knew each other before tonight.”
“Really? You don’t say,” he made a sound of approval, “see, Owen doesn’t bring much company around here. A couple times he’s brought a girl or two over- er not that I mean-”
“It’s alright. I know exactly what kind of man Owen is.” Helen gave him a soft smile, taking another sip of the warm ale, despite the fact it was gross. “But see, miss, he doesn’t normally bring anyone here, and he seems to care quite a deal about you. The way he looks at ya….” the elderly man trailed off. She knew what he was getting at but she didn’t have an answer for him. She didn’t even know the answer herself. So she didn’t say a word, she just smiled and sipped her warm ale. “Oh, looks like he’s ready quick today, must wana’ get back to you,” the man smiled widely, looking past her.
