by Alex Grayson
“I did, Pix.” I speak over her. “He needed to know, especially with everything that’s going on. There was no way to avoid it.”
“And he did this to you?” She asks angrily.
“Yes, but it was something that needed to be done. Don’t blame him.”
“How bad does he look?”
“A busted lip,” I tell her, wondering if she’s going where I think she’s going with this.
“That’s it?” She’s getting angrier by the minute if the telltale sign of her clenched fists are any indication.
“Yes, that’s it.”
She considers me for a minute before her expression turns to one of pain. I try to pull her in my arms, but she pushes against my ribs, making me wince a little. She notices my wince, and her look of pain turns to anguish.
“You just stood there and took it, didn’t you?” She chokes out.
I try again to bring her to me, but she shakes her head, halting my movement.
“Answer me,” she says loudly.
“Fuck, Pix, yes I just stood there. I stood there and took every one of his hits, because I deserve to hurt for what I did to you. I stood there, because I needed to feel some of the pain you went through. The pain may have come a different way, but I still needed it. The guilt I feel for what happened is something that will never go away. If I can appease it, even just a little bit, then that’s what I’ll do.”
She’s silent after my explanation. The tears and hurt I see in her eyes make me want to rip my own heart out for hurting her again. I didn’t mean to upset her with my words, but I needed to make her see that.
Not able to stand the distance between us anymore, I snake my hands out and yank her forward.
“I’m sorry, Mia,” I murmur against her hair.
She pulls back from me, and I see a few tears trickle down her face. I bring my hands up to frame her face and wipe away the tears.
“Please, Mac, please stop blaming yourself. You didn’t ask for it to happen. You didn’t want it to happen. I know you feel guilt, but you need to let it go. I know how it feels to be helpless. I know, Mac. When that guy had me in that closet, I tried so damn hard to get my body to work, but nothing helped. There was no way you could have stopped Tessa, even if you knew from the beginning it was her.”
I want so badly to believe her. I know that she no longer blames me, but it just feels like I didn’t try hard enough. That there was something I could have done to stop it. I don’t tell her that though, because I know she hurts because of the guilt I feel. She truly is a very special person and doesn’t deserve anymore pain, especially from me.
I bend my head and kiss her gently. I taste the salt of her tears on my lips, and the pain in my chest intensifies a little. I swear to myself that I will never again be the cause of her tears, unless they are happy ones. Happy tears are perfectly fine with me.
We pull apart, and the world around us that faded away at our heart to heart comes crashing back with loud music and laughter. I look around to see if anyone witnessed our discussion, but again, everyone else is occupied with something else.
Mia and I walk over to the bar. I lift the partition for her, but before she can walk behind the counter, I stop her, lift her wrist, and kiss the inside. She graces me with a smile, and she goes behind the counter. The place isn’t that busy, but I know she still needs to get back to work. I take a seat on one of the stools and silently watch her. T is with Bailey and Amari until Mia gets off work. I’m assuming Jaxon asked Bailey if she would watch him so I could come in with Mia to have our talk. Since I don’t have to worry about T, I decide to stay until the end of Mia’s shift.
Jaxon comes back out to the bar and steps behind the counter with Mia. I guess Chris has already left for the night, because she’s nowhere to be found. When Mia spots Jaxon, she gives him a dirty look. Jaxon walks up to her and pulls her unwilling body into his arms. I see him murmur something in her ear and watch as her body relaxes. She kisses his cheek and pulls back from him. They speak quietly for a few minutes, before Jaxon leans down and places a kiss on her forehead.
Everything is okay now. If only I could wipe the feeling away that warns me that something big is going to happen.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Mia
Her kindness…
Loaded up with the grill, a cooler full of drinks, and lunch supplies in the back of the truck, we head towards the lake on the back of Jaxon’s property. It’s been a couple years since we’ve all gotten together like this, just us adults. At least for me anyway. In the past, I would always bow out if I knew Mac was going to be there. Being around him more than I needed to be was something I was not willing to do. It would bring back the bittersweet memories of our past and would either piss me off or make me want to cry all over again. I avoided him like the plague, if at all possible. Now though, I’m looking forward to this get together.
Trent and Amari are at my mom’s house. I felt bad for leaving him behind but knew that this was not a family get together type of bar-b-que. Mac promised him we would take him swimming this weekend. He was fine with staying with my mom.
Mac reaches across the cab, unbuckles my belt, and slides his arm around me to tug me over so I’m in the middle of the bench seat. Once I’m situated with my seat belt back on, he puts his hand on my thigh. I lean over to him and kiss his neck. Just a peck, but enough to have Mac squeeze my thigh in warning.
“I heard from my mom. I meant to tell you last night. They’re making a trip up next weekend,” Mac tells me.
I’m still a little undecided on how I feel about seeing his parents again after all these years. Mac says they understand my neglect of them and that everything will be okay and they’ll welcome me back with open arms, but I’m still doubtful. What I did to them was shitty. They aren’t the ones that hurt me, but I treated them as such. It was just too painful to see them. That, and I feared running into Mac if I did go over to his house. I also think about how I treated Mac when he needed me the most. Will they blame me for not being there for him? I just hope Mac’s right and they forgive me.
“That’s great! I can’t wait to see them again,” I say to him, trying to sound enthusiastic and not the nervousness that I actually do feel.
Mac must have sensed my trepidation, because he grabs my hand and brings my wrist to his mouth. I shiver in response. It gets to me every time he does that.
“Stop worrying. I told you everything is going to be fine. They love you, Pix.”
“Do they know we’re back together?” I ask, unsure if I want them to know yet.
“Yes, they know, and they’re ecstatic. You should have heard my mom when I told her. I thought she was going to burst my eardrums. Then she started sobbing over the phone. My dad had to take it from her until she calmed down. Believe me, Mia, they are both very happy that we’re together again.”
I smile over at him and feel a little better. Only time will tell if what he says is true. I’ve missed his parents so much and am genuinely looking forward to seeing them again, even if they are worried about Mac and me being together again.
“Do they know I’m staying with you and the situation with Tessa?”
He sighs and releases my hand, but places it back on my thigh. His thumb moves slowly back and forth.
“They know that T’s staying with me because of his mother and that you’re staying with me for safety reasons, but they don’t know the details. I’ll probably sit down with them while they’re here and let them know what’s going on.”
That’s good. They have a right to know what’s going on with their son and grandson.
We pull up to the clearing by the lake a few minutes later. Jaxon, Bailey, Chris, and Andrew are already here. Nick said he may stop by sometime today. Ethan and Karyn are supposed to come by after Karyn gets off work from the diner after the lunch rush.
Instead of sliding over to my side of the truck to get out, Mac pulls me out with him on his side. As soon as my feet hit
the ground, he grabs my hair and pulls my head back for a short, but scorching, kiss. I’m breathless by the time he pulls back. I give him the evil eye, because he knows he gets to me, even when it’s just a kiss. The little shit just smiles at me and taps the end of my nose, before walking off to the back of the truck. Just for that, he can unload the damn truck by himself.
I stand there watching with satisfaction as he takes everything out of the truck, until Jaxon ruins it for me by helping. I scowl at them both and turn around right as Bailey and Chris walk up.
“It’s so strange seeing the two of you getting along. For the past two years, I’ve watched you both giving each other shit or sending each other longing glances when one thought the other wasn’t looking. It’s a nice change.”
I look back over to Mac and Jaxon and see them laugh at something. I’ve missed him so much over the years. I never realized how much until we started talking again.
I turn back to Bailey and Chris and give them a small portion of the truth. “When we dated years ago, something happened to break us apart. What I thought happened wasn’t the complete truth. There was more to the story than what I saw.”
“I assume you know the whole truth now?” Chris asks.
“Yeah, Mac pretty much left me no choice but to listen to him. I just wish I had listened sooner. We lost so much time,” I finish with a sad smile.
Bailey leans over and hugs me before pulling back and looking me right in the eye. “Don’t dwell on the past. There’s nothing you can do to change it. You finally did listen. Think about the future now. I’ve never seen you so happy, Mia. Before, you tried to play it off, but I always saw sadness in your eyes. The sadness is gone now. Now, all I see is pleasure.”
Her words bring tears to my eyes. I pull her into my arms again for a fierce hug. Bailey is one of the sweetest women I know. She’s right. I tried so hard to make people believe I was truly happy in my life, but deep down, I always felt like I was drowning. Finally, after years of suffocating, I can breathe again without it hurting.
Chris gives me a small smile over Bailey’s shoulder, and then hugs me once Bailey and I break apart. In my ear she whispers, “I’m really happy for you, Mia. You deserve to be happy.”
I pull back and give her a watery smile. She smiles in return.
We make our way over to the blanket that is set out, while Mac and Jaxon start setting up the grill. Andrew’s sprawled out in all his hot and tattooed glory. He’s on his stomach so we all get a glimpse of the huge tree tattooed on his back. The base of the tree starts right above his butt. The trunk travels up his spine until it gets to his shoulder blades, where the leafless branches expand and start wrapping up and around his shoulders. Every so often, you see black birds sitting on one the dead branches. It’s a beautiful piece.
“Get your lazy ass up and come help, Andrew,” Jaxon says while carrying the cooler of drinks.
“Hey, hey, now, no need to get snippy, hotness. I was just relaxing. If you wanted me to get up so you can check out my amazing chest, all you had to do is ask. You know I’m always prepared to please you.” Andrew gets up and puffs out his chest, running his hand down his pecs and abs. He has both of his nipples pierced. All three of us girls stare in appreciation. Andrew really is a sight to see.
“No thanks, fucker,” Jaxon says. “If I want to see an amazing chest, I’ll just look at mine. Now, go grab the other cooler out of the truck.” He turns to Bailey, who still has her eyes on Andrew’s magnificent chest. “Bailey, if you don’t stop looking at him, I’ll be forced to take you in those woods over there and show you exactly whose chest you should be drooling over.”
Bailey’s eyes snap to Jaxon and a cute blush covers her cheeks. Jaxon smirks at her, which makes her narrow her eyes at him. He had better watch it. Bailey isn’t the sweet innocent girl she used to be. It’s not very often, but when pushed, Bailey can be a force to be reckoned with.
I turn to look at Mac and see a calculated look in his eyes. I know he’s thinking the same thing as Jaxon. My silent stare back at him dares him to even try. Chris’s next comment interrupts our silent battle of wills and causes both Bailey and me to laugh.
“Well, I’m not attached to anyone, so I can look my fill.”
“At least someone appreciates my beauty,” Andrew mutters, walking towards the truck.
Mac and Jaxon both just shake their head and continue to get things ready for the cookout.
Bailey, Chris, and I get settled on the blanket. Chris and I remove our tops. We’re both wearing bikinis. Mine is a dark grey, while hers is pure white. I look over to Bailey and see the indecision written all over her face. Her body is marked from her time with Steven, and she’s still self-conscious about it.
I watch as she finally comes to a decision, and I couldn’t be more proud of her. With shaky fingers, she lifts the hem of her shirt and pulls it over her head. She has on a modest forest green bikini top, but it still reveals the lines and dips of the scars she carries. She looks at me when she’s done, and I smile at her in encouragement.
All three of us lay back and soak up the sun and listen to the guys rumble about. The sun feels nice on my skin. I’m naturally darker-skinned so I don’t need to sun bathe to get a tan, but I like to do it every once in a while just for the relaxation it gives me.
“Did Jaxon tell you that he heard from your dad the other day?” Bailey turns her head to ask me.
At the mention of the man that likes to claim he’s my father, my body stiffens. No, Jaxon hasn’t told me. Probably because he knows that I don’t want to know. That man is a piece of shit that cares about nothing but himself. When he left us, there was a huge weight lifted from the house and everyone left in it. Yes, he was my father and I should have been sad, but he hadn’t acted like a father in years. He was constantly putting us all down and had cheated on Mama with several different women. The kicker was that he didn’t even try to hide it. He eventually moved to hitting my mom, but that didn’t last long. Jaxon made sure of that.
The most fucked up part about it all is that he wasn’t always like that. When I was a kid, I remembered him being the best father there was. He always had time for us kids. When he would come home from work, he would walk up to mom and give her a big kiss, and then turn to us kids and play with us until it was supper time. He treated my mom like precious gold, always catering to her every whim. My mom wasn’t a demanding woman, but he would find little ways to do things for her. I remember waking up each morning to my mom and dad sitting at the table beside each other talking quietly and laughing over a cup of coffee. I remembered always wanting a love like my parents had.
When I reached high school, everything changed. To this day, my mom has no idea what made him change. She likes to think it was a mid-life crisis, but who knows.
I turn my head in Bailey’s direction and curl my lip, “He knows better than to bring him up to me. He’s tried in the past, but I always shut him down. I have no desire to ever know what’s up with that man.”
She nods her head in understanding. She knows the subject is a sore one for both Jaxon and me. Probably more so Jaxon since it was his fiancé that our dear ole dad ran off with, right after she had an abortion with Jaxon’s baby. Yes, it’s majorly fucked up, but that’s our father for you.
“How did Jaxon do?” I ask her, because normally after Jaxon talks to our father he’s not in the best of moods. Who can really blame him though?
“He was okay. Mostly quiet.” She looks at me and starts chewing on her lip, like she trying to decide on whether or not to tell me something. I save her the trouble.
“Just spit it out, Bailey,” I tell her as gently as I can, but I know it still comes out harsh.
“He called to tell Jaxon that he and Cara are having another baby,” she rushes out.
This doesn’t surprise me, but it still pisses me off because my father knows how much it must hurt Jaxon. It’s like he’s gloating to Jaxon. It makes me want to hunt him down and rip h
is damn dick off and shove it down his throat so he can’t have any more babies with that hoe bag Cara.
“He was fine after a while, but I know it still bothers him,” Bailey says after a few minutes. “I also know that having Amari helps as well.”
“I still hate that he does that to Jaxon. He knows damn good and well what it must do to him. He just doesn’t care. He’s a selfish prick.”
Bailey and Chris both nod in agreement. We lapse into silence. I’m almost asleep when a huge shadow blocks the sun. I open my eyes and see an upside down, shirtless Mac looming over me with a big grin on his face. The only thing he has on is his navy blue board shorts. My mouth immediately becomes dry, and my heart does a pitter-patter at seeing his beautifully built chest. He squats down and lowers his mouth to give me an upside down kiss. His tongue and lips linger, sending a warm shiver racing through me, before leaning back on his heels.
“Come swim with me,” he says quietly.
I look over and see Chris lounging on her stomach. Bailey is with Jaxon with her arms wrapped around him from behind while he mans the grill. Andrew is nowhere to be seen.
“Okay.” Mac helps me up from the blanket, and I slip off my shorts. I hear Mac groan behind me once my shorts are lowered, and I glance over at him. What I see in his eyes brings moisture between my legs. His eyes are running up and down my body with such intense sexual desire.
I clear my throat to get his attention. When he looks at me, there is no regret for being caught ogling me. He sends me a cocky smile.
Men.
He turns his back to me and says over his shoulder, “Hop on.”
I walk up behind him, wrap my arms around his neck, and give myself a little jump to bring my legs around his waist. He puts his hands underneath my upper thighs to help keep me on his back and starts walking forward.
An evil little grin forms on my face. I lean forward and bring my lips to the back of his neck and start licking and kissing. His skin is salty from sweating, but I’ve never tasted anything so good.
I feel his hands tighten on my thighs before he says in a warning voice, “Mia…”
