by Lea Michele
As I’ve mentioned, creating and maintaining close friendships has always been difficult for me: Throughout my life, I’ve been too occupied with work. But when I moved to Los Angeles, far from my family, I knew that I would need a support system on the West Coast. I am so grateful that I’ve developed some incredibly strong relationships, because if I’ve learned anything from the very difficult experience of losing someone, having wonderful friends around you is the most important thing there is. While it’s your family’s duty to be there for you, seeing how my friends showed up when Cory passed was simply amazing: They put their own lives on hold to put me first. They were with me every night; they stopped by every morning; they checked in with me all day, every day, to make sure that I was hanging in there. You hope that you will never need to lean on your friends in that way, but it is a powerful feeling to know that you can and that they’ll be there for you in your darkest times of need.
It’s hard to believe that five years ago, this circle did not exist. When I arrived in Los Angeles, I didn’t know a soul on the West Coast, which was both terrifying and lonely. Fortunately, in my first week there, I met Stephanie, a woman who ultimately became one of my best friends and introduced me to a small network of incredible people. And I just so happened to meet her on one of the scariest days of my life. I was in Los Angeles for my final Glee audition when I got into a terrible car accident on Pico, right outside of the Fox lot. The crash was like an out-of-body experience: The only thing I remember is leaving my totaled car in the middle of the street (the Fox security team told me they’d take care of it) and running up the lot and straight into my audition, where word of what just happened had already reached the casting director. They told me to go home and that I could audition another day, but I said absolutely not, that I was there to audition for Rachel Berry, and audition I would. I asked for two minutes in the ladies’ room to pull myself together and ducked out the door.
I went to the bathroom, where I appraised my appearance in the mirror. I looked like a mess. And then in walked a quintessential blond California girl of my age, who was a Fox intern who worked in casting. She recognized me from the audition room and asked if I needed anything. I told her that if she helped me get ready, I’d take her out to lunch the next day. She picked glass out of my hair, she wiped the blood from the cuts on my face, and most important of all, she gave me some lip gloss. That day, I got the job of my life and a new best friend. I recognize that it doesn’t always happen that way and that I’m incredibly lucky to have walked right into my circle of friends. It can take a long time to meet great people, but it’s essential to persevere—and remember that quality is always better than quantity.
One of the reasons that Stephanie and I have remained so close—which is the same reason I’m close to all of my friends—is that we both prefer to live very quiet lives. All my friends are the same way. They’re not L.A. party girls—they’re all as driven and focused on their respective careers as I am. We have very different personalities—some of us are more outspoken, some are more sensitive—but the unifying force is that we’re all strong and centered. All of my friends have great jobs and are much more interested in pouring energy into their personal lives than in partying it up on the club scene. On the nights when we all get to hang out together, you’ll usually find us on the couch, ordering food and watching The Bachelor. My favorite thing about these nights is that they’re so simple: We really don’t need much—outside of each other—to have fun. As uneventful as that may seem, those truly might be the best nights ever.
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FUN NIGHTS WITH GIRLFRIENDS
While girls’ night in always ranks high, we’re not always camped out in one of our houses, rotating DJ responsibilities and ordering in. Here are some of the other things we like to do together:
1. TRYING NEW RESTAURANTS. Have I mentioned that I love food? I wish we could do as the girls on Sex and the City do and find our version of the diner, but alas, it doesn’t happen every week. We do make a huge effort to see each other as much as possible, though.
2. GOING TO THE SPA. Massages are much more fun when you can make a girls’ event out of them.
3. GOING TO CONCERTS. Every few months we’ll all get online and see what concerts are coming to town. We make it a point to get tickets well in advance and write it in our calendars in pen. Rihanna on tour? Check.
4. ROAD TRIPS. A vacation doesn’t have to mean getting on a plane and heading to a tropical destination. We’ve had some of our greatest times together right outside of Los Angeles. Often, after a particularly long or stressful week, we’ll make a game-time decision, hop into the car, and head to Ojai or Santa Barbara for some group self-care time. We’ll sit by the hotel pool, take some yoga classes, and generally have fun taking care of ourselves, together.
Clockwise from top left: With Stephanie at X Factor in 2012 * with Jennifer in Mexico * Stephanie and me in 2012.
SIX FRIENDSHIP NO-NOS
1. If you feel like you can’t be yourself, something is wrong with the friendship. Not only should you feel like yourself when you’re together, but your friends should make you feel like the best version of yourself.
2. There should be reciprocation. Just as you’d do anything for the people you love, you should expect the same from them. My friends would get up in the middle of the night to be there for me; I would make the same sacrifice for the people I love.
3. Your friends should want the best for you. A lot of my friends are actresses, and that could be considered an uncomfortable or a competitive thing. Sometimes we might even be up for some of the same roles, which you’d think would be awkward. It’s not: We truly want each other to get the role as much as we want it for ourselves. Might seem impossible to believe, but it’s true.
4. If someone’s malicious, they’re not the right friend for you. Love and support are the basis of any long-lasting friendship—it can be impossible to recover from harsh and unkind words. This doesn’t mean that you can’t express the things that bother you about each other, but if it’s done in a way that feels undeniably mean, that’s not okay.
5. Betrayal is never okay. My friends and I have a code word that we say to each other that means that nothing we say can leave the room. If you have a friend who is betraying that circle of trust, then they’re not a good friend. You need to know that you can feel safe to say and do whatever you need to do around those you’re closest with.
6. Not letting things go. Even though I’m an outspoken person and never shy about expressing how I feel, I get very nervous when I get into arguments with friends. I hate feeling like there’s anything coming between me and a good friend, and so I always make the effort to call, reach out, or go over to give them a big hug. It can be scary, but it’s always worth putting an argument behind us so that it doesn’t become a bigger deal than it actually is.
LOVE LETTER TO JONATHAN GROFF
When I decided to write this book, I knew I couldn’t do it without devoting an entire section to Jonathan Groff. He’s my best friend in the entire world—in fact, it’s fair to say that I didn’t understand the concept until I met him. He’s been through more ups and downs with me than anyone else. He’s like a brother, and I love him like crazy.
We met at our Spring Awakening audition. I had done workshops of the show, so I felt pretty confident that I’d be able to keep my role with the production, but we needed to find a guy to play Melchior. And in walked Jonathan Groff, this kid from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, wearing jeans that were way too short and a shirt that had clearly been washed when it needed to have been dry-cleaned. And the gel! His hair was as hard as a rock. I looked at him and thought, “What a sweet boy, but he’s never going to get this part.” But I helped him that day because it was clear that he was the nicest person: I gave him some insight into things the director liked to see and worked through some of the scenes with him outside the room before we went in. But I can’t take much credit because there was a huge amount of ta
lent beneath the badly fitting outfit and hair gel! Not only did he get the part, but he ended up getting a Tony nomination and the launchpad for an incredibly successful career.
To this day, I’ve never met someone who has understood me more than Jonathan—I can completely be myself, with all my different quirks, and never feel judged. I’ve laughed harder, and cried harder, with Jonathan than I have with anyone else. We’ve been kicked out of Broadway shows for falling into fits of giggles in the audience, and I’ve literally shown up on his doorstep with my heart broken. He always helps me put myself together. After one particularly rough episode with a guy, Jonathan wrote me this incredibly nice letter, in which he told me that I would find someone amazing. He was going away on a vacation and so he gave me a task to complete while he was gone, since he knew I would miss him like crazy and needed distractions. He instructed me to watch every single Meryl Streep movie while he was gone—and said that there would be a quiz when he returned.
I’m eternally grateful to Jonathan for always helping me keep my feet on the ground.
And then there was the time we went to Washington, DC, together so that I could sing for President Obama. Melanie was there in the hotel room with us, doing my makeup, and I was trying to focus on the task at hand; serenading the leader of the free world is no small thing. But Jonathan was intent on getting me to laugh, and so a wrestling match/tickle fest went too far, and he made me laugh so hard I peed my pants. I assure you, I showered—but thirty short minutes later, I was in front of the president. Those are the moments that keep you sane, and so I’m eternally grateful to Jonathan for always helping me keep my feet on the ground. If peeing my pants is what it takes, I’m always game.
From the moment I met Jonathan, I knew that he was gay. I’ve always been a loud and outspoken person who has little to no filter. But for whatever reason, even though I would normally not have been shy about saying, “Oh, you’re gay,” out loud in front of other people (particularly Broadway people), with Jonathan, I held my tongue. I didn’t want to do or say anything that might possibly hurt or embarrass him, particularly because it was apparent that he wasn’t ready to be out. For the first time, I could feel someone’s emotions. I could feel that at that time, he just wasn’t ready, and I needed to give him the space to do it on his own.
We call ourselves City Mouse and Country Mouse, because he grew up with Amish people, while I grew up with cross-dressers in New York City. Watching Jonathan grow over the years has been one of the best things ever: He’s developed an incredible career and been a wonderful son to his parents (now my parents’ best friends).
Jonathan and me at the Spring Awakening Tony Awards—we had such an amazing time that night, and this is now one of my favorite pictures.
That time in Spring Awakening with Jonathan was the best time of my life. We had a very intense sex scene that we had to do together; you have to feel really comfortable with someone to do that. We went there together, every night. Sometimes we would do the scene and cry the entire time; others, we would be silly and laugh. But we were in it together.
I also have Jonathan to thank for Glee. Jonathan was in Los Angeles filming a TV pilot with Ryan Murphy when I went through a bad breakup (yes, same bad breakup that I’ve mentioned before—ha ha, if you’re reading this, and thanks for getting me my big break!). I needed to get out of NYC and spend some time with Jon, so I flew to L.A. to see him. After I arrived, Jonathan, Ryan, and I went to Chateau Marmont, and I spent the night talking to Ryan about how much I love and admire Barbra Streisand. After, Jonathan told me that Ryan was writing a show called Glee and that he wanted me to do it. I was like, “Yeah, right—I’m never going to get that,” as I hadn’t had any luck breaking into TV.
I’m so thankful for him—obviously for introducing me to Ryan and pointing me toward Glee, but mainly because he’s there for me like no one else and it’s such a relief to know that a person like Jonathan is out there.
NIGHT-IN FAVORITES
I really love to cook, but in a fairly simple way. When friends come over, I don’t always pull out all the stops—while my friends don’t need me to impress them with culinary fireworks, I find that these easy-to-make recipes delight nonetheless. Down-home favorites are the best complement to a comfy night at home.
Egg in a Hole
Eating breakfast for dinner is the greatest break in routine and always feels fun. This is my Italian take on a croque-madame.
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 slice country bread, 1 ½ inches thick
Pinch of sea salt
1 egg
¼ cup jarred roasted red peppers, drained and sliced
1 slice Manchego or your favorite cheese
1. Drizzle the olive oil in a heavy skillet and set it over medium heat.
2. Take the piece of bread and scoop out an indent in the center with a spoon (it shouldn’t go all the way through).
3. Sprinkle the bread with sea salt and grill it in the pan on both sides.
4. Crack an egg into the indent, cover the pan, and cook for about 2 minutes (you don’t want the egg to be fully cooked before you flip it).
5. Using a spatula, flip the bread and egg together, and let it cook for 1 minute more.
6. Flip it again and put some roasted red peppers and a slice of your favorite cheese (I really like Manchego) on top, cover, and cook until the cheese melts, about 1 minute.
NOTE: If you don’t want to make this in a pan, invest in a panini press. It’s one of the best tools in my kitchen, because you can make gourmet, professional-looking sandwiches in less than five minutes. If you make your egg in a hole this way, you’ll need a second piece of bread to top it.
Vegan Jalapeño Grilled Cheese Sandwich
This is sneakily healthy! You can use regular cheese, obviously, but I’ve found that most people don’t know the difference!
2 slices Ezekiel bread
2 teaspoons vegan margarine (or regular margarine)
2 tablespoons vegan cream cheese (or regular cream cheese)
3 slices vegan pepper Jack cheese (or regular cheese)
1 or 2 teaspoons jalapeño, seeded and minced (see Note)
1. Place a frying pan or heavy skillet over medium-high heat.
2. Spread the margarine on one side of each slice of bread.
3. On the opposite sides, add a thin layer of cream cheese.
4. Place one slice of bread, cream cheese side up, in the pan, and top with the pepper Jack cheese. Grill, open side up.
5. Once the cheese has melted, add the jalapeño.
6. Top with the second slice of bread, cream cheese side down, and flip the sandwich. Keep grilling, flipping until the sandwich is nice and brown.
NOTE: If you like a lot of spice, you can cut the jalapeño into very thin rounds. Be careful not to burn your mouth.… Never touch your eyes immediately after handling a hot pepper, and always wash your hands immediately after touching one!
Mediterannean Nachos
One of the wonderful things about a concept like nachos is that it pretty much works with any sort of toppings that you want. I like this version with blue corn chips and hummus. You will need to modify the ingredients for the amount of nachos you want to make (it’s easy to make enough to feed a big crowd).
Blue corn chips
Hummus
Onion, chopped
Red bell pepper, chopped
Yellow bell pepper, chopped
Black olives, chopped
Pepper Jack cheese, grated
Feta cheese, crumbled
Tapatío Hot Sauce (optional)
1. Preheat the oven to 400˚F.
2. Place the chips on a baking sheet.
3. Add dollops of hummus (this doesn’t need to be precise or perfect).
4. Sprinkle onion, peppers, and black olives across the top (you can sauté these first, if you like, though I like them crunchy).
5. Cover the top with pepper Jack cheese.
6. Bake until t
he cheese melts, about 3 minutes.
7. Sprinkle the crumbled feta on top. Add a few dashes of Tapatío Hot Sauce, if you like things spicy.
WHY COOKING FOR FRIENDS IS THE BEST
If you haven’t noticed, cooking is very important to me—it’s one of the biggest ways that I display love for people. My favorite thing to do is to open my home to friends and show them how much I care through home-cooked meals. While it’s always nice to text and call and reach out to make sure that all of your friends are doing well, it’s always important to make an extra effort—making everyone dinner is so much more special than hitting a local restaurant. It takes time and energy, but it’s so worth it.
My girlfriends and me on my twenty-sixth birthday.
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The Spotlight
1. In times of need, your relationships really get tested. Whether it’s something as intense as loss or just needing someone to talk to in the middle of the night, it’s those times when you see who is really there for you.
2. You don’t need to have a night out on the town to have a fun night with friends. I find that I have way better relationships with friends who are happy to just relax at home.
3. Good friends are hard to find. Take your time developing those relationships. It’s more important to have a few good friends than a thousand minor acquaintances. Work on your friendships in the same way you’d tackle anything of importance in your life. And be judicious about the special people you let into your circle.
