“Ah…” It’s a half-hearted ‘ah’, one that falls on the ears and slides down them without fully being registered. “So,” the café fan whirrs above them. “You didn’t know at all?” She asks desperately, her round eyes glistening with tears she didn’t have the opportunity to cry. He shrugs and says casually. “No, I didn’t.” But it was the way his lips twitched down, the way his chin quivered and the way his eyebrows furrowed, that gave him away. “Aiden…” She reaches over to take his hand but stops just before her fingers tap his knuckles. “Is that all?” he questions, his voice suddenly cold. And she gets angry at him again; for breaking her heart, for falling in love with another man. She’s angry because she has to be, because if she’s sad and if she pities him…then he’ll really break. “Yeah,” She rises up. “That’s all.” And she walks away leaving a 5-dollar bill on the table. Aiden stares at it and stares at where her figure had been and he hated himself for wanting her to be Kael. Why couldn’t it have been him who called?
I don’t hate you.
I hate myself the most right now.
He buries his face in his hands and bites down hard on his bottom lip, the skin on his lip cuts and a drop of blood pools. He releases a shaky breath; a waitress comes by and instead of taking the money she leaves it in front of him, her eyes full of the guilt he was too afraid to face.
The next day his mother was waiting for him in the kitchen. She had this look on her face, an unbelieving look. “Is something wrong?” He asks, mussing his tangled hair and she only stares at him, her eyes glowering. “Mom?” Again she says nothing and without warning she reaches up and pulls on his hair. His eyes widen. “Mom!?”
“You let that man into our house!” She screams. “What!?”
“The Prince! You let that murderer into our house and he talked about your sister, our Skye!” He struggles to get out of her grip. “I-I didn’t know.” His voice breaks and she stares at him, tears welling up in her eyes. “How could you not know?”
“I just didn’t! How could I know?” His chest was heaving and she raises her hand and slaps him. “Don’t raise your voice at me.” Her voice shook as she spoke and Aiden looks away unable to handle the pain that shone in her eyes. She had woken up at around five in the morning, her mind restless with the image of the Prince she had been seeing so frequently. There was a face just like that she had seen before, but she couldn’t remember from where and how. But then later, she did recall. She remembered Kael walking into her house with her drunk son and apologizing for making him like this. And she had smiled and invited her daughters’ murderer in so willingly. “I’m sorry.” She apologizes, the wrinkles on her face deepening. Aiden turns his back to her and looks down at his feet. “Mom…”
“Yes?”
“I didn’t know.” She turns to face the sink and murmurs. “I know son…I know…”
He was hurting too, she could tell. There was something more between her son and his friend, Kael. She knew there was more—it was her job as a mother to know, but it was also her job to be willing to understand. But something like this, something so drastic and life changing would take time. She turns on the faucet and the water comes pouring into the sink. She rubs the areas around her eyes and sighs. Aiden watches her and then turns away. She listens to the sound of his distancing footsteps and allows for her sobs to break free. Her cries blend with the pouring water.
Later in the day Aiden had gone back to his room and re-watched one of Kael’s interviews. It was one he did on the morning news, his hair was gelled back and he wore no crown but there was still an air of royalty that surrounded him. Maybe it was the way he crossed his legs or the reserved way he laughed. Aiden noted that Kael’s laugh was louder than that, a tad-bit dramatic and obnoxious. Fake. You’re a fake.
The fifth time he watches the interview, he goes back and pauses just before Kael laughs. He stares at the image of Kael on the screen and sighs somewhat dreamily. “I can’t get over him dressed like that.” Kael wore a deep blue shirt that buttoned all the way up to his neck, a puff of white protruding out from the top button like a scarf. His legs were covered by black pants, the cuffs decorated with a fancy golden and floral trim and he wore leather shoes. Aiden leans towards the TV, his body leading him. He touches the screen where Kael’s cheek was and then his fingers drag down to Kael’s lips. He strokes them in a daze, his other hand clenching at his side.
Why? Why must you do this to me? His eyes glitter—no—why must I do this to myself? Aiden forcefully pushes the off button and the TV fades off. A shadow loomed in the hall, a pair of dark eyes watching from the crack in Aiden’s door as he touched the TV. A light flicks on and feet pad down the hall, drawing nearer to the figure.
“Honey?” The figure turns. “What are you doing?” Aiden’s mother questions her husband with a teasing smile. He smiles back at his wife and taking her hand, he says. “Nothing, dear, nothing at all.”
Scattered Petals
The morning air is still and the garden rustles with plant life as the flowers sway in one single motion, like a hand scooping up a cup of water. The colorful petals move together and Kael stands at the top of the steps, his robe billowing out behind him. He watches the flowers dance and for a moment he feels at ease. As he watches—everything makes sense—if for that single moment…it all makes sense. “Your majesty,” a voice calls from behind him and the moment is ruined. He turns ever so slowly to face Janus who was looking to him with pitying eyes. “Don’t look at me like that.” He snaps, his voice coming out worn like used paper. Janus diverts his gaze and looks to his feet before regaining his confidence and calling out to Kael. “Your parents are waiting for you inside.”
“Are they now…” He mutters with a smirk. “Yes…”
“Tell them I’m too tired to talk about,” he makes a shooing motion with his hand. “Whatever they want to talk about.”
“Kael,” Janus takes a step towards him and Kael holds up his hand, Janus halts in his steps. “Enough.” He pleads looking to Janus with glum eyes. “I’ve had enough…don’t ya think?” his eyebrows crease and he bites his trembling bottom lip. Janus doesn’t speak, instead he walks up to Kael and places a hand to his shoulder. “I think you’ve had enough and if you were to have anymore—you’d break.”
“Why Aiden…” Kael mutters as though he were speaking to himself. “Why was it him and Skye?”
“Kael—”
“You should have told me Janus,” Kael looks into Janus’s eyes. “If you told me…if you stopped it.”
“Kael stop it.” Janus pleads, his grip on Kael’s shoulder tightening, but Kael continues to stare at or rather through him. “It’s not fair.” He says as though he were a child.
“I know,” Janus pushes Kael into his chest and holds him tightly. “I know.” He repeats rubbing Kael’s back up and down and smoothing the back of his head with his hand. Kael rests his head against Janus’s shoulder for a moment before stepping back and flashing a grateful smile. “You’re like my personalized subscription meds.” Kael says and Janus raises an inquisitive brow. “Excuse me?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Kael laughs, “It’s just a saying.”
“One I’m not familiar with.” Janus replies as he follows Kael back into the castle. Kael smiles to himself as Janus’s shadow looms beside his. He stares down at their shadowed figures noticing that with each step he took Janus’s shadow would always be a step ahead of his. “I honestly wonder…if….” He begins to say stopping abruptly in his steps, Janus stops beside him and looks to him intently. “…If he’s resting right now.”
“Aiden?” Janus questions even though he knew, Kael nods. “Yes…of course.” He murmurs as though that would be the only person on his mind in the middle of all of this. “I’m sure he is.”
“You aren’t training him too hard, now are you?” Kael questions looking to Janus with hopeful eyes, Janus laughs lightly. “I’m training him with the same method as the other recruits.” He replies wi
th a reassuring squeeze to Kael’s shoulder before walking ahead of him. “Your parents should be in the dining room.”
“Is there anything to eat?” Kael asks as though he hadn’t heard Janus’s question. “It’s still early, so there should be some breakfast. Did you not eat?” he asks as though it were an afterthought and Kael shrugs. “I had a snack here and there.”
“Your majesty.” Janus replies sternly, Kael squeezes his shoulders and says off-handedly. “I need to watch my diet as the Prince.” He winks at Janus before speed walking away from him. “Kael!” Janus calls, but the Prince turns around and sticks out his tongue playfully before taking off down the hall. “He’s still a little brat.” He mutters affectionately before following where Kael had gone.
~*~
Aiden was standing in the doorway of his sister’s bedroom, his eyes roaming across every crevice, hoping that maybe she would emerge from the blankets on her bed. Everything was as she had left it, as though suddenly she would appear to mess it all up again. He steps into her room and drags his hand along the wall. With each touch of his fingers against the plaster a new memory resurfaces. The memory of when she cut her hair and the way he had reacted to the drastic change. “Skye! Your hair!” She laughed. “A new me, hmm?” The hairstyle made her look prettier and older, gradually she became more like a stranger and less like the sister he had shared beds with and bathed with when he was younger. Memories came to his mind like words came to him on paper—it was difficult especially when he didn’t want to remember anything.
“Let’s just forget.” Kael had once spoken those words to him before—it felt like such a long time ago—maybe it was actually he who had spoken the words. He no longer knew. He opens his sister’s closet door and peers inside. Her coats and shirts were all hanging in place, her scent still etched into the fabric. Aiden takes a sleeve into his hand and brings it to his nose. He could smell her scent like she had worn this shirt just the other day. “I miss you…” he murmurs squeezing his eyes shut and swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. Even as the years passed he could not comprehend why his sister gave herself away like that, what he so badly wanted to tell her was that she didn’t have to. I’m my own person, I can take care of myself, sister. But such words were far too late to be said. As he remembered her, his sister was far too kind for this world and maybe that was something she already knew. “Aiden,” he snaps back to reality at the sound of his name being called and looks towards the room door. His mother stood in the doorway, a cup of water in her hands. “Mom…”
“The door was open and it’s always closed, so I…” he smiles releasing the shirt sleeve in his hand and beckoning his mother over. She dips her head down in an accepting gesture as she slips inside and walks over to him. He takes the cup out of her hands and takes a sip. The water was a cool rush that eased some of the tension he felt. “Thank you.” He says, his eyes twinkling gratefully. She smiles resting her head on his arm and sighing. “Fees like she’ll return doesn’t it?” she questions and Aiden nods, his lips stilling against the rim of the cup. “Yeah…it does.”
“Mmm and maybe someday she will.”
“But mom, don’t you think…” he begins to say but thinks otherwise and shakes his head. “Nothing, it’s nothing.” His mother lifts her head to look up at her son. Her lips part as though she were going to say something, but then she refrains from doing so. They stand together in silence, in Skye’s room, their eyes roaming around in search of a piece of her. “Aiden,”
“Yes, mom?”
“I’m sorry for lashing out at you the other day. I had no right to—”
“No, it’s fine. You had every right to be upset, I understand.” He looks towards his mother sympathetically. “So, it’s all right.” He smooths his hand against the top of her head and lets out a relaxed sigh. “What’s going on in here?” comes his father’s voice, they both look towards the door with serene smiles. “Nothing, just a mother and son having a little moment.” She replies with a slight wink to her husband before waving him over. He joins them in their “moment” and Aiden wraps his arms around both of his parents. He looks to them with heavy eyes and laughs lightly to himself. “You both suddenly seem so small.” They both look up at him with squinted eyes and Aiden chuckles as he holds tightly onto his parents. I may be growing older but I still need you both, so very, very much. His father caresses his back and then heaves a heavy sigh as he thinks about tonight’s workload. “Are you getting off late?” his wife asks and he nods taking a step back from his son and his wife. “Another load’s come in at the factory.”
“You should just quit.” Aiden grumbles releasing his hold on them and turning away to look towards the window. “Oh, my son, I wish it were that easy…” his father mumbles as he heads towards the room door. Aiden sits on the edge of his sister’s bed and runs a hand through his hair. “You guys can go ahead, I’ll just be in here for a minute.” He lifts his hand and shoos them away. His mother looks to him with skeptical eyes before obeying his request. They close the door behind them and Aiden falls back against the bed. He looks up towards the ceiling and thinks briefly about Kael. What’s he doing right now? Is he sleeping? Maybe he’s blaming himself again… “Well…that’s his fault.” Aiden grumbles as he rises to his feet. But no matter how many times he said that it was Kael’s fault, he couldn’t get him off of his mind.
He wanted to see him, if even at a glance.
~*~
Jenna flips through the old messages she sent to Aiden and sighs, it’s a sigh that sounds as lonely as the wind and her friends look to her worriedly. “Everything alright, Jen?” One of them asks, her blue eyes piercing Jenna’s cold exterior. They were the only ones who called her Jen being that they gave her the nickname after one drink too many. It was a play on her name and the name of the alcoholic beverage. “Yeah, just boyfri—” she stops herself. “Ex-boyfriend problems.” The blue-eyed girl—Brissa places her iced coffee down on the table in front of them and snatches Jenna’s phone out of her hands. “Brissa! Hey!”
“Is he sending you clichéd ‘I’m sorry’ messages?” she snaps and Jenna fumbles to get her phone back. “No, he isn’t!”
“Then why are you….” She trails off as her eyes glaze across Jenna’s screen. “Jen…”
“….” Brissa looks to her with furrowed brows, her hold on the phone going limp. “Has he not—”
“Yes, okay, he hasn’t texted me, he hasn’t even thought about me!” She snatches her phone back and shuts it off. “Aiden is…” she didn’t want to say it—that he had forgotten about her. She didn’t want to face such a cold truth, not yet, not now. She bites her bottom lip. “Hey, Jen,” Her other friend, Olivia calls softly as she slides an arm around Jenna’s shaking shoulders. “It doesn’t make any sense.” She quivers shaking her head. “It just…doesn’t.” she clenches her hands together to keep from flinging her phone across the room. Brissa and Olivia share a look with one another before they both turn to look down at Jenna who was now crying into her hands.
There was no one to blame for her hurt or her losses—Kael…Kael was too innocent and too pure of the world.
It’s not his fault. Never has been his fault.
It’s time to wake up Jenna.
Wake up and…
….and what?
She wipes at her eyes and sniffs, it’s an ugly sound as her snot travels back up her nose. Olivia squeezes her shoulders and Brissa strokes the top of her head. “It’s alright, darlin’.” Olivia coos. But Jenna knew better; she knew that everything wouldn’t be better until “everything” was over. But just how far would it take for all of this pain to end?
“There’s so many questions…” she mumbles as though her friends would understand what she was talking about. They eye her curiously before shrugging it off and focusing on ways to cheer her up. They hadn’t been friends for long, but had grown close over the span of such a short amount of time. They had witnessed the moments when she cou
ldn’t keep her head up and the times she wiped her tears after failing an exam or missing an opportunity to help those close to her. She cried out of frustration, anger, sadness, joy and love. She cried because of Aiden and over the end of what she thought was their beginning. “I loved him.” She mumbles. “I know.” Brissa and Olivia say in unison.
“But he…loves him.” Jenna swallows and then laughs. It’s a broken laugh that guffaws at first before fading into hiccups towards the end. “Damn.” She says bitterly under her breath and the morning is no longer morning, but a distant memory of when she first saw Aiden crying over his sister’s death.
“I promise,”
“That…”
“…I’ll stay by your side.” She took him into her arms and muffled his cries against her chest.
“But now…you’ve promised that to someone else and I’m the only one who looks like a fool.” Olivia removes her arm from around Jenna and instead moves to embrace her. “S’okay.” She hums. And Jenna clutches the sides of her friends’ shirt as the memory takes the last of her resolve.
Aiden looked up at the sound of her approaching footsteps and he willed the tears to stop, but they wouldn’t. “Je-Jenna.” He croaked and she smiled stopping in front of him and resting her hand to his wet cheek. “My sister—Skye—she…”
Butterfly Prince Page 25
