“Kael,” Jenna reaches them both and pauses to catch her breath. She looks at Kael’s expressionless face and her lips curl down and she takes his dangling hand in hers. “We’re here,” Janus murmurs. “We’re here for you.” He repeats soothingly and even then as the reality began to weigh on him, as the truth began to sink in—he didn’t cry—he clutched onto Jenna’s hand and closed his eyes against Janus’s touch.
Hours later after Jenna had left to be on her own and to find Francis, Kael was standing outside of Aiden’s hospital room, Janus by his side and holding onto his hand. “You don’t have to go in.” Janus tells him and with a bite to his lip, he shakes his head. “I have to.”
“But why?”
“Because I need to see him.”
“Kael,” Janus’s voice shifts worriedly. “I have to okay? So that I can…so I can…” Kael goes toppling to the floor, his legs giving out. Janus’s eyes widen and he drops down beside him. “Kael!” Kael was panting, beads of sweat shining above his eyebrows. “A-Aiden, he—I didn’t.”
“Kael come on, don’t do this to yourself.”
“Aiden isn’t—he can’t be.” Suddenly Kael rushes up to his feet and flings the room door open. The doctors that were standing around the bed all turn to look at them ad Aiden’s parents look up to stare at Kael too. Kael was huffing, his fists clenched at his sides. “Are you on this patient’s guardian list?” A young woman asks and Kael nods slowly taking uneven and wobbly steps towards the foot of Aiden’s bed. “You are? Well we need you to sign these papers and...”
“He didn’t…did he? There’s no way.”
“I’m sorry sir?” she questions, confusion lacing her eyes. Another doctor leans over to whisper in her ear and her eyes brighten with realization. “We’re going to have to ask you to leave, so that we can...” She recites, he words fading in a thoughtless drone and Kael shakes his head from side to side, faster and faster. Janus looks to him nervously and takes him by his shoulders. “Kael, you don’t hav—”
“W-what happened? Why?” he asks and the woman shifts on the heels of her white tennis. “Well…his heart rate suddenly spiked and when w—”
“No, but why? Why did he act like everything was alright, why did he do that to me…to himself...” Kael trails off and Janus begins to tug him away from Aiden’s bed, fearful that he would catch a glimpse of Aiden’s body and Kael didn’t need to see that—not right now—not ever. “I’m sorry sir, but I—”
“Kael, lets go wait outside.”
“No, no, I need to—I need to see him.” Kael breaks out of Janus’s grip and stumbles towards the bed. Mrs. Kim and her husband step aside, their sad eyes on Kael. His hands claw out in front of him and his side crashes against the bed as he pushes the doctors aside. His eyes were wide and blurred with tears, he huffs, shoving the doctors aside and leaning onto the bed, his hands molding into the cushion. “A-Aiden.” He pants, his chest heaving in and out. He stares down at the face hidden behind the white blanket and bites his bottom lip so hard, he cuts it and it begins to bleed. “Oh no, no, no.”
“Kael, come here.” Janus beckons, but he wasn’t listening, all he could see was Aiden’s body and all he could hear was his imagination, stirring up a sound that sounded like Aiden was breathing. “Sir…” the woman steps up to him and places a hand to his shoulder. “It’s better if you don’t look.”
“But…” Kael trails off leaning down and burying his face against Aiden’s covered chest, he grips the sheets in his hands and inhales. He holds his breath counting to ten and then releasing his breath in a single woosh. Janus watches him, his expression gray and his eyes downcast. Kael needed to go home and take a long bath and go to sleep…just sleep. “Kael, come on.” Janus calls to him again and this time Kael sits up, he rubs at his eyes and stares at the curve of Aiden’s nose that pressed out against the blanket. “Oh, Aiden.” He mumbles running his hands down his face and shaking his head. “Come on now Kael.” Janus gently grips his arm and pulls him back, Kael stumbles feeling as though the world were falling out from beneath him. As Janus leads him towards the door, he doesn’t tear his gaze away from Aiden’s body. He watches growing further and further away from him—he watches. “Aiden…” he calls his name. “Aiden,” hoping that maybe, just maybe, he’d answer. Janus pushes him out of the door and into the hallway. Kael stands still staring down at the ground and biting his trembling bottom lip.
“Janus…what am I…what am I supposed to do now?”
“Kael…”
“We were supposed to do this all together; the castle, he was going to stand by my side and—” he breaks out into a scream, the sound travelling down the hall. “Kael, hey,” Janus takes him by his shoulders and spins him around. “Please, please calm down.” He pleads, but the younger looks to him with lost and dazed eyes, his lips pulled down into a frown. Janus takes him by the back of his head and shoves Kael into his chest. “There, there,” he says soothingly. “Let it out.” Kael grips the sides of Janus’s shirt and takes in a deep gasp of air. He takes in another and calls Janus’s name in a child-like voice. “Yes, Kael?”
“I just want to close my eyes, wake up and see him lying beside me.”
“….”
“I…I wasn’t ready for this Janus—my heart,” Kael beats at his chest. “It hurts so, so much and I have to go on smiling, I have to show the people what they want to see and not, not this mess.” His breath catches and Janus looks down at the black mop that made up Kael’s hair and speaks softly. “You don’t have to show them what they want to see, you aren’t that type of King Kael, you are honest; show them your pain, show them that you’re human.” Kael stops gasping for air and he slowly lifts his head to look up into Janus’s eyes. “Show them you lose too, show them you suffer and yearn and show them you love and hurt.” Janus caresses Kael’s damp cheek with his thumb and stares at him tenderly. “Okay?” Kael begins to nod but stops half away and voices his response. “I…understand.”
The day after Aiden died Kael returned to the castle and began to get dressed in his royal attire. The thick velvet robe, his crown, black slacks and a white dress shirt. He told Janus that he wanted to make ceremonial plans with Aiden’s parents, he wanted to do that much for them.
“I have to be the one.”
“Why you?” Janus questions as they walk around the hospital garden, the memory from just yesterday bubbling to the surface of Kael’s mind. “I feel that I should, they were only getting to know me. I want to be closer to them; I am—no—was, I was close to Aiden and so I want to….” Kael pauses. “I want to be close to them and share the memories they never knew and the ones of his past I never knew of too.”
“But, Kael…”
“They may come out hating me, but it would put my heart at ease. Their pain, their loss—I share it too.”
Kael steps in front of his full length mirror and stares at his reflection. “Wow…” he sighs. “You look so unlike yourself…” he mumbles chuckling lightly and taking the crown into his hands. He wanted to see them as King and as Kael; a packaged wrapped in one. Why? Why put on this crown and this robe and meet them? Why remind them of Skye and his father? Kael wondered that too; he hoped to replace their bitter memories with ones that were not happy, but with ones that were at least trying to become happy. A step towards the sun even if the clouds blocked his view. And he wanted to show his country that as their King—he cared for them. Kael turns away from his reflection and walks out of his room. The door clicks shut and Kael walks slowly. He kept his head held and didn’t fight back the memories that came with each step. “It’s still hard…” Aiden begins. “What is?”
“Talking to you in this way.”
“Mmm, I didn’t expect it to be easy.”
“Yeah, I guess we’ll have to heal each other together.” Aiden smiles and Kael smiles back. “I agree.”
He was hurting and questioning the reasoning of all this. Just as things started to piece together, it all comes c
rashing down. What kind of sick joke is this? What is God thinking? What does he want me to uncover? Why!? Kael stops in his steps and takes a deep breath. “Calm down.” He tells himself. “Breathe.” I’m here. He spins around, his heart racing. “Ah…” he had imagined the sound of Aiden’s voice. “I’m going insane.” He hurries the rest of the way down the hall and is escorted to the car by one of his new bodyguards. He himself couldn’t understand how he was still standing, why he was still even moving. What was keeping him going?? He buries his face in his hands and laughs. “He’s dead.” He continues laughing. “You won’t ever see him again, Kael.”
“I’ll always be here.”
“He won’t ever…”
“Kael.”
“Aiden, I should have been by your side.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I shouldn’t have left you.”
“You’re always with me.”
“Aiden…I miss you so much.”
“I love you.”
A few moments later…
The car pulls up into Aiden’s driveway and Kael stares at the inviting house. He expected that at any moment the front door would come swinging open and Aiden would run down the steps and into his arms. “I can get out on my own.” Kael says as the guard begins to make his way around the car. Kael opens the door and steps out. The air is brisk and he stands in it for a moment feeling its coolness against his skin. He takes in a deep breath as he walks up the steps that led to the front door. A light was on inside the house and Kael could hear water running where the kitchen was. “Okay…” on the day that Aiden passed away, his parents left the hospital to gather their thoughts and hearts; they also wanted to start planning his funeral. And as sad as a funeral is—it is also something done out of love for the deceased. And Kael wanted to be a part of that.
He raises his hand to the door and knocks two times. The water stops running and Kael takes a step back when he hears the chain come out of place and the door swing open. “Oh? Kael, I was expecting a call from you soo….” Mrs. Kim stops talking and her eyes roam up and down Kael’s exquisite attire and a question forms in her eyes. Kael smiles sadly as he takes off his crown and says in a quiet voice. “I would like to help you plan it…” her husband had joined her in the doorway, a bag of clothes in his hands and now they were both staring out at Kael waiting for his next words. But no words had to be spoken because they knew. Mrs. Kim raises her fists to Kael and slams them against his chest. She hits him out of an anger she had suppressed for so long and hits him because her son was gone and she’d never see him again. Her eyes pool with tears and as she’s screaming as they come rolling down her red cheeks. “My son!” she cries as his death finally dawns on her. “My son!” her nails claw into Kael’s shirt and she tugs at the fabric so hard it almost tears. Kael listens as she cries, his eyebrows furrowing with pain. He doesn’t speak, he doesn’t stop her, instead he wraps his arms around her body and embraces her. Her cries were muffled, but they still echoed loudly in his heart. “Thank you,” he murmurs into her hair. “Thank you for bringing Aiden into this world, thank you for allowing him to be a part of my life.”
“My son...nnngh.”
“Thank you and I’m sorry.”
Present
Kael watches with blank eyes as the quartet of bodyguards lower his father into the dirt hole they dug for him. He can only think about Aiden. He can only see Aiden and if he were to start crying, those tears would fall for Aiden. Everything he would do, would be for Aiden. “We have lost a great King and a great father and husband, but we have not lost a great soul; he lives on within us.” The priest begins to say but Kael looks up to the sky, closing his eyes against the cold and tuning everything out.
The world or as some may see it—fate has its own way of playing a game with those walking the earth. Drawing them close and then tearing them apart. To what? To make the person left behind stronger? To make them remember? Is that all fate’s job comes down to? Strength and remembrance? No—Kael’s eyes flutter as an ice cold drop falls onto his cheek—fate surpasses all of that. It is not only about strength and remembering or even overcoming. The game fate has played out for Aiden and Kael is transcendence.
“Mom,” Kael nudges his mother. “I need to go.” He tells her and a look of torn sadness flickers in her eyes, but she covers it with a smile. “Go ahead then.” He leans down and kisses his mother in the middle of her forehead. Kael was expecting for the press to tear at him the very next day. THE HEIR TO THE THRONE LEAVES HIS FATHER’S FUNERAL TO SEE LOVER. Or something similar to that and he didn’t care. And the next day instead of celebrating his father’s passing at a private ceremony with a few guests, he’d be bidding Aiden a final farewell. A guard dressed in all black leads him to the car they had come in and opens the passenger door for him. Once they’re both settled and the car is started, Kael states his destination. “The greenhouse…take me there.”
“Yes, your majesty.” It was a place he’d go to when he needed to mourn and it was also the place in which Aiden would be buried.
“How…did you know about such a place?” Mrs. Kim questions as Kael finished talking about the greenhouse. “It was something Skye told me when I was younger.” Her eyes widen and her husband squeezes her shoulders. “I think it’s a place that Aiden belongs in. he can sleep peacefully knowing that his sister is by his side.” Kael smiles and Mrs. Kim looks into his eyes and for a moment she could understand why it was her son had fallen for this man. “Okay…”
The greenhouse was like a pair of open arms waiting to embrace him.
Skye’s arms and now Aiden’s.
He wanted to go there once more to remember the happy moments and to make sure it was perfect for his beloved.
The next day: His Funeral
Glowing. Kael feels as though something is glowing within himself as he dresses for Aiden’s funeral. He almost feels happy and maybe his mind is playing tricks on him, but faintly on the backs of his shoulders he feels a gentle touch like a hand and he almost wants to say “I’m going, I’m going!” The sadness came and went like a wave and he rode it expectantly, waiting for the tears and then the joys of each memory.
~*~
Aiden’s comrades and the young men that he’s trained were all standing in a uniformed row at the entrance of the greenhouse. Jenna and Francis were standing inside of the greenhouse rearranging the flowers. Francis looks up at his sister with a crooked grin. “Do you think Kael will actually come?” he asks and Jenna shrugs. “There’s no way of knowing.”
“Hmm…do you really think he’ll trade out his father’s after funeral ceremony for his boyfriend?” Francis questions. “Like I said, I don’t know.” Jenna snaps and then she sighs. “But…something I’m sure of is that Aiden was more than just a first time boyfriend to Kael.” Francis stares at his cousin with inquisitive eyes and then goes to move the pot of chrysanthemums to his left. “I heard you last night…” he starts slowly and Jenna looks to him curiously. “You thought you were being quiet, but I heard you crying.” Francis finishes and Jenna swallows. “O-of course I’d be crying.”
“Do you have regrets?” he asks and Jenna places the flowers in her hand down and nods. “Who wouldn’t? I just think about how he was so young and of some of the things I’ve said—little things—I regret them all.”
“Because you know he won’t be here tomorrow or the day after to hear you say “I’m sorry.”” She nods. “Exac—tly.” Her voice breaks and Francis stops with the questions and his eyes widen when the low rumble of a car engine draws near. Jenna and Francis look to each other and then take off out of the greenhouse doors. Sure enough, Kael had arrived. “Kael.” Jenna says breathlessly. Kael had told them about this place, had explained it all to them during one late night. “There. It has to be there.”
“Why?”
“Because that place is like Skye’s heart. It carries all of her memories and her sorrows and where else should her brother belong?
”
The greenhouse was decided by majority vote, to be his resting place. His parents had come an hour or so earlier to take a tour of the renovated greenhouse and Mrs. Kim had started crying, her hands covering her mouth as she shook her head. “My daughter, my son.” She had said as Jenna rubbed her back.
Kael walks towards them with a bright smile that comes close to making it seem like everything was okay. “Jenna,” he reaches over to hug her and then bends down to wrap his arms around Francis’s neck. “I’m glad you’re both here.” He says bowing gratefully and Jenna rushes to straighten him back up. “No need for that, Aiden was a light to us all.” Francis snorts. “Not for me.” Jenna hits the back of his head and he glares, Kael laughs and everything seemed normal and fine…until the van driven by Janus came rolling onto the dirt in front of the greenhouse. They all turn to look at the midnight black van, their breaths catching in their throats. Aiden was in there. Kael turns away, the strength he’s been holding himself up with wavering like an unbalanced skyscraper. Jenna silently places a hand to his shoulder. The van doors open and Janus steps out, upon seeing Kael, his eyes widen and he smiles. He rushes over to them and Kael is taken aback by Janus’s formal attire. He’s dressed in his bodyguard uniform, the gold cuffs shining along his collar and the sleeves of his shirt, he wore his cap and his hair was slicked back beneath it. He looked older, different and one by one it started to hit Kael. “Micah and I designated ourselves as his pallbearers.” A rock had formed in Kael’s throat and all he could do as a response was to nod his head up and down. “Kael,” Janus takes his other shoulder and looks steadily into his eyes. “Are you alright?” Janus asks knowing that the question was a stupid one, but also not knowing what else was there to ask. His heart wasn’t in the right place, nor was his mind, he was working on thought alone. The thought that he had to do this for Aiden. The thought that he had to be by Kael’s side and the thought that reality was catching up to them all.
Butterfly Prince Page 59
