by Nancy Thayer
Jesse lifted himself off her. She was shivering, and he covered her with the towel, and laid his sweatshirt across her legs. Lying on his side, he held her close to him, and stroked her hair, and whispered, “Sssh.”
But tears filled Lexi’s eyes and dripped down her face, and she couldn’t stop them. Half-laughing, she admitted in a choked, embarrassed voice, “I don’t even know why I’m crying.”
Jesse kissed her forehead. “It’s all right,” Jesse said, and his voice sounded so tender. “It’s good to cry.”
“Oh, Jesse.” Rolling sideways, she buried her face in his chest.
He held her against him. She could feel her heart and his both subsiding from their pounding. Her blood spun a warm mist of ease through her limbs. A kind of happiness she’d never known before enfolded her in the softest arms. Perhaps she drifted into a kind of sleep.
After awhile she opened her eyes and looked up at Jesse. “Could we do that again?”
“Of course,” Jesse said.
Darkness was falling. The breeze off the water chilled their skin, so they’d pulled on their clothing and huddled together, with the beach towel over their legs like a blanket. Sitting cross-legged, side by side, they faced the ocean, and though they couldn’t see it, they could hear it surging and plowing toward them.
Lexi’s body felt heavy, drugged, and sated, but her mind was waking up.
“Clare,” she murmured.
Jesse snorted. “I was wondering how long it would take for you to bring her up.”
“Well, Jesse, you were engaged to her. I’m one of her oldest friends.”
“I know, babe,” Jesse agreed. “You’re right.”
“Oh, Jesse.” Lexi ran her hands through her hair. “Now I feel terrible.”
Jesse wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. “Hey, it’s not the end of the world we’re talking about here.” He nuzzled his mouth into the top of her head, and she could feel his words come out against her skin like warmth. “I think this was a good thing, what happened between us just now, Lexi.”
She lifted her head and looked at him, stunned. “You do?”
“What? You think I’m so trigger-happy I would have jumped anyone?” He kept his arm around her shoulder, but his voice was angry.
“I…I don’t know what I thought, Jesse.” Reaching out, she drew her fingers gently along his face. Just looking at him made her smile. “I don’t think I was exactly thinking.”
He smiled and brought his forehead to meet hers. “We’re a pair of brain surgeons, aren’t we?” He kissed the tip of her nose, her cheeks, her chin, her mouth. “I’ll tell you this much, whatever happened between us just now, I want more of it.”
A thrill streaked through Lexi at his words.
Jesse drew back a little, so he could look Lexi right in the eyes. “And of course you should tell Clare. She won’t mind. She broke off with me, remember? And if rumor’s right, she’s got something going with your brother.”
“Incestuous little island, isn’t it?” Lexi mused.
“Look, tell Clare,” Jesse said. “That’s all I want to say about her. I don’t particularly want to talk about her, and I certainly don’t want what’s between you and me to be about Clare in any way.”
Lexi was surprised. She wished she’d been the one to say that. Had she assumed he didn’t run so deep, wasn’t quite so perceptive? “I know,” she agreed quietly. “You’re absolutely right.”
He reached out his hand. “Come on. It’s getting chilly, and we’ve both got to work tomorrow.”
Lexi set the wine bottle and glass into the basket and folded her towel over her arm. The waves sighed like the breath of a watching creature as they walked barefoot through the sand along the ocean’s edge and up between the dunes to the parking lot.
Jesse walked Lexi to her Range Rover, like a gentleman seeing his date home, waiting patiently as she stowed her sandy picnic gear in the back. He opened the door for her and watched her settle in. “I’ll call you,” he promised. “I don’t know how soon, but I’ll call you.”
Lexi nodded. Jesse gently closed the door and walked across the lot to his truck.
As she turned the key in the ignition and steered the car onto Surfside Road, she realized she was shaking all over. The sea breeze chilled her, but it wasn’t only the temperature that had her trembling. She hit the heater onto high and a blast of warm air roared into the car. She felt so…so everything. Happy, but kind of guilty. Astonished, and terrified. Hopeful, and frightened. She wanted to push back all the other thoughts, just for a moment, just for one brief moment, and allow herself to indulge in a pure hit of joy. Making love with Jesse had been a revelation. His mouth, his arms, his body—she nearly swerved off the road, remembering.
THIRTY-TWO
Marlene was at the dentist, so Clare was in Sweet Hart’s by herself. Usually mornings were slow, so she hoped to get some special orders filled while she was behind the counter waiting for walk-in business. When the phone rang, she answered it absentmindedly, searching the desk behind the counter for her favorite pen.
“Clare?” It was Lexi.
“Lexi, hey, listen, I’m busy—”
“I know, Clare, but we have to talk.” Lexi’s voice was shaky. “Look, I’m coming over right now.” The phone went dead.
The door opened and a young mother with a little boy wandered into Sweet Hart’s. The child’s eyes grew large at the sight of a chocolate whale.
“Whatever you want, Forest,” the mother said, dreamily eyeing the delicacies.
Lexi burst in the door. She wore a tiny gold tank top and a gauzy full skirt embroidered with beads. Her blond hair was pulled back into a sweeping ponytail and her arms were ringed with gold bracelets. She looked like a goddess.
“Clare! Listen, I’ve got to—” She went quiet when she noticed the mother and child.
The little boy lifted up a chocolate whale wrapped in plastic while his mother studied a box of almond crunch.
More calmly, Lexi said, “Listen, Clare, I can’t stay, I have to open my shop, but I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else…”
Clare had childproofed her shop as well as possible, but the child clutched another chocolate whale, and another, while the mother meandered obliviously off to the other end of the shop. “Hear what?” she asked, only half listening.
Lexi slid behind the counter and stood close to Clare. “Clare.” She touched Clare’s arm. Leaning close, she whispered, “Clare, last night I slept with Jesse.”
“What?” She stared at Lexi, whose words didn’t seem to make any sense.
“On the beach. I ran into him. He was surfing. I was having some wine. We just—It just happened. And maybe, well, maybe I’ll see him again…”
“Cool!” The little boy dropped the chocolate whales on the floor as he spotted a bag of gold-foil-wrapped chocolate pennies. He stood on his toes but couldn’t quite reach it, so he jumped, grabbing out, and knocked a pyramid display of boxed chocolate truffles onto the floor.
“Careful,” Clare cautioned, zipping around the counter. She took the boy gently by the hand and pulled him back. “Better not step on any of the boxes.”
The mother turned and looked at the mess her child had made. “Oh, Forest, you’ve dropped your whales. Now they won’t be pretty anymore. Silly boy.” She took her son’s hand and led him out of the shop.
“Well, that was nice.” Lexi bent, almost knocking heads with Clare as they gathered up the fallen candies. “These boxes look okay, Clare, they aren’t dented or anything.”
“Thanks, Lexi.” Clare rearranged the display, focusing on the material objects, which seemed much easier to arrange than the emotions colliding within her.
“I don’t want you to be mad, Clare.” Lexi wrung her hands nervously.
“I’m not mad, Lexi.” Clare put her hand to her forehead. “I actually don’t know what I am right now.”
“Then stop messing with those boxes a
nd look at me,” Lexi begged. “If you want me to stop seeing Jesse, tell me now.”
Clare frowned. “Seeing Jesse?”
“Well, you know…”
“I’m not sure I do. Do you mean dating Jesse? Sleeping with Jesse? Getting serious with Jesse?”
“I guess I mean that. All of those. I mean, I don’t know yet, Clare. I’m not sure of my feelings and I certainly don’t have a clue about Jesse’s.” Moving closer, she put her hand on Clare’s arm. “What I do know is that I don’t want to lose your friendship again. So if you don’t want me to see Jesse, I won’t.”
“I wouldn’t ask that of you, Lexi. You should do what you want. I’m over Jesse. Completely, so don’t worry about that. But still, it just seems…so weird. I mean, if you do keep ‘seeing’ Jesse, I don’t want to know all the intimate stuff. It’s just too strange…”
Two women in floral Capris carrying capacious beach bags entered the store, laughing and gesturing and swooping down on the merchandise with cries of delight.
“Can we talk later, Clare?” Lexi asked.
“Sure,” Clare agreed, and it was with relief that she turned her attention to her customers.
THIRTY-THREE
Hey, babe.”
“Hi, Jesse.” Lexi clutched the phone between her neck and shoulder as she talked. She was wrapping a sarong for one customer while keeping a watchful eye on a pair of giggling teenage girls who were clearly using the shop to play dress-up. “How are you?”
“Tired. How are you?”
“I—” Her attention was pulled in several directions at once. She wanted to soak in the sensuality of Jesse’s voice, but the teens were slithering toward the front door. One had a silk scarf still draped around her neck.
“Hang on, Jesse!” Lexi dropped the phone. “Girls!”
They kept on walking. Clearly their wealth entitled them to the privilege of rudeness. The truth was, Lexi didn’t want to offend them because they looked as if they could easily spend a lot of money in this store.
In three long strides, Lexi had her hand on the scarf. “I think you forgot to take this off.” Gently she lifted it away from the girl’s neck.
“Oh, merde!” The girls sniggered, pushed at each other, and tottered in their high-heeled sandals out into the sunshine.
Returning to the counter, Lexi picked up the phone. “Sorry, Jesse. Customers.”
“How about dinner tonight?” Jesse asked.
“Oh, yes, that would be great!”
“I’ll be at your place about eight. And don’t worry, I’ll eat anything. See ya.”
She stared at the phone, stunned. She’d assumed Jesse was offering to take her out to dinner.
Now, as whenever Lexi had a moment to catch her breath, she stepped out her back door into the fresh air. She scanned the horizon, admired the new yachts floating in the harbor, and let her eyes rest on Jewel Chandler, neatly settled with her back to one of the stanchions. She sat cross-legged, head bowed, and Lexi was certain Jewel was saying a prayer. She stared out toward the opening of the harbor or pulled something out of her backpack and bent over it, sporadically lifting her head to scan the horizon.
Lexi wondered where Tris was. She hoped he was alive somewhere, safe somewhere. Often she said a little prayer for him. She remembered how infatuated she’d been with him as a girl.
And now, was she only infatuated with Jesse? Was she in love with Jesse? Was he in love with her? Would they get married, have children, and live on the island happily ever after? That wasn’t a vision that came clear for her. It was so odd to be back on the island, with so many intimate connections with so many people. Only now was she really getting it, how warped her marriage to Ed had been. So empty. No passion in all those years.
She closed her shop at five. She thought perhaps Clare might stop in, or phone, but she glimpsed Clare hurrying out to straddle her bike, and soon she had pedaled away. Lexi yawned, and stretched, and climbed to her crowded apartment on the second floor. More work here. More work constantly. Lexi unpacked the day’s deliveries with rapid movements. She set up her iron and prepared the new garments, and pinned on the price tags. Draping them over her arms, she carried them down to the shop, taking care not to tread on the delicate fabrics. Back up the stairs she went to prepare more merchandise, and when that was done, she broke down the cardboard boxes and carried them down, tucking them neatly into the small area hidden by a trellised rose-covered fence where her garbage cans and recyclables waited for the trash removal.
The work was engrossing. She had to inspect each garment for flaws, rips, and irregularities, and she was glad for this; it made it impossible for her to think about Jesse and Clare. In fact, when he knocked on the back door, it took her a moment to think who it could be.
“Hey, babe.” He had showered, and his blond hair was darkened by water.
“Oh, Jesse!” She glanced at her watch. “I lost track of the time. Um…come in.”
Jesse followed her up the stairs to her apartment. He wound his way through the chaos of boxes and supplies until he stood at the window looking over the harbor. “Nice view.”
She studied Jesse, gauging her own responses to his presence. No doubt about it, the man was gorgeous. She could easily imagine the body beneath his jeans and blue button-down shirt, and she appreciated that he’d worn a nice shirt for her.
Then he turned and looked at her, and the sexual attraction shot through her.
“Wine?” she offered. “I don’t have any beer.”
“Wine would be good.” He collapsed on a chair.
Lexi poured the wine and brought the glass to him. She sank into a chair across from him. “Jesse, I told Clare that…we’re seeing each other.”
“Oh, yeah?” His voice was light, but he dropped his eyes.
“She wasn’t mad, or upset, but I think she feels a little funny about it all.”
“So do I,” Jesse said honestly.
They sipped their wine at the exact same moment, then laughed at how self-conscious they were.
“It’s all right.” Lexi reached a comforting hand across to hold his hand. Touching him made her entire body go warm. She felt a blush rise from her chest up her neck, into her cheeks. “We don’t have to be serious, Jesse. We don’t have to talk about love or the future.”
“How ’bout we don’t talk at all.” Jesse set his glass on the table and rose. He pulled her up next to him. They stood kissing slowly, and she touched Jesse’s handsome face and he ran his hands down her back and slid them into her waistband and down her buttocks, his bare palms against her bare flesh. They moved to her bed, stripped off their clothes, and lay together, making love slowly, in an almost thoughtful, melancholy way, pausing to gaze at each other, looking at each other steadily, as if trying to prove to themselves that they knew who they were with, that this was personal, and not just a matter of lust.
Afterward, they lay watching the light slowly drain from the sky. Jesse’s stomach growled. “I’ve got to eat something.”
They lay side by side, flat on their backs. Lexi stirred slightly. “My cupboards are really bare.” She lifted herself on one elbow. “We could go out.”
He was quiet for a while. “No. No, I don’t think we should show up in public just yet. You know what this town is like. I feel sort of like I owe it to Clare, and to you and me, to wait a while before we show up anywhere as a couple.”
“You’re right.” Lexi rose and walked naked through the apartment to the refrigerator. “I’ve got some old brie and crackers…”
“I think I’ll go home, Lex. My mom’s always got some kind of casserole in the fridge for me to heat up.”
“That’s fine,” Lexi said, but she sort of wished he’d thought of Lexi, of her hunger and her needs right now.
Jesse dressed and came to hold Lexi against him for a moment. “I’ll call you tomorrow. I don’t know when, I’m working about eighteen hours a day.”
“Don’t worry, Jesse,” Lexi told him, the
n grinned at her own words. As if Jesse would ever worry about her!
THIRTY-FOUR
Summer deepened. The days were hot and humid, the nights cooler, the air drifting with evening mist. Lexi was always in a rush, too busy to eat, too wired to sleep, too preoccupied to think about love. She remembered now that it was just completely impossible to have much of a personal life if you owned a shop on Nantucket in the summer.
All the stores stayed open until ten, so people could wander in after a movie or dinner to toy with a scarf or a bracelet. They swept in on a tide of lightheartedness, dropped money like seashells, and swept away, on to another store.
Two or three times a week, her mother called to invite her to dinner, and Lexi went, glad to get a nice big home-cooked meal. She hoped she’d see Adam, or even Adam and Clare, but he was never there, and when she tried to maneuver her parents into discussing her brother’s love life, they always managed to avoid the topic, maneuvering her in turn into a discussion of town politics or local news.
Lexi managed to get about five hours of sleep each night. The rest of the time she was running, up and down the stairs to unpack the new goods UPS brought from New York and off to the bank with her money bag to make deposits. At ten, after she closed the shop, she spent an hour cleaning, rearranging, polishing her display cases and windows. She’d asked Oksana to give her more hours, so the other woman worked every day from one until nine, and took Sundays off. Lexi didn’t take any day off.
She was glad to have Oksana working for her. The exotic Russian moved smoothly, swiftly, catching garments from customers before they hit the floor, easing them back onto their hangers. She had special sensors for shoplifters, too, and Lexi always knew something was up when Oksana glided over to the front door. When she spoke, she sounded like a leather-clad dominatrix, low and sultry, so it was a surprise to hear her sweet, angelic singing voice. During rainy periods when the shop was empty, she would sing, winging the exotic folk melodies through the air.
