Why the dream? He hadn’t thought about that day for so long. So why now?
It hurt. His heart hurt. Why had he hurt Sakura when she hadn’t done anything wrong? Why had he hurt her when he loved her so much? Why?
Yes, he was a monster. He was a heartless, malicious monster who didn’t deserve her love or kindness.
Darcy’s whole body shuddered in anguish and tears burned within his eyes.
* * *
Thirteen Years Ago, Summer
Thirteen-year-old Sebastian was watching Sakura from afar, and like always, she was alone with a book. He suspected it must be Shakespeare. She was sitting under the magnolia tree now, reading. Sebastian stayed back, watching her, marveling at the glossy black hair, the porcelain skin, and the ruby lips. Every time he had managed to get close to her, he stared at her eyes, those beautiful eyes that seemed to always pull him into a deep, dark pool of mystery and intrigue.
He had seen Hayden dragging her out the other night, for what Hayden would call borrowing a motorbike. That really pissed him off because he didn’t want Hayden to get Sakura into trouble. And trouble he did get her into because he had crashed the bike and had gotten grounded. What really pissed Sebastian off even more was the fact that Hayden had believed Tara and Alaina’s lies that it had been Sakura who had told on him. Now Hayden really hated Sakura.
Then there were Tristan and Logan. His stupid teenage brothers had a bet on who would get to kiss Sakura first. He suspected they hadn’t had enough kisses yet from those silly, eager teenage girls from New York who would only be too pleased to let the boys take their virginities. Sebastian knew Tristan did get to kiss Sakura, albeit only on the cheek and in which case she had slapped him really hard afterward. Tara had seen, of course, got really jealous, and told James, who grounded both Tristan and Logan for a month. This only led to the boys despising Sakura even more, believing Sakura was the real bitchy adopted sister Tara and Alaina had constantly told them about. Though to be honest, Sebastian was glad his brothers now left Sakura alone.
He watched her closing the book then running her fingers through her long hair. She got up and slowly made her way across the sandy beach to the rocky cliff by the sea. There she stood, gazing across at the ocean beyond.
Sebastian watched her, his heart aching for her—for her loneliness and for her sadness.
He didn’t know how it happened. Perhaps he’d been too engrossed in watching Sakura that he didn’t know Tara and Alaina were there until they were behind Sakura. Alaina had her left arm in a sling since she’d broken it after she’d fallen from the tree house, which he was told Sakura had pushed her off. Sebastian knew it was bullshit. He knew Tara and Alaina lied. But then again, Darcy wouldn’t lie. Darcy never lied, and so he wasn’t sure.
He made his way across to get closer, to hear what they were saying because he was curious. He also felt as though something wasn’t right. He didn’t know why, but he had to. It was stupid to spy on your own siblings, but he just had to.
“See what you did, you bitch?” Tara shouted. “You pushed poor Alaina out of the tree house, and now look at her arm. It’s broken!”
“You have to pay, you bitch!” Alaina yelled, pointing a finger at Sakura.
“But I didn’t,” Sakura said, moving backward as they advanced toward her, her legs inches from the edge of the cliff. “I didn’t push you off.”
“Stop arguing and just go and die!” Alaina screamed. “No one wants you here. No one!”
“You’re better off dead anyway,” Tara shouted, her face red.
“You have to pay for what you did to me,” Alaina said. “Now go and die!”
Sebastian watched in horror as Alaina pushed Sakura back then, with all her might, shoved Sakura into the sea. “Just die already!” she screamed.
Sakura didn’t shout for help. She just gasped as she found herself falling backward.
Splash!
Her body hit the water, and she began to struggle trying to climb back, but she found she couldn’t. She was drowning, and no one was going to help her.
Without thinking, Sebastian ran from his spot. He raced past Tara and Alaina and threw himself into the ocean. Once his body hit the water, he pulled himself together and swam.
Within the deep, murky water, he tried his best to find his way to help Sakura. But she was nowhere in sight, and he panicked. No! He had to find her. She had to be somewhere here.
He found her being dragged down to the bottom. He reached his hand out to her, begging her to come to him, his blue eyes large, filled with dread and fear. Then he found he couldn’t go any farther and felt himself being dragged down and about, deeper and deeper and round and round. The waves, they were too strong. They were churning and whirling him from his destination. He felt himself being suffocated. God! He needed to breathe. But there was Sakura. He had to save her.
He closed his eyes, could no longer think, could no longer hold on to his life. He knew he was dying.
A moment later, he felt himself being pulled up and up, and then he was out of the water. He opened his mouth wide and sucked air into his starved lungs.
“Come on,” he heard Nicolas say faintly against the howling wind and smashing waves. He tightened his arms around his brother’s neck as they both struggled their way across to the beach.
“Sakura!” he shouted, his heart thundering loudly within his chest.
“Dad,” Nicolas replied between taking deep breaths.
Once they’d reached the shore, Nicolas helped him onto the sandy beach. Sebastian didn’t even care that he could have just died if it weren’t for his brother. He was more concerned about Sakura, so he rushed to her the moment James brought her up from the sea. Tears burned his eyes as he helplessly watched his dad giving her CPR.
Oh, God! She was so pale and still, as though she were already dead. Is she dead? He wondered and blamed himself for what happened. If only he had been a stronger swimmer. If only he had been there before Alaina had pushed her over. If only—
Sebastian felt himself shivering from fear and his heart aching with sorrow. Sakura! Please wake up. Don’t you die on me! Sakura, please don’t go. Please, don’t go.
He wanted to shout at her for being so weak, for letting other people bully her. Oh, God, how he wanted to shout at her.
Again and again, James blew air into her little lungs and pressed on her chest, begging her to wake up, to come back alive.
“Come on, Sakura,” James said in anguish. “Sweetheart, wake up.”
Sebastian felt dark and hollow within his stomach. The world around him felt cold, and at the same time, he felt angry with himself. He was angry because of what he couldn’t do. He couldn’t even protect her. He couldn’t even save her. He felt tears sting his eyes as his heart burned in anguish.
And then finally she breathed again. She coughed, spurted out loads of seawater, and collapsed again in James’s arms.
James sighed with relief, tears in his eyes.
Sebastian couldn’t control himself and cried, tears rolling down his cheeks. He felt Nicolas’s arms around him, comforting him.
“Sakura,” he whispered, staring at her pale face. “Don’t leave me.”
* * *
“Sakura!” Sebastian shouted, waking himself up. His breathing was labored, and his heart was thumping hard within his chest. He sat up and rubbed his temple, realizing it was only a dream.
“Sakura,” he said softly under his breath. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”
The incident—he had forgotten about that incident until now. But did he really forget about it, or was it that the incident was too painful for him to bear and his brain had chosen to block that memory from his mind?
The drowning. Yes, it all came back to him now—everything. The real reason he had taken up swimming professionally, the reason he’d become so strong and so fast. The races. He remembered now why he had won so many races during his teenage years, both nationally and internationally. It had
been because every time he got into the water, he’d see little Sakura again, see her drowning and begging for his help. Thus he’d use all his power, kicking and stroking faster and faster in order to redeem himself, in order to save her. But he had never saved her, and instead he’d won so many races, so many trophies. It had never been the trophies, however, that he wanted. It had always been Sakura. Yes, Sakura was his real trophy.
Eventually he quit swimming professionally, as Sakura had begun to fade from his mind and disappeared completely from his memory. What is the point? he’d asked himself. Why was he swimming professionally when he had no passion for it?
“Sakura,” he whispered under his breath. “I couldn’t save you yet again.
That was when he heard the scream from next door. It was loud and full of fear. Sebastian dashed off his bed and out the door in two seconds flat. He met Darcy, who was half-naked, in the corridor. The brothers looked at each other, and as if they understood each other without having to speak, Sebastian opened Sakura’s door and hurried inside. Darcy followed.
She wasn’t in bed. They found her hugging herself and Toby, who was whimpering with concern, into a ball in the darker corner of the bedroom.
Sebastian rushed to her and kneeled beside her. Gently he stroked her hair from her face, and slowly he nudged her face up to look at him.
Sebastian felt as though a professional boxer suddenly slammed his mighty fist into his stomach the moment he saw her face. She was sheet white, and her eyes were large like a frightened child.
He pulled her to him so he wouldn’t alarm her. She didn’t fight him, and he was pleased.
“It’s okay,” he said softly. “It’s just a nightmare.”
Sakura shook her head and bit her lip. “The water! It was trying to take me. I can’t go. Not yet. I can’t leave Toby behind.”
In response, Toby rubbed his head against her chest, telling her he understood.
“Shh… It’s only a nightmare,” Sebastian said. “See, you’re still here.”
She looked up at him and blinked. “You’re not Daddy James.”
The situation was serious, yet Sebastian wanted to laugh. If Nicolas were here, she would have thought that he was Daddy James and wouldn’t hesitate to go into his arms and let him comfort her.
“No, I’m not,” he said softly. Suddenly she surprised him by moving into his arms and hugging him tightly, her face snuggling securely against his massive chest, tears in her eyes. He was pleased because that meant she allowed him to cuddle her even though he wasn’t her Daddy James.
Oh yes, he remembered that time long ago when Sakura had countless nightmares. James had always been there for her, hugging her and telling her everything was all right. And he, Sebastian, would watch from the distance. Yes, he remembered those words very well.
Do you love me?
Of course I do. With all my heart.
Then only love me in secret. I don’t want to hurt my siblings.
“You’re Sebastian.” Her voice penetrated his mind. He watched her as she gazed up at him, her eyes large and glistening with tears. “You’re Sebastian,” she repeated weakly. “Sebastian who saved me. I was so cold, and you were so warm. My chest hurt. My body hurt. There was a fire in the cave. You hugged me. You said you liked me, but you don’t like me as your sister. I was so sad, so very sad. But you kissed me. Then I was happy again, so very happy.” She moved her face and sleepily looked at Darcy. She whispered, “Darce. My Darce. But you’re no longer my Darce. You hate me now. Why?” She turned and snuggled her face back against Sebastian’s warm chest. “Please don’t kill me yet. I want to go to Mary’s wedding first, and I want to meet my real mother… Then you can kill me, Tara, Alaina. I want to meet my real mother,” she murmured softly. “She gave me my name. Sakura means cherry blossom. She gave me my necklace. I’m going to find her. I want to call her okasama. It means mother in Japanese. Yes, I want to call her okasama so much…”
The brothers noted that her eyes were now closed and she was rocking herself back and forward. Darcy bent down and took Toby from her. The dog groaned, wanting to go back to his master, but Darcy was firm.
“Hush!” he said to Toby as he petted him.
“Yes,” Sebastian said, placing his hand under her slender legs. Then he lifted her. “You’ll meet your real mother soon. You’ll find her.”
“Yes, real soon,” she murmured under her breath. “I’ll meet her real soon.”
Sebastian placed her on her bed and pulled the blanket up to her neck. Soon she was in deep sleep. The two brothers stood there, watching the woman who had affected them so much, both mentally and emotionally, in these past few days. She had brought back their memories of their childhood, of the pain and of the pleasure of being with her. Now more than ever, they both realized they no longer wanted to forget about her, no longer wanted their memories of her to lie dormant in their minds. No, what they wanted now more than ever was to embrace her, to welcome her into their arms—not as a sister, but as the woman they had always wanted and loved.
A few moments later, after they were satisfied she wasn’t going to have another nightmare, the brothers headed out the door.
“Want some coffee?” Sebastian asked at the corridor.
“Yeah, why not?” Darcy said, leading the way with Toby in his arms.
“Can’t guarantee it’ll be as good as Sakura’s, though,” Sebastian said. “By the way, maybe you should put on a shirt. It is rather cold.”
Darcy nodded and gave Toby to Sebastian.
Sebastian said before his brother could disappear, “Don’t forget. We have our hair appointment at ten.”
Darcy groaned. “Shit!” he muttered under his breath.
Sebastian laughed. “It’s for our dear cousin’s sake. You know Mary’ll flip if she sees you with such long hair at her wedding.”
“Speak for yourself,” Darcy said. “Yours is almost as long as mine.” With that, Darcy disappeared into his room.
TWENTY:
First Love
Thirteen Years Ago, Summer
Darcy felt his heart throbbing intensely as he hid behind the door to his room, listening to his parents talking to Dr. Young.
“Chest infection,” Dr. Young said. “Pneumonia. All she needs is an antibiotic and a lot of rest.”
“It must be from the drowning,” James said.
Darcy felt tears sting his eyes and his stomach hollowed. At that moment, he hated himself so much that he wanted to beat himself to death.
How could he let this happen to his Snow? How could he let Alaina and Tara push her off the cliff? How could he just stand there in the distance and watch as she fell into the sea? Yes, he was a coward. A nuisance. A no-good weakling who didn’t deserve to be called a Princeton.
Ashamed! He was ashamed of himself.
He hugged himself into a ball in the corner of his room and cried his heart out, crying for his Snow and hating himself at the same time.
He had missed dinner, and thankfully no one had come looking for him. He knew everyone was too shocked with what had happened to worry about dinner. What would Dad do to Alaina and Tara? He’d punish them; he was sure, which they deserved. And Sakura? What was going to happen to her after this?
It was dark, and Darcy couldn’t sleep. His heart was still racing and his mind was still on Sakura. That was when he couldn’t take it any longer and got out of bed.
He needed to see her. He needed to make sure she was all right.
He was out of his room and heading to Sakura’s room across the hall in an instant. He quietly opened her door and poked his head in.
He saw her slight, pale form in bed, sleeping. He noted she was having difficulty breathing, and his heart ached for her.
“Snow,” he whispered.
He slid in and closed the door behind him. He came around to her and touched the back of his hand on her forehead. He nearly jumped because her skin was burning hot.
“Snow,” he said, tears
brewing in his eyes. “Please be all right.”
“Darce,” she whispered softly in her sleep. “I didn’t do it. I didn’t push Alaina.”
Darcy bit his lip, his heart trembling with pain in his chest. “I know you didn’t,” he said, his voice shaking. “I know you didn’t.”
He reached out and took her little hand in his, holding on to her tight. Then he noticed that she began to whimper in her sleep, shaking her head and body as if she were having a nightmare.
“Snow,” he whispered. “Snow.”
She kept shaking her head and whimpering brokenly as tears fell from her eyes down her cheeks.
Darcy knew he had to comfort her, had to protect her from her nightmare.
He climbed into bed with her and scooped her into his arms. With her feverish body against his, he hugged her tight. “It’s all right, Snow. I’m here. You’re safe with me,” he whispered against her forehead. “You’re safe with me.”
A few moments later, she calmed down. “Darce,” she whispered. “Please don’t leave me.”
“I won’t leave you,” he replied, tightened his arms around her.
“Please love me,” she begged.
Darcy’s heart was crying out in agony, and his body shook with the powerful emotion. “I love you, Snow,” he said. “I love you so much it hurts.” Then he moved his lips to her forehead and kissed her there. Slowly, he moved his lips down to her nose and kissed her there, too. Then, as if he couldn’t control himself, he moved his lips to her mouth and kissed her ardently. Her skin was hot against his, and he felt himself burn with her. He stroked her face and prayed to God she would be all right as he continued to kiss her.
When he finally stopped, she groaned and her lips searched for his, begging for his touches. Darcy was pleased and fulfilled her wish by kissing her again. This time, she responded by tightening her arms around him and whispering his name. “Darce, you do love me. I’m your Snow.”
When he moved his lips back, he whispered, “Yes, you’re my Snow. You’ll always be my Snow.”
Falling For Sakura (Falling For Sakura Trilogy, #1) Page 20
