by Ema Bancroft
Moxie wiped her burger clean and had a drink of her milkshake. "That's not all,"she said. "I think there's something else that could help."
"What?"
She smiled with a smile. "I have an idea."
E. C.
That night I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about Daisy... and I was pretty sure that this is how I would spend the whole night...".
Like the night before.
I was so fucked up.
I knew for Daisy's sake we agreed to cool things off. I didn't expect it to be so difficult.
And I didn't expect Daisy to take it so well.
When I suggested the idea after the concert at the observatory, I waited for her to tell me she was wrong... that we could fix it... that everything would be fine. Instead, she accepted, and I realized that I had hurt her feelings. I tried to explain where it came from, and I think she really understood.
It still sucked. Mainly.
I turned around, hit my pillow and kicked the sheets and blankets off my legs. I couldn't get comfortable without Daisy in my bed. It didn't even make sense, as we had only slept together a couple of times, but I wanted her there.
I needed her there.
I hadn't seen her since after the session when she went to lunch with Moxie. I had hid in Ethan's room playing Xbox with the boys for hours, listening intently to the sound of her arrival in the hallway. I was hoping you'd come by to say hello, maybe just to say hello.
But she didn't do it.
Finally, we asked for room service and went to bed.
I stopped when I walked past Daisy's door, my fist floating over the forest, and fought with myself.
Should I call?
Should I leave her alone?
Should I knock the door down and take it to the ground?
The last one seemed like a really good idea.
I took a deep breath and gained control of my inner caveman. It was for the best. Daisy and I needed some space... time to think?
Right.
Why did it sound more logical before spending a night and a day away from her? Before I was in my bed with only a thin wall of hotel that separated us?
I groaned, pulling the pillow over my face and screaming at me in its aggravation. I stopped abruptly when they knocked on the door. Aggravated, frustrated and fucking hard as a rock, I put a pair of jeans on my underwear, without bothering to fasten them. I opened the door, just to find Daisy standing nervously on the other side.
"Daisy? I scanned the hallway before I pulled her inside. "What are you doing here?"
She entered the room, arms hugged around her stomach. She took her coat off, threw her into a chair and took a deep breath, as if she had made up her mind.
"I was talking to Moxie today,"she said.
"Yes? " I scratched my stomach, and Daisy's eyes flashed briefly before widening. I swallowed it, fighting my own excitement. "About what?"
She licked her lips, taking a step toward me. "She thinks I need to give the woman inside me a chance to get out."
I suddenly realized that Daisy wasn't wearing her Hartmann bandage. Or a bra. Just a thin shirt.
Fuck.
I took a step backwards involuntarily, but Daisy kept stalking me slowly. "Did she have a... uh... did she have an idea how you should do that?"?
Daisy smiled, an eyebrow lifting seductively. "A few. She thinks I should try to crawl.
I drowned, without waiting for that answer at all. "You're fucking with me."
Daisy laughed, shrugging her shoulders slightly. "She thinks that would help me deal with my repressed femininity."
"Is he repressed? " At the moment, it seemed that Daisy's femininity was at the front and center.
She stood before me, her back slightly arched, and her breasts luring in prominent display across her T-shirt.
"You have no idea,"she said in a hoarse voice, tucking her fingers into my bare chest.
I didn't know how I managed to grab her wrists, because all I wanted was to let her keep touching me. Forever and ever.
But I did it. I grabbed them, suffocating a groan when their fingers bent over my skin in protest. "What happened to the slowdown? " I asked.
She didn't fight my squeeze, she just leaned against me - hip to hip, chest to chest, mouth to mouth. "I can go slow if you want,"she whispered, her tongue crawling from my lips.
I groaned, capturing her tongue in my mouth briefly. She shook a little bit, her hips pushing against mine.
Fuck me. No dick. Just heat... soft and delicious heat?
"I suppose that... slow... doesn't have to mean... high,"I muttered, unable to resist. I dropped her wrists and pushed her against me.
"Oh no," she whispered against my mouth as her fingers slid into my hair. "Whatever you do, don't stop."
I didn't do it. I lifted her up and she wrapped my legs around my hips as I walked to bed.
I undressed her... slowly?
Did I kiss her... slowly?
I got into it... slowly?
Even when she started begging... harder... faster... I kept the rhythm relentlessly slow?
Not to torture her, but because she didn't want it to end.
And when we finally broke up, our quiet moans echoing through the room, I wondered how I could stay away from her... how did I think I could breathe without her?
I collapsed on the mattress next to Daisy, pulling on her and smelling her skin.
And I knew she'd never let her go.
Whatever we had to do, I'd never let her go.
Chapter 10
Chapter 10 - Playing with me
E. C.
"What are you thinking?"
Fuck.
Daisy may have spent ninety percent of her waking hours as a boy, but there were times when her feminine side could not be denied.
Like the perfect time, when we had just spent most of an hour fucking our brains out in my hotel room. We were tangled in the sheets, sweating and hitting each other and trying to catch our breath...
and asked me what I was thinking.
What the fuck happened to that?
I knew it was a trick question. I didn't really want to know what I was thinking. Or maybe she thought she wanted to know what I was thinking, but if she knew what I was really thinking, she would realize that she didn't really want to know what I was thinking.
Because basically, when it comes to men, we usually think of three things.
Work. Food. Sex.
Of course, we can do several things at once. We can think about sex when we are working (which works really well when you're singing a love song, by the way). We can work while eating, although we may also be thinking about sex at that time.
And there may be times when we think about other things - like the World Series, a movie we're watching or a book we're reading. But let's be honest, the Big Three dominate.
And we're usually eating during World Series and thinking about sex, probably.
But when we're not working, and we've eaten enough, and we just had an hour of awesome sex, we're thinking about...
Nothing.
That is correct. Absolutely nothing.
But I knew "nothing" wasn't what Daisy was looking for. "Nothing" means you're hiding something. "Nothing means you don't want the girl to know what you're thinking.
Because you're probably thinking about another girl. Or thinking she's fat.
Well, I could have been in this situation before.
So in my post-coital, blurry and happy world in which my skull might well be filled with jelly, I had to find an answer to the question "What are you thinking? "questioning - let's be honest here - would not cut me off from any future sex."
And I had to do it quickly, because a delay in the response was as bad as the feared "nothing.
Fuck. Has it been a long time? I stroked Daisy's arm and kissed her forehead to buy her time.
"I was just thinking,"I said slowly, rubbing a hand on her hip. Can I distract he
r?
"Yes? " she asked.
Fuck. She was relentless. I didn't have anything yet. Desperately for an answer, my jelly-headed rebellion...?
Or kind of drunk, I guess.
"You're so pretty,"I said in the end, thinking that wouldn't get me into too much trouble.
I held my breath, watching her carefully to see if she reacted.
She smiled, and I let the air out of my lungs slowly to relieve me.
Maybe this boyfriend shit wasn't as hard as I thought.
Boyfriend? Huh. That word didn't scare me as much as I thought it would. In fact, while Daisy's smile lit up her face and a blush stained her cheeks, she felt pretty incredible.
Just imagine.
"Thank you,"she muttered, showing up on her elbows to kiss me. I reached the back of her head, holding it in place so I could do the job properly. She whimpered in my mouth, and I was just changing a little bit so we could go to the second round - or was it three? when It's Raining Men's irritating tensions filled the air.
"Is that your phone? " Daisy asked, pulling backward, her lips full and wet, her eyes glazed.
I pulled it down. "Forget it,"I muttered, nibbling at her neck as the music muted... just to start over, the electronic tones grating on my nerves with every beat?
"Damn Roland,"I muttered, looking for my discarded pants.
"Roland's stamp is It's Raining Men? " Daisy asked, laughing.
I shrugged my shoulders, pulling the phone out of my pocket. It was either that or Y. M. C. A."
She laughed when she answered the phone. "Roland, this better be important."
"E. C.? " answered a trembling voice I didn't recognize.
"Who is this? " I said a moment before the voice clicked. "Eddie?"
"I need help,"he whispered.
I sat down, taking a look at Daisy. In her interrogative gaze, I shrugged my shoulders. "What's wrong? Where's Roland?"
"I picked up his phone by mistake,"he said.
"I couldn't sleep... I just wanted to go to the bar for a drink... fuck!"?
"Eddie, where are you? " I didn't like the sound of his voice. It was obvious something was wrong.
"Elevator,"he grunted, breathing heavily. "I need to go to your room... I can't let Roland see me... like this..."?
The phone went off.
"Eddie?"
Daisy grabbed my hand. "What's going on?"
"I don't know,"I told her before I called Roland. He went straight to voicemail. "Eddie's coming. We'd better get you out of here. " I grabbed my jeans and got dressed quickly when Daisy ran into the bathroom, pulling her shirt over her head. A slight knock on the door told us there was no time to get Daisy out. She closed in the bathroom while I opened the door, just so Eddie would fall forward, collapsing in my arms.
"Eddie? What the fuck? " His face was a fucking mess, an almost swollen, closed eye. He staggered in the room, leaning heavily on me, before falling on the bed.
I called about my phone. "I have to call Roland."
"No! "Eddie raised a hand to stop me, but fell weakly on the bed. "Don't... please... don't call him"?
"What the fuck happened?"
"Just some assholes in the bar. " He struggled a little, and I helped him sit on the edge of the bed. "They cornered me in the bathroom. I should have known better than to go in there alone.
"Shit, Eddie."
He tried to smile, but shuddered at the pain of his broken lip. "It's not as bad as it looks,"he assured me. "But Roland will turn around if he sees me like this. I just need to clean up a little bit.
"You need to go to a hospital."
"Seriously, E. C. "His words were slightly defamed. "I'll be fine... I just need you to help me with this"?
One hand holding a damp cloth on Eddie's cheek, and I noticed that Daisy had come out of the bathroom. Eddie Winced.
"I'm sorry,"she muttered, gently wiping the blood. Eddie's eyes ran between us.
"I should have known,"he said, whistling as Daisy passed through a sore spot.
"Roland didn't tell you? I asked.
"No. He wouldn't do that unless you said it was okay," Edwin replied.
"But after the back door, I suspected."
Daisy went back to the bathroom to rinse the towel. "Who did this to you? " she asked softly.
"Just idiots who don't appreciate the activities in my bedroom."
Daisy gasped. "Did they do this to you because you're gay?"
Eddie turned his eyes, at least the one that wasn't swollen and closed. "Come on, Tim. You don't find it so surprising. I mean, there's a reason you and E. C. are in that closet, right?"
She paused with the cloth trembling slightly in her hand. Eddie looked at her. "Shit. I'm sorry,"he said. "I didn't mean that."
"No, it's okay,"Daisy replied, wiping his forehead. Her own forehead crinkled, and I was wondering what she was thinking. "We need ice for that eye,"she said quietly looking at me.
"Yes. I'm on it. " I went across the bar and looked in the fridge, just to find the empty freezer. Knowing that calling room service could open us up to all the gossip we'd be better off without, I took the ice cube and went out into the hallway in search of an ice machine. Of course, there were none. I walked down the hallway, my eyes turning toward Roland's door every two seconds, before returning to my room.
"There's no ice machine,"I said with frustration. Daisy turned around, pounding her eyes. "Are you all right? " I asked.
She turned quickly to Eddie. "Yeah. Sure. I'm fine. "She took the towel to the bathroom without looking me in the eye. "You'll need to call room service, I guess,"she said as she was rinsing the clothes.
Eddie seemed much less bloody, but he was still not as good, and when I looked at him in question, he shrugged in response. I couldn't help but wonder what had happened while I was in the hallway.
Room service appeared in record time, and shortly after Eddie had ice in his eye. Daisy had given him one of my shirts, so it looked a lot better than when he showed up at my door.
"We have to call Roland now,"she said. Eddie sighed and nodded his head. He took the ice out of his eye.
"Better?"
We both frowned. He laughed a little.
"I didn't think so."
Eddie made the call himself. I wasn't sure why he didn't just come to see Roland in person, but when I saw his hands shaking as he scored, I realized he needed us for moral support. I also figured I was hoping Roland wouldn't go crazy about what happened. I could see Roland pissed off trying to track down the assholes who hit Eddie, but when he showed up at my door, he didn't seem angry.
He looked scared to death.
Daisy
"Eddie? " Roland entered the room tentatively, and then ran to kneel before his boyfriend. "Jesus, honey, what happened? " He reached out to brush Eddie's hair from his face and winked slightly.
"It's nothing,"Eddie said, forcing a smile. "I'm fine."
Roland took Eddie's hand. "You're not well. You're a fucking mess. " He was so upset, he didn't even whisper the word of curse. "What the hell happened? Who did this to you?"
"Never mind."
"It does matter! We can't let them get away with this!"
"I don't want you to do anything."
"It's not up to you! " Roland got up and stalked through the room. Elijah stood before him.
"Friend. I think we have to worry about Eddie right now.
"You think I'm not worried about him? " Roland's eyes were glazed with rage and tears without shedding, his voice sandy and determined. "But those assholes need to pay!"
"They're not going to be lurking in the hallway,"Elijah said, keeping his tone calm. "We'll find them, but right now, I think we should take Eddie to the hospital."
"I'm fine! " Eddie insisted.
"You're not well,"I said. "I think your nose is broken. And you need a doctor to look at that eye. "He had seen the damage well as he was cleaning the worst of the blood. Eddie had put on a brave forehead, but I saw every twin
ge and grimace of pain as I gently put my hand on his face. Was he in a lot of pain... and it wasn't just physical?
When Elijah had left in search of ice, I lost the battle to keep control of my emotions, and a tear fell down my cheek.
"Hi,"Eddie said quietly. "I'm fine. I'm gonna be fine."
"Are you? "I asked, taking a deep breath to try to silence my anger. "Someone did this to you... hurt you... for no reason. How can you be so calm? Why aren't you angry?"
Eddie sighed, closing his eyes as I tended to the one who was not swollen and closed.
"You think I'm not pissed off? " he asked quietly, his eyelids blinking slightly. "Of course I do. I am angry and hurt and have to say that when it happened, I was afraid of death. I thought they might kill me.
"But if I surrender to hatred, they win. I don't want to live like this.
"Don't you want them to pay?"
Eddie opened his eyes, focusing on me sadly. "Of course I do. And they will. But you know how it is, B. There'll always be an asshole out there who wants us to leave. The best revenge is to live our lives, love the one we love, be happy.
Eddie's bravery struck my instinct, and I felt a wave of shame on the facade that Elijah and I were raising... the lie we were living - a lot of lies, actually. I felt trapped by them - trapped between my love for Elijah and my need to protect those around me, let alone myself. And when I looked at Roland and Eddie, facing whatever came their way, I wished I could be so strong. The deception twisted in my stomach, and when Elijah went back into the room, I washed another teardrop from my eyes. Elijah got it, of course, and asked me if I was okay. I waved at him and went back to the bathroom to control myself.
I could see Roland trying to do the same thing now. He took a deep breath, then in a sudden outburst of rage, slammed his fist against the wall, breaking the dewy patch. His shoulders bent, muscles almost vibrating from tension, and I wondered if I was going to hit him again.
"Baby,"Eddie said sadly. Roland's shoulders fell, and he leaned against the wall, his hand pressing on the newly formed hole. Finally, he exhaled and turned slowly, his eyes drifting toward Eddie. Just like that, the anger in his expression disappeared, replaced by fear... worry... panic?
Love.
"Feeling better? " Elijah asked, raising an eyebrow.
Roland looked up at him with his eyes, but his lips were a bit bizarre. "Yes. " He looked at the damaged wall. "I'm sorry about that."
