“Bravo.” Francis cheers closing the fridge with his foot and wheeling over to the counter. “Do you want a sandwich?” he calls out to his brother. “No thanks, Micah said that he would bring me something.”
“Ooh,” Francis coos. “Isn’t he just the doting boyfriend.” Janus rolls his eyes. “Hush, I get to be spoiled for once.” Francis snorts. “You called that spoiled.” Janus makes a face pulling out his phone and checking for any new messages. There was only one from Kael, it read: Thanks for stopping by, I was dead tired though :/ come by again tomorrow ?? maybe, I’ll be expecting you. Maybe we could all get dinner together…yes, lets ^^
Janus reads over Kael’s words and then reads between the lines. Kael needed to get dinner, he needed to talk with them and be with them—he couldn’t be alone. “We’re going to Kael’s tomorrow for dinner.” Janus announces just as abruptly as the text had come. “Huh?”
“He invited us over. He explains to Francis. “Ooh, dinner with the royals.”
“Shut it, Fran.” Janus warns and Francis rolls his eyes as he spreads the strawberry jam across his bread.
~*~
Jenna sat on the park bench, her scarf wound tightly around her neck to keep out the cold and her hands were covered by her red gloves. She was wearing her reading glasses and was using the silence to get through her studying. She studied better outside and in the quiet. The snow around her was so beautiful, she didn’t want to pass up such a chance, so packing her cell, her textbooks, a few pens and something to snack on, she headed out. But you see, studying was her excuse, the excuse she used to get away from home. In her bedroom, in her kitchen; there were countless images of Aiden and she wasn’t ready yet to face them again. Her heart was like mangled electrical wires, one wrong move or brush and she’d be shocked to death. She flips a page in her textbook and reads aloud. She didn’t want to study herself because she was afraid of what she would uncover, so instead she would study Kael and his habits and…her expression falls. “But…if I study him…isn’t that as though I’m studying myself…?”
We both loved Aiden.
We both lost Aiden, we both miss him. She takes in a trembling breath and lets it out slowly. “Maybe I’ll go watch a movie, maybe I’ll hang out with my friends.” She slams her book shut and jumps up to her feet. “That’s what I’ll do.” She grips the ends of her scarf, tugs and begins her walk down the twinkling white sidewalk.
~*~
Kael’s back in the car heading towards another schedule, he can feel Hyde’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t turn to face him. Instead he waits to see if the guard would ask him something and then he does. “Kael,”
“Yes?”
“I just have one question for you.”
“Okay,” Kael nods. “Shoot.” Hyde swallows and fiddles with his black tie before asking “What was Aiden to you other than just your bodyguard?” the question makes Kael smile and he faces Hyde with a glowing expression. “What was he to me?”
“Yes…” Kael’s smile broadens. “Besides being my lover, he…was my solace, I found peace in him.” Kael pauses, tears forming in his eyes. “He gave me hope and love and memories.” Kael sighs deeply. “And I’ll miss him more than I can ever voice.” He turns away from Hyde and stares out of the window. The snow melts away and the sky is no longer gray and the outside world becomes the hospital room with its single wide window and Aiden lying in bed. The scene becomes a memory, one Kael will never know of.
Aiden listens to Kael’s distancing footsteps and he heaves a long, worn out sigh. Call it a hunch, but somehow he knew that he wasn’t going to survive the outcome of the gunshot. He knew it and yet he threw himself in front of Kael. Why? Why not push him out of the way? Why not tell the doctors about his pain? Why not take the medicine? Aiden didn’t want to, didn’t need to. He thought about it day after day upon lying in this hospital bed. Exploring the world with Kael, making love to him in Greece, Paris, New York and everywhere else. Doing all these wonderful things and he didn’t want to die. But as he lay in bed, his eyes closing ever so slowly so he could sleep. He thought about Skye and how she was always there with him without actually having to be there. And so his eyes close and he didn’t call out to Kael, he didn’t feel any pain and he thought about so many things with Kael and it made him smile. He smiled as he took what he thought would be his last breath and a tear rolled down his cheek. He knew that he would leave Kael with heartbreak and yearning, but he wouldn’t leave him without hope, he wouldn’t leave him alone and he wouldn’t leave him without love.
Kael had come to experience all of the things he’s never experienced before and Aiden knows that eventually the pain will wear away and be replaced by a dull ache and then the ache will vanish and all that will be left is a feeling of warmth and completion.
At night…
Kael was tired, stretched, done and out. He just wanted to get in his bed and go to sleep. But as the time grew later, his feelings became raw and he started thinking again. He started to remember and relive and whenever he did that, a breakdown would soon follow. Hyde opens the car door for him and Kael dazedly steps out. The gray sky was now a pitch black and the clouds covered the sky so no stars could be seen. Kael stumbles up the front steps, shooing Hyde away and telling him that he’d rather be alone. The young guard bows his head and excuses himself. Kael watches as he goes and sighs. He didn’t want to be alone, but the persons company he so desired was no longer by his side. “Damn it.” He steps inside the castle and looks up at the exquisite chandeliers and the endless chain of stairs to his right which led to the library and his room. He wanted more books to read, needed more books.
During the night, that’s when the loneliness would creep back inside his heart. It lurked like a shadow and then attacked like a monster in wait. Kael fears the loneliness and what it will do to him. He fears the suffocation and the delusions. He tells himself that it’ll be alright, he squeezes his eyes shut and he counts, but counting also reminds him of Aiden. Sometimes…he can hear his voice and it scares him yet…it comforts him. “Just stay here” he once spoke to the dark. “Here by my side is where you belong.” Soon after, he fell asleep.
As Kael takes a step forward and as the door closes behind him, he realizes just how quiet and colorless it is in the castle. His mother is probably sleeping, all the guards are probably at their assigned posts and the maids and butlers are more than likely running their late night errands. Kael unbuttons the first button on his shirt and turns towards the stairs that led to his bedroom. The castle is so hauntingly quiet, it almost seems as though it is existing in a realm between times. Kael grips the stair case railing tightly in the palm of his hand. He takes each step slowly, the weight of Aiden’s death now solidly resting on his shoulders. His legs feel heavy and it’s becoming harder to breathe. “Don’t you dare,” He tells himself. “Don’t you dare start getting an attack.” He grips the railing tighter, his palms sweaty. He begins to move his foot towards the next step, but misses and ends up falling to his knees. His eyes widen out of shock that he had actually fallen. He shakes his head with a bitterly amused smile as he struggles to rise to his feet.
It takes him a moment to get back up on his feet again, but once he does he laughs aloud, but it’s a nervous—freaked out—laugh. He makes the next step and the one after that, but he falls again and he gets up and he falls again and gets up again, but the stairs aren’t ending, they seem endless whirling and turning to his demise. He rises to his feet his heart racing and his head spinning. Why was getting up a single flight of stairs so hard. He takes in a deep breath letting it out in a slow woosh. “Okay,” he spoke to himself quietly. “Just a few more steps, a few more steps and you’re done.” He swallows. “Only a few more…” this time the breath he took came out shaky. His grip on the railing loosens and he looks up determined. “Okay, okay, okay.” He chants to himself lifting his foot and staring straight ahead. But the world was no longer in a fixed position, it began to tilt and shift and
then Kael realized that he was no longer standing and that he had in fact—fallen. “Shit,” he curses, his bottom lip trembling. “Shit, shit, shit!” he grips his hair out of frustration and loss. This time he doesn’t try to get up, this time he stays down, his eyes welling with tears. “Why aren’t you here!?” he screams into the silence. “If…if you were here,” the tears come rolling down. “Aiden!” his voice resounds brokenly throughout the castle. He sobs burying his face in his hands, his shoulders bobbing.
He hiccups, his entire being shaking with emotions, emotions that he could do without. I thought I was fine. I thought I had gotten used to the idea of you not being here. But, now…
“…ael…” Now I realize how hard it’s going to be. “Kael,” someone spoke softly beside him, but Kael didn’t seem to notice, for his tears drowned out the other person’s voice. “Hey,” the person calls again and gradually Kael’s shoulders stop shaking and his sobs die away. “Lift your head for me.” The voice says and Kael swears it sounds like him, sounds so much like him. But he listens to the voice and he lifts his head. What he sees does not only surprise him but completely takes his breath away. “Aiden…” the apparition that looks so much like Aiden, smiles. “Did I startle you?” he asks and Kael stares up at him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry Kael,” Aiden reaches towards him. “For leaving you.”
“…you can’t be…” Aiden continues to smile. “Come on.” He shakes his hand and Kael’s gaze flicks down to stare at Aiden’s hand. He reaches towards it and takes it in his hand. Aiden’s palm is soft and warm, so much so that Kael believes he’s still alive, that he’s right here and in some ways he is. Aiden’s eyes twinkle and Kael is once again charmed by him. Aiden helps him to his feet and together they walk up the stairs. The entire time they’re walking up, Kael can’t keep his eyes off of Aiden. He keeps watching him and waiting for him to vanish with a single snap of his fingers. But he doesn’t. “I can feel you staring at me.” Aiden calls back to him glancing over his shoulder with a grin. Kael’s heart skips a beat because he missed that grin. He laughs nervously clutching Aiden’s hand tighter. They reach the last step and Kael thinks that’s it, that Aiden will disappear now, but he doesn’t instead he leads Kael towards his bedroom. “Kael…” Aiden’s voice—for lack of the appropriate word—sounded as though it were glowing. “Yes?”
“You asked why I left…” Aiden begins keeping his gaze ahead. “Don’t ever think that I wanted to leave…what I wanted was for you to,” Aiden pauses. “For you to—damn.” He sniffs. “What I wanted was for you to realize that you’re not alone and you never will be.”
“I could have realized this all why you were still alive. You could have kept living and I…” they grow closer to his room and Kael almost wants to stop walking, to hold Aiden tight in his arms to keep him from drifting away. “I didn’t, I didn’t want for you to di-e.” Kael’s voice breaks as they finally stop outside of his room door. Aiden releases Kael’s hand and Kael begins to panic. “A-Aiden.” Aiden was smiling as he drops to a kneeling position, bowing his head and saying “Say it, please,” he looks up to meet Kael’s eyes with a crooked grin. “My Prince.”
“No, no, no.” Kael takes a step back, his head shaking from side to side. “I can’t lose you again.”
“Kael, I’m already—“
“DON’T!” Kael screams and then his voice returns solemnly. “Please don’t say it.”
To explain what Kael was seeing and how he was feeling, is similar to explaining the very existence of Heaven. There are many definitions and images, but yet, none are quite accurate. Aiden is dead and yet here he is. Saying one last goodbye to the person he will always love. And Kael, what is he to make of this? Is he going insane? Perhaps he fell asleep on the stairs and is dreaming?
He didn’t want to say it, but he couldn’t let Aiden just exist like this. He swallows the prickly lump in his throat and rests his watery eyes on Aiden. “You no longer…” he begins. “Have t—“ his voice broke and tears spilled from his eyes. Aiden stares up at him with a small smile. “You no longer have to protect me,” Kael takes in a raspy breath. “You no longer have to….watch over me…Aiden.” His jaw is trembling and so are his hands as he watches as Aiden rises to his feet and takes a step towards him. Kael couldn’t smell his usual scent and that’s when he realized. He isn’t really here…is he…
Aiden wipes the tears from Kael’s eyes, running his fingers through the younger’s hair. “Don’t cry.” He smiles, his usual smile taking Kael’s hand and kissing the back of it. His lips were warm and Kael wanted so badly to pull him forward and fly away to wherever Aiden was going. Aiden looks up, their eyes meet and then he’s gone. Just like the breeze that blew that night, just like the snow melting away and just like Kael’s tears—gone.
“Your majesty, wake up.” There’s a gentle shake to his shoulder and Kael opens his eyes. Hyde was staring at him with worried eyes. “I heard a thud and you were lying here…Kael…?” he trails off, his eyebrows furrowing as tears ran down Kael’s cheeks. “I just had a very sad dream…that’s all.” He murmurs clutching the sleeves of Hyde’s uniform. “Just a sad, sad dream.” He buries his head in Hyde’s lap and his shoulders hiccup with silent cries.
And so the butterfly’s job was done and with his wings fluttering in the breeze, he took off towards another day to heal another soul. But although short, his memories will remain for a lifetime.
K. Skye.
P.S. love is not a weapon, but it can become one against those who have hurt you. The Prince, my little Kael, use the love in your heart to make the world a place you can call home. So that no matter how far you travel or whomever leaves you, you can always say “I’m home!” and then you’ll look around and realize that you’re not alone in the dark, that beyond the dark is the sun and beyond the sun…well, beyond the sun is your dreams.
One year later…
Jenna was holding tightly onto a stack of books, her hair whipping across her face as she dashes down the university hallways. It was currently 1:10 in the afternoon and she was scheduled to meet with Samuel and Kael for lunch. “Ah, I’m so late.” She grumbles as she bursts through the front doors, her chest heaving as she struggled to catch her breath. “Did you run?” asks a gentle voice beside her. She looks up, her eyes squinting against the sun as Kael smiles down at her. “No…” she lies running a hand through her sweaty hair. Kael laughs loudly taking her by her wrist and tugging her away from the front doors. There was a white car parked out front, a young man with dark hair was holding the door open and was smiling softly as Kael approached. “Your majesty,” he greets with a bow and Kael shoves him in his chest. “Hyde, it’s Kael. I thought you would learn this after a year.” Hyde grins. “It’s fun teasing you.” Kael rolls his eyes as he slips into the car, Jenna sitting beside him. “Samuel’s already waiting for us and Francis somehow found his way over.” Kael explains and Jenna rolls her eyes. “He doesn’t want me dating again.”
“Hah, that’s inevitable, especially since his cousin is so beautiful.” She flutters her lashes playfully upon hearing Kael’s words. “How’s that internship going?” he asks and her expression brightens. “I’m a bit nervous about something’s, but the person who oversees my activities is really sweet.”
“That’s good.” Jenna had taken on an internship a city away two months after Aiden died. She said that it would be a good distraction for the time being and after a while it became something that she looked forward to and not something she used to distract herself. “And what about you—King of Melia?” She teases and Kael sighs as they turn a street corner. “I’ve been busy…”
“World problems?”
“Nothing of that sort, but the busy keeps me center.”
“Mmm.” The car pulls into the driveway of the café and Hyde parks. He turns around to look at Kael. “This is the place right?”
“Yes, thank you.” Kael leans forward and in the most subtle of ways the back of his hand caresses the s
ide of Hyde’s face as he steps out and Jenna looks between the two with wide eyes. “It’s not like that.” Hyde says quickly and she blushes on her way out.
Francis was already sitting at a table with Samuel, his arms crossed against his chest and his foot tapping. “So….how’s that new brace on your leg?” Samuel asks and Francis snorts. “It doesn’t hurt as much when I put pressure on it.”
“That’s goo—”
“Why do you like my cousin?”
“What?” the café doors jingle open and Jenna rushes over before Francis could say anything else. “H-hey, did you wait long?” she asks and Francis knocks her hand away and glares. “I was waiting for hou—l”
“I wasn’t asking you, Francis.” She snaps taking a seat beside Samuel and Kael laughs loudly as he sits beside Francis. “Is Janus coming?” Kael asks Francis. “Shouldn’t you know? He’s there at the castle almost 24/7.”
“No, he’s stuck himself inside the office at the RPA because of Micah.” Kael explains and Francis’s glare intensifies. “I think he went out earlier to choose a ring.” Kael murmurs and Jenna gasps. “Is he going to…” she mouths the word and Kael nods.
“He’s 30, I think it’s about time he found someone he can spend the rest of his life with.”
“Such an age gap…” Francis grumbles and Kael rolls his eyes. “Love has no boundaries, when you get older you’ll understand.” He reprimands and Francis laughs.
The new year came and went, Christmas passed and then it was January and spring came once again. Time has drifted by and the world is no longer as bleak and lonely or as dark and cold as Kael remembers. It is full of laughter and joy and friends. So many new friends and wonderful people. The world is changing and so is he, but what remains is the greenhouse, his garden, the flowers and the beautiful, wonderful—butterflies.
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