“No.” he wraps his hand around the doorknob. “You became a monster.”
“No I didn’t!” he swings the door open and stumbles into the room. It was dark and the air was cold. He was still clutching the doorknob, his palms sweaty. He swallows thickly his eyes slowly scanning across the room. Everything was left untouched, as though it had been snapshotted in time. He takes a step forward finally letting the doorknob go and willing himself to look. Look beyond the bookshelves and the closed curtains, look to the desk where his father once sat and the floor where his father took his last breath. Look for Skye. His eyes land on the tarnished pink cover of her notebook and a slight gasp escapes him. He rushes forward bending down and scooping it into his arms. The cover was cool against his fingers and smelled of memory—flowers and Skye’s sweet scent. He clutches it in his hands and closes his eyes as he murmurs a silent prayer. What was in this? What had she written and what did she think of him? His fingers play with the binding of the notebook and he takes a deep breath deciding that he would read her words later. He turns towards the door, but from the corner of his eyes he caught the color red fading into the carpet. That feeling of nausea from before rises up in his chest and he hurries out before it could take over.
The same nausea he was feeling was similar to the pain Francis felt as he struggled to rise to his feet. A young nurse was holding him up by his arm. “You can let go, I can do it on my own.” He assures her, but she shakes her head. “No, I can’t do that.”
“Did Janus tell you to keep an eye on me?” he asks sharply and she looks away from his intense gaze. “He did. Of course he did.” He yanks his arm out of her grip and plops back into his wheelchair. He stares down at his leg, the metallic brace he wore digging into his pale skin. “This thing is so annoying…” he grumbles biting his bottom lip. The nurse looks to him worriedly. “Do you want to try again?” she asks and he shakes his head. “What good is it…?” he looks up at her with wet eyes. He sniffs and wheels away from her, his arms working swiftly as he hurries to exit the rehabilitation room. The sign itself was a reminder of what happened—of his disability. He reaches for the doorknob but struggles to open the door. He curses to himself and the nurse calls him warily. “Francis, let me hel—“
“Leave me alone! I can do it on my own.” She freezes in her steps and he tugs at the handle again and he uses his good leg to kick the door. “Francis!”
“I just wanna be like I used to! I hate him and yet I miss him!” he screams and the nurse slowly inches her way over to him. “I miss him so much…” he croaks fisting his black hair in his hands. She places a gentle hand to his shoulder and he turns to look back at her. “I think you need a break.” She says softly and Francis heaves a sigh nodding his head reluctantly. She smiles reaching for the door, but he stops her. “I can do it.” He smiles this time taking the knob and slowly turning it. The nurse watches him proudly, her eyes twinkling as he wheeled himself out into the hall.
While Aiden slept throughout each day and as the heart rate monitor beeped with each breath he took. Those around him began to adjust to seeing his sleeping face. After one week they had begun to go back to their regular lives with the thought that Aiden wouldn’t want them moping around his bedside. Kael visited as often as he could being that his father’s funeral would occur at the end of the month, there were still three more weeks to go. Jenna was attending her classes once again, but she always stopped by to check on him and tell him about her grades and the new semester. She’d take his paling hand in hers and caress his knuckles. Janus was there with Francis on multiple occasions and Micah stopped by as many times as he could. He’d bring the types of food Aiden liked and would eat it like the times during their breaks when they practiced at the RPA. He’d talk with Aiden as though the other could hear him and he’d laugh only to end up going quiet with the thought that this would never be normal. Aiden lying so still—so quiet. When he thought about that it made him mad with sadness. He felt himself spinning into oblivion. His parents were there 24/7, the hospital became their home away from home now that Aiden was there. They prayed by his bedside hoping that he would wake up and Samuel would stand from a distance, his eyebrows furrowed with a doctors guilt. Whenever Kael came to visit he said close to nothing, he would only stare at Aiden and when he thought no one was looking, he’d steal a kiss.
Everyone knew that he was hurting and that he was childishly wishing on the stars for Aiden to wake up. “Just say my name one last time.” He had whispered one night when it was just him in the hospital room with Aiden. “Please, let me hear your voice one more time.” He cried that night, cried until he fell asleep. One week became two and Aiden was still sleeping. Kael feared that he had cried all his tears out and that he was growing used to it and that he was expecting the worst. He was bracing himself ready for the fall that was to come.
Bracing and bracing and then it happened.
He only wanted one more time. Just once more.
“Stale Kael.”
“My Prince.”
He wanted Aiden to call his name and he wanted to tell him so many things.
Like So Many Morning’s Ago
When the sun comes up in the morning the first thought that crosses Aiden’s mind besides his parents, is Kael. Even as he sat in this bed knowing that the next moments may be his last—he thought about him. Kael was talking joyfully unaware to the painful expression Aiden wore and he was rambling about how he’d give Janus a proper job, one that wouldn’t steal his time from Francis—they were brothers—they deserved to be together. He rambled about the garden and changing a few things around there and then he was talking about them and what they would do. “I want to finish university .” He says and Aiden hums, his eyes never wavering from Kael as though he were soaking everything in. “Besides being King, I also want to be able to learn new languages so that it’ll be easier for me to travel.”
“Yes…and then you can speak French to me in bed.” Aiden’s voice came out hoarse and low, but he still managed a flirtatious laugh. Kael rolls his eyes, his thumb rubbing over the knuckles of Aiden’s hand. “Hey, could you run down to the vending machine and get me something to eat?” Aiden asks and Kael blinks. “You want to eat?” Aiden nods. “Sleeping all day can do that to you.” He manages a playful grin and Kael nods, he looks down to rummage through his pockets and as he does so, Aiden’s face grimaces with pain. It felt as though his stomach was oozing from inside of him. But once Kael straightens up, Aiden’s smile falls back into place and he looks into Kael’s brown eyes. Such a beautiful brown. “What do you want?” Kael asks and Aiden shrugs, but it looked like more of a slump. “Something…sweet…” his voice sounds drowsy and Kael rises to his feet. “Sweet and a drink?”
“Just some…water.”
“Okay….Aiden?” The beeping was ringing in both their ears, but they ignored it, Aiden meets Kael’s eyes and once again he thinks that they’re such a beautiful brown color. “I’ll be back.” Kael steps towards the door and Aiden nods. “Aiden….I’ll be back.” His voice begins to sound as though it were slowing down, Aiden squints at Kael who was growing farther and farther away. “Aiden…” now it was only his name, he didn’t mind that at all though—his name being the only thing leaving Kael’s lips. He could go to sleep to that…his name being repeated.
“Aiden…” but then there was no sound, the image of Kael started fading and the door clicked shut. Aiden lay in the silence staring blankly up at the ceiling and counting. Not counting numbers, but counting his memories. He takes a deep breath as the memories flip through like a comic strip to the most recent ones. The greenhouse being completed, the first time they made love, confronting the King, piecing together the past, growing together, laughing together with dirt on their skin, joking with Janus and the others.
The memories….the pain in his stomach grows and the migraine he’s been ignoring causes him to clutch at his head and his heart thumps reminding him that he was alive—reminding him o
f Kael and of how his heart had thumped too in that moment when he shielded Kael from the bullet. Reminding him—suddenly he gasps and he sits up, hunching forward and clutching at his stomach. It hurt. Like shards of glass sticking into his abdomen—it hurt. But then he remembers the color of Kael’s eyes, the smile on his lips and it didn’t hurt that much—didn’t hurt at all. And he starts crying, he starts sobbing; he clutches his chest and then bites his bottom lip. He didn’t want Kael to see him like this—breaking—piece by piece. He hunches forward, his shoulders shaking relentlessly.
And Kael wondered why he hadn’t seen it coming, why he didn’t pay attention to the slight tremor in Aiden’s voice or the look on his face. Why he didn’t stay and ask him what was wrong? Why he didn’t face it head on so that he could have had longer to prepare himself. He remembers that morning so vividly, he remembers Aiden and he nearly falls to his knees as he received a call from the hospital. He doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t. But he knows. That morning was such a sweet morning for him, but Aiden was suffering, suffering and hurting until he couldn’t take it anymore.
A few hours before…
Kael was sitting on his bed, his legs crossed and Skye’s notebook placed in front of him. He was staring at it intently thinking that maybe if he stared at it long enough the pages would turn on their own. He slowly reaches out to it only to jerk his hand back and shake his head. There was something stopping him from peering inside; this notebook was like a piece of Skye’s heart and he felt as though he didn’t deserve such a piece. With his legs still folded he falls back against his bed and groans. And part of him wanted to wait to read Skye’s notebook with Aiden. With a huff he swings his legs over the edge of the bed and heads towards his room door. It was finally the week of his father’s funeral and he had plans of meeting with the local news station to finally convey the details. But before any of that he wanted to see Aiden. He steps out of his room and looks up and down the hall. The air was cold and winter was fast approaching, blending in with the cool mist of fall. “Young majesty, you’re a wake.” A maid greets him with a bow and Kael smiles her way. “I’ve been up for a while now.” He replies and she nods. “Do you need anything, majesty?” she asks and Kael shakes his head. “No, nothing, thank you though.” She smiles softly and he brushes past her continuing his way down the hall and to the living room. He assumed that his mother was still sound asleep being that it was only eight in the morning and she woke up late on Monday mornings, it was a ritual she had developed for herself. He turns a corner and skids to a stop upon seeing Micah sitting in one of the velvet chairs. “Micah?” he calls and the taller rises to his feet and turns around with a bright smile. “Kael.”
“Why are you here?” he asks and Micah walks over to him. “I just thought I’d come check on you since everyone’s so busy.”
“Oh, well thank you.” His eyes glitter with warmth and Micah continues to smile sweetly. “How have you been?” Kael asks walking over to one of the armchairs and sitting, Micah takes a seat across from him. “I’ve been…holding on; we all have.” He murmurs and Kael reverts to silence, his hands clasped together as he stared down at his lap. “Have you visited?” he asks without looking up. “Yeah, but I don’t go in the room—I can’t—there’s like a wall.” Micah licks his lips. “So I just stand outside of the door. You’re strong Kael.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You are though.” Kael laughs lightly and shakes his head. “If I were strong I would have faced the truth a long time ago, I would have pushed him away instead of holding on.”
“What do you mean?” Kael sighs. “Instead of making him my bodyguard, I should have just let him go and live his life.”
“You didn’t have that power.”
“But…I did, if I had just told my father or asked my mother, then maybe…maybe…” Micah leans forward and places his hand over Kael’s. His dark eyes read “stop it, don’t this to yourself.” He squeezes Kael’s hand in his and rises to his feet, the badges on his uniform jangle as he moves and Kael’s eyes follow after him. “Are you doing well at the RPA?” Kael asks and Micah sighs. “I’m doing well, but a lot of the recruits are dropping out now that they have the chance to.”
“And what about you? Don’t you want to quit?” Micah shakes his head. “I have Janus there and my memories with Aiden.” Kael hums softly to himself nodding. “We should all go out together sometime.” Micah suggests and Kael’s eyes light up. “I would like that.”
“What’s it like to be King?” Micah asks suddenly changing topics and Kael sighs heavily. “A weight. It’s still taking some time to get used to.”
“I bet.” Kael follows after Micah towards the front doors and together they descend the front steps. “You should come visit with me.” He suggests looking over his shoulder at Kael who shakes his head. “There’s too much to do and Janus would get mad at me for coming while I still had work.”
“…”
“I do want to see him, but if I think too much about how much I miss him—I’ll go insane.” He smiles and Micah nods dismissing himself with a courteous salute and bow. Kael spends a moment longer standing on the steps, allowing the cold to seep through the thin fabric of his pajamas. He shudders, his toes curling on the inside of his slippers and he wants so badly for Aiden to wrap him in his warmth. He walks around the castle heading towards the garden out back. Everything was bright in comparison to the grey sky. The flowers were as beautiful as ever and in some ways reassuring as though they were telling Kael they were there for him. “Ah,” he stretches his arms to the sky. “Everything’s so pretty.” He yawns.
~*~
Jenna was sitting inside a café idly stirring around the straw in her tea, Brissa and Olivia were staring at her intently. “JenJen,” they call, but she doesn’t respond. “Jenna.” Olivia calls reaching over and shaking her arm, but there was still no response. “Maybe she hasn’t been sleeping…” Brissa concludes and Olivia nods. “Possibly, she’s been dealing with so much…” After a moment Jenna blinks and lifts her head, she looks between her friends with hazy eyes. “Did you call me?” she asks and Olivia and Brissa share a look before squeezing her shoulder. “No, we were just wondering how your finals were going.”
“Ah…” Jenna places the straw between her lips and sips. “Well. I mean, they’re finals and they suck.” The girls laugh lightly before going silent again. Sick of drinking her watered down tea, she pushes the cup away and rests her chin in the palm of her hand. “I know what you all really want to ask.” Olivia looks behind her for something that wasn’t there and Brissa whistles. “You want to know how Aiden’s doing?” she meets their eyes with an understanding grin. “Just ask.”
“But we didn’t want to put salt on your wounds.” Olivia mumbles and Jenna laughs with a shake of her head. “It’s alright. I rather talk about it than keep it pent up.” She takes a moment to gather her thoughts before rambling on about Aiden. She spoke about how odd it was to see him lying there, how she missed hearing his voice and his eyes on her. She talked briefly about Kael, her hands clutching her skirt. “Kael? The king?” Brissa gasps, her eyes widening. Jenna laughs bitterly. “Yes, the King fell for his knight and in the end…they both shattered.”
“Jenna…”
“He comes by as much as he can—Kael—he’s such a sweetheart, he’s so kind it was impossible for me to hate him.” She shakes her head and with a repressed sigh she rises to her feet. “I just wonder how he’s doing right now.”
“His father died right?” Brissa questions and Jenna nods, the corners of her eyes pricking with tears. “Yes…he died.” She rasps and she hurries out of the café doors leaving on the table a five dollar bill. The cold greets her like a ghost, tickling her legs and caressing her arms. She shivers as the tears run freely. These weren’t tears for Aiden or for herself, they were for Kael. Kael who has lived a life of losing and the only thing he’s gained, he’ll lose again. Her skirt blows in the breeze and she looks to the sk
y—her phone rings.
It rings and rings and rings. She doesn’t want to answer it. Because she could feel it; the change in temperature, the graying sky and the wet tears against her cheeks.
It was Aiden.
She falls to the ground, her bare knees hitting the concrete. Brrrng. Brrrrng. She buries her face in her hands and screams. “Jenna!” Olivia and Brissa come bursting through the café doors and towards her. “Jenna!” they bend down and embrace her. Brrng. Brrrng. “It’s alright, honey.”
“It’s gonna be alright.” They murmur against the top of her head and shoulder.
She didn’t think it would hurt this much.
~*~
Kael runs his fingers along the soft petals, his eyes closed as he felt and smelled them. So many different scents swirling and whirling in the breeze. He wanted to be like the pollen in all these flowers; he wanted to blow in the wind and swirl around in the air and tickle Aiden’s nose and wake him up. He stops suddenly as a breeze comes carrying with it the sound of his phone ringing from within the castle. He looks towards his room window and begins to step towards the garden gate, but stops. “No…” the word slips from his lips and he breaks out into a run ripping through the gate door and towards the front steps. He nearly trips, the ends on his pants catching beneath his feet. But he keeps going, his eyes wild, his heart racing. Aiden. Aiden. “Your majesty?” the maid from earlier calls out to him questioningly, but he brushes past her. He runs down the hall turning corner after corner and his heart hurt—he couldn’t breathe. He skids to a stop outside of his room and listens as his phone rings. He places a hand to the door and gently pushes it open. His phone was on his bed resting beside Skye’s notebook. Like a zombie, he steps slowly and stiffly into his room. His phone rings on and on, vibrating against his mattress. He stops just in front of his bed and shakes his head upon reading Melia National Hospital on his screen. “Not now, please god don’t let it be him.” He mumbles reaching a shaky hand towards his phone. He answers, but he doesn’t speak and the way the doctor spoke so robotically to him, he knew and it took a moment for it to hurt. “Are you Kael Lennon?” He doesn’t answer, instead his reply is a garbled “Mmthat’sme.”
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