Nellie stopped to catch her breath and dab at her tears with a handkerchief. “I’m upset because you’re my husband and I thought we were building something, but I can see that we aren’t.” She glared up into his stare. “You are just going about business as usual, and don’t give a damn about my feelings. I think it best that you leave now. Go to work, do whatever it is you do. I want to be alone and think about what kind of marriage it is we have. Because it’s certainly not the kind I thought we had, where the partners trust and lo…well trust each other anyway.”
“Nellie, I…I want to believe you, but your accusation goes against everything I know about Maddie. I just can’t.”
After a deep breath, Nellie shook off his hands and stood. “Fine. Go. Why don’t you do some research into Maddie’s background and see if I’m lying?”
Blake backed away. “Alright I will, if only to put this matter to rest and prove that you’re wrong about her.”
“Fine.” She stalked to the dressing room, unbuttoning her gardening dress as she went. When she finished, she eased it off her shoulders and hung it on the peg where she kept it. It wasn’t very dirty, and she’d wear it one more time before having it washed.
Blake followed her to the room.
She had the dress off and was standing there in her undergarments, deciding on what dress to choose.
He came up behind her and rubbed his hands over her shoulders and down her arms.
“You’re so beautiful, Nellie.” His hands left her arms and found her breasts, hefting their weight. He kissed her neck and bit her ear.
“Don’t.” Nellie stiffened. “Do you really think we are making love now, after all this? If you do, you’re in for a rude awakening. The way I’m feeling I don’t know when we’ll make love again, but it won’t be soon.”
He backed away. “I don’t know why this situation should make any difference to our lovemaking.”
She turned and looked at him, while she held her white blouse in her hand. He really had no clue about women. “You don’t believe me. You don’t trust me. How can I let you have the most sacred part of me?”
Blake ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t see what one has to do with the other.”
Nellie shook her head and put on the blouse. “Think about it and when you figure it out, come talk to me. Now, I will finish dressing and then talk to Cook about that dinner party you want on Saturday. Will there be different group of people or the same ones?”
Blake closed his eyes and licked his lips. “Some of the same ones, but there will be four new couples, who will probably be hoping Maddie shows again, to liven up things.”
“I’m sure if you asked her, she’d reenact her appearance.” She pulled her black skirt over her head, making sure her blouse was tucked in all around before buttoning the skirt. “She would get great pleasure to know she was assisting you in embarrassing me.”
“Damn, Nellie, I’m not trying to embarrass you or put you in danger. Can’t you see that?” He paced with stiff steps and walked back. “I’ll have someone with you at all times that I’m not. No accidents will befall you again.”
“I don’t care if you have people with me. I’m grateful for the security, but I need for you to believe me. We have nothing if we don’t trust and believe each other. Nothing.” Breathing fast she shoved past him and out into the sitting room and on to the bedroom, where she checked her hair in the mirror. There was no need to pinch her cheeks, her color was high because of her fight with Blake.
“Where are you going?” asked Blake. “We’re not done talking.”
“I think we are. After I talk to Cook, I’m going back to the market. I’m not letting Maddie intimidate me. I will continue to do what I need to do and what I want to do. Otis will just come with me rather than waiting with the carriage, that’s all.”
“I’ll accompany you, if you need to go anywhere.”
“Yes, today perhaps, but you do have other matters of concern that you must deal with.” She tugged at the neckline of the blouse so she wouldn’t have to meet his gaze. “You can’t be with me all the time. Otis can be until this danger has passed.”
“I can do whatever I need to do, I’m the damn owner.”
“Well then, today I’m getting fitted for new dresses, going to the market for Cook and getting new shoes for Henry and Violet. Are you sure you want to accompany me? Shopping is liable to be boring for you. Besides, shouldn’t you go talk to Maddie and hire an investigator? It’s the only way this will be settled between us.” She faced him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Until you believe me, we’re at an impasse.”
Blake rolled his neck. She knew it was stiff from their fight. At any other time she might have gone to him and rubbed out the kinks but today he could rub them himself.
“I’m leaving now. If you’re coming, let’s go.” She walked out of the room and didn’t look back to see if he followed.
*****
Nellie hadn’t really expected him to go with her, but he had and didn’t complain once. She got her dresses fitted first. Blake waited patiently in the outer part of the dress shop, watching women come and go with their purchases.
Nellie peeked through the curtains from the back room where the fittings were and caught his gaze. “Do you want to see this dress? It’s for the dinner on Saturday. It’ll let you know what you’re paying for.
“Yes, I’d like that. I always like looking at you.” He sat back in his chair, put his hands behind his head, stretched his long legs out in front of him, and crossed his ankles.
She walked out wearing an emerald dress she’d had Madame Rosalynn design for her. The garment was fitted through the torso and waist with full skirt and a small bustle. The bodice was off the shoulder and very low over her bosom, showing plenty of cleavage.
Brows wrinkled, Blake sat up straight.
“Well,” she said turning in a circle. “What do you think? Will it make a good impression on your business associates?”
He stood and walked around her, then came back to the front and reached for the neckline and tried to pull up the dress to cover more of her breasts. “It’s much too low cut. Don’t they have anything more modest? You’re a mother, after all.”
She laughed. “What does being a mother have to do with anything? This is fashion and it’s the latest from Paris. I adore it.”
He grumbled and sat back down. “You can wear a shawl or a coat over it.”
“Inside our own house? Not likely, but you can delude yourself if you like,” she said sweetly.
“Are all the dresses you got like that one?” he asked grumpily.
“No. The others are day dresses and I’m quite covered up. This is an evening gown.”
“Well, it looks very good on you, but I don’t like that anybody else can see you in it.”
She chuckled. “I find that very gratifying.”
“Hmpft.”
Nellie sailed back to the dressmaker and ordered a second dress of similar design in black with lace at the bosom. If Blake liked the green, she’d make him crazy with the black one. She also asked the dressmaker to include a lacy corset, silk chemise and pantaloons. Then she scanned a rack of hanging garments and she saw it. The most beautiful, luscious, diaphanous nightgown she’d ever seen. The sheer confection was black silk and lace.
“Include that in my order, please,” she said, pointing at the gorgeous gown. She wouldn’t wear it long, Blake liked to keep her naked when they were in bed, but she’d get to wear it long enough to make him mad with lust. When she let him back in her bed and that wouldn’t be anytime soon. Not until he believed her about Maddie.
She walked out of the back room with two packages, and one of the dressmaker’s assistants carried another three.
“Blake, will you help please?”
“Yes, of course. Which parcels do you want me to carry?”
“If you could take those that Drucilla has, that would be helpful.”
“Is this
all?” He took the bundles from the young girl.
The girl tittered behind her hand after he’d taken the bundles from her.
“Yes, the rest will be delivered on Thursday, in plenty of time for the dinner party Saturday.” She turned to him. “Shall we get the children’s shoes, next, and then go to the market? And after that,” she grinned, “I’ll let you buy me tea at the Russian Tea Room.”
“You really make a day of it, don’t you?”
“I only do this once a week. The market, I mean. I don’t get dresses every week. And I usually get some time alone, too, but that will be coming to an end. At least for the time being.”
“Is it so bad spending your time with me?” he asked while they walked back to the carriage, each carrying parcels from the dressmakers shop.
“No, of course not. The Tea Room was just a treat I gave myself, nothing more.”
They reached the carriage and deposited the parcels, then went to the cobbler down the street and picked up the children’s shoes.
Finally they drove to the market, which was one of Nellie’s favorite places. The farmers interacting with their customers, the fish monger shouting out the day’s fresh catch, all the activity energized Nellie. Reminded her once again of how very lucky she was.
Today there were no incidents and she didn’t see Maddie, but then, she didn’t expect to with Blake along. She was sure Maddie would keep her distance for a while. Just as she was also sure she would try something else.
CHAPTER 11
Two hours after dinner and after she’d put the children down for bed, Nellie retired to her bedroom. She knew Blake would come to her and she was determined to drive him mad. She wanted to wear the black nightgown she bought but not let him make love to her. She wanted him to feel as needy as he made her feel.
She wasn’t sure how she’d achieve these two things and knew that if he wanted to, he could kiss her senseless and she’d give in to whatever he wanted. Maybe that’s what she really wanted. To have reaffirmation that he wanted her, might even love her, though she knew that was not likely. Men didn’t fall in love with women as quickly as women did with men. Or at least as quickly as she did with Blake.
That was what hurt so much. She loved him and he didn’t trust her enough to believe her without question. They had a long way to go.
Changing her mind, she put away the black negligee and got out her sturdy cotton nightgown. Nothing sexy or attractive about that. Serviceable, it buttoned uo to her chin. Robert had hated it, and she’d paid the price for wearing it. She still reeled from finding out the act of sex didn’t have to include pain. Shaking her head, she admitted she owed Blake for that gift. For teaching her that sex could be pleasurable. The thought she and Robert could have had their marriage so much better, so much more loving, if only he’d been different, saddened her. But she had two beautiful children who would learn from her, and Blake, that real relationships don’t involve physical pain.
She wondered if her mother-in-law had put up with being battered her entire married life. Possibly that was why she was so mean to her husband now that he was so feeble with old age and couldn’t hurt her anymore. Perhaps Nellie would have been the same way to Robert had he lived. Luckily she didn’t have to find out.
Nellie took a book with her to bed and tried to read while she waited for Blake. She wanted him. Wanted to sleep with him, but didn’t want to have sex until this whole Maddie thing was put behind them.
An hour later, Blake entered wearing his bathrobe.
“Good evening,” he said draping the robe on the end of the bed before crawling in. “I was afraid you might lock the door against me tonight.”
“I will never lock my door to you, but I hope you will abide by my wish to abstain from sex.”
“I won’t ever force you to make love.” He propped himself on an elbow and gazed down. “You can always say no, and I will abide by that. I do ask that we sleep together every night, no matter what kind of day we’ve had, whether we are angry with each other or not. Will you agree to that?”
“I agree. I admit that even when I’m upset with you, I still want to sleep in your arms. I’m afraid I’ve grown used to it.”
He smiled. “Come here, wife. I’ve grown used to having you in my arms. Let us make a pact, never to fight in bed. We can be angry with each other and still not bring it to our bed.”
“I agree.” She gave him a small smile before pressing her lips tight. “That doesn’t mean I’m not still upset or that I don’t disagree with you, because I do.” She relaxed against him and he held her close in his arms.
“I interviewed an investigator this evening, after you left. That’s where I’ve been, and why I didn’t come to bed sooner. The man will start looking into Maddie’s background tomorrow.”
She cuddled closer and said, “Thank you. I know you’ll find I’m right.”
“I truly hope you’re wrong. Maddie has been a friend for a long time.”
“She’s been more than a friend, and that’s why she’s acting this way. She doesn’t want to become just a friend or just an employee.” Nellie scooted back her head so she could meet his gaze. “She wants to be your wife.”
“But that won’t ever happen. She’s not the kind of woman I want to be the mother of my children.”
Nellie pulled away a little.
“What?” asked Blake, holding her tight. “What’s wrong?”
“There is such a double standard. Women like Maddie exist because men made her that way, yet those same men, won’t make an honest woman of her.”
“You sound like you feel sorry for her,” said Blake, his eyebrows lifted. “Maddie has a good life now. I don’t really know much of what it was like before, but she was never my type for a wife. Actually no woman was as I never expected to marry. As you know, I only did for business purposes. Maddie knows that, too.”
“You’ve always told me ‘business purposes’. I know you want to open a family emporium, but there must be something else. As to Maddie, she assumed your liaison would continue as it was. Yet for some reason, you decided to be faithful. Isn’t that true?”
He held her close and gently rubbed his hands over her arms. “Yes, I intend to remain faithful. Is that so odd?”
Unable to stop herself, she ran her fingers through the sprinkling of curly, dark hair on his chest. Both his action and hers were the ways they always touched each other in bed when they weren’t making love. At least for her the act was making love, she realized that for him, it was just sex, but the coupling had resulted in a babe and she couldn’t be happier.
“Given the reason for our marriage, yes I suppose it is odd and I don’t think your being faithful was in Maddie’s plans.”
“No,” he agreed. “I don’t suppose it was. But even so, to try to kill you? That’s a bit far-fetched.”
She moved away and leaned up on one elbow. “See, that’s where we disagree. She’s desperate to get you back and the only way she sees that occurring is to eliminate me. You have to believe me, Blake, I wouldn’t make up this kind of story. I don’t lie.”
He tried to get her back in his arms but she wouldn’t cooperate.
“I never said you were lying, just that Maddie trying to kill you doesn’t fit with the woman that I know.”
“And I’m saying you don’t know that woman at all.” Nellie smashed the pillow into place. “She’s unstable. She needs help before she really does hurt someone, namely me.”
“I hired the investigator. What else can I do?”
“You could believe me, or at least pretend to.”
“That wouldn’t be honest and we need to have honesty between us. We won’t always agree and this might as well be the first time. If I’m wrong I’ll admit it.”
“If you’re wrong, you could discover me injured or dead.”
He huffed out a breath. “We’re not getting anywhere. Come back here and let’s go to sleep. We can talk more after the investigator gives me his report.�
��
“Fine, but I think I’ll sleep over here. I don’t feel like being held by you tonight.”
He shook his head. “I thought we decided not to let our arguments come to bed with us.”
“You’re here in my bed aren’t you? That’s as good as it gets tonight. I’ll have to work on remaining in your arms when I’m angry with you.” She rolled over and tried to go to sleep, but it was a hard fight. She couldn’t get over the fact that he didn’t believe her.
Nellie awoke with Blake’s head at her chest, her nightgown open to the waist and him lavishing her nipples with attention. She had a warm, jittery feeling deep in her belly, threw her head back into the pillows and groaned, her hand finding the nape of his neck and pressing him to her.
She finally let him raise his head, and he smiled and said, “Good morning, lady mine.”
She moaned and when she realized that he was getting out of bed, she raised her voice. “Hey, that’s not fair, to get me in this state and then leave me.”
“You said you didn’t want to make love when we are having an argument.”
“You weren’t supposed to make me want to make love. That’s playing dirty.”
He chuckled and grabbed his robe. “See you at breakfast.”
She watched him disappear through the door that led to their shared bathroom.
“Well,” she huffed. “That won’t happen again, if I can help it.” But what she would do to prevent it, she didn’t know.
Nellie got out of bed and went to the bathing room, cleaned her face and hands, then walked to her dressing room and prepared for the day. She took extra care, dressed in one of her new day dresses, with a slender crinoline hoop underneath. This one was not as wide and full as her older dresses and she much preferred it. She had ordered several new day dresses, with short, fitted jackets, in the new style.
She pinched her cheeks for color, put up her hair in a bun at the nape of her neck and left to have breakfast with Blake before the children and Bertha awoke.
Nellie (The Brides of San Francisco Book 1) Page 12
