“Is Skye at the castle again?” Jenna asks as she walks with Aiden to the cafeteria. “Yeah…she goes there to see the stupid Prince.” He sticks out his tongue causing Jenna to laugh. “What’s so great about him?” He asks rhetorically. “He probably eats his own boogers.” He grumbles.
“That’s gross Aiden.” Jenna mumbles with a scrunch of her nose. “He’s gross!” Aiden retorts, but Jenna shakes her head.
“No he’s not…I bet he’s just lonely.”
“How can he be alone when he has so many people at his beck and call?!” Aiden exclaims and Jenna shrugs.
“He just could be…ya know?” Aiden looks to his friend and shakes his head. He met Jenna during his walk to school and the two kind of just melded together. Aiden found her independence ‘cool’ and he reminded Jenna of a puppy. “I just want to watch and take care of you.” She had said. Aiden rolled his eyes.
They sit at their usual table in the middle of the cafeteria. Aiden stuffs his face as he talks. “She comes home and she looks so happy.”
“Of course she’d be happy. I mean she spent the day with the Prince!” Aiden scoffs.
“He’s not all that….” Jenna rolls her eyes. “He’s a Prince, Aiden.”
“So what? He’s still just a boy.” Jenna stares at him and then shakes her head.
“You don’t get it.” She mutters giving on the conversation altogether, Aiden continues to eat his food, the chatter of the cafeteria drowning his thoughts. He misses his sister and although he doesn’t admit it...he’s jealous. She now spends all of her free time with the Prince in hopes of not having him slave away for said Prince. But Aiden wants his time back with his sister, he’d rather become a bodyguard than to watch the moments spent with her dwindle away. But maybe she enjoys what she’s doing. Fluttering around the castle and entertaining the Prince, reading to him, playing with him and cooking for him. Aiden’s heart aches with envy. Maybe a connection has developed between them…between his sister and the Prince…
~*~
Kael was sleeping now and the moon had risen from its blanket. Skye sits in the royal study, a book perched on her lap but she wasn’t reading the pages. She called her mother a few hours ago to say that she would be staying in the castle for a few more moments before returning home. “Don’t do anything crazy.” Her mother said, Skye only laughed. Closing the book Skye rises to her feet and sheds her pastel pink jacket, fluffs her hair and waltz’s to the King’s bedroom. The queen hadn’t left yet, but now was the time for her to introduce herself. Planting the seed so a flower could bloom. Seeing that the light is on in their room, she taps lightly on the door. She shifts her weight to one foot, her palms sweaty, anxious to put her plan into place. There’s shuffling and whispering, “Go see who it is.” The Queens voice could be heard from behind the door. Feet pad against the floor and then the doorknob twists before it’s pulled back and opened. Skye’s takes a step back and bows. “Your majesty.” The King raises a surprised eyebrow.
“What are you still doing here?” Skye raises her head.
“I’ve come to wish you and the queen a good night.” The King is skeptical.
“You’ve never done this before.” She smiles.
“I thought it’d be a good time to start.” Her voice was soft as she spoke and he stares at her, his gaze unreadable, but then a corner of his lips turn upwards. “I guess we should make acquaintances under less formal circumstances.” He says, Skye nods.
“I’d like that.” They share a stare and the air shifts between them. Skye reaches her hand forward to take the King’s open palm, but stops midway when the queen emerges. “What are you doing here?” Her tone was sharp, Skye swallows, her lips thinning. “I just wanted to wish you both a goodnight.” She bows to the queen and then once more to the king; their gazes linger on one another. “Go on now, your mother is probably worrying about you.” Even though the queen was a somewhat reserved woman when it came to other house guests; she still had a motherly warmth about her. “Yes your highness.” Skye bows once more, turns away from them and goes on her way back home. As she’s driving down the road, the radio playing Nell’s ‘Haven’ softly. The lyrics flutter against her heart and touch her in the softest ways. She grips the steering wheel and she could see the past flash with the drum of the song. The past which held Aiden’s birth to her mother’s 35th birthday and her father’s excitement at a Christmas together. Those were all such precious memories.
She swallows. “This isn’t too bad…” She says to herself. “You can do this, Skye.” Her bottom lip trembles, she lets out a shaky sigh—car lights nearly blind her as she plunges down the street.
Splinter the Dark
Kael eats his food slowly, peering up to look between his parents who were staring at him. Finally, he asks, “What?” His mother sets her wine glass down and smiles.
“Nothing…it’s just that we haven’t seen you.” Kael makes a face.
“After my classes I come home and sometimes I leave, you’ve seen me more than once.” His voiced was tinged with agitation. “Yes, I know…it’s just…I’m not used to having you gone all the time.” She dabs at her lips; the king hadn’t said a word. Kael looks to his father expecting him to say something, and when he’s graced with silence Kael rolls his eyes. He picks up his fork and stabs into the broccoli on his plate. It was now a month since he’s started university; he’s grown accustomed to his schedule and now knows his way around the campus. A real friendship was born out of his relationships with Aiden and Jenna, and they were his first real friends as far as he could remember… “I hear you hang around a guy named Aiden.” The Kings voice breaks into the silence and Kael looks up.
“Yes…I don’t think I told you though.” Kael’s father cracks a smile.
“I know everything there is to know about the people you’ve befriended.” Kael’s heart stirs nervously. “You do…”
“I’m your father Kael!” He declares, a wide grin spreading across his face, as though his statement was the most amusing thing he’s ever said before. “But above all I’m the King.” His voice booms around the room like the crack of thunder and Kael jolts a little in his seat. He never talked about it with his mother—he wouldn’t dare mention it to his father—but he had dreams, nightmares. Although they were fleeting they were just enough to have him spasm in his sleep. In those dreams he feared his father; he was portrayed as a large bolder, immovable and hot to touch. Kael raises his glass to his lips and gulps down the water. He pushes out of his chair and excuses himself from the table. “Where are you going?” His mother asks. “I’m just tired…I’m going lie down.” He offers her a meek smile before disappearing around the corner. His parents stare after him before looking to each other trying to figure out what was going through their son’s mind. Kael drags his feet along the carpet placing his hand to the wall and sliding along the smooth surface. This castle—since he was born—was the only thing he’s seen in his twenty-one years of life. But now things were finally starting, things were finally beginning. He smiles to himself and lets out a blissful sigh. Aiden has taken him places; from cool cafes to hot-springs that Kael could never get quite comfortable in. They had gone just last week…
….
“Aiden…”
“Yes?” The older man was stripping out of his jeans, his ashen bangs shielding his eyes. Kael clears his throat struggling to keep his gaze on Aiden’s face when the man was standing nearly naked in front of him. “Why—what is this place?” Aiden blinks at Kael and laughs at his innocence. “It’s a hot-springs, a sauna, you know, a place you come to relax.”
“And you have to get naked?” Kael was unbelieving. Aiden takes a step forward. “Yes, Stael Kael, you have to get naked.” His eyes shone playfully and Kael’s cheeks warm for two reasons: Aiden being (almost) naked in front of him and the use of his new nickname. “My mom is going to…” He starts, trailing off into his thoughts. “What? Shit a brick?” Aiden cracks and Kael cuts his eyes at the old
er. “No, it’s just...I’ve never…”
“You’ve never done a lot of things, Kael.” Aiden stretches his towel, whipping it against Kael’s backside. “It’s about time you start.” He flashes a grin and Kael’s heart steers off track for a split second.
….
The rest of that evening progressed normally. Aiden kept making jokes about Kael’s body, he’d laugh nervously before clearing his throat and turning his gaze away. Something changed in their relationship that evening, but neither could acknowledge what it was. He falls face first into his bed, his hands clawing at the blankets as he kicks off his dress shoes. It was dark outside, an ominous Sunday night. Kael couldn’t wait to get back to Sande-Rose University and see Aiden and Jenna. Maybe he’d bring them a gift to celebrate a month of friendship, even if it was just a month. It was a month of firsts and laughs and feelings Kael’s never felt before, but feelings….he never wanted to stop. He turns onto his stomach and closes his eyes; his mother was never there for him when he had his panic attacks. He’d wrap himself in a blanket and pray the shadow monsters away. He’d squeeze his eyes shut and sway from side to side to keep them out. “Breathe. Inhale, Kael, I’m here.” There was a voice—more of a gurgled echo—a memory buried deep in the sea of his mind.
His eyebrows furrow as he tries to connect the voice to an image, an object—anything! But there’s nothing. Kael turns onto his side and opens his eyes to stare out the window. Just like this, he’d lay in his bed when he was younger and make up scenarios where he was running free, playing with other kids, where he wasn’t a Prince. A mere piece in his father’s life that would help to make their family line continue. What if I just…left? What if one day I got sick of it all and took a rope and decided to end it? At age sixteen such thoughts occurred often in Kael’s mind. What if…there were so many what ifs that balanced out the whys. Why can’t I remember anything from when I was ten to eleven? Why is it hard for me to stare at my reflection in the mirror without feeling sick? Why? Why? His heart rate begins to spike and his neck prickles with sweat. From outside the window he could see the moon, its yellowed glow reflecting across the water. His parents could never answer his questions: who am I? I don’t want to be a prince and if I’m no longer a prince then what does that make me? His hands were trembling; “You’re you, Kael.” The panic attacks were horrible starting from when he could last remember.
“What’s wrong with him?” His father asks.
“He’s just a little scared.” His mother says softly as she leans against her husband in the doorway. Five year old Kael looks between his parents, he was sitting in the middle of his bed, shaking with his blanket wrapped around his body. “What could he be scared of?” Kael’s eyes were wide and shaking all about the room. He flinches to his left and then to his right as though something was trying to touch him. His mother stares at him with confusion. “Kael?” She takes a step forward, but her husband grabs her wrist. “Leave him be—there’s a meeting we have to go to soon.”
“But, honey, our son…”
“He’ll be fine.” The door slams shut and the shadows attack.
Kael was afraid of the loneliness.
He could feel it starting up again from the way his heart was beating to the ghostly tickle going up and down his spine. The attacks would surge out of the blue and the world he once knew would become a black hole. Swallowing him deeper and deeper. The dark would crawl up his legs over his stomach and then it’d shut his lips and cover his nose until it felt as though he were suffocating. The attacks only stopped for a short period of time and then they’d come back with no warning. Like now; his lips part as he gasps for air. When he was younger he realized that it would be better if he didn’t call out to his parents. “Mommy and daddy are busy right now, if you’re scared call on Janus.” Kael already felt as though he were a burden, so instead he’d let the darkness seal his lips and he’d sit and wait for it all to end. Why protect me when you don’t need me? Why love me when you don’t know me? He clenches his blankets and brings them to his mouth to keep his breathless whimpers from breaking free. Just like this he’d wait for it to die away, he’d wait, his little hands fisting his sheets and his eyes squeezed shut. It’s nothing, nothing at all, it’ll go away, and it always— his phone rings — does.
He blinks, not expecting a call from anyone at this hour. With shaking hands, he fumbles for his phone, placing it on speaker and resting it next to his ear. “I’m assuming you’re pretty good at calculus, so I hope you’re not sleeping or anything.” Kael lays still, his hands clenching the blanket, his breath coming out in short puffs. “Hello? I really need help on this.” He tries to open his mouth and answer, but all that comes out is a strangled gasp. “Kael?”
“A-Aiden…” His name finally breaks from him and he wants to sit up and answer Aiden happily that he’ll help him or maybe joke around and tease him about how dumb he actually is. But he can’t do anything, not while the weight of being alone presses into his lungs. “Kael…are you alright?” Aiden’s voice shifted; Kael could almost see the older sitting on the edge of his bed with worry creasing his features. He opens his lips trying to get a ‘yes’ out, but the only sound that comes from him is a heavy exhalation. “Hey…Kael I need you to listen to me okay?” Kael nods even though Aiden couldn’t see him. “You’re listening?”
“Ye…” He breathes. “Yes…” Aiden smiles. “My sister always told me this when I got anxious about something.” He speaks slowly. “Like the first time you had an attack in front of me, she’d say: ‘Breathe. Inhale, Aiden, I’m here.’” Kael’s nails dig into the soft fabric of the blanket and he closes his eyes to the sound of Aiden’s voice. “So, breathe for me, Kael. Can you breathe?”
“Mhmm.” Kael parts his lips and does as Aiden says, he breathes. “Now, can you touch your heart for me?”
“Aiden…”
“Just do it.” Aiden closes his eyes as he leads Kael through the dark maze of loneliness. Kael touches his heart; each beat was firing rapidly. “Now list off all the things you like.” Without questioning Aiden, he does as he says.
“Coffee, dogs, books, the university, movies, cooking, clothes…you…” Kael whispers the last word and his heart begins to calm to a steady thump-thump. Aiden cracks a grin, he was gripping his phone tighter than he realized. “How are you feeling?” He asks.
“Better.” Kael could talk now, even though the darkness was still there, it had cracked and eventually—“That’s good.”—It’d shatter. They’re both silent and after Kael lets out a sigh he asks. “What type of question is it?” He sits up in his bed and runs a hand through his brunette bangs. “The question? Oh! Calculus?”
“Yes, Aiden.” He laughs lightly and Aiden blushes on the other end, his palms sweaty. “Well, it’s…something about quotients—the quotient rule?” Kael stands up and walks towards his window. “What about ‘em?” The moon was shining in the dark pool of the sky and somewhere in its glow Kael saw Aiden.
~*~
Hanging up, Aiden places his phone to his chest and stares out into the darkness. His hands felt clammy and his cheeks were warm. He continues to stare at the darkness, his heart thumping against his phone. He had heard Kael, although the younger said it as quietly as the flap of a butterfly’s wing—Aiden heard it. “…movies, cooking, clothes…you…” Aiden closes his eyes, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. He replays Kael’s voice and the sigh in which he had said it. “…you…” Over and over as if someone placed a rock on the replay button. Aiden had acted as though he hadn’t heard Kael because he couldn’t have been serious. Two guys can’t…like one another…no less start a relationship and…Aiden lightly touches his lips.
“No way…” he exhales—these feelings were becoming too real. He lays back onto his bed. He knew from the second Kael tried to answer him that he was having another one of his attacks. But what was different from last time, was that this time Aiden was seconds away from tracking Kael down and bursting through
his room window—this time he wanted to curse his parents out and ask them why they weren’t there for him. This time he felt afraid for Kael’s sake…this time he wanted to take him in his arms and never let him go. I’ll be there for you.
He looks up at the ceiling, his ears following the tick-tick of the clock placed above his head. He went to the hot-springs with Kael thinking that it would be like all the times he went with Micah or any of his other friends. But it wasn’t, it sure as hell wasn’t like before. Aiden shifts on his bed. His eyes trailed from Kael’s face down to his ankles and his heart would palpitate. Kael flashed him a nervous smile before stepping into the hot water. Aiden stared wide-eyed at the younger and the steam camouflaged the blush on his cheeks. Aiden had to admit that the younger was attractive, that if Kael wanted he could get any girl he desired. That’s what Aiden admitted—any type of girl would ogle his body and lips—not a man, not Aiden. He wasn’t supposed to look at Kael like that, it just happened and Aiden couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t stop thinking and imagining and staring. God damn it he didn’t understand…he didn’t want to understand.
Aiden closes his eyes and tries to calm his heart but fails. Instead he takes out his phone and calls Jenna over. In hopes that she could erase all of the unnecessary thoughts in his mind. But that night he failed in getting it up for her.
~*~
Kael’s standing in the shower scrubbing his hair with a giddy smile lining his lips. Aiden called about one of the easiest questions on their calculus homework. Kael couldn’t help but wonder if it was a ploy the older used just so they could talk. The thought was exciting. He closes his eyes as water runs down from his forehead, over his eyebrows and then dangles from the curve of his nose.
“My sister always told me when I got anxious about something: ‘Breathe. Inhale, Aiden, I’m here.” Kael’s movements in his hair comes to a still.
Butterfly Prince Page 11
